by Bree Wolf
“Because it’s what he needs,” Hubert explained, chuckling when he saw his grandson clutch the rigging with arms and legs, his head bright red from fear of falling. “More than that, it is what he wants.”
Antoine shook his head, trying to think of a way to make his father see reason without outright refusing to help his family in a time of need. Still, he could not imagine taking the boy out to sea. That was the kind of responsibility he had never wanted. Some men, like his father, might dream of a wife and children. However, Antoine was not one of them, and he feared he would only disappoint his family if he were to agree. What if something were to happen to Henri? After all, the sea was unpredictable. “It wouldn’t be safe,” he finally said, not liking the way his father’s eyes narrowed in suspicion.
“Are you the captain or not?” Hubert asked, a challenge in his grey eyes.
Antoine gritted his teeth. “The captain of a capable crew, yes. Anyone who cannot pull his weight has no place on a ship.”
“He will,” Hubert replied. “The boy is eager to learn. All he needs is a guiding hand.”
Antoine closed his eyes and sighed, knowing only too well that his father’s mind could not be changed once he decided on something. “What does Alain say?” he asked, grasping at straws.
“He’ll miss him,” Hubert said, “but he knows it’ll be for the best. Even in his own misery, he can see that he is no father for the boy at present.” He stepped up to his son and met his gaze. “Now, it’s up to us. We need to step up. We’re family. We take care of our own.”
Resigned, Antoine nodded. “We do.” Then he sighed and glanced across at the other ship where Henri stood at the helm, his little hands wrapped around the wheel as he glanced across the deck toward the horizon. “I’m sure he’ll do fine,” Antoine mumbled, surprised to realise that he believed his words.
Perhaps Henri was not a lost cause and taking him on board might not prove to be the disaster it had first seemed. Perhaps the boy could be taught and all he needed was a little guidance. Perhaps his father was right.
“Thank you, my son,” Hubert said, clasping a hand on Antoine’s shoulder. “I’m proud of the man you’ve become, never doubt that.” A teasing grin tugged on the corners of his mouth. “Still, a father can never resist the urge to impart some of his hard-won wisdom.”
Antoine chuckled, knowing how fortunate he was to have a father who respected him. “I’ll always be at a disadvantage then, n’est-ce pas? You’ll always know more, and I’ll always be doomed to listen.”
Hubert grinned. “I’m afraid so, my son, which is why sons become fathers. It’s the circle of life. Don’t close yourself to it.”
Antoine smiled, impressed by his father’s ability to always come back to this topic. Perhaps he ought to marry after all to put an end to this endless discussion. Still, if his father were to have only the slightest inkling that the woman he had chosen was not the one, his other half, Antoine would never hear the end of it.
If only such a woman could be found anywhere!
Chapter Four − Nothing Is Set in Stone
Aware that she was far from a radiant bride, Alexandra tried her best to smile.
Seated beside her new husband, she glanced around the room at the many guests who had joined them for this festive celebration. Around the long table sat friends and family of the bride and groom, chatting happily and enjoying the beautiful morning.
Even Lord Silcox, Alexandra’s new husband of barely an hour, sat leisurely in his seat, a glass in his hand as he accepted his friends’ well wishes. Occasionally, his gaze would turn to her, and Alexandra would force another smile onto her face, doing her best to ignore the way his eyes travelled over her body, lingering in places that made her feel sick to her stomach. Still, he was her husband, and he had every right to look at her so intimately, did he not?
When the breakfast ended and people strolled around the room, standing here and there in little groups to continue their lively conversations, Alexandra found William beside her, taking her hand and leading her away. His eyes were downcast, and she could tell from the way his shoulders tensed and his hand clenched around hers how angry he was.
Once they had slipped out of the room and onto the terrace, he turned to her, his usually gentle eyes alight with a burning rage. “I should never have let you do this,” he hissed, raking his hands through his blond hair. “How could I have done this?” He shook his head in disbelief. “I stood by and watched it happen. I didn’t…I should’ve…”
Stepping forward, Alexandra drew his hands into hers, holding them tightly. “This was my choice,” she said, surprised by the strength in her voice. “Do you hear me? This was my choice. Not yours.”
