Val wanted to catch some of Joely’s happiness, but she worried about telling her the bad news. She offered to help carry any other dresses that she wanted. After Joely selected a few, Val knew she couldn’t put it off any longer. She drew in a breath. “Joely, I’m afraid you won’t be able to get married at my house after all. I’m putting it on the market.”
Joely clutched the wedding gown tight. Disappointment fell in shadows under her brown eyes. “Isn’t there anything else you can do?”
“No. We bit off more than we could chew. The place was over our budget and we didn’t realize how costly repairs would be.”
Trying to be selfless, Joely reached her arm around Val’s shoulders. “I’m heartbroken more for you than for me. Jake and I can get married anywhere, so don’t worry about us.”
“Thanks.”
After scanning all three bedrooms, she and Joely passed through the hallway toward the back of the house. When she saw the tall bench with coat hooks and a mirror on top, she stifled the urge to sing. This was the kind of piece that she loved to find. It was an antique, which meant it was solid wood, yet it was so practical. Her hand reached inside her purse to pull out her tape measure. She made her way closer, only to see that same man with the glasses rubbing his hand over the finish.
“Don’t tell me you’re buying this, too,” she said.
He nodded. “I don’t see a price, but it doesn’t matter. This will be perfect in the mudroom for when my daughters come home from school. They can hang their coats and backpacks and sit down to take off their shoes.”
Val wanted to scream, “Yes, of course. That’s why I want it,” but she didn’t. “I guess we have the same taste--first the elephant and now this.”
He looked at the wooden elephant in his hand. “I should’ve brought a bag or something. I think I’m going to be buying a lot of stuff here.”
Val’s curiosity was piqued. “Why is that?”
His mouth twitched. “My wife and I just divorced. She’s staying in the house with all of the furniture and I bought a new house. It’s so stark and empty, though, I’m worried my daughters won’t feel at home there.”
She understood completely. That’s why she loved shopping at estate sales. Some of her clients wanted their homes to look like they’d been assembled over time rather than everything shiny and new. That announced, “I hired a decorator.”
She swallowed her bitterness at having lost two treasures to this man in one day. He was a divorced dad trying to do right by his kids. She couldn’t help admiring him for that. She reached into her purse, pulled out an extra plastic bag and gave it to him. “I won’t be needing this.”
If she and Nathan divorced, would he worry about making his new home comfortable for Chip? He wasn’t even Chip’s real dad. Maybe he wouldn’t want to be a part of Chip’s life anymore. Maybe today was the last day they’d ever see each other.
A pain bore into her heart. She’d failed as a mother and as a friend.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Alternating chills and sweat tormented Joely all night. She coughed and her chest hurt. When her alarm buzzed, she could barely move her swollen hand to flip the switch off.
Damn! This was going to be a bad one. She could tell.
“Anna.” She hoped her daughter could get herself ready for school.
No response. Joely tried to push the air with her diaphragm. She couldn’t quite get enough. “Anna.” Sweetie, time to get up. She didn’t have the energy to say the words.
Anna walked into Joely’s bedroom, rubbing her eyes. “Mommy, why are you still in bed?”
Joely coughed. Even that hurt. “My lupus is acting up. I need you to be a big girl today. Can you get yourself dressed and eat some Cheerios?”
Her daughter’s blond head nodded. She smiled at the suggestion of being grown-up. “Is today a long sleeve day or short sleeve day?”
The weather. Had Joely watched the news last night? She squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself to remember. Lately, the weather had been fairly nice. Why not hope for more of the same? “Short sleeves.”
“Yea!” Anna clapped and darted out of the room.
Joely lay there, trying to work up the energy to call in sick. She closed her eyes and considered her options. It had been so long since she’d had a terrible flare, she’d been spoiled. But this was how it worked. A constant push-pull. Fighting a cold one day, and lying in bed unable to move, the next. Inside her head she chuckled.
Because if she didn’t laugh, she’d cry.
After ten minutes, Anna re-appeared in Joely’s bedroom. She twirled, showing off her pink and white striped pants, polka-dotted socks and flowered shirt ensemble. “What do you think, Mommy?”
