by Jillian Hart
Joanna seemed to understand what he couldn’t say. “I know you need help around the house, and that’s only sensible, as you work hard all day to make a living off this land. But your proposal is a practical solution, too. As are my reasons for accepting.”
“Yes.” He cleared his throat, glad that they had this understanding. “You know I’m not about to follow Finn to the saloon and leave you to bring in the crops.”
“I do. My children are children again. I can’t tell you what it means. James is no longer so worried. Daisy isn’t as clingy.” Joanna looked away, blinking fast.
She was trying not to cry, he realized. “I have an inkling. If the good Lord would have seen fit to make me a pa, I would have moved mountains if I had to if it meant my son would be safe and secure.”
“You mean, those mountains?” She gestured to the west, where the great Rocky Mountains rose up like a fortress out of the prairie floor.
He nodded. Love was a tricky thing. All these years had not diminished what he’d felt for the son he’d never met.
“I believe you, Aiden.” Her understanding mattered. “You would move the entire continental divide rock by rock if you had to.”
“I’m not alone in that kind of determination.” It was why he admired her, not that he was able to tell her that. Joanna had a good heart, and in this world that had to be protected. That was his opinion, at least. “I’ve been thinking some tonight when we were working. That shanty is awful small for the three of you.”
“Aside from my pa’s farmhouse, a shanty is all my children have ever known. We’re snug in there and I’m grateful, Aiden. More than you know.”
“Winter will be here and the shanty won’t be as snug. The main house will be warmer for you and the little ones.”
“I’m not sure our moving into your house is a good idea.” She swiped at the stray curls the wind was blowing into her face. “I figured we would keep things the way they are. I’m satisfied with that.”
“I see.” He nodded as if he understood. “You’re afraid that I’ll be upstairs in that house with you.”
No, I’m afraid for you. She remembered how he had stood in the kitchen that first morning when she had made him breakfast. In her mind’s eye she could still see him with his wide shoulders slumped and his face in his hands. She hurt for him. “This has to be hard for you, Aiden.”
“I will be all right.” His words were firm, but his voice sounded lost.
He would always do right, she realized. It was good to see that some men were really like that. Her spirit ached with hope in all the sad places life had created. “You have done so much for my children. The last thing I want is to cause you pain.”
“Pain is part of living. It lets you know you’re alive. I suppose that’s a good thing.” He rubbed the back of his neck, as if he was thinking, or trying to brush away what was past. “I told you this would be a practical solution, nothing more.”
“That is why I’m agreeing to it.” There were so many assurances she could give him, but she chose the most sensible one. “This is for my children.”
“I know that, Joanna. I’ll make certain they are always fed and sheltered and safe. You have my word on that.”
“I already know that for sure.” Gratitude filled her up until she brimmed with the burn of it. She blinked hard, fighting more than tears. What was she going to do about her feelings for this man? He had her endless devotion for his promise. He broke her heart with his vow, and she understood why. He had not been able to provide for his child, so he would provide for hers.
She swallowed, fighting to get the words out. When they came, they were shaky and thin with emotion. “You have my word that you will never regret marrying me. But I’m worried what certain people will say about you. When we wed, they will think those rumors are true.”
“It’s not my worry what others choose to fill their minds with.” Aiden shrugged away her doubts with a quick movement of his shoulders. “I know the truth. You know the truth. That’s what matters.”
“As long as you’re sure.”
“Absolutely.” He did not pause. “When do you want to have the ceremony?”
“The sooner the better, but you are in the middle of haying.” She stopped to watch another streak of light splinter the endless sky. “I don’t think we should interrupt your work. What if the next storm comes this way? We might regret taking that time to get married.”
“You’re worrying about the hay?”
“I worry about a lot of things, Aiden. How about this? I’ll be ready whenever it is best for you.”
“You are a peculiar woman, Joanna.” He chuckled, and it was a cozy sound, like a warm blanket on a cold winter’s day.
“Peculiar? I don’t like the implications of that. Is this the way it is going to be? You’re going to change into a different man because we’re married?”
“No, no. I’ll always be the same, Joanna. Always have been, always will be.” He shook his head, as if he couldn’t win no matter what he did. “I meant to compliment you. There aren’t many sensible women in this world.”
“That’s what a woman likes to hear from the man she’s about to marry. That she’s sensible.”
“I mean that as a compliment, too. I loved Kate to the depths of my soul, but she was as impractical as the day was long. It took her a good part of five months to plan our wedding.” He chuckled again. “And here you are, willing to get married around my haying schedule.”
“You said this was a practical arrangement.” She was laughing, too. “I could plan a big to-do, but I didn’t suppose that would be fitting or a wise use of time or money.”
“I’m a busy man and I don’t have much money to spare. I appreciate your view, Joanna.”
“Good, then it’s settled.” Soon, she would have the right to care for this man, to repay his kindness and his generosity. She had no wish to put that off. She intended to place him right up there with her children in terms of what she valued. “Are you sure you want me living in your house, Aiden?”
“I’m sure.” And he sounded certain. “How about Sunday after church? We’ll be in town anyhow, so it will save us a trip there.”