The anger in his eyes vanished, replaced by an all-consuming sadness. “But you did it for me,” he objected, his voice suddenly feeble and without strength.
Alexandra sighed, alarmed by the way her own resolve seemed to waver at the sight of her brother’s resigned face. Gritting her teeth, she willed herself to hold her head high. She would not cower. She would not weep. She was not a victim. This had been her choice. “No, I did it for myself.”
A deep frown came to her brother’s face before his gaze drifted to the French doors through which Alexandra’s husband was visible as he spoke with his old friend, Lord Dowling. “Don’t tell me you care for him,” her brother demanded, his grip tightening on her hands. “You cannot fool me to believe that−”
“I’m not,” Alexandra interrupted. “I will not pretend that I chose him because I feel love for him or affection.” A cold shiver ran down her back, and she failed to conceal it.
Instantly, William’s eyes narrowed. “Then don’t tell me you did this for yourself. You−”
“I did do it for myself,” Alexandra insisted, afraid to relinquish her hold on this conversation, afraid to listen to what her brother had to say. “But I did it for other reasons.”
His jaw clenched, but Alexandra did not miss the small spark of hope she had seen in his eyes.
“I made this choice for two reasons,” Alexandra said, her insistent gaze urging him to believe her. “I will not deny that one of those reasons was to see you happy.” William’s mouth flew open, but Alexandra silenced him. “How can you blame me for wanting to see you happy? You’re my brother, and your pain is my pain. You’ve found a woman you love, and the two of you deserve to be happy.” Swallowing, Alexandra shook her head. “I’ve never even felt a flicker of what I see in her eyes when she looks at you. Never. Not once. I’ve always dreamed of the kind of love I see between you two, but I’ve come to realise that I will never find it. Perhaps I simply cannot love that way. Perhaps−”
“You’ve had one season, Sister,” William objected. “You’ve not given yourself enough time. You should have−”
Alexandra shook her head. “Lady Agnes is not the first woman you have…felt something for, is she?”
William swallowed. “No, but−”
“But she’s different,” Alexandra finished. “What you feel for her does not compare to other feelings you’ve had before.”
Her brother nodded in agreement, a hint of confusion in his eyes. “What are you trying to say?”
“I’m trying to say,” Alexandra replied, blinking back tears of frustration, “that it’s not simply that I’ve not fallen in love, I’ve never felt…anything.” She swallowed. “When a handsome and kind gentleman asks me to dance, I should feel…something, shouldn’t I? A small spark. A slight tingle of excitement.” Swallowing, she shook her head. “But nothing. I’ve never felt anything. Perhaps I’m not capable of these emotions.”
“That’s nonsense!”
“How do you know?” Alexandra demanded. “How do you know I would not simply sit around waiting for the rest of my life, hoping for something that can never be? How do you know?” Determined, she shook her head. “I cannot risk that because there is something else I want. Something else I dream of.”
William frowned
. “What?”
A soft smile tugged on Alexandra’s lips. “I want to be a mother,” she whispered. “I want children. I want to hold them in my arms and rock them to sleep. I want to cuddle them close and read them stories. I want to dry their tears and assure them that all will be well again. I want all that. I want to be like Mother. But if I spend the rest of my life waiting, I’ll never have that either.”
Pulling her into his arms, William held her close. “You will be a wonderful mother, Alexandra. I have no doubt.” He pulled back, and his eyes met hers. “But I cannot help but feel guilty for the choice I forced on you. I−”
“Perhaps it’s a blessing in disguise,” Alexandra whispered, unable to bear that look of anguish in his eyes. “Perhaps it was exactly what I needed to realise the truth. Perhaps without it, I would have spent my whole life waiting, realising only too late that my dream would never come true.” A soft smile came to her face. “So, in truth, it was you who opened my eyes, and I want to thank you for it.”