Not exactly what she’d pick out, but no need to fuss over the little things. At least they all had pink on them. Joely offered a weak smile. She breathed fast and shallow. The oxygen didn’t seem to reach her lungs.
Anna’s eyebrows pulled together. “Are you okay, Mommy? Should I call the doctor?”
Joely’s head shook. She didn’t want to scare her daughter. If she could just get Anna off to school, Joely could stay in bed all day, trying to fight this off. Whatever it was. She started coughing. Every contraction tore at her chest. She couldn’t stop.
The coughing continued until she felt something in the hand covering her mouth. She looked down and saw mucus tinged with blood.
Anna saw it and screamed.
Joely reached for the box of tissues on her nightstand and wiped her hand. “Anna. It’s all right. I need you to get me the phone.” Her daughter reached for the nearby phone and gave it to Joely. She hit speed dial, but Val didn’t answer. Next, she rang Kate. “Hey, sis. I’m pretty sick. Any chance you could come up here for a couple of days?”
“Oh, no. What’s wrong?” Kate sounded like a nervous mother.
Joely’s body jerked with another painful coughing fit. “I’m not sure.” Something about this seemed familiar. “I think I need to go to the hospital.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can. But you know, I’ll have to find someone to watch Brianna first. Call 911 if you need to.”
Joely closed her eyes. She wanted her sister now. But she knew even if Kate left immediately, it would be at least two hours before she could make it. Beads of sweat formed on Joely’s face. A fever. She’d had plenty of those. She’d coughed up blood before, too. How quickly she’d forgotten. She shouldn’t have pushed herself so hard. Shouldn’t have ignored her body’s warning signs.
Kate’s breath sounded rushed, as if she were running frantically around her house. “You should call Jake.”
Joely shook her head against the pillow. “He’s swamped at work.” Jake had told her as much. Right after she said she’d have to check with her doctor about having more kids.
“Now listen. If Jake Mahoney claims that he’ll be there for you in sickness and in health, then he’d better prove it right now. Either you tell him you need a ride to the hospital or I will.”
“You call.” It hurt too much to talk. “Please hurry.” At that, she hung up.
Anna took the phone out of her hand and placed it in its cradle. Then she reached her arms around Joely’s shoulders and hugged her. “I love you, Mommy! Do you want me to get your medicine?”
Joely thought of the rows of amber prescription bottles in the kitchen that she’d been ignoring lately. She needed to eat before she took them or she’d get sick. “No.” She hated to ask Anna to be her nurse. She hated to ask anyone. But she had little choice. “Maybe you could bring me a piece of bread and a glass of orange juice first.”
“I could toast it if you want.”
Joely shook her head. She didn’t want Anna using any electric appliances without supervision. No doubt, Anna could easily operate a toaster. But Joely didn’t want to risk anything. It took several trips for Anna to assemble all of Joely’s medicines. By the time she had, Joely glanced at her alarm clock. “The bus.” Cough, cough. “You�
��d better go.”
Anna froze. Joely waved her away. Anna reached over and hugged her mother again. “I’m not leaving you.”
Guilt piled on top of her chest. Her daughter shouldn’t miss school over this. “Go.” Her firmest voice.
Anna shook her head. Her six-year-old face so determined. “Not ‘til Aunt Kate or Daddy get here.”
A sigh of resignation.
That was Anna’s cue. She climbed into bed and snuggled up next to her mother. Joely couldn’t help but smile at her daughter’s compassion.
About fifteen minutes later, Jake showed up. He let himself in with the spare key Joely had given him. He rushed into Joely’s bedroom and placed his palm across her forehead. “You’re burning up.”
Anna slid out of the bed. “And she coughed up blood!”
Jake reached under Joely’s back and knees. He lifted her in his arms like a fireman. “Why didn’t you call me? Kate said you didn’t think I could be bothered.” He carried her out of the bedroom. “I’m taking you to the ER.”
