by Annie Rains
Chapter 16
Merry fucking Christmas.
Troy was back in the humbug spirit. He slammed the door to his house and went straight for his tools. He had a long list of to-dos for his renovations. Maybe after hammering a few million nails he’d feel better, but he doubted it. He’d started to dream about adding a woman’s touch to this place. Allison’s touch. Guess that wasn’t going to happen now.
After a couple of hours of work, Troy grabbed the other gift he’d purchased this morning and headed to Camp Leon to see Bear.
“It’s over,” he told his K-9 partner.
Bear’s brown eyes peered up. He had his new rawhide between his paws.
“Don’t ever fall in love, bud,” Troy said, squatting down to run his hand over the dog’s fur. His hand paused. Love? Had he really just said that? Is that how he felt?
He sat on the dirt in front of Bear. “Damn.” He’d fallen in love and somehow managed to screw things up before he’d even realized it. “What should I do?” he asked his dog. He liked a counselor who just listened, as opposed to Allison’s mom who vomited her opinions all over the free world.
“What’s up, man?”
Troy turned to see Griffin coming toward him. “Bah humbug.”
Griffin laughed. “Thought Allison would’ve changed all that for you by now.”
“Well, you thought wrong.”
“You screwed it up?” Griffin asked, shaking his head. “Please tell me it’s not because you’re so hell bent on skipping Christmas that you skipped getting her a present.”
Troy glanced over. “I got her a present.” He’d even gotten Bear a present.
“Yeah?” Griffin lifted his head in question. “What’d you get her?”
Troy thought about Allison’s reaction to the pair of fuzzy pink handcuffs. Hurt had glimmered in her green eyes. He’d thought it was a fun gift. And it was the best he could do on short notice.
He blinked up at Griffin. “A gift, all right? We’ve only been together a couple weeks.” And most of that time they’d been pretending. But, really, they’d been pretending only to each other. He’d lied to himself that he didn’t have real feelings for Allison. He’d lied to himself that he’d be able to walk away after Christmas.
“So your gift told her how special she is to you?” Griffin asked.
Troy frowned.
“It told her how important she is to you? How deep your feelings run? How much you love her?”
Troy looked up. Even Griffin knew. Everyone around him knew but him. “I got her fuzzy handcuffs, okay? Now shut up,” Troy said through tight lips.
Griffin started laughing so hard that Bear went on alert.
“Fuck,” Troy muttered under his breath. “I got her a shitty gift.”
When he finally caught his breath, Griffin nodded. “Yeah. You definitely did. Fix that, bro. I’m off shift. Going to go see Val and give her my gift.”
“What’d you get her?”
Griffin smiled proudly. “I’ll tell you what I didn’t get her. Fuzzy handcuffs, that’s what.” He laughed again, enjoying himself just a little too much. “Good luck,” he called behind him as he walked away.
Troy stood and started to lead Bear back toward the kennels. The gift he’d gotten his dog was more meaningful than the one he’d gotten the woman he’d fallen in love with this Christmas. And he needed to fix that ASAP. Or risk having Allison believe whatever her mother had told her about him, whatever was going through her mind since he’d given her his shitty gift. The only thing she needed to believe was whatever came out of his mouth next. Because now he was done pretending and lying to himself.
—
Allison had been in a funk all afternoon, ever since seeing Troy at midday. She’d returned to her parents’ house because she didn’t want to spend Christmas all alone, but she might as well have. She was miserable.
“I’m so sorry,” her mother said, sitting across from her at the kitchen table with a hot cup of cocoa.
Allison lifted her gaze above her mug. “It’s not your fault. I should’ve listened to you. You’re always right. And I’m always wrong.” Even though she would’ve sworn the opposite last night.
“That’s not true, dear.”
“It is when it comes to men.” Allison set her mug down and pulled her knees up to her chest while sitting in a chair. “What was Jerry’s flaw?” she asked, looking up.
“Hmm?”