“Sounds practical to me.” Maybe it was far from romantic, but that set with her just fine. “I had such high expectations when I got married before. It was as if I was the lightning up there, glittering high above the earth.”
“That’s the problem with love. It’s impractical, and it can’t last.”
“It devastates you when it’s gone.”
They sat in quiet agreement and understanding, the pain of their pasts between them as surely as the cool wind whipping by. Far in the distance the lightning flashed again, growing worse now, streaking the roiling black sky. White-blue cracks of light flared to life and faded.
“Did your work go all right for Noelle?”
“Very well.” She said that with a sigh of relief, as if glad for the change of subject. “Noelle asked me to join her sewing circle.”
“That’s just like her.” It didn’t surprise him a bit. He remembered how his sister-in-law seemed to take to Joanna on Sunday. “You should go.”
“I haven’t made up my mind about it. There’s so much to get done here.”
“It will all get done eventually. You go.” He watched the lightning instead of her. “There’s something else I want you to do.”
“For you? Name it.”
“Tomorrow, head into town and go to Cora Sims’s dress shop. Tell her you need something nice to get married in and to bill me.”
“What? Oh, no, Aiden, I don’t feel right about that.”
He winced. She sounded sincere and stubborn. How did he tell her what he meant? He had no notion how to say it, so he made light of it. “Do you know how mad my ma is going to be at me if you get married in a patched calico work dress?”
“I have a Sunday best dress.”
“I know, and it’s calico, too. And patched.”
&nb
sp; “There’s nothing wrong with that.” Her chin went up.
“I’m not saying there is. I want you to have better, Joanna.”
“You do?” Her throat tightened and she turned away.
“You have been struggling alone for a long time, but I want you to know that’s over. You’re not alone anymore.” He meant that. “You go buy yourself a nice dress. It’s what I want.”
He didn’t know how she was going to take to that order, or if she would give him her opinion, as he had already learned she was quick to do. But then he realized her silence was because of something else.
“Thank you, Aiden.” Her voice was thin and vulnerable. She, too, watched the lightning in the distance, but he heard what she didn’t say as a comfortable stillness settled between them.
He did not want a wife. He did not want to marry again. But helping her was the right decision. He could feel it with all the pieces of his soul.
Dread. Remembering her experience with the Law-sons at the mercantile, Joanna was not looking forward to pulling open the dress-shop door and facing another woman from town. But Aiden had asked her to. She couldn’t let him down. When she stood up with him before God and his family, she did not want to embarrass him in her Sunday best calico dress. He was right—even that dress had been patched.
Thinking of him, she gripped the handle and pulled open the door. “Come in, you two, and remember to keep your hands to yourself, please.”
“Yes, Ma,” they said in unison, and followed her into the beautiful dress shop. James glanced around, already bored, but good boy that he was, he didn’t say a thing. He squared his small shoulders like a little man, determined to make the best of the situation.
“Look!” Daisy let out a gasp of delight. “Ribbons, Ma. Look!”
“Yes, aren’t they pretty?” She had never seen so many ribbons set out in a display, in so many beautiful colors, from sensible brown to candy pink.
It was a fine shop and far too fancy for her to ever afford. Perhaps Aiden did not know how much things were likely to cost in a place like this, especially the ready-made dresses she saw hanging along the back wall. She hated to think what those cost. Likely as not, they were far too fancy for her to feel comfortable in.
“Hello.” A pleasant-looking woman in a finely tailored lawn dress rose from a chair at the farthest window and set her sewing aside. “I’m Cora Sims. Welcome to my shop. Are you Joanna, by chance?”
She noted the shop owner’s earnest smile and took that as a good sign. Maybe not everyone in town had heard or believed those horrible rumors. What a relief. “Yes, I am. You have a beautiful store.”
“Thank you. Ida McKaslin told me all about you at our church meeting this morning. It’s lovely to meet you.” She lifted a small basket on the front counter and smiled at the children. “You may each have one piece. Well, as it’s a slow morning, perhaps two.”
Bless Cora Sims. Predictably, James chose two lemon drops and Daisy two peppermint balls.
“Thank you, ma’am,” her son said politely.
“Thank you!” Daisy practically hopped in place, her platinum-blond ponytails bouncing.
“You’re welcome. What good children you are,”
Cora praised. She was truly kind. “Now, Joanna, can I offer you something cool to drink? It’s a scorcher out there, isn’t it?”
“That’s kind of you, but I’m fine. I’ve come for a dress.” Here was where things got tricky. “Aiden wanted me to have you bill him.”
“Ah, I see. Of course.” Cora’s smile deepened. “You need a dress for your wedding.”
“How did you know?”
“You would be surprised. I am one of the first people to know when a couple is going to be married. When is the big day?”
“Sunday.” Joanna braced herself for that welcoming smile to fade. She knew how it must look. “They say marry in haste, repent in leisure, but we need to be practical. Harvest season is coming soon.”
“Yes, and then Aiden will be too busy to even think about getting married.” Cora didn’t seem at all surprised by this. “My parents were farmers, too. I know how demanding it can be. You will need a ready-made dress. I believe I have several that ought to be about your size. Come in the back and see.”
