‘Good morning. How are you feeling?’ His voice was husky, thick with sleep. Juliet’s skin tingled as a shiver of longing ran through her, reminding her again of the years before.
‘Much better,’ she replied as she fought to regain her equilibrium. Those years were over. They would now only be a memory. ‘Have you been here all night?’
‘Pretty much.’
‘Oh.’ Her stomach did a strange, slow, belly-flop. Sam had been lying beside her, close enough to touch, all night.
‘I was worried about leaving you on your own in case you were sick again.’
Any romantic notions she’d been harbouring were quickly dispelled.
‘Are you hungry? Can I make you some toast?’ He was all business.
Sam loved a project. A mission. Fixing things, problem solving was what he did best, and Juliet knew he saw her as a project. Something that needed sorting out, but she was fine. She didn’t want to be seen as a problem that needed solving.
‘I’m fine. You don’t need to stay. Haven’t you got a plane to catch?’
‘I’ve changed my flight. The locum said to make sure you could keep something in your stomach today and I’m going to follow his advice. I’ll leave when I’m sure you’re okay.’
Even though she didn’t want to feel like a charity case, she was grateful for Sam’s concern. Despite saying she was fine she really didn’t want to be alone after her experience yesterday and she wasn’t convinced that she was one hundred per cent better.
‘Toast sounds good, then, thanks,’ she said, accepting his offer of help.
‘No problem. You stay in bed and I’ll bring it to you. I’ll make breakfast for the kids too.’
The children! Were they awake? Had they seen Sam lying beside her? ‘Have the kids been in?’ Her heart was in her throat as she asked the question. She didn’t want to have to explain the picture to the children.
‘No. They’re still sleeping but I don’t expect that will last much longer.’
Sam rolled out of bed and stood and stretched. His back was to her and he was wearing only a pair of shorts. She let her eyes run over him, taking in his broad shoulders and lean trunk. She could see the muscles flexing over his shoulder blades as he stretched his arms, and she watched them ripple and move as he lowered his arms to his sides. He was a picture of health and Juliet was well aware of the contrast between his peak physical condition and her own. Any remaining fantasies she’d been harbouring about the night in a shared bed were now completely obliterated. She rolled onto her side as Sam left the room, turning her face away from the door.
She heard Edward getting up a few minutes later. As usual he went straight to the kitchen, always ready to eat the minute he woke up. Kate surfaced shortly after and Juliet lay in bed, expecting her to come into the room, as was her normal habit, but she bypassed Juliet. Had she been lured by the sound of Sam’s and Edward’s voices coming from the kitchen? Juliet lay in bed, alone, trying to decipher the muted strains of conversation.
Eventually the conversation came to her when Sam and the children brought her breakfast.
‘Kate, can you get ready for school?’ Sam said as Kate put a plate of toast beside Juliet. ‘I’ll drop you off this morning. And do you think you can help Ed find some clothes too? I want to talk to Mummy.’
Kate nodded but Juliet started to protest. ‘I’ll get up and help get them ready.’
‘Kate can manage, can’t you, sweetheart?’ Sam interjected.
Juliet was about to argue before she realised that Sam was right. Kate was perfectly capable of doing the task and would probably enjoy the responsibility. She needed to let the children help in whatever ways they could.
She picked up her cup of tea as her children left the room. ‘What did you want to talk to me about?’ she asked Sam.
‘I’ve got a proposition for you.’ He sat on the edge of her bed. He looked worried. His forehead was furrowed and there were creases in the corners of his green eyes. ‘You frightened me last night.’ He sounded worried too and his concern made Juliet feel better. Just knowing he cared helped. ‘What would have happened if I hadn’t come back when I did? What would have happened if you’d been home by yourself with the children? Would you have called someone?’ Oops, now he sounded annoyed.
‘Of course I would,’ she retorted. Defending a hypothetical situation made no sense but he seemed to expect an answer.
‘Who would you have rung?’
