by Linda Gerald
Christine’s trip disrupted the entire family. Slowly, the time passed without a phone call to her husband and children. After six days, Jackson fearfully called the police. He was worried sick for his wife but harbored the suspicion that she may be with Charlie.
When the police found out about the apparent affair, they did a cursory investigation. They were sure that she ran away with Charlie. Apparently, they were unable to locate either Charlie or Christine. Jackson played all of this out in his mind over and over. He was tired of the whole scenario. It was time to let it go
This horrendous betrayal and worry aged Jackson considerably. His hair was now gray, and he developed tremors in both hands. Quincey and Madeline seemed to be unscathed, but how could a parent know the damage done to young minds and hearts? He decided long ago to drop the investigation and move on with his life. Susan had been by his side since the beginning of this nightmare. With her help, he had risen from the mire of pain and regret to discover joy again.
As his mind ran over the entire episode, he lifted a glass of champagne into the air.
“This toast is to you, Christine. I never thought that you were capable of such lies and wickedness. May your girls never think of you; I know this statement appears as cruel, but it is an act of survival for us? Because of your friend, Susan, we have been given a second chance.” Tears rained from his blue eyes, and the tremors started forcefully in both hands.
“Quick, girls get a glass of water. Susan, where’s your champagne? Let’s have a toast.” They looked at him surprised and unsure of his intentions.
“Here is a toast to you, Christine. A mother, wife, and Susan, your best friend: Goodbye Christine. May you find happiness because we finally have.”
Tears, previously stifled, were at last set free. So many times, Quincey and Madeline desired to talk about their mom but were afraid to cause their dad any more pain. They discussed her behavior with their grandmother, but she encouraged them not to hold on to bad memories. Unsure what else to do, they pushed any emotions concerning her deep into their minds. Now, it was easy to forget her. Life improved drastically since Susan’s arrival. Her friendship with Christine, since their college days, provided a stable pattern of love and concern. The children always knew that their mother loved Susan. The feelings seemed to be returned. There appeared to be a bond, with a profound and abiding love, between the two female friends. This realization made it easy for the girls to accept Susan.
Finally, three souls, almost destroyed by unbelievable selfishness, were freed. A simple toast, by their father, had put all of the pain into perspective. There existed a chance at a new life. They stood closely together clinging to each other. Little Quincey brayed like an animal, as the pain lifted from her soul. Many moments passed without words.
When all of the sobs and shakings finally ended, silently, the girls kissed Susan and their dad. Their sock feet plodded up the stairs. The two adults faced each other. Now, they were on a different level in their relationship. His love was what Susan dreamed might happen. The emotion shook her body. Beautiful Jackson Barlow was about to become hers.
“Are you cold, Susan? You are shaking so strongly. What is wrong? Are you afraid?”
“Jackson, I have loved you since we first met. I was unable ever to tell you the depth of my feelings because you quickly fell in love with Christine. So, I have harbored only love and desire for you. The chance that you may care for me is overwhelming.”
Gently, he lifted her. The handsome man carried her up the stairs. His kisses smothered her. He clutched her, to his chest, as he entered the sanctuary: the room shared with his wife. Christine was everything to him. She was also all that Susan desired to become. Homecoming Queen, cheerleader, Valedictorian, Christine “had it all.” Could she, meager Susan Smith, actually be the second wife of the man of her dreams?
Jackson placed her on the bed as if she was a treasured jewel. Beneath the large painting of the beautiful Christine, which hung over their bed, he lovingly undressed this, “Savior,” to the family. She wanted to tell him that she was a virgin. No man ever interested her, except the one standing over her. How did she compare with Christine? Her skinny body must be a disappointment.
Things were out of sequence from her dreams. They were supposed to be married before they acted on their love. As much as she longed to explain her ideas, they suddenly paled at this moment. Wouldn’t their love be consummated and set in stone? Tears filled her eyes. Terror made her groan that her dreams were not going to happen as planned. What about her gown of white?
