by Dean Murray
"Wow, it's almost like I can see you getting skinnier before my eyes. Yeah, here, this one should work."
I gratefully took the proffered strip of black leather and threaded it through the loops on my shorts. The result wasn't pretty. The shorts puckered up around my waist as if yelling to everyone that they'd never been meant to fit around someone as skinny as I currently was, but Cindi's belt served to keep them up where they belonged.
I took a deep breath and tried to tell myself that I didn't care what anyone else thought about me. It was a nice thought, but the truth was I actually did care. I'd always cared, but I cared more than ever lately, maybe not what everyone thought, but definitely about what Jackson thought.
Breakfast wasn't our usual arrangement. Usually Dad had breakfast with Cindi and me, but Mom tended to be hit-and-miss. Sometimes she stayed up late working on some project or another and then slept in. Other mornings, she was up before dawn so that she could try to capture the sunrise. Occasionally, she held to a more normal schedule.
This morning was apparently one of the unusual days when her art hadn't gotten in the way of socializing with us. Dad, on the other hand, had left for work even earlier than normal. Mom shrugged and mumbled something about a conference call with someone over in France. It was obvious that she didn't really wake up until halfway through her bowl of cereal because that was when she looked at my shorts and shook her head.
"Adri, you can't go out like that. You look like an orphan."
"Yeah, well, losing all of that weight might be good for my heart, but it's really screwing with my wardrobe. Everything else that was clean is even worse than this. I had to borrow the belt from Cindi."
"The top looks pretty terrible too, but it's not quite as bad. Borrow some jeans from Cindi, it's supposed to get cold today, you'll freeze walking back home in those shorts."
Cindi opened her mouth and for a second I thought she was going to argue, but she just shrugged.
"I'll go grab my Tommy's. They are longer because I wear them with my boots. They should be about right for you, Adri."
"I would have been fine, Mom."
"No, Adri, you wouldn't have been. Cindi is fine with lending you some clothes. Besides, it's only for a few days and then I'll take you shopping."
"Dad just finished paying for my cheer uniform, Mom. I doubt there is any money left in the budget for a new set of clothes for me."
"I'll do laundry today and then tonight we'll see what's still salvageable from what you already have. Once I know how bad things are I'll figure something out. Maybe we can go to that new store over on Hillside and trade some of your clothes in for something smaller. Your clothes are all pretty trendy, so they'll probably pay top dollar for them."
I bit back the response that was on the tip of my tongue. I didn't have any clothes that could remotely be classified as trendy. Cindi did, but I'd never felt like I could beg and cajole Mom and Dad into spending that kind of money on me.
We were already running a little late so I rinsed my bowl and headed back to my room. Cindi had been right, the jeans she'd laid out for me fit almost perfectly. They were a lot tighter than I'd ever gone for in my clothes, but the length was good and they didn't need a belt to keep them from falling down.
I grabbed my backpack and my gym bag and then almost ran into Cindi on my way back out into the hall.
"I was just thinking that if it's going to get as cold as Mom said that you probably need some leg and arm warmers. I've got an old pair that you can use."
"Thanks, Cindi. I'm sorry about all of this."
"It's okay, if you hadn't slimmed down a little then you probably wouldn't have made the team. If loaning you some of my clothes is the price to pay in order to be able to cheer with you then it's not a bad deal."
I nodded and headed into the hall, only to pause as Cindi sighed. "I just knew your butt was going to look better in them than mine does."
**
School was pretty miserable. The popular kids still hated me for causing Janessa so many problems and everyone who wasn't popular still felt like I'd betrayed them by joining the cheerleading team.
I'd made it through school so far by keeping my head down. Now it seemed like every class I went to had at least two or three people whispering about me the entire time.
I didn't catch much of it, but what little I did overhear was pretty vicious. The guys all seemed to think that I was going to turn into a Grade-A slut. The girls all seemed to think I was destined for slutdom too, but they spent almost as much time talking about how losing a few pounds and buying some new clothes wasn't going to change who I really was—a waste of space.
By the time I got to my last class I was just holding out to make it to cheer practice. That was an ironic reversal of the way of the world. I knew that the other girls on the squad would still be as nasty to me as they figured they could get away with, but at least once I made it to practice Cindi would be there.
I was glad Cindi and I had become closer, it was just too bad that it had come at the cost of alienating everyone else in the school. The most graphic illustration of how much had changed happened as I was walking out of my last class and some lowlife, whose name I didn't even know, grabbed my butt.
The two guys with him laughed while I was still too much in shock to react and then the next thing I knew all three of them had surrounded me. I had the feeling that things were going to get ugly and then suddenly one of them was on the ground holding his nose as bright red blood trickled out from between his fingers.
Jackson towered over both of the others and looked like he was ready to rip them apart with his bare hands.
"The next time I see the three of you bothering Adri, I'll put you all in the hospital. If it happens a third time, then I'll put you in the morgue."
Even with the size difference between Jackson and the other boys I still half expected for them to jump him, but there was something in his manner that seemed to welcome the idea of a three-on-one fight. It took only a second or two for the guys who'd been messing with me to decide that they didn't want to tangle with Jackson. The two who hadn't been hit grabbed the one Jackson had knocked down and dragged him away.
