“They say the best seafood comes from chain restaurants,” Sally offered.
“Then pike it is!” Her father waved for the waiter.
Though Sally had always considered the food bland and the waitstaff embarrassing in their nursery rhyme regalia, tonight at MMM’s was different. Thanks to her father’s excitement and her dog’s presence, Sally gave in to the feeling that this dinner was indeed special. Soon, everything tasted, smelled, and felt better than ever before.
When it came time for dessert, Sally couldn’t wait to hear “Happy Birthday” sung just for her. She didn’t roll her eyes when two busboys dressed as Jack and Jill offered to fetch them pails of water. She didn’t argue when Mr. Simplesmith handed her the plastic tiara he had forced her to wear at every birthday as long as she could remember. She even bounced a little when she detected the glow from a candle headed in her direction.
Grinning as Littles Boy Blue, Bo Peep, and Jack Horner sang “Happy Birthday” in imperfect harmony, Sally slipped her hand into Bones’s carrier. She tapped his back to the rhythm of the celebratory song.
Sally and her father were enjoying their cake when the costumed waiters walked by singing “Happy Birthday” again. She turned to see the lucky patron with whom she shared this special day. The door to a private room swung open, and Sally spit out her food. Sitting on a bedazzled throne between Chati Chattercathy and Tommy Gunn was none other than Viola Vanderperfect, donning her own twinkling tiara and touching her cheek in fake surprise that all this trouble had been gone to for her.
“Dad, we have to go.” Sally grabbed Bones’s carrier and started for the exit.
“But, Sal, your Pat-a-Cake,” her father protested. When Sally didn’t stop, he helplessly added, “I haven’t even paid the check yet.”
Sally turned to respond and knocked into one of the Three Blind Mice, who was carrying a second cake to the private party room. Desperate to save the careening confection, the visually impaired rodent lunged and crashed into Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater, who in turn fell over Sally. Bones’s carrier skidded across the dining room floor, and the top flap sprang open, releasing the cooped-up cadaver. The birthday cake flew through the air and landed on Sally’s head.
Having heard the commotion, Chati Chattercathy was first on the scene. “Sally?” she asked, poised to get the scoop. “What are you—?” Before the gossipy girl could interrogate, something caught her attention that rendered her speechless for the first time in her life.
What appeared to be a dog made out of bones had jumped onto Sally Simplesmith’s lap and was frantically licking her face. The creature grinned wildly and wagged its furless tail in delight.
The party guests surrounded Sally and her skeleton pup. No one said a word. When Bones had licked off all the frosting, he turned toward the crowd. They gasped in unison and clutched each other tightly, but no one ran.
For a long time there was only frozen silence. Finally, Bones caught sight of something intriguing and let out a low growl. Sally’s eyes landed on Viola, who had moved to the front of the pack. In her arms was Princess Poopsy Von Vanderpoodle, oblivious to what was going on around her. The pampered pup was too busy chewing on a fuzzy toy bone.
Before Sally could stop him, Bones sprung at Viola, who shrieked and dropped the preoccupied poodle. The toy fell from Princess Poopsy’s mouth, and Bones scooped it up.
Unlike the people who ran screaming from the dead dog’s path, Princess Poopsy was in hot pursuit. She cared only about catching the little thief and engaged in a grand game of chase. Bones could not have been more thrilled.
“What is that thing?” Viola screamed at Sally, who was now on her feet. Her mind raced. This was it, everything her father had warned her about was happening, live and in Technicolor. Her only friend in the world had been exposed. Would he be taken from her? The loneliness she would endure would be nothing compared to the unbearable guilt she’d feel at having exposed him to the cruelty of mankind! Would scientists experiment on him in their search for a link between this world and the next? Would religious fanatics cite him as a sign of the coming apocalypse? Would they put him on display at a zoo or, worse yet, make him the spokespuppy for a trendy line of antiaging cosmetics?
Sally surveyed the room. Trembling, she prepared herself for a fight. But something was off. These were not the expressions that had haunted her dreams. The angry mob whose fear had turned to bloodlust was not here. Instead, her classmates and neighbors seemed more intrigued than incensed. At the far end of the dining hall was a group of girls standing on chairs and giggling hysterically every time Bones and Poopsy looped past. When Bones bounced off Miss Muffet’s tuffet, they shrieked and clapped.
