Please Don't Tell My Parents (Book 3): I've Got Henchmen

by Richard Roberts

  Then she turned to look me right in the face. “But first, Penny has to tell us about her big duel.”

  “In detail,” added Ray.

  “And back up this claim that there won't be a next time.”

  “Because we are going to be there for the next time.” They were a regular vaudeville team.

  It was time to interrupt them before they really got going. It was time to follow my mother's advice.

  That would be very, very easy.

  Throwing up my hands, and making no attempt to keep my voice low, I whined, “My parents went nuts when I got home, okay?! No heroing for me. They think supervillains are going to jump out at me from every corner.”

  “So? You snuck around them the first time. Do it again,” said a new voice, or at least an unexpected voice. Carrying a lunch tray, Cassie slid into place at our table, and even bumped Ray aside with her hip so she could take the spot directly across from me.

  I slapped my hands on the table now, frustrated. Nobody knew what it was like to have my parents! “No. My mom will be watching me now. When she didn't suspect anything, I could make excuses. If I get in a fight now, she'll know. No super powered battles for me, anymore. No regular battles. I am cut off. I won! I was the hero! And they won't let me do it again!” Growling, I clawed at the air. Totally unsatisfying. My super power nudged me in an unhelpfully helpful way with a teasing hint of how to blow up the cafeteria with today's lunch.

  We were getting stares. Fine. I could blow off steam and obey Mom's orders at the same time.

  Cassie sucked at a carton of milk, but that was theater, because she raised her voice just enough that everyone could definitely hear her, too. “Yeah, trying to get around the Audit must be tough. You are so lucky to have inherited her powers, too. Me and Charlie both, boom, you took us down in seconds. I thought I had you totally outgunned. Then – woosh! It all came tumbling down. I've heard stories about how scary it was to fight the Audit, how helpless bad guys felt, but facing it in person was chilling. I was so not prepared.”

  My hand waved urgently. “No! She doesn't have… powers, or if she does, they're not like that. She counts things. Like, you can't shoot her because she knows where you're aiming, how long it will take you to pull the trigger, and how long it will take you to shift your aim. She's not there when you shoot. If she doesn't like the odds, she doesn't get in front of you in the first place.”

  “And she out-thinks you instead. People would get too scared to shoot, wondering what they were going to hit behind her that would end up defeating them. Then they would back up into traffic. That's what it's like to fight you, Penny.”

  “Well, not anymore,” I snarled.

  The bell rang. I hadn't eaten anything. I hadn't even opened my lunchbox. Grabbing it off the table, I stomped off across the street to Geometry class.

  The stomping felt particularly good. Nothing relaxes you like a chance to rant. Mad cackling is good, too. Oh, and being compared to your legendary mother. Also very soothing for the soul.

  Ray caught up just in time to open the front door for me, bowing and smiling a less manic, more personal smile for me. We both left Northeast West Hollywood Middle and crossed the street to Upper High together.

  Me and Ray were the only two kids who took a class so advanced we had to go to high school to take it. We were very, very good at math, something I got from both parents, I'm sure. What I hadn't managed to get from them was enjoying math. It was okay. A pleasant challenge sometimes, and I'd get super bored if I were stuck in algebra, but just okay.

  Geometry class had one special upside. This was the only class I took with Ray, and not with Claire. I had to hurry across the street to get there in time, and there was never time to talk, but I got to spend these five minutes alone with him. Alone in a crowd, but still.

  Not even a crowd, while we crossed the street, and as we stepped up to the curb something touched my hand, hanging unnoticed at my side. Ray's fingers twined into mine, and…

  Everything got all hot, and it was really hard to think. He was so thin, and he had eyes that were always moving behind his glasses, and now that he'd switched to black and started taking care of his hair he'd gone from 'cute' to… well…

  And somehow, for some reason, with Claire to compare to, no less, he thought the same about me.

  My hand shook when we reached the front door of Upper High, and he had to let go. I so needed to do something about our relationship. For two kids who were definitely dating, we'd never actually dated. Confident and always one step ahead I might be on the battlefield – I'd kissed him on the battlefield, even…

  That thought caused the world to disappear in a scarlet haze until we settled into our chairs in Geometry class.