"You okay, Adri?"
"Yeah, thank you. I didn't realize that you were going to have to save me outside of games too."
He shrugged. "It's all part of the job description. Let's get you back to your locker and then over to the locker room. I don't think you'll have any more problems today, but I'm going to stick with you anyway so that the rumor mill has a chance to spread the word that messing with you is a bad idea."
I watched Jackson out of the corner of my eye as we walked through the hall. I'd always known that he was built, but seeing him back down three guys had flipped some kind of switch inside of my head. Nothing about his manner had changed, but I was more aware now of the way that he cut a channel through the normal mob of kids in the hall. It was like he dripped testosterone, but not the showy, cocky production that most of the guys our age put on. He was all calm assurance and I found it even sexier than I'd expected to.
I put my books away, grabbed my workout bag and followed him to the gym. He gave me a nod as I peeled off to go into the girls' locker room. Cindi wasn't in her usual spot so I changed into a pair of Cindi's shorts and a tank top in what I was pretty sure was record time and hurried back out to the gym.
Jackson was already there waiting for me. He'd pulled on some black yoga pants that hit him mid-calf, and a gray t-shirt that he'd ripped the arms out of so that it showed the way the muscles on the outside edge of his back flared out as they traveled from his waist up to his shoulders.
"Are you ready?"
I didn't trust my voice so I just nodded and headed towards the outside door. He paced me, close enough that his arm occasionally brushed against mine. I kept trying to tell myself that I wasn't some twitter-pated freshman, but the truth was that it was all I could do to walk without stumbling. The last half an hour had thrown my attraction t
o Jackson into overdrive. At this rate it would be a full-blown obsession by tomorrow morning.
Jackson opened the gym door for me, easily throwing the heavy, gray metal door open despite the fact that he was only using one hand. I nearly tripped over Miss Winters, who was standing just outside of the gym rather than waiting over in her usual spot.
"Adri, Jackson, I'm glad I found the two of you. Do you have a second?"
She got a "Sure" out of me and a nod from Jackson.
"I always like to have a backup flyer. That was Cindi up until Janessa left the team. Now Cindi has taken over Janessa's spot and I need a new backup. I'd like for you to be that backup, Adri."
She mistook my wide eyes and slight gasp as disappointment rather than shock and hurried to reassure me. "I'm not saying that you'll have to remain a backup forever. I select based on skill and the other girls have been doing this for a while so you'd have your work cut out for you, but if you really go hard at this it's possible that you could take over one of the other girls' spots."
I shook my head. "I really don't want to bump anyone else, Miss Winters. Honestly, flying scares me pretty badly."
"But you and Jackson were stunting at the beginning of the last game."
"I know, but it wasn't planned or anything. Honestly I got turned around and was headed the wrong direction. Jackson threw me up into a lift because he didn't want me to run over him."
She was quiet for a couple of seconds while she digested my words. "What do you think, Jackson?"
"I think Adri is a natural. If you can convince her to give it a shot she'd make a great backup flyer in case something happens to one of the other girls."
"It really is important, Adri. I'm not going to lie to you, being a flyer is a little risky. I've never had someone seriously injured, but it's not uncommon to lose someone to a sprained ankle at some point during the season. If you're seriously not interested in trying to knock out one of the other girls, then that is even better because it should make for less drama."
"I don't know, Miss Winters. Most of the rest of the flyers are a lot smaller than me."
She shook her head. "You're only an inch or so taller than Sheree and you're just as skinny as any of the other girls. I'd have you work primarily with Jackson though until some of the other guys on the squad start to bulk up a little. Jackson won't have any problem stunting with you. Think it over. It would mean you'd have to come practice on Tuesdays with the rest of the flyers, so it would limit your study time a little bit more, but I really think you'd find it to be a rewarding experience."
My heart started racing. It was like she knew exactly the right force to pit against my fear of stunting. Two weeks ago I would have said that there wasn't anything that could have got me to follow in Cindi's footsteps and allow someone to throw me up a dozen feet into the air, but the possibility of spending more time with Jackson was a powerful draw.
I opened my mouth to tell her that I'd think about it, but the words that came out weren't the ones that I'd meant to say.
"Okay, Miss Winters. I'll do it. I really hope that none of the other girls get injured and I don't want their spots, but I'll do it to help out just in case someone does get hurt."
"That's great, Adri! Even if we don't end up needing you this year we'll definitely need you next year after Missy graduates."
Miss Winters gave us each a smile and then hurried off. I kept thinking that I should follow her, that I should head out to the field where the other girls would be gathering over the next few minutes, but my body seemed almost unconnected from my will. I wondered idly if I was in some kind of shock.
"Come on, Adri. If you stay here much longer you're going to put down roots."
Jackson gently pulled on my arm and I let him lead me further away from the door. We were nearly around the edge of the school when I realized that he hadn't seemed the slightest bit surprised at Miss Winters extending me an invitation to join the flyers.
"Did you have something to do with that?"
"What do you mean?"