“Well, no one’s perfect. When you met Jerry, what was his big flaw?”
“Oh, too many to count.” Her mother laughed softly to herself. “He’s a man. There are qualities about a man that make a woman crazy. You have to learn to live with those. He has bad taste in movies, eats too much junk food, and curses too much for my taste.” She ticked his flaws off on her fingers.
“But what was his fatal flaw? You know, the character flaw that you always find in the people I know.”
Her mother’s eyes slanted sympathetically. “Well, he has a competitive spirit, I guess. He’s driven to succeed at everything he does. It’s unhealthy really,” she said. “Like the Christmas decorations. Isn’t it time to let someone else win for a change?”
Allison smiled. “Over his dead body.”
“Exactly. I’ve learned that if I want to be with him, I have to lose most games we play together. I have to let him feel like he’s winning even when he’s not.” She winked.
“That’s not a huge deal,” Allison said.
“I can live with it. You’re right, sweetheart. No one’s perfect. Everyone’s flawed.”
Allison met her mother’s gaze.
Her mother frowned. “I hate seeing you like this, and it’s all my fault. I feel like a terrible mother for making my daughter miserable on Christmas.”
“I made my own decision about Troy. And it’s better now than down the road when he decides I’m not as much fun as he thought.”
Her mother reached across the table for her hand. “You are fun. And funny. Kind. Smart. You’re everything I could ever want in a daughter. And everything any man could ever want in a partner.”
“Except a man like Troy, right?” Tears welled behind her eyes.
“Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you’re exactly the kind of woman that a man like Troy needs….I know you don’t want any more of my advice, and I’m going to stop giving it to you”—her mother held up a finger—“after this last time.”
Allison laughed softly. “Go ahead, Mom,” she said.
“If there’s one thing I’m one hundred percent sure of, it’s that love makes everything possible….You’re in love with Troy. If you weren’t, you would’ve taken my advice at face value. You usually do. This time you didn’t, though. You followed your heart instead because you love him. It was written all over the way you were with him last night. All over the way he was with you. And if there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s that love always wins. Always.”
“Wait. You pretty much guaranteed that if I stayed with Troy, he’d grow tired of me and leave. Now it sounds like you’re saying that maybe he won’t.”
“I just realized that I have a fatal flaw, too. I tend to categorize people as soon as I meet them. I like to know what to expect out of people and never expect something they’re incapable of giving. It keeps me from getting disappointed….One of the things I love about you is that you aren’t like that, Allison. You jump into relationships with everybody you meet headfirst. You give everyone the benefit of the doubt.”
“And it usually works to my disadvantage, especially in my love life.”
Her mother held Allison’s hand and squeezed it. “Here’s my advice, as a mother, not a psychologist. And after this I promise, I’ll stop trying to run your life. You are your own woman; you’re smart and you can trust yourself. Always follow your heart, Allison, and you’ll never be led astray….And if you are, there’s always counseling.”
Allison burst into laughter, even as her eyes welled up. “That’s pretty darn good advice.
”
She sat and talked with her mother a little longer, then grabbed her car keys and hugged her parents good-bye.
Follow her heart. Well, right now her heart was broken, the pieces veering off in every which way. No matter what her mother had told her last night and today, Troy had given her fuzzy pink handcuffs for Christmas. To remind her of the fun they had together. His message was clear: He was having fun while she was falling hopelessly in love with him.
—
Troy blew out a puff of white air as he stood in front of the large dogwood tree in Allison’s yard. The sun had set thirty minutes ago, but her yard was now lit up with half a dozen boxes of lights that he’d purchased at a twenty-four-hour Walmart. He wrapped the last string of colorful lights around the bottom of the tree trunk. It was plugged into a drop cord that he’d also had the forethought to purchase. Allison’s was the brightest Christmas tree on her street. In fact, it was the prettiest tree he’d ever seen, if he did say so himself. Her stepfather, Jerry, would be proud.