Jackson thought that her gentle moans were desire; encouragement for him to continue. Gratitude flooded his soul to this woman, who threw a life jacket to him and his girls. He never considered that she may want to wait. He had already decided that they would marry someday, so his actions seemed honorable to him.
Susan held his muscular body and cried. The unworthiness, which she always felt especially around beautiful Christine, even defiled her dreams and desires. The entire act was quickly over. He never realized that she was a virgin.
“I’m sorry, Susan, but I haven’t been with another woman since Christine. I’ll do better for you in the future, I promise. Thank you for loving me. I pledge to you that you will be my wife, and the mother of my children for the rest of my life. Christine will no longer reside in our home. Her portrait will be removed tomorrow. Do you agree?”
He thought her tears were of happiness and fulfillment that her dreams were about to come to fruition. Susan pushed disappointment, at the loss of her desires, deep into a hole in her mind. Quincey and Madeline had done the same with the fears and loss of their mother. She considered that this must be an element of being a woman. The ability to push one’s dreams and plans aside for those of the man. Shaking her head and the tears from her eyes, she smiled.
“This is just as I always dreamed, darling. You never have to apologize to me. Just please love me forever.” She pulled him close.
THIRTEEN: LIFE
Elizabeth awakened the next day with such contentment. Mr. Grover had gone from a rescuer to the man she loved. They never described their feelings to each other. She was pretty sure that he felt the same. At some point, she didn’t know when, his eyes told her that he was in love. His gaze stayed fixed on her a little longer. His touch filled with more gentleness than before. The smile, which thrilled her, was larger. He desired her, she knew. She returned his feelings. If only she could remember and revisit her previous life. Could she wrap all of the edges, so that she would be able to have a relationship with this man? He had become her entire world. She was a pragmatist. All of these thoughts were beautiful but very unlikely. Lately, she had dreams of another life. In the mornings, after such a vision, she could feel another time once existed for her. Sorting such thoughts seemed impossible. Her heart told her that this dream, with Mr. Grover, was impossible.
Early mornings were her favorite time. Quietly, she walked to the large window facing the little lake. On this morning, the wind blew strongly from the North. It caused a mist to rise eerily from the water’s surface into the cold air. That strong north wind blew in gusts. Today was the first day of January. Four months now, she had lived in this stranger’s home. He had never asked her to call him, “Harry.” She still prefaced him as “Mr. Grover.” She ran her hand through long, silky tresses; her thoughts became jumbled and confused. Occasionally, she still experienced headaches. Not the terrible sort but a nagging pain which would not go away.
The more she thought about Mr. Grover, it became apparent that her interpretation of their circumstances must be wrong. Never had he done more than kiss her and even that was seldom. Yes, she was very foolish. This man of means could never love her. The fact that he shared his home with her must be enough. It was imperative that she be grateful for his feelings, whatever they may be for her.
The sound of his shower stirred her thoughts. Had an hour passed since she rose from bed? Impossible to believe. Slowly, with de
ep sadness, she walked to “her” shower. All of this was hers now. At least, for as long as Mr. Grover decided to allow. That must be good enough.
Things seemed a little brighter when she descended the stairs for the day. Her spirits could not help but soar. Look at the life which had been handed her on a silver tray. Yes, she knew her blessings and was extremely thankful.
Dottie had arrived earlier than usual. She sang an old hymn.
“Now, did he tell you bout our tradition? Just remember, this is important to me. New Year’s Day is special.”
Elizabeth searched her rather empty memory but could not remember such a discussion. She shook her head “no,” but still wasn’t sure.
“Well, we have this tradition which passed to me by my family. They were all from the South. Tyler will join us for lunch. We enjoy black-eyed peas, collard greens, and cornbread. It is a meal of good luck for the future. Mostly, what you need to remember is that the collards means lots of money so eat plenty of them.” She smiled at the young woman, who had no idea what she meant.