Nodding, William stepped back, and although the look in his eyes was far from happy, Alexandra detected a touch of relief in the way he stood before her. Over time, he would come to forgive himself and be truly happy. That was exactly what she wanted for him, what he deserved.
“Have you spoken to your beloved?” Alexandra asked, determined to change the topic. “Is there any news from her father?”
William sighed, “He has given his blessing.”
Joy surged through Alexandra as she stared at her brother. “Oh, William, that is wonderful!” She flung herself into his arms. “I’m so happy for you. No one deserves it more.”
“You deserve it more,” William whispered. “You, dear sister.”
Stepping back, Alexandra smiled at him. “You have such a kind heart, dear brother.”
For a moment, he looked at her, his eyes intense as though he was wrestling with a bout of conscience. Then he pulled her close, his hand lifting her chin, so she could not look away. “Don’t ever give up,” he ordered, his voice harsh with determination. “Don’t ever give up on your dreams. Your other half might still be out there somewhere. Perhaps he is simply…delayed.” He inhaled a deep breath, his eyes burning into hers. “You might still find him. Don’t give up.”
Alexandra swallowed, feeling her resolve weaken, and panic began to lick at her heart. “You forget that I’m married.” She had meant to say it lightly, but her voice almost broke.
“I don’t care,” William growled, and the hand on her chin tightened. “Nothing is set in stone. Promise me, should you ever find him, you will think only of yourself and take the same risk you so willingly have taken for me. Promise me!”
Alexandra felt her chin tremble as tears welled up in her eyes. “I promise,” she whispered before her brother once more pulled her into his arms, cradling her close, offering what comfort he could.
Deep down, Alexandra knew that she would never be faced with that decision. Still, a small part of her would not relinquish the last glimmer of hope, urging her to believe that the day might come when he would find her.
When he would come to take her away.
Like in the fairy tales.
Chapter Five − Possibilities
The wind blew strong, and the sun shone brightly.
“It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?” Antoine remarked, glancing down at his little nephew as he sat on the main deck of the Destinée, back resting against the rail, a ripped sail in his lap. Guiding the needle through the fabric, Henri groaned when he pricked his finger and a drop of blood welled up. “Merde!”
Antoine chuckled, and Henri cast him a hateful glare before lowering his gaze back to the task at hand. Watching his nephew, Antoine had to admit that he was impressed. Never would he have thought the boy would show such perseverance, such determination to learn, to succeed.
When Hubert had told his grandson that he was to go out to sea on the Destinée, Henri’s eyes had gone round as plates, and for a short eternity, he had been speechless, staring at his grandfather in utter disbelief. Then excitement had bubbled over in his veins, and he had danced and cheered for hours on end, unable to sit still, wishing they could depart that very second.
Even then, Antoine had known that Henri’s idea of life at sea had been a romanticised one. All he had imagined was himself standing at the helm or the bow and gazing out at sea, feeling the wind in his hair. He had thought of boarding ships, without spilling a drop of his own blood, and returning to France with glory. These dreams were normal at Henri’s age. After all, he had never experienced life at sea. How was he to know the truth? And could one even know something one had never experienced oneself, but only ever been told about?
Antoine doubted it very much. After all, twenty years ago, he had faced the same reality as Henri did now when he had gone on his father’s ship and realised that life as a privateer also meant diligent work and sacrifice for the good of others.
Watching his nephew, Antoine knew that Henri had come to realise his mistake. Still, the boy would not give up. As much as he cursed, he did the work assigned to him as best as he could, never once trying to shirk his responsibilities.
“I’m proud of you,” Antoine said, watching the dark-haired head bob up and narrowed green eyes look into his.
“You are?” Henri asked, doubt in his voice. “Why?”
Kneeling, Antoine sat down beside his nephew. “Because you’re strong and determined,” he said, aware of the way Henri’s shoulders drew back ever so slightly at his words. “You refuse to give in even though I am certain you wish to toss that sail overboard, n’est-ce pas?”