Tired, Troy walked over and sat on her porch steps to wait. For all he knew she wasn’t even coming home tonight. He’d called and texted her a few times throughout the day; she evidently wasn’t talking to him. Damn, he’d really screwed up with his gift. Combined with whatever her mother had said, because he knew she’d said something, and Allison was running scared.
Of him. He never wanted her to be scared of him or anything he’d do. He’d never hurt her, and if he did he’d be the first to take himself outside and kick his own ass.
Headlights poured around the corner, approaching from down the street. He hoped it was Allison. He’d spent his Christmas afternoon into the evening outside in the cold. He’d wait all night if he had to, though. Allison was worth waiting for. She was worth going the extra mile for. Worth sticking around because he’d never tire of her. She needed to know that.
The car slowed and pulled into the driveway in front of him. He waited for her to step out before he stood and drew her attention to his presence.
She got out, lips parted, eyes wide as she looked at the tree in front of her house.
“Hi.” He said after a long moment.
She startled and turned toward him. “You did this?” she asked. “Why?”
“You told me that you used to stare into the lights and disappear into someplace magical as a kid. You deserve magical, Allison. You deserve a hell of a lot more than fuzzy handcuffs.” He stepped toward her, slowly, gauging her reaction to him.
She straightened just slightly. He watched all her features tighten, pulling up her guard as he drew closer, afraid that he’d hurt her, but he never would. Not on his life.
“What I really want to give you for Christmas is something magical. Because that’s what you gave me this Christmas.”
She shook her head, glancing between him and the tree. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about how I feel about you. About how I’m falling in love with you, Allison Carmichael. And that’s pretty darn magical, if you ask me.”
Tears glimmered in her eyes, catching the reflection of the red and green, blue and purple lights. She trembled as he took a step closer, standing directly in front of her now. He braced his hands on her shoulders. “In case that wasn’t crystal clear, I’ll tell you again. I’m falling for you. Hard. Quick. And I don’t want to stop.”
She tipped her head back to look at him. A tear hung from her lower lashes, frozen in the December cold. “But it’s only been two weeks. How do you know it’s real or that it’ll last?”
Troy laughed quietly at her questions. “You gotta believe in something, right? I believe in us. I tried my best to skip Christmas, but you wouldn’t let me. And because of you I went home and made up with my brother. You make my world a better place. In two weeks, you’ve made me a better man.”
She shook her head, but he nodded back at her.
“I need you, Allison. And whether you’re admitting it or not, I think you need me, too.”
“I do?” she asked.
“Yeah. I make you smile. Laugh. With one touch, I turn you on.”
Her lips parted.
“I make you feel safe and happy, and I’ll do my best to never make you feel anything less, if you give me another shot.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out the branch of mistletoe that he’d been carrying around.
Allison looked at it in his hand for a long moment. He wondered what was going through her head. Was she going to send him away? He hoped not. Ask him to stay? Finally, she met his eyes. “I thought I told you that you didn’t need that to kiss me anymore.”
Troy lowered his arms to wrap around her waist and tilted his head. “I don’t?”
“No.” The smallest of smiles lit her face, more vibrant and beautiful than any tree. “I’m falling for you, too. I tried not to, but—”
“But I’m irresistible, I know,” he teased, his face hovering barely an inch from hers.
She punched his chest softly and he tightened his hold on her, his expression growing more serious.
“Jokester,” she whispered.
“I’m not joking right now. I’ve never meant anything more in my life. I want to be with you. In bed, yes. With those god-awful handcuffs, hell yes.”
She laughed softly.
“But also at breakfast, lunch, dinner, family holidays. I want it all. Let’s make a go of this, Allison.”
She swallowed, then nodded ever so slightly. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my entire life. And for once, from now on, I’m going to trust how I feel. I’m in.”
“That’s my girl.” Troy grinned back at her. Then he lowered his head and kissed her lips, sweet at first, then hungrily. He’d never satisfy his hunger for this woman in his arms.