  There is absolutely nothing romantic about geometry. It cooled me down quick, and gave me other things to worry about. We'd missed a whole week on Jupiter, and even for Ray that had required some serious catch-up. I was pretty confident I had it all down now, but the volumes of sliced solids sure occupied your full attention.

  Only when the bell rang and we were all packing up our books did I notice the boy one row back giving me a cold, searching look. Not hostile, exactly. Challenging? And the girl in the fancy, gothy black dress, with her shoulder length black hair and purple tips, she was watching me too, although I couldn't begin to fathom what those dreamy, heavily mascaraed eyes were saying.

  She looked familiar, actually. Well, you noticed someone who dressed like… Barbara? Barbara, immediately, but if I worried about this I'd be late for computer class!

  Ray's next class was on the far end of Northeast West Hollywood Middle, so he was long gone ahead of me. Superhumanly enhanced speed must be nice. That did mean my mind was clear enough to realize Upper High must be full of super powered kids. It was an open secret our folks mostly lived around here, and sent us to my middle school. Kids grow up, right? Next year I'd be in Upper High, so lots of other super powered kids had graduated from Northeast West Hollywood Middle to Upper High before.

  Rumor had already gotten around about my big battle on Saturday. Rumor would get around just as fast that I was off the superhero rolls again.

  Sigh.

  Upon that mournful note, I reached the computer lab. I'd been a bit too idle in my thinking, and the bell rang as I pulled the door open and stepped inside, but… ha! A second to spare was still on time!

  A second to spare left me still holding the door open behind me when the PA announced, “Will Cassie Pater, Charlie Kamachi, and Penelope Akk please report to the principal's office?”

  I said my name. “Akk!” and turned right around.

  Oh, criminy. What a roller coaster day. I'd been so involved in getting in trouble with my parents, I'd totally forgotten that the school would have strong opinions on unlicensed super powered battles in the middle of a football game. The three of us had committed that most unthinkable of sins – we'd interrupted Sports. Even at our magnet school, the powers that be considered Sports to be a holy sacrament. They just squeezed a lot of academic competitions into the category.

  Outside the front office, Cassie stood next to a red-headed woman maybe twice our age, whose absolutely flame red hair had been gelled into spikes that made Cassie's look tame. With her hands clasped behind her, Cassie looked owl-eyed and nervous, but the other woman just smirked, leaned against the wall, and chewed gum.

  I could already hear another woman's voice inside raised in anger. “Well, she didn't interrupt the game, either. The Kamachi boy did. My sister tried to stop him. You might as well punish Marcia Bradley.”

  The next voice was a man's. Probably my principal's. Who pays attention to the principal and knows what he sounds like? I guess me, from now on. “Miss Bradley has two cracked ribs. Even given the level of medical care her father can pay for-”

  “Right,” the woman's voice interrupted, thick with sarcasm.

  I peeked into the office. Oh, oh, criminy. There were my mom and dad, sitting in chairs by the
wall. A tall, skinny, weathered old man in clothing wrinklier than his face stood on the other side of the office, arms folded. Between them, so stiff with fury that she looked like she might catch fire, was a woman the age of the redhead who had to be Cassie's sister. Her hair was purple, all the way down to the roots! At least it didn't stick up in spikes. The boring, brown-suited guy in the middle had to be our principal, and Cassie's sister had him backed up against the wooden front desk itself. The secretaries behind it were thoroughly minding their own business. Flaming row? What flaming row?

  A milder version of Cassie's sister's sneer touched my dad and the old guy's faces, and the redhead's, for that matter. And probably mine. Marcia was the Original's sidekick, and her dad probably was the Original. He was richer than Croesus and had access to superheroes with healing powers. It was amusing to hear the principal desperately talk around that fact.