‘Gabby or Anna. I told you Gabby and Finn were in town—they would be happy to help.’
‘They have their own families. Do you think it’s fair to rely on them?’
‘They’ve offered to help and I know they mean it. I’d do the same for them. What exactly are you getting at?’ She knew he was building up to something, she could see it in his expression.
‘I don’t think you can cope on your own with the kids—’
‘I’ve managed often enough on my own with the children,’ Juliet interrupted. She was cross now. There had been plenty of times when Sam hadn’t been around to help and she’d managed perfectly well. She couldn’t believe he was going to criticise her now.
‘Jules, let me finish.’ Sam’s demeanour was calm, in contrast to her rising temper. ‘I was going to say “just while you’re going through chemo”. I was on the internet last night, researching the drugs you’re taking. Dr Davey increased the medication this time. What do you think will happen next time if you have a similar reaction?’
She shrugged. ‘I don’t know.’ How was anyone to know? ‘I’ll speak to Dr Davey and see what he suggests. Okay?’
‘I have a better idea. Why don’t I take the children to Sydney to look after them there while you finish your treatment?’
‘No. Absolutely not.’
‘I didn’t think you’d like that option. Which leaves option two. I will take leave until Christmas and move down to Melbourne to help you.’
Sam sounded as though the decision had been already made. Juliet wondered what his agenda was. ‘Why?’
‘Because I can.’
Juliet didn’t respond. She just looked at him, waiting for him to elaborate. At this point it didn’t sound like much of a reason.
Sam continued. ‘I want to help. You’re the mother of my children. We may be divorced but I still care about you and about how you’re coping. I can run around after the children, take you to your appointments, do the cooking. It would make things easier for you if you had help.’
‘I can pay for a housekeeper,’ she retorted. ‘You can pay for a housekeeper if it makes you feel better. You don’t need to take leave. I don’t need full-time help.’ As much as she’d appreciated his offer of help when it was for the day, the idea of having Sam around for the next few weeks was unsettling. She didn’t want him to think she couldn’t manage. She didn’t want to think he might be right.
‘But I can do it. I want to do it. Think of it this way if you prefer—wouldn’t this arrangement be better for Kate and Edward too?’
‘You’ll take leave? Just like that?’
‘I’ve been in the navy for twenty years. I think I’m owed some carer’s leave.’
‘I’m not sure it’ll work.’
‘It will. Tell you what, if I can prove to you how easy it will be, if I can organise leave by the end of the day, will you let me stay and help?’
‘You want to stay here?’
Sam shook his head. ‘I think that’s a bit too confusing for everyone. I’ll find something close by. A short-stay apartment should do.’
She knew she should argue, knew she should insist that she could manage, but the reality was that she could use the help and the kids would benefit from having Sam around. But it was only a temporary solution so would it make things more difficult in the long run? She wasn’t sure and she really had no way of knowing.
Juliet stayed in bed and ate her breakfast as Sam got the children ready for school. Her mind was buzzing but eventually she decided tha
t, until Sam had made firm arrangements, she didn’t need to worry about hypothetical situations.
She waited until Sam had left to drop the children off before getting out of bed. She had intended to have a shower but a wave of dizziness threatened to overwhelm her, and sitting on the edge of the bath to clean her teeth was all she could manage before collapsing back into bed. She wouldn’t refuse Sam’s help, she decided, even if it was just for the day.
∗ ∗ ∗
Sam came into her room when he got home. He had a bag laden with fresh fruit and vegetables in one hand and a paper bag from the pharmacy in the other. He handed the paper bag to Juliet.
Inside was an assortment of vitamin supplements. ‘What are these for?’ she asked.
‘I rang Dr Davey to get his advice. He suggested you continue with the anti-nausea tablets and also take these. If you’re not starting to feel better in another twenty-four hours, he wants to see you. Did you manage to keep breakfast down?’
She nodded.
‘I’ve got some phone calls I need to make but why don’t I run you a bath first?’
