by Dakota Lake
Cam tonight made it seem like he might have feelings for me, I had a scary feeling he was in love with me. But I didn't feel that way about Cam and now sitting here on my own I think it was becoming clearer and clearer I had feelings for someone else. I missed Senka when he wasn't here. I hadn't really realised how much I missed him until today. It wasn't the same way I missed Kenzie or the way I didn't really miss Cam when he was gone. I really missed Senka.
But at the same time I thought of Senka, Mack's face came to mind. There was something there. Who was he to me? I spun around on my dressing table stool and looked at the chest where I had hidden Mack's T-shirt.
I could remember his name and everything we had talked about earlier. That had never happened before. I normally woke up and only remembered what he looked like and the beach. Everything else was always hazy. But it was the way I felt about him, it felt so real. It didn't feel like a silly crush it felt like something more.
About three weeks after I'd woken up from my coma I started having a hard time getting to sleep at night. So I stayed up late into the night which meant I was usually tired by late afternoon. I started taking afternoon naps and then one day I dreamt of Mack, but I never remembered his name. I started napping more and more hoping I would dream of the boy on the pebbled beach which is where I always saw him.
But my sleep patterned changed and sometimes I didn't feel tired in the afternoons and depending on what I was doing with Kenzie or Senka meant I missed many days with no naps and I hadn't dreamt of Mack for at least two weeks. But up until today I thought they were only dreams. Now I wasn't so sure and the rolled up T-shirt in my blanket chest suggested otherwise. If it was real, it meant he was real but where was he? Was he dreaming as well? I sounded like a crazy person. Maybe that was it I was going mad and the dreams were just the start of it. The bracelet Mack had mentioned popped into my head. I turned back around and opened the small jewellery box where I had put it last. I picked it up and let it dangle down looking at it. A silver chain with black stones that glistened in the light. Mack had said this was how Cam finds me. When I woke up from my coma this was the only piece of jewellery I had on. I soon took it off and put it away as it looked old and I didn't want to ruin it or lose it, so I stopped wearing it completely. I dropped it back into the box and shut the lid. Mack had said I had grown up with a brother called Seth and my mother. Cam had told me differently. Who was I to believe Cam who looked after me and provided everything for me or the stranger from my dreams that seemed to know more about me than I did. Someone was lying to me and I had a gut feeling it was Cam. If that was the case, was Cam really making me forget my past? Why would he do something like that? More to the point how would he do something like that?
I walked over to my bookcase and picked up my geometry book there was still some unfinished homework I needed to get done before I saw Grayson tomorrow and I needed to do something to distract myself from the one million random thoughts I was having.
I took my homework and went back to the main staircase and walked up halfway and sat down. I would be able to see if Senka came back and I would get my homework done at the same time. I could see a grandfather clock from where I was sitting, the manor house had them scattered everywhere it got really noisy each hour when all the clocks chimed together. The clock had just chimed for nine o'clock. I could hear voices down below, I scooted across the step and looked through the railings. I could see Alex and a few others but no Senka. I looked back at my homework and finished off what I was doing.
The others passed me but Alex stopped and sat on the step next to me.
“Oooo geometry, that looks about as boring as Hell.” he said picking up the textbook and looking at the cover. “He's not coming back tonight, he had to stay on.” he added placing the book back on the step.
I nodded, trying not to look as sad as I felt. Alex stood up and patted me on the shoulder before walking up the steps.
I dropped my finished homework off in my bedroom and wondered down to the first floor. The manor had a very large library full of all sorts of books, fiction, non fiction, cooking books you name it, it had it. I had spent many hours in there reading fiction novels and looking through a very large animal encyclopedia book which also had pictures. Non of the pictures matched the things I saw outside in the gardens though.
The library was dark and the main lights were off. I quickly flicked the switch on. It was moments like that when I panicked. The manor took on a creepy appearance when it was dark. The servants only stood in the corridors until ten each evening then the corridors became deserted apart from the servant/guard posted outside the elevator door and the one at the main front door, those doors were rarely unattended.
It was the main reason I went upstairs. The third floor was noisy and there was always someone around at anytime of the night, it was as though they didn't sleep up there. I would lay in bed some nights and just listen to the music from above it was crystal clear some nights depending on how loud they had it turned up.
I had also spent many evenings with Kenzie. He lived in one of the cottages outside. It was a three storey cottage with five bedrooms, three upstairs and two small attic rooms. Kenzie had an attic room opposite Roman's room. Tallen, Ryu and Shasta were on the first floor. I always felt a bit awkward when I was around the others. Shasta didn't say much to me, Roman was always friendly and had a smile for me. Tallen was polite but didn't say much and Ryu who I don't think had ever spoken to me. Kenzie and I would play board games and mix really bad cocktail drinks and dare one another to drink them. We watched many movies in Kenzie's room but the TV wasn't connected to an aerial so we couldn't watch normal TV. The same as the other TVs inside the manor. I asked Kenzie once why we had no TV channels and he'd told me the reception down here wasn't good enough to pick up any TV channels. I didn't have a TV in my room so if I wanted to watch something on DVD I had to go over to Kenzie's, they had tons of movies and box sets. I walked around the library trying to find something related to dreams.