Elizabeth checked on the buffet table. There were plenty of scrambled eggs and bacon on warming trays. She selected a slice of white toast with some jam. Happily, she began her breakfast with an enormous cup of coffee. This choice was food that she knew. Whatever Dottie talked about had sounded pretty awful.
“Unt un. You shouldn’t eat all of that. Lunch will be filing and comes soon. Don’t you want to put that in the trash and wait? Our special meal will be unforgettable.” Elizabeth thought that was an exaggerated term.
The young woman could tell that Dottie was amazed at her choice but continued to eat quickly. That lunch did not appeal to her. At least, she could say that she was full when confronted with all of these strange foods.
“Don’t you be thinking that you goin say you full. Unt un. Got to eat my lunch, or you will not be successful this New Year. Tyler’s coming soon with a huge appetite.”
Elizabeth liked Tyler, Dottie’s grandson. They spent several hours together each week walking on the grounds. He was extraordinarily smart and destined for greatness. How could he not after being raised by someone like Miss Dottie?
As she carried her dishes to the sink, Harry walked in with a giant grin. “Elizabeth, I have some things to discuss with you. Would you like to grab a coat?”
Whenever he said something like this, she considered that he may be ready to tell her that she should leave. He must tire of her presence. She relied on him for everything. It was impossible to go to the market or help very much in any way.
Together, they walked into the cold air. It was blustery. The walk would not be much of one. It was just too cold.
“What is this lunch, which Dottie seems to love? It sounds pretty awful. Do you eat it?”
He smiled patiently. “Oh yes, you had better as well. She and Tyler take it personally if you don’t enjoy it. After you get used to the tastes, it is not that bad.” His arm circled her shoulder.
“Look; it’s too cold for a walk. Let’s take a drive.” He steered her toward his car.
The warmth felt wonderful once the heater blazed the heat. Elizabeth became nervous. Mr. Grover seemed different. The look on his face was pensive. Struggling to find the right words, he had something of grave importance to discuss.
Finally, he cleared his voice and pulled over at the diner they visited after Don’s fiasco of a dinner. The heater purred softly in the background. The parking lot was nearly empty.
“First of all, from this moment forth, please call me, ‘Harry.’”
What beautiful words these were to her. This decision presented relief to her unsure future. She nodded happily in agreement. Next, Harry told her that he was disappointed when no one came forth from all of his flyers about Elizabeth. He paid people to distribute them throughout the area. Not a single call had resulted. Without a doubt, she had been very hopeful that someone may recognize her picture. Still, she nodded as she thought, Please don’t ask me to leave your life. What would she do?
Her joy vanished as dust when she considered the implication of this latest development: No one wanted her. Shortly, Harry gave her the most incredible news. News which she would never have dreamed could happen.
“Elizabeth, I contacted a psychiatrist. I know that you do not want to visit him, but I felt it necessary. There are a couple of different types of amnesia. They result due to various reasons, such as epilepsy, a hard hit on the head, or even emotional trauma.”
“Emotional trauma.” Her look was far away, and her response almost mechanical.
“That is correct, emotional trauma,” Harry repeated.
She shook her head. Her eyes had grown large. The emotion showed on her face.
“In my heart, I know that my problem was caused by ‘emotional trauma.’ I can’t know when or where, but I just know. Sometimes, I see a woman standing so closely to me. She yells and is not kind. I believe that she told me something which caused a disassociation from my mind. It is as if I have become another person to survive.”
Terrible tremors caused her hands to shake, as they did when he first met her. He realized then that those hand-tremors had dissipated lately. Any stress seemed to produce them. Once more, she appeared broken and afraid. This reaction was not what he hoped.
Quickly, he changed his tactic.
“Elizabeth, I have also contacted my attorney. He is an old friend. You must try to relax.”
Watching her caused him great pain. Her countenance changed to one of sadness and profound fear. Gently, he took her hand. She responded with a small smile. Her eyes seemed to focus. Was she back with him?