Joanna herded her little ones ahead of her, around a colorful table of embroidery threads and past racks with thick bolts of rich fabrics.
“Ma! Look!” Daisy stopped licking her peppermint piece long enough to exclaim, “Look at those buttons!”
“I see.” She was amazed by that glass display case of hundreds of buttons on little paper plackets. Mother-of-pearl buttons, carved buttons and ones in shapes like roses, a teddy bear or a castle. “You may go look and not touch, if James will watch you.”
While Daisy gasped gleefully, James gave a sigh of resignation. Dutifully, he trudged toward the case. “C’mon, Daisy.”
She raced to keep up.
“I also have some little girl dresses. Would you be interested in seeing those, too?” Cora chose a dear little butter-yellow frock from among the others hanging on the rod.
Joanna stared, awestruck. There were ribbons of lavender and blue accenting the puff sleeves and tiered skirt. A row of daisy-shaped buttons marched down the front of the bodice. She’d never imagined anything so fine for Daisy.
“I just finished this yesterday,” Cora explained. “Of course, you may have something already in mind for your daughter to wear at the wedding, but with her coloring, I thought of this dress instantly. It would look adorable on her.”
“Yes, it sure would.” Joanna stared at the dress longingly. She knew without asking that the price was something she simply could not afford, and Aiden had said nothing about buying a dress for Daisy. Joanna had never wanted anything more than that beautiful frock. She tried to tell herself that it would make a good Sunday dress and would wear well, but it made no difference. No amount of reasoning could make up for the fact that she did not have the money for it. And she would not take advantage of Aiden’s generous nature.
Cora slipped the lovely garment back onto the rod. “Did you have anything in mind for yourself?”
“I don’t suppose you have anything calico.” It would be sensible, something she could wear to church on Sunday, too.
“No, I’m sorry. If I had more time, I could make something for you.” Cora turned to the women’s dresses; there were several dozen of them, in all colors and sizes.
Joanna’s heart sank. Every one looked far too frilly to suit her, with expensive details like silk ribbons and lace and embroidered embellishments. She had no need for such a gown.
“Here, what about this lawn?” Cora pulled a dress out from among the others. “It’s perfect for this summer weather we’re having. It’s simple enough to be serviceable, and yet fine enough to be special. What do you think?”
Joanna simply stared at the finely woven ivory fabric dotted with tiny green leaves. The style was tailored, the lace edging the collar and sleeves was the nicest she had ever seen, and pearl buttons accented the bodice. It was a fragile, beautiful dress and she loved it.
“The look on your face is answer enough.” Cora held the gown up. “I think it was meant for you.”
Joanna’s hands shook as she took the fine garment. She had never owned anything so nice. But it wasn’t the dress she wanted most.
She glanced over at her daughter. Daisy was still absorbed in studying the buttons. Joanna feared she already knew the answer, but she had to ask, anyway. “There wouldn’t be a way to make payments on that child’s dress, would there?”
“No, I don’t take payments,” Cora said gently. “Usually. But I’m sure we can work something out.”
“Really? Oh, thank you. I’ll take it.” She hesitated. “And maybe some fabric suitable for a new shirt for James?”
“I’m sure we can find something. You’ll need a few things to go with your new dress. How about a nice bonnet to match?” Cora wandered toward the shelves of
beautiful hats. “I’m sure Aiden would want it for you. He’ll expect you to be well appointed.”
That was true. He would be sure to comment on her patched sunbonnet, if she showed up to marry him in one.
“You are getting a fine man for a husband.” Cora was friendly as she led the way to the hats. “You must be so thrilled, getting married in, what, just five days?”
“Yes,” she said simply, stopping to study a lovely ivory bonnet.
Thrilled? Only for her children’s sake. She did not love Aiden McKaslin and could never let herself. He had been honest with her. He would never be able to love her, and she was not surprised by that. No amount of fine lace and silk ribbons or this nice dress would change who she was, inside and out. She was not the kind of woman who inspired love in a man.
Maybe it was better this way, she thought as she glanced over at her little ones. This union wasn’t based on some false romantic notion that would only bring her mountain-size disappointments. No, this marriage would be based on what was real, what was most precious to her. While she was not marrying Aiden for love, she was marrying because of love.
That had to be better. Her heart brimmed as she watched Daisy telling James about the pony-shaped buttons, and they both knelt for a closer look. She wanted better for them. She would do her best for them. She prayed that the Lord was up there somewhere watching out for them all. This marriage was a big step she was taking—one built entirely upon hope and faith.
Aiden put down his pitchfork the moment the horses and wagon pulled into the yard. He knew Thad was going to notice how he had stopped work at just that moment, as if he’d been keeping an eye out for her. It was true, but probably not for the reason Thad might think.
“Look who’s back.” His brother grinned at him from the other side of the wagon bed. “Has she made up her mind about marrying you yet?”
“Apparently. I still can’t believe she said yes.” Aiden flipped off his hat and pulled his handkerchief from his back pocket. “It’s happening this Sunday after church.”