There was a lot to look through and so many books had been put back in the wrong sections that it made finding anything difficult. The clocks chimed ten o'clock. I was about to give up and head back to my room when I remembered there were more bookcases in Cam's study. I tip toed along the corridor and put my ear up to the door of Cam's study. He called it his den which he used as an office, where he spent time with Grayson and other workers. There was no sound coming from inside. I slowly turned the handle, I was surprised when the door popped open. It wasn't locked.
The room was pitch black. I felt along the wall but couldn't find the light switch quick enough so I went over to the table and felt around for the small lamp, switching it on. Cam's den consisted of a long dark wooden table in the middle that seated about twelve people, a liquor cabinet in the corner, a wall of bookcases and hidden behind the bookcases was a seating area with a couch under the window and a massive pile of cushions on the floor.
I looked along the shelves which were considerably more organised than the library. I had only ever been in this room once before with Cam and I hadn't looked at the books. But looking at the books now I realised they were nothing like the books in the library. These were old and I mean really old, some looked like they were falling apart and the binding looked ancient.
As I looked further along I realised Cam must have an interest in the paranormal as there were books on witchcraft, werewolves and I even found one on vampirism.
There were books in different languages with weird symbols on the front, books with demon like creatures on the front but I couldn't read the titles and it wasn't any language I recognised. There was a large section full of books on angels and fallen angels.
I got impatient and started skimming over the books hoping to find something useful. The clocks chimed eleven o'clock and I nearly jumped out of my own skin. I looked over at the clock near the wall that was chiming away, trying to calm myself down. There was one last section of books I hadn't loo
ked at yet. I knelt down on the floor and started pulling books out from the bottom shelf and after the sixth book along I finally found something that looked interesting.
A large thick blue book with the title 'Dreams' was written across the front. There was a picture of a dream catcher in the corner which seemed to nudge a memory.
I remembered hanging two up in a bedroom, one at the window the other on the door handle. I blinked trying to remember anything else but nothing else came to me. I opened the first page and looked at the picture of a night sky full of stars. Something tapped me on the shoulder and I jumped forward knocking into the book case. I turned around quickly to see Kenzie looking down at me. “What are you doing?” he asked.
I picked up the book and tried to stand but somehow managed to step on my dress and ended up falling onto Kenzie, he helped me back up and in the process took the book from me. He looked at the front of the book then back at me with a questionable look.
“You need to get out of here. Cam is on his way up here with the others. You shouldn't be in here on your own.” he said sliding the book back onto the shelf.
“Come on,” he said taking me by the elbow and leading me to the door. “Take the servants staircase.”
I nodded and hurried along the corridor, the staircase was at the end around the corner. I made it there just in time as I heard Shasta laughing and Roman talking. I ran up the steps and went back to my bedroom. Kenzie hadn't seemed annoyed or upset with me. He'd looked more concerned than anything. Hopefully with Cam gone tomorrow I would be able to get back into his den and get my hands on that book again.
I didn't feel tired or ready for bed just yet so I took a hot shower and changed into a lavender coloured nightdress. I stood in front of the mirror swishing the bottom of the nightdress wondering how it would look a little shorter. I had about a dozen other nightdresses. Maybe no one would notice if I took the scissors to this one? I went into the sewing and fabrics room which was down the corridor from my room. I switched the light on, the walls were painted white and the floor was white lino with sparkly bits. I blinked a few time as my eyes adjusted to the brightness of the room. I looked through trays and drawers in search of scissors, not having much luck I started looking on the tall open shelves which were crammed with rolls of fabric.
I finally found a trolley at the back of the room with a plastic tub full of scissors. I opened the tub but the lid sprang off a bit quick and I dropped the whole lot on the floor. I squatted down and started putting them back one by one in the tub, when I noticed a shoe sticking out from under some fabrics.
I pulled at it and the fabrics covering it fell away revealing another shoe. I looked at the pair of shoes. They were hi-tops black with a purple turn down at the back and turquoise laces. They reminded me of Kenzie's shoes, he always wore shoes like these and I always felt jealous. I only had one pair of sandals that I wore everyday, a pair of riding boots and about fifty different styles of heeled shoes that all looked like something out of a classical novel that I refused to wear. I held the shoe next to the bottom of my foot they both looked very similar in size. I pulled the laces loose and pulled one on. The fit was snug and I soon pulled the other one on. I stood up and walked over to the mirror, lifting my nightdress up for a better look. They felt great on and were even my size, I couldn't believe they had just been left in here. I walked back to the trolley and lifted up some of the other fabrics thinking there might be something else hidden under there. Folded neatly was a pair of black denim trousers, I lifted them out and inspected them then held them against my own legs they even looked the right length for me. The pocket rustled and I stuck my hand inside and pulled out two pieces of crinkled paper. One was a receipt for gas another had an address written on it.