“This is all good news. Listen to me. We are going to take your case to court. It is tough getting issued another Social Security card. Almost impossible, in fact, but we have an excellent chance. We must assume that you previously had such a number. I would question our chances, but Frank London is unbelievable. If anyone can help us, it is he.”
The woman looked uninterested and tired. All of this was critical to Harry. Their future relied on success with this. Harry explained that if they were able to obtain a new Social Security card; she could get a driver’s license, passport, and function in society as a regular person. Her reaction was not as he hoped. A mere nod of her head was her only response. They had an appointment with Mr. London tomorrow. The process would be long and hard, but Grover was hopeful. Most of all, there was a birthday surprise waiting which depended on the success of Mr. London’s actions.
Silently, they drove home. They sauntered into the house. Tyler’s old car sat under the oak tree. It broke Harry’s heart to watch the young woman struggle. Great sadness covered her beautiful spirit. Once again, she was broken. This sadness was not the result, which he hoped might result from his news.
Miss Dottie knew, as soon as they entered. So did Tyler. They both looked at him with concern. He shrugged. The “great” meal was quiet. Everyone ate lunch. Every bite consumed, just as he instructed her. Elizabeth immediately excused herself. Harry heard her shower. She probably would not be coming down again this evening. He sat in his chair, by the window, as he enjoyed a bourbon and read his paper. Dottie and Tyler left without fanfare. Mr. Grover sadly climbed the stairs. These actions were not as he earlier hoped.
FOURTEEN: CITY DAY
Monday morning, Elizabeth arose after a tormented night. The old nightmares had returned. The angry woman, who haunted her, yelled in her face without relenting. If only she could retrieve the hateful words thrown at her as jabs during her dreams. Perhaps, she could make sense of this torment. There was a terrible pain in her head. Of all the days for their visit to the city. Maybe, they could postpone it, but she understood the difficulty of rescheduling anything in Manhattan. Reluctantly, she walked to the shower. After several minutes of scorching water, she grabbed a towel and began to dry.
There was a knock on the door which was strange. Harry would never bother her when she was in the shower. Such an intrusion may creat
e an uncomfortable situation, which they tried to avoid at any cost.
“Elizabeth, bundle up, I have something to tell you.” She smiled at his choice of words. When she opened the door, she stumbled back slightly. He looked exceptional in his red cashmere sweater and dark gray slacks. He was so very handsome.
“I need for you to pack an overnight bag. I intended to tell you about my plan yesterday. You appeared upset. Then, you didn’t come down all evening. You looked tired. It seemed unkind to bother you. It doesn’t need to be anything more than a change of clothes to come home tomorrow. You may want to include a beautiful dress for a special dinner. See you in fifteen minutes.” He smiled and was gone.
Was this a joke? She had fifteen minutes to pack a bag and prepare for the day? One thing about him, he seldom became upset. He may give outlandish commands but would not react if disobeyed. It was as if he needed to be in control. It pleased her that someone was.
Quickly she dressed for the day in a navy wool dress with tights and heels. Without much thought, she folded a jersey dress of beige with matching tights and flats for tonight. Her favorite black coat would work fine. The girl picked up Edwina’s make-up case with a change of underwear. Ready in exactly eighteen minutes.
Elizabeth descended the stairs. Harry stood at the door with the keys in his hand. It was too early for Dottie’s arrival. They set the alarm, locked the door, and were off for their first overnight “trip” together. Elizabeth had no idea what to expect.
As they drove, through the early January morning, Frank Sinatra cooed in the background. Excitement crept over her. She tingled with joy. Harry always seemed to know what to do. This plan was just “what the doctor ordered.” She began to relax.
Harry’s smile told her that he also was glad for the diversion. It was the first time that he ever drove into the city. Chase always chauffeured them, but tonight was an overnight event. Harry maneuvered the traffic with precision and skill. A little over an hour’s drive and they pulled into a covered parking area reserved for, “London’s Law Office.”