Nearby, Tommy Gunn cheered the dogs on, rallying the other sixth-grade boys in a chant of, “Go, Skeletor, go!” In a large booth, a family of five resumed eating, as though they were simply taking in some energetic dinner theater. And in the corner stood Sally’s father, his hand loosely over his mouth, barely bothering to cover his wide smile.
Sally stood up tall. “That thing is my dog,” she told Viola. “His name is Bones, and he happens to like Princess Poopsy’s toy.” Sally whistled, and Bones careened around a corner, skidding to a halt by her side.
“Drop it, Bones.” The dog obeyed, and Sally picked up the toy. Princess Poopsy sidled up to her new playmate, whom she now found infinitely more interesting than anything else in the room. Sally handed the poodle the plush bone. Poopsy tossed it back at Bones, hoping for another chase.
“Poopsy, no,” Viola commanded. Poopsy cowered slightly and tucked her tail between her legs.
“I thought I told you to stay away from my party,” Viola whispered so only Sally could hear.
“I thought it was at your house,” Sally replied in a normal voice.
“It was supposed to be in the garden, but it started to rain!” Viola hissed. “We moved it to my restaurant. Emphasis on my!”
“Last I checked, this was your mother’s place,” Sally snapped.
“Last I checked, I told you stay away from anything having to do with me,” Viola spat. “Just look at you. You ruin everything. You really are a freak.” Quietly she added, “Is that why your mother died? Couldn’t stand the shame of having you for a daughter anymore?”
Sally flinched. The standoff was over. Viola had won. Sally stared at the ground.
“Come on Bones, let’s go,” she finally said, still unable to look anyone in the eye. Slinging the empty carrier over her shoulder, she headed toward the exit.
Bones regarded Viola and Princess Poopsy. With his paw, he shoved the toy bone at the unhappy poodle. Trotting after Sally, he stopped briefly at the door and turned to face his audience. “Grwoof!” he barked once before marching out.
That night, as Sally lay in bed pretending to be asleep, she wondered how things could get any worse. Just then, a chilly wind blew through her partially open bedroom window, and when she got up to close it she noticed a single white envelope taped to the sill. It had her name on it.
I warned you, the anonymous note read. But you didn’t listen. I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!
Sally shivered all over. What was she supposed to do? She looked at Bones, sleeping so peacefully on her bed, and suddenly, she knew. No matter the question, the answer was right there before her. She crumpled the note and threw it in the trash. Getting under the covers, she pulled her pup to her, cradling him in her arms. Though she was frightened of what tomorrow might bring, she now understood she could no longer hide from it. Sally Simplesmith didn’t want a fight, but if that was what it had come to, she was ready for it.
Chapter 8
The Monday after Bones’s coming-out party, Sally decided to take the bus to school. Now that the dog was out of the bag, she no longer saw any reason to keep her friend under wraps. With her books clutched to her chest and Bones hanging out of the carrier on he
r back, Sally arrived at the bus stop.
Because it had been a while since she’d opted for automotive transportation, Sally had left her house extra early to be sure she wouldn’t miss her ride. As she rested her Bones on an empty park bench, she watched the early morning parade of dog walkers and joggers pass her by.
“Check out that little guy,” Sally said as she pointed to a moping English bulldog. Though his owner pulled the leash with all his might, the immovable beast refused to budge. “Poor pooch seems down in the dumps. Maybe Viola Vanderperfect ruined his birthday too.”
“Grwoof,” Bones said as he nuzzled his nose into Sally’s arm. She hugged him to show she was all right.
“That dog seems off his game too,” Sally said in reference to a frantic Jack Russell terrier that raced from twig to stick, in search of something he clearly could not find. A little girl chased after him, leash in hand, but Sally didn’t think the kid stood a chance.
“Ggruff, ggruff!” Bones added, pointing his snout toward the jogging track that circled Merryland’s reservoir.