  Still, this was a little close to getting personal, and Mom interrupted the conversation and the subject. “I don't see why we're even here, Principal Jagan. Brian and I have made it clear to Penny that this won't happen again, but that's for private, family reasons. From the school's perspective, she stopped an attack on one of your sporting events.” Yeah, Mom had no truck with football either. She dropped the words 'sporting events' with the contemptuous care of dry ice handled with tongs.

  The old guy wheezed, “My grandson's life is already miserable at home, and that's nothing compared to the humiliation he's facing at school. I've told him in any contest you get beat half the time, and half that time it's by a girl, but kids don't think that way. His friends won't stop giving him the business anytime soon. Leave him alone.” What a voice. Raspy, with a hint of gurgle. Tall, thin, related to hideous fish-faced Sharky… oh, criminy. Hagfish. That old guy had to be Hagfish. I'd met Leviathan, too, under less than friendly circumstances. They had a whole family of butt-ugly fish transformations, eewww.

  The purple haired woman stopped looming over the principal, and stood straight, instead, blazing anger turning into a witheringly cold stare. “And Cassie was in the middle of saving the day when the Akk kid butted in. They're fine with each other, so that's none of your business. Cassie was a hero, so that's none of your business. Case closed.”

  “Miss Pater was planning to attack the game herself. Kamachi got there first.”

  “So?!” The purple haired woman's arms flapped, and then she pointed a finger at my dad. “We all have stupid impulses. When you called him in to this stupid meeting, I bet Brainy Akk there considered blasting your whole faculty with his 'I'm a moron, aren't I?' ray-”

  Dad coughed into his fist, looking momentarily guilty.

  “But they didn't do it. It's called growing up. It's what teenagers are supposed to do!”

  A scratchy sound drew my attention. The redhead was sniggering, and whispered, “The poor guy should just surrender already. When Ruth gets this mad, you could hit her with a train and she'd claw you into submission.”

  Cassie scratched her hair, grinning awkwardly. “I'm glad to be off the hook, but I've never heard her sound like you, before.”

  The redhead reached over and ruffled her hand through Cassie's hair. Electricity crawled over her fingers, but if that hurt, she didn't show any sign. “You're the only family she'll admit to, Cassie. You have no idea how much she worries about you.”

  Suddenly, that hand left Cassie's hair and stuck out at me. I shook it awkwardly, even more awkwardly because the first touch zapped me with so much static electricity I heard the pop. Ow. Still, I tried to look tough, partly because the woman was saying, “I'm Rachel Fitzclaire, and you must be Penelope. I told Cassie not to pick a fight with an Akk, but I suppose it turned out okay.”

  Rachel had a strong grip, and sharp fingernails. Awfully sharp fingernails. Pointy and clawlike. The ends of tattooed silver lines peeked around the cuff of her blouse's sleeve, and if I looked close, Rachel wore an awful lot of makeup. It blended into her skin beautifully, and you wouldn't notice it unless you were looking, or the complicated silver patterns running up her neck and cheeks beneath that makeup.

  “You're Ra-” I squeaked before choking myself off. I was shaking hands with Rage, which meant Cassie's purple-haired sister was Ruin! Sure, I'd known Cassie's family probably had super powers, but… but… I guess I should have expected this moment.

  Despite her name, Rage's grin showed not the slightest resentment for my having sicced a stone giant, an army of children's book heroes, and worst of all Claudia on her the last time we'd met. She just kept shaking my hand.

  In the silence where I'd stopped talking, Ruin ranted, “-which we paid to replace. Personally. And you agreed that incident was over and forgotten. Might I add, that computer lab was a disgrace, and you should be grateful we upgraded it. If I'd known my baby sister was being taught on machines older than she is, I'd have given you a piece of my mind long ago!”

  One tiny little mystery got ticked off my life's list. When I got back from Jupiter, not only were the burned-out desktop towers in our computer lab gone, we had sleek, expensive, top-of-the-line laptops instead, the kind so nice they were chained to the table even in a peaceful school like ours.

  Rage's voice pulled my attention back. “You have good self-control for a thirteen-year-old, Penelope, but I need a better disguise if a child I've never met before