Glancing at his uncle, Henri chuckled, “What gave me away?”
Antoine laughed, “Well, let me tell you. I’ve never met a young man who knew as many curses as you do.” He gently elbowed Henri in the side. “Life can be hard and daunting, but the most important lesson you’ll ever learn is to never give up because you cannot know what awaits you beyond the horizon. And if you turn back, you never will.”
Swallowing, Henri nodded. “I want to know,” he whispered, his gaze sweeping out to sea where sky met water. “I want to see the world, and I want to know how to find my way around. I want you to teach me.”
Antoine nodded. “I admit I’ve misjudged you,” he said, clasping an apologetic hand on his nephew’s shoulder. “I only ever saw the wayward child, unwilling or unable to control his own urges and behave as asked. But I was wrong. You have a zest for life in you, Henri, that needs to be directed at accomplishing something. And if this is what you think it should be, then I will aid you in every way I can.”
A soft smile tugged on Henri’s lips. “It is.”
“Good.” Antoine nodded, returning his nephew’s smile. “Then I will teach you all you need to know. And while that includes sewing up a rip in a sail and swabbing the deck, it also means that you’ll learn how to be a part of this crew, how to ready the ship for what lies ahead, how to navigate, how to spot your enemy’s weaknesses, how to take advantage of them and much more.” He inhaled a deep breath, his gaze steady as it searched Henri’s. “Are you willing to commit your life to this? Because life out here is not a momentary fancy. It is…who you are, who you are meant to be. You need to be certain.”
Henri nodded eagerly, the sail in his lap all but forgotten. “I am certain.” His eyes shone like green sapphires, full of eagerness and excitement.
Antoine smiled. “Then come with me.” Rising, he strode over to the rigging that led up to the crow’s nest, tilted up his head, his hands cupped around his mouth, and called for Jacques to step down. Within moments, the experienced sailor climbed down the rigging like a spider in a web, moving with ease and seemingly without effort.
“Ay, Capt’n,” he said when he landed on deck beside Antoine.
“Ready?” Antoine asked, grinning at his nephew, who nodded his head vehemently, his eyes shining with a deep longing. “Then up we go. But first,” he pointed at his nephew’s feet, �
��lose the shoes.”
Henri chuckled, and they both removed their footwear and stored them out of the way.
Then Antoine urged his nephew to climb up onto the rail and proceed up the rigging.
At first, Henri was all excitement, and his movements were fast and without thought. However, the higher he climbed, the more unsteady the world became. The wind tore at him, moving the ropes he clung to, and he swayed in the steady breeze. Instantly, his hands clenched, and Antoine saw his body tense as the fear of falling rose in his mind and heart.
Following close behind his nephew, Antoine climbed around the boy so that they were side by side and he could look into Henri’s slightly widened eyes. “The world looks different from up here, n’est-ce pas?”
Henri nodded as he clung to the rigging.
With his arm looped through a rung, Antoine leaned his back leisurely against the rigging, noting the surprised look that came to his nephew’s gaze. “There is nothing wrong with being afraid,” he told the fearful boy. “Quite on the contrary, it helps us ascertain where dangers await. Still, you must not allow your fear to paralyse you.” He turned his gaze to meet Henri’s. “What do you fear right now?”
Henri swallowed. “That I’d fall.”
“And then?” Antoine asked. “What would happen?”
“I’d d-die,” his nephew stammered as he clung even more tightly to the rigging.
Antoine chuckled, “Although I’m not saying there’s no possibility of that happening, I believe it to be very unlikely. Certainly, if you fell from up high and landed on deck, you’d injure yourself severely. However, if you fell into the sea, you’d be all right if you’d know how to swim. Do you?”
Henri nodded.
“Good. Be aware of the possibilities, but don’t limit them to the negative ones. What other possibilities are there?”
His nephew frowned. “That…I wouldn’t fall?”