“No way!” Sally gasped as she watched a pack of Pekingese pursue a terrified runner, yapping shrilly as they nipped at his heels. “What the heck is going on?”
“Something terrible, that’s what,” an approaching woman replied.
Sally recognized her neighbor and smiled. “Hi, Miss Punch,” she said politely.
“Hi, Sally, honey,” Judy Punch responded as she hurried past. “Sorry, darling. No time to chat. Mr. President and I are on a mission,” the heavyset woman said, referring to the little dachshund that pulled her forward by his leash. “Pray for us that this horrible ordeal gets straightened out soon.”
Before Sally had the chance to ask what she was talking about, Miss Punch and Mr. President were halfway down the block, and the school bus had arrived. Her concern for anyone other than herself and Bones instantly vanished.
“Here we go,” she whispered to the creature in her carry-on as they boarded the bus.
The clamor of boisterous boys and gossiping girls died down immediately. Every eye was on Sally and the contents of her backpack. Dropping her head, she made for the nearest bench, managing to sit before anyone noticed how terribly her knees shook.
“Hey, Sally.” Tommy Gunn and Danny Boi plopped onto the bench across the aisle from hers. Sally regarded them out of the corner of her eye.
“Yeah, so, crazy party on Saturday, huh?” Tommy continued. He looked at the little skull that peeked out of her bag.
“Wouldn’t know. I wasn’t invited,” Sally said, staring ahead.
“Well, yeah. I mean, at the restaurant, then,” Tommy stumbled.
“Yeah, at the restaurant,” echoed Danny.
“You know, when your dog thing, or whatever, ran around and knocked into people and stuff?” Tommy shook his head at the memory. Sally tensed and placed a protective hand on Bones. “That was pretty, well, you know…cool.”
“Yeah, cool,” Danny agreed.
Sally whipped around to face the boys, who instinctively recoiled. “Cool?” She repeated the word as if Tommy had said it in Finnish.
“Heck, yeah,” Tommy hollered and pumped his fist in the air. “Super cool! Skeletor there—”
“Bones,” Sally corrected. “His name is Bones.”
“Sure, OK.” Tommy waved his hands in surrender. “Bones is a pretty awesome little guy. Maybe we could, you know, if you both wanted to, maybe check out the tire swing at recess?”
Sally’s eyes bulged. She stared at Tommy until he began to shift nervously in his seat. She wondered if he had any idea to whom he was speaking. Sally had known Tommy since they were toddlers, but he had never so much as glanced in her direction. Could he actually be interested in befriending her now? As Sally opened her mouth to speak, a voice that was not hers replied.
“She doesn’t want to play on some dirty swing set. Do you, Sally?” Chati Chattercathy asked. She shook her head vigorously, silently answering her own question, and Sally, hypnotized, mimicked the side-to-side motion. “You can spend recess with me and the girls.” Chati pointed to a quartet of smiling, lip-glossed faces a few rows back. They waved in unison.
“Oh, well, I don’t—”
“Of course, your dead dog can come too,” Chati added emphatically as she slid onto the bench behind Sally’s. Bones popped out of his carrier to greet her. Surprised by the sudden proximity to the object of her frightened fascination, Chati lurched back, breaking the spell she had cast over Sally.
“You don’t have to be scared of him,” Sally snapped, her face flushing red in knee-jerk fury. “He’s not going to hurt you.”
“I-I’m not,” Chati stuttered. “I was just…” Tommy and Danny laughed, and Chati’s lip began to tremble.
Though Sally’s heart would not yet believe it, her head was beginning to make sense of what was happening. Bones was an overnight fascination, and, simply by association, Sally had moved up the sixth-grade social ladder. Still, despite the fact that, for once, the taunting wasn’t aimed at her, Sally couldn’t help but feel surprising, if somewhat irritating, pity for her embarrassed classmate. She glared at the laughing boys across the aisle. They immediately quieted.
“Never mind, Chati. It’s fine,” Sally sighed. “I was a little scared of Bones at first too.”
“You were?” Chati asked breathlessly.
“Sure,” Sally admitted. “But then I got to know him, and we’ve been best friends since.” She tickled her little pet, who licked her in gratitude.