Joely looked at her faded T-shirt and sweatpants. She didn’t want people to see her like this. A deep cough ripped through her lungs. Her throat raw. Who cared what she was wearing? She closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder. Safe. Jake made her feel safe.
The hospital smelled familiar. Not good, just familiar. A faint chemical odor. An orderly placed her in a wheelchair as soon as Jake carried her into the ER. Someone whisked her off for a chest X-ray, a blood draw, and to see a doctor who listened to her lungs. In between coughs, she rattled off all the names of medicines she could remember that she was on.
Jake must’ve seen the bewildered look in the doctor’s eyes because he said, “She has lupus.” Anna clutched her father’s hand.
“But I stopped taking everything.” She chewed on her thumbnail, dreading a lecture from the doctor. “I was feeling so good. . . I wanted to see if I could make it without all of the drugs.” She’d hoped skipping the steroids would help her weight loss and she could give a trial run to see if she might be able to have another baby.
After a short reminder about the importance of lupus meds, the doctor declared that Joely had pneumonia. He gave her antibiotics and steroids and other prescriptions. Then he ordered her to stay overnight.
Overnight turned into a week.
# # #
“Hi, I’m Rod and I’m an alcoholic.”
Nathan studied his friend’s face as the introductions zigzagged through the folding chairs in the basement of the First Presbyterian Church. Rod didn’t look like an alcoholic. He looked like he was at peace. When it was Nathan’s turn, he said the words, but didn’t quite believe them.
After everyone said their name, a balding man asked if anyone wanted to share their story.
A man about Nathan’s age raised his hand and walked to the front of the room. “Hi, I’m Lex and I’m an alcoholic.”
“Hi, Lex,” the audience replied without enthusiasm.
Lex seemed to struggle with where to place his hands. He crossed his arms, then scratched his chin and finally shoved his fists into his jean pockets. “I was first sent to AA by a court order. I’d been arrested at the scene of a horrible accident. I’d run into a tree and killed my best friend, Barney.” He pulled out his hands and they trembled as he cracked his knuckles. “For the longest time, I insisted that I wasn’t drunk. I hadn’t had that much to drink—three or four beers was all--and I was way more sober than Barney. That’s why I was the one driving. But the cops didn’t care. They gave me a breathalyzer and sent me to jail.” He took a moment to crack the knuckles on his other hand, one by one. He glanced at the crowd, but quickly returned his gaze to the Berber carpet. “My friend died in the hospital that night and I wasn’t even there because I was locked up.”
Bitterness tainted his words. Nathan wasn’t sure if Lex was mad at the police or mad at himself. He surveyed the man from head to toe and figured he was working class, just like him. Maybe even a mechanic.
Lex coughed a few times. “For years, I maintained that I wasn’t an alcoholic. In fact, I’d driven Barney and me tons of times after a couple of beers without any problem. But now. . .I realize that I’ll never know if it was just an accident or if. . .” He inhaled in short staccato breaths, trying to compose himself. “What if the alcohol really did cause me to hit that tree? What if Barney would still be alive. . . ?” He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose.
The leader of the group walked up and put his hand on the man’s back. Lex pulled himself together and addressed the crowd. “All I’m saying is alcohol ruined my life. Alcohol maybe killed my friend. Alcohol is a bitch.” He quickly made his way back to his seat.
Nathan rubbed the back of his neck. He felt sorry for the guy, but. . . he didn’t know about admitting that he was powerless against alcohol and turning it over to a higher power. He’d quit drinking before. After his divorce. He could quit again.
Acid pooled in his stomach. Was Val going to divorce him? It wasn’t so much alcohol’s fault as it was that damn fall down the stairs. That’s when his life got screwed up. Alcohol just helped him feel like less of a loser. He swallowed.
Unfortunately, because of alcohol, he’d slept with Mia. Thus, making things even worse. He could never complete Step Nine: making amends to those harmed.