A bath had sounded appealing until Juliet faced the reality of her naked figure. She knew she’d lost weight but when she was dressed she could ignore the bony protuberances. Now the harsh morning light was exaggerating every angle in her normally curvaceous figure. Even her thighs were thin and floppy she noticed as she stepped into the bath. Her skin, although normally pale, had an unhealthy tinge of yellow and her chest was disfigured by scars.
Juliet slid quickly under the water, letting the bubbles hide her nakedness. She thought she looked ten years older and she felt it too. She closed her eyes, trying to picture something other than her flaws. All she could see behind her closed eyelids was Sam’s smile. In her mind she turned him round and feasted her eyes on his naked back as she remembered how he’d looked when he’d climbed out of her bed that morning. He was perfect, his tanned, toned muscles contrasting dramatically with her own pasty, flabby flesh.
Tears rolled from the corners of her eyes. She shouldn’t care about how she looked. She should only care that she was alive but she couldn’t stop crying. Being alive wasn’t enough for her today. All she could think about was what she’d lost. Emotionally and physically.
She knew she was being pathetic, wallowing in self-pity, but she couldn’t stop.
She sank under the water, letting her tears mingle with the bathwater. She stayed submerged until she ran out of air. Rising to the surface to breathe, she concentrated on filling her lungs. She wiped her face, removing the traces of tears and water, and climbed from the bath. She hurriedly towelled herself dry, keeping her back to the mirror.
When Sam came to check on her she was back in bed and she’d stopped crying, but she knew her eyes were still puffy and red.
‘What’s wrong?’ he asked.
‘Nothing,’ she replied, trying to look as if she had her emotions under control. ‘I’m just having a moment.’
‘Are you feeling sick?’ he asked as he placed another cup of tea on her bedside table, next to the bottles of supplements.
‘No, I’m feeling like a failure.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I thought I’d cope better than this. I had no problems with the first lot of chemo and I expected the same outcome this time, but you’re right. I can’t manage to look after the children like this. I can’t even manage to look after myself.’
‘That’s why I’m here. It’s my turn to look after my family. Think of all those times when I was away and the burden of responsibility fell on you—it’s my turn now.’
‘And what if I don’t beat this? What then?’
‘You will.’
‘How can you be so sure?’
‘Because you told me so yourself.’ Sam’s face lit up as he smiled at her. His green eyes were shining and his smile lifted Juliet’s spirits a little. ‘I know you—I know how stubborn and determined you are. You can do this but there’s no reason to do it alone. Let us help you. Let me help you.’
She’d been trying so hard to keep things together, telling everyone she was going to beat this cancer, but even she wasn’t convinced it was true. She knew that Sam’s presence would ease the pressure on her—that was why she’d dissolved into tears in the first place, because suddenly she wouldn’t have to be the one who was making sure things ran smoothly. She wouldn’t have to be the one who worried about whether or not the children had clean uniforms and fresh food for their lunches. She wouldn’t have to worry about ballet lessons and play dates. Sam’s offer was terribly tempting and she didn’t have the energy to refuse. ‘Can you stay?’ she asked. While the idea of Sam seeing her in a weakened, unattractive state was daunting, she did find the idea of having someone to share the burden appealing.
‘Do you want me to?’
She nodded. If he was offering to help, she was going to accept it. Hopefully he’d seen her at her worst last night and she’d worry about the ramifications of having him back in her life later.
‘Good, because I’ve organised leave. If everything goes according to plan, you have eight more weeks of treatment and I have eight weeks of leave. We’re sorted. I just need to find some accommodation close by.’
A wave of relief rolled over her. Could she push her luck a little bit further? ‘About that…’Juliet hesitated. ‘It would be easier if you stayed here, with us, if you’re here to help.’
‘Probably, but it’s okay. I’ll find something.’