His response was a bit too innocent and I felt my suspicion harden into certainty.
"You did, didn't you? You put her up to that."
Jackson shook his head at me. "You are seriously paranoid."
"That's not an answer, that's an evasion."
That earned me a smile and a nod. "Smart too. No, I didn't put her up to it, at least not really. I mentioned to her that you seemed to have good instincts when it came to flying and she took it from there."
He said it like it wasn't any kind of big deal, but he had me wondering. Had he purposefully tried to get me in with the flyers because he'd wanted to spend more time with me? A very loud part of me kept screaming that there was no way that a guy like Jackson could possibly be interested in me, but the evidence was starting to mount.
We walked towards the football field in silence. I didn't know why Jackson had gone quiet, but on my part it was because I was trying very hard to keep the butterflies in my stomach from making a break for it.
**
Miss Winters announced that I would start training as the backup flyer at the beginning of practice. Everything after that went even worse than I'd expected. At one point, I had to stomp on the urge to look around to see if someone had a voodoo doll dressed like me. I'd read about people staring daggers, but this was the first time that I'd been able to actually feel the hatred coming off of someone.
It was unsettling enough that I missed my cue and screwed up a couple of times in the number five routine. The only thing that got me through it all was the fact that Cindi and Sheree both gave me big smiles and thumbs up every time our eyes met. That and knowing this was my ticket to spend more time with Jackson.
The squad scattered even faster than normal when Miss Winters released us to go home. I tried to tell myself that I was being silly, that the world didn't revolve around me, but the first words out of Cindi's mouth seemed to indicate that my fears weren't completely unfounded.
"Wow, there were a bunch of panties all knotted up today."
Sheree frowned, but it wasn't an angry frown, more along the lines of her not being comfortable with saying something so harsh about the other girls on the squad.
"It wasn't just my imagination then?"
Cindi shook her head at me. "No, you just pulled off the coup of the semester. The older girls are all going to hate you even more because this means that they aren't going to make flyer unless one of us gets hurt."
Cindi took a long pull from her water bottle and then offered it to me. "Not only that, you're going to have seniority, which means that two of us will have to get hurt before they'll get to perform at an actual game."
Apparently we'd moved far enough away from the harsh stuff and close enough to the verifiable truth for Sheree to feel comfortable joining in.
"It really is too bad for the seniors. They aren't like any of us; they can't look forward to another chance at flying next year."
Cindi shrugged. "Realistically, none of the seniors besides Missy are small enough to be flyers anyways."
Now I was the one frowning. "They can't really help their genetics, Cindi. When you get right down to it I'm too big to be a flyer too."
Cindi and Sheree both went into the special kind of reassurance mode that you could only get from other girls. Sheree got her words out first, but Cindi was only half a heartbeat behind her.
"No, you're one of the skinniest girls here."
"Sheree is right, Adri. You're totally small enough to be a flyer now."
It was probably just my imagination, but I almost thought that Cindi put a little extra emphasis on the 'now' bit of that statement. I told myself to calm down and not take everything so personally, but apparently some of what I was feeling made it onto my face. Luckily Cindi wasn't looking at me and Sheree misinterpreted what she was seeing.
"You really will make a great flyer, Adri. I wish there was a way to prove it to you."
Sheree looked around
as though she expected to find the proof she was looking for just lying there on the grass. I expected her to realize how silly she was being, but it only took a second before her face brightened up and she let out the kind of yell you usually only heard out of Sheree at actual games.
"Jackson! Could you come help us for a few minutes?"
I turned and had to fight down the urge to blush. Jackson was far enough away that I was astonished that Sheree had known it was him. He'd changed back into the shorts and polo shirt that he'd worn most of the day and had obviously been headed home, but was headed back towards us now.
Sheree was practically bouncing with excitement by the time Jackson made it over to us. "Hi, Jackson. Adri is a little nervous about practice next Tuesday. Would you be willing to do a couple of tricks with her while Cindi and I spot for the two of you?"
"Sure, I can do that."
There was something to Jackson's look that made me want to blush again. I looked over at Cindi to buy myself some time and saw that she didn't look happy about the way things were headed. Her expression shifted so quickly I almost believed that I'd imagined her unhappiness, but it had definitely been there.
"Is that not okay with you, Cindi?"
"Hmm? Oh. No, it's okay, I just have a history test that I need to study for still tonight. I can help out for a few minutes though. It wouldn't be safe for just Sheree to try to spot you."
Sheree excused herself for a minute to call and let her mom know that she was going to be later than expected. Once she was done with her call we got started. Actually, it would probably have been more accurate to say that we tried to get started.
I was really bad. Jackson's comment about me having good instincts notwithstanding, I'd expected to be terrible when it came to actual stunts. It turned out that I was worse even than I'd been expecting.
We started out with the same kind of lift that we'd done so unexpectedly at the game the day before. I think everyone figured it was a safe starting point given that I'd already done it once before. We couldn't have been more wrong. Jackson was strong enough to get me up into position almost regardless of how badly I messed things up, but that didn't mean that the stunt looked right, or graceful, or even remotely like I knew what I was doing.