He did not deserve forgiveness.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Val tapped her fingers against her thigh while Chip sat in the next room being tested. She could barely hear some of the questions through the door. “Do you know what ancient means?” Chip said no. “Try to remember this list of words, then repeat them back to me.” He didn’t do so well with that one, either. “Can you read this word?” He stood up and asked about the toy car on the doctor’s bookshelf.
Shaking her head, Val wanted both to scold Chip and rescue him. This was difficult for him. She worried about what the neurologist would tell her in the end. That Chip was unmotivated or had ADD or had a low IQ? She chewed on her lower lip.
She wished Nathan were here so she could talk about her anxiety. He was the one who must’ve requested that material on dyslexia. If he were here, he could hold her hand and remind her that she’d done her best with Chip. That he was smart in his own way. That he knew the names of the last ten Indy 500 winners and eventually, he’d figure out how to memorize his spelling words, too.
But telling herself these things did little to comfort her. She wanted a partner in raising Chip. Now that she’d had a little taste of how good it could be, she didn’t want to go back. Sure, she’d hoped Nathan would not only provide emotional support, but financial support, as well. But if he couldn’t work because of his head injury, she didn’t hold that against him. And if he had trouble remembering things, she’d have to be more patient is all. The poor guy. The doctor had said it could take a while for Nathan to return to his “pre-morbid personality.” Maybe a year or two. But then again, he’d said maybe never.
She flipped through a magazine, but couldn’t do much more than look at the pictures.
After two hours, the doctor opened up the door to the testing room. Out ran Chip, who gave Val a hug. “She said I did good.”
Val smiled at him and gave a pleading look to the medical expert. “Well?”
The doctor, a woman with long, braided hair smiled sweetly. “He was a very good test-taker.” She held up a stack of papers. “I will need a few days to compile all of these results into a report. Then I’ll call you so we can discuss them.”
“Can’t you tell me something?”
The woman’s thumb stroked the corner of the papers. She glanced at Chip and lowered her voice. “If I had to guess, I’d say he is dyslexic. The good thing is you’re catching this early and once I look everything over, I can tell you specific things to do in order to help.”
Val had hoped the heaviness in her chest would be eased. Unfortunately, the pressure remained.
# # #
For
the first few days, Joely actually felt worse rather than better. Her lungs wrestled for oxygen. The weight of a brick on her chest. Pain stabbed at her back. Even lying in bed hurt.
She turned her head to see Jake sitting next to her. He’d brought his laptop and briefcase full of papers to the hospital.
When he noticed her staring at him, he put his work aside. He stood and held her hand. “I had no idea you’d stopped your medicine. I don’t ever want you to do that again. It’s too dangerous.”
She shook her head. “This could’ve happened anyway. Any time I catch a cold it can snowball into something catastrophic.”
“Can I get you anything? A blanket? Something to eat?” Worry lined his forehead. Dark circles discolored the skin beneath his blue eyes.
“No. I’m fine.”
“You are not fine. Don’t ever hesitate to call me when you’re sick. I can’t believe you called your sister who lives two hours away instead of me.”
“But you said you didn’t have time for me.”
He caressed her cheek. “I’m busy. That’s true, but if you need me, I’ll be there. Promise me you’ll let me be.”
Tears stung her eyes. Her chest hurt. “I promise.” Bad news barged into her thoughts. “Val’s selling her house. We don’t have any place to get married now.”
He kissed her cheek where his thumb had been. “Maybe I can get the hospital priest to marry us right here in this room. That would be memorable, wouldn’t it?” He smirked.
She tried to laugh, but it hurt.
“Just kidding. Don’t worry about it. Things have a way of working out.”
# # #
At their next counseling session, Val studied her husband, trying to figure out if he was ready to come home. She wanted to talk to him about Chip’s testing and how she thought maybe it was her fault. Was it because she smoked when she was young? Was it because she’d put Chip in daycare where he’d gotten sick so often? Was it because she hadn’t read to him enough? The neurologist said none of this was true, but Val couldn’t help but blame herself. As his mom, it was her job to stop anything bad from happening to him. And dyslexia would be something he’d struggle with for his whole life.
On the Verge (Sisters Series Book 3) Page 20