‘Why don’t you make up the spare bed in the study? That would be the sensible option, wouldn’t it?’ If Sam was there in the morning, she wouldn’t have to make sure she was up before the children, up in time to clean up any hair that had fallen out during the night before Kate saw it. It would be easier for everyone if Sam was close to hand, wouldn’t it?
Sam wasn’t sure if staying in the house was the best option. Did he want to be a guest in his old house? Would he feel like an intruder? But he had offered his help, and he’d been prepared to insist that Juliet accept his help so her suggestion was probably not worth arguing over. Juliet obviously wasn’t well enough to look after the children and they were his responsibility. Staying in the house would make things easier, so he accepted with good grace and prepared to get on with caring for his family.
For the next two weeks he ferried the children around, shopped for groceries and cooked. Luckily the children were happy to exist on meals of pasta and barbecued sausages, but he was worried about Juliet. She was so thin and so pale and so tired. For the first week he was there she spent most of each day in bed. That was good; it was what she needed, but what bothered Sam was that he didn’t have to insist that she rest. She didn’t want to get up and that wasn’t like the Juliet he knew. She would get out of bed in the afternoon when everyone was home but he could see the effort she was making and how taxing it was for her to pretend to the children that everything was fine. They ate dinner together as a family, although Juliet barely ate, existing on fruit and mashed vegetables.
By the middle of the second week things were improving. Juliet started to feel better in herself and Sam was relieved. While he understood the effects of the chemo he had struggled to come to terms with how harsh it was and the physical changes in Juliet were confronting. It was hard to watch the woman he loved suffer. He had done everything he could to ease the burden but it was a huge relief when she felt like getting out of bed again. When he got home from dropping the children at school one morning he was thrilled to find her showered and dressed and tidying the kitchen. He handed her a card that Gabby had given him that day at the kindergarten.
‘What’s this?’
‘Gabby has invited us to dinner for her birthday.’
‘Both of us?’
He nodded.
‘What did you tell her?’
‘I said I would pass it on to you.’
Juliet glanced at the invitation before dropping it onto the kitchen bench without comment.
>
Her lack of interest surprised him. ‘What do you think?’ he asked.
She shrugged.
He hadn’t realised how much he’d been looking forward to going out with Juliet but perhaps she didn’t want to go with him. ‘Would you rather go on your own?’
‘No, it’s not that. I just don’t feel up to going out.’
‘I thought you were feeling better.’
‘I am but I don’t think I’m ready to get dressed up and make witty conversation.’
‘These are your friends, Jules. No one is going to expect you to be the life of the party.’
‘The death of the party would be more like it.’
‘What do you mean by that?’
She turned to face him. ‘Look at me.’ She raised her hands to her shoulders and swept them in front of her down to her hips. ‘I look dreadful.’
‘I think you’re gorgeous.’ She was pale and too thin, a shadow of her former self, but in his eyes she was always beautiful. Her blue eyes were even more striking now, contrasting with the pallor of her skin, and her fragile appearance made him want to scoop her up and protect her from the world.
‘And I think you’re a terrible liar,’ she replied.
But Sam didn’t care what Juliet said because she was smiling and she hadn’t smiled at him in days. She’d smiled for the children but it had been obvious to him that she’d been making an effort to keep up appearances, but now her smile was natural, unforced, and it was all the reward Sam needed.
‘If you don’t believe me, can I make a suggestion?’ he asked. She looked at him warily, one eyebrow raised. ‘Why don’t I ring the cosmetician, the one the oncology nurses told you about? She might be able to suggest some things that might make you feel brighter.’ He half expected his idea to be shot down in flames but Juliet actually acquiesced and fortunately the cosmetician had a free appointment. Sam wasn’t certain that he would have got Juliet there on a different day.
He drove her to the appointment and although she wouldn’t let him go in with her she seemed happy enough when he met her afterwards. He hoped the session had gone well. It hadn’t occurred to him until she’d gone in that it could be too much for her.
Rescued by the Dreamy Doc / Navy Officer to Family Man Page 25