Pulling back, he stared deep into her eyes, unblinking until the shades of green blurred and swirled, and he disappeared into someplace magical—her.
“Merry Christmas,” she said, staring back at him.
“Merry Christmas, baby.”
Epilogue
The friends and family holiday party at the Veterans’ Center had been going on for hours. All of Allison’s favorite people surrounded her on the Christmas following a whirlwind year. Well, almost all.
“Everything seems to be winding down,” Julie said, coming up on Allison. “Henry is starting to pack up the food. I told him to take it home with him.”
“Great idea. He’s been a great help with the Veterans’ Center since we hired him on,” Allison said. All Henry had needed was a little help. She’d given him a job after he’d gotten out of jail last year. And a nice couple from Val’s father’s congregation had given him a place to stay while he got back on his feet.
“I dare say, this was the best holiday party yet,” Julie said.
“This year’s auction raised over fifteen thousand dollars for local charities. Next year we’ll raise even more,” Allison told her.
“Let’s do it,” Julie said.
Lawson approached and wrapped his arms around Julie from behind. “Ready to go, sweetheart?”
Allison waved a hand. “Go. We can clean this up later.”
Julie’s eyes widened. “I have never known you to be one to clean things up later.”
“Things change,” Allison told her in a singsong voice, as Troy came up behind her.
“That’s my influence on her,” he told them.
Allison laughed. Since the time she’d met him everything had changed. “Who would have thought this time last year that I would be married to you this Christmas?”
Julie raised her hand. “I would.”
Lawson raised his hand, too. “I would, too.”
Kat and Micah joined the group as well as Val and Griffin. “We all thought you two would be married by this Christmas.”
Allison looked around the group. Finally, her gaze landed on Troy and he raised his hand. “I would have thought we’d be married, too. In fact, I knew from the moment I met you
that you would be mine someday. Mrs. Troy Matthews.”
Allison beamed at the sound of that. She loved being Mrs. Troy Matthews.
“Your mother warned you about me,” he said then. “I like Adventure. Excitement.”
Allison nodded. “And this year was definitely all that and more. Speaking of my mother,” she said, turning to him, “we have to get to the annual family Christmas party soon. I’ll come back tomorrow and clean this place up.”
Kat, Julie, and Val agreed. “We’ll come, too,” they said.
“Maybe we’ll have our own little party, just the girls.”
“In that case,” Micah said, turning to Troy, Lawson, and Griffin, “maybe we should have a guys’ party.”
They all agreed.
Troy reached for Allison’s hand. “Are you ready?”
She took a deep breath and nodded. It was true. Life with Troy had been an adventure so far. Once they’d decided to marry, they couldn’t wait. They’d eloped to San Francisco and married at the justice of peace. Then they’d spent the next two weeks exploring the West Coast and dreaming of their life together. And today, one of the things they’d dreamed of was about to officially come true, just in time for Christmas.
“I’m ready,” Allison said as a smile swept over her face. Her throat started to tighten as tears filled her eyes. Looking at Troy, she could tell that he felt the same way. She loved this man of hers so much. Flaws and all.
They headed out to his truck and stepped inside, where the back cab was full of Christmas presents wrapped in princess-themed paper.
“I’d say we got a little bit carried away,” Troy said, glancing back.
“It was your sister-in-law who got carried away.”
“The Paradise Point toy store is the best around,” he said.
“And you’re a huge child at heart.” Allison punched his shoulder playfully. “Now step on the gas because I can’t wait another minute to make this Christmas wish come true.”
“You got it, baby,” he said, pulling out of the parking lot and heading across town to Mercy’s Place.
They held hands as they walked into the building for the final step in the long process of becoming adoptive parents. They were committed to each other forever and Allison wasn’t fearful that that would ever change. Allison had been surprised to find out that Troy felt the same way she did about wanting to take little Lucy home. The little girl had touched both of their hearts last Christmas and, in a way, she had helped bring them together. They couldn’t give her a home last year, but this year was different. Everything was different.