“Omigosh, you have to eat lunch with us, Sally,” Chati declared. “I want to hear ev-er-ee-thing!” Chati shifted her gaze to the friendly corpse that panted happily at her. She leaned in a brave two inches and added, “Maybe, if I get to know Bones, I can pet him too?”
Sally shrugged and nodded. Clapping wildly, Chati returned to the back of the bus where her girlfriends waited for what was sure to be an exhaustively detailed debriefing.
Tommy and Danny continued to steal glances at Bones for the rest of the ride to school. Sally managed to ignore them until Bones, tired of the boys’ obvious gawking, unleashed a tirade of fed-up barking, causing them to fall off their bench and into the aisle. Sally couldn’t help but laugh.
When they arrived at school, Tommy called to Sally as they disembarked from the bus. “I know you’re doing lunch with Chati today, but maybe we can hang tomorrow?”
Sally shifted from one foot to the other. “Um, maybe,” she replied.
“Cool!” Tommy said. He and Danny high-fived.
Glancing over her shoulder at Bones, Sally shrugged. “Guess we’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto.”
“Grwoof,” Bones agreed before slipping down into his carrier and out of sight.
As the students of Merryland Middle School shuffled through the front gates, few of them noticed the local lawman standing off to the side, surveying the crowd. Had they offered him a glance, as Sally did, they surely would have been drawn to the little man who skulked beside him. Squat and fat in a starched white uniform, he had a deeply creased scowl tattooed across his face and the words “Dog Catcher” embroidered on the breast pocket of his jacket.
Sally felt her breakfast like a brick in her stomach. She quickly looked away. “Stay cool, boy,” she whispered to Bones. Camouflaging herself in a flock of fifth graders, she was nearly in the building when a familiar voice called out.
“Hey, Sally,” said Officer Stu as he motioned her over. His smile was wide, but his eyes looked troubled as they moved between Sally and her backpack.
“Hi, Officer Stu,” Sally said in the calmest voice she could muster. “What’s up?” She smiled at the lanky policeman, whom she had known since she was born. When her parents were given the wrong baby, it was Stu who solved the mystery of the mix-up. After that, he had always made time for Sally, and he was one of the few, if not
the only, Merrylanders who seemed unfazed by her preference for graveyards over malls.
“Heard about your birthday dinner at Miss Muffet’s,” the kindly cop began. “Sounds like it was a real to-do.” He paused, extending an invitation for Sally to take up the narrative. With her silence, she declined. “Well,” he continued, “heard you had a special friend at that party. A different kind of friend. Want to tell me about that?”
Sally remained silent. She liked Officer Stu and might have told him everything were it not for the nasty troll-man loitering nearby, who licked his lips as he noisily sucked air in through his mouth. His squinty black eyes feasted on Sally’s backpack, and she turned slightly, attempting to shield it from the grotesque gentleman’s hungry stare. The bell signaling first period rang. Sally jumped.
“Whassa matter, girly?” asked the Dog Catcher. “You look a bit pale.” The weaselly little man sucked on his teeth.
“Well, hah, if I hurry on to math, maybe sine and cosine could get me a good tan.” Sally laughed feebly as beads of sweat erupted on her forehead.
“It’s OK, Sally,” said Officer Stu. “I’ll make sure your teacher knows why you’re late.”
“He already knows why,” the D.C. interjected. “It’s because ’a what’s in that bag. Let’s rip it open and see what spills out.” The little man lunged at Sally, who swerved out of his path.
“Now hang on a second,” Officer Stu began, but it was too late. The D.C. had managed to grab hold of one of the ventilation panels on Bones’s carrier. When Sally turned, he yanked, and the bag tore open. A bundle of bones tumbled out. Dazed from the fall, the skeleton puppy took a moment to locate his owner, but it was all the pint-sized bounty hunter needed to execute his attack.
A metal collar snapped around Bones’s neck. It was connected to a long rod that the D.C. gripped triumphantly in his meaty little hands.
“Let him go!” Sally screamed. Bones barked and tried unsuccessfully to reach his distraught friend.
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