104 Green Oak Park, Ridge Road,
Heaven's Point
I had no idea where that was though. I spent a few more minutes rummaging around on the trolley and came across a black hoodie, a red/black stripped vest top and a black bra. I looked at the bra feeling jealous of whoever it belonged to, I didn't have any in my closet and it looked comfy. Not that I really needed a bra my chest was small already and the dresses I wore only compacted it down even more. Who did these clothes belong to and why had they been hidden under here? Off course I had to try the whole lot on. I went back to the mirror to see how I looked. For once I actually liked what I was wearing and the person I saw in the mirror looked slightly familiar compared to the usual girl wearing the strange long dresses that felt uncomfortable and out of place. I put all the clothes back where I'd found them, I didn't know who they belonged to and I wanted to ask Narmi. Narmi organised my closet and regularly refilled the rails with dresses I didn't want to wear, she might know who they belonged to. I slipped the address and receipt back into the pocket. I stood in front of the mirror holding the scissors in one hand, looking at ways I could improve my nightdress. The sleeves came off first, all the nightdresses I had were long sleeved and I hated them I always got too hot in bed wearing them. After the sleeves I attacked the length. It started off below the knee, then above the knee and before I knew what had happened I had shortened it to mid thigh length. It was definitely an improvement. I spun around admiring my handy work. The clock in the corridor chimed midnight. I needed to get some sleep I had to be up and ready in the morning for my studies.
I climbed into bed and turned the bedside light off. The night sky outside was lighter tonight even though the moon wasn't visible. The passing clouds formed shadows on my floor through the glass doors. I heard a distant howl and some other strange animal noises coming from outside. This place gave me the creeps sometimes. I shut my eyes and pulled the covers over my head.
I felt something gently nudging my leg. I peeked out the top of my covers rubbing my eyes. My room was still dark but the flame from a candle flickered next to me. I felt the weight of someone sitting next to my legs. I pushed the covers back further to find Senka sitting on my bed. He smiled at me and re-adjusted his beanie. I rubbed my eyes again and sat up yawning at the same time. I was pleased to see him but I was surprised as Senka had never been in my room before. I didn't even know he knew where my room was. I looked at the clock on the nightstand 1.10am. “I thought you had to stay on at work?” I asked, casually smoothing my hair down with my hands. I had only been asleep for an hour but knowing my hair it was probably already sticking out everywhere like a haystack.
He grinned and looked at me. “A little birdie told me you were waiting for me on the steps.” I matched his smile. “Oh really! I don't suppose that little birdie is called Alex by any chance?” “Maybe and he's covering for me. I have to leave again at seven.”
I looked at the clock, if he had to leave at seven that gave us just under six hours together. “You look tired. I shouldn't have woken you.”
“Then why did you?” I asked curiously.
I knew why but I wanted him to tell me. I think he liked being around me a lot more than he let on. He looked at me for a moment before his eyes drifted to the candle on the nightstand. “Who put that there?” he asked.
“I don't know I never see who puts it there. I just wake up and there's a burnt down candle every morning.”
“Every morning?”
“Yep, except for the nights I don't sleep in here.”
He reached over me and using his thumb and finger he put out the flame. The room went dark and he leaned back slowly, our faces only inches apart. All I could smell was a mixture of coconut, cigarette smoke and a different smoky smell like he'd been at a bonfire or barbecue. I'd never smelt that on Senka before. It was different and made me think of Mack and the way his T-shirt had smelled the same.
“Do you want me to leave you alone to sleep?” he asked while running the back of his fingers down my bare arm, which left a trail of goosebumps.
I shook my head. There was no way I would be able to go back to sleep now and especially if Alex had purposely covered for him so he could come back and see me. Alex was n
ever over the top friendly with me so I knew he was doing this for Senka. Not me.
He stood up and switched the bedside light on.
“What happened to your nightdress?” he asked.
“I got a little scissor happy and made a few changes.”
Senka's eyes roamed around my bedroom taking it all in.
“You weren't kidding about the lack of entertainment no stereo no TV. No wonder you're always upstairs.”
He stuck his head round the bathroom door and flicked the light on.
“Nice bathroom. Shower looks like it was designed for two.” he said flashing me a wicked grin. I felt my cheeks flush red, I was blushing and he knew it as his grin widened. He walked over to the other side of the room.
“So what's behind door number two?” he asked opening my closet.
I climbed out of bed and smoothed the sheets down waiting for him to say something about the size of my closet. I knew he would.
“This closet is bigger than my effing bedroom.”
I stood in the doorway watching him. He took off his beanie and chucked it to me. Then he tried on a ridiculously oversized fluorescent pink hat with feathers sticking out and turned around to show me. I burst out laughing at how silly he looked.
“What it doesn't suit me?” he asked placing it back where he had found it. “Don't ever wear that.” he said laughing holding his hands up in the air as I threw his beanie back. “Wow!” he said catching sight of me.
“What?”
He pulled the closet door shut and stood in front of me. I had to crane my neck to look up at him. “You really went to town on that nightdress.” He tilted his head and eyed me from top to toe. I looked down at myself. Maybe I had shortened it too much? I didn't understand why I was so bothered, I was dressed in a lot less earlier wearing only a loose vest when Alex had seen me. Even the thought of wearing Senka's vest made me blush again. I don't think it was the clothes that were the problem. I think it was the affect Senka was having on me, I felt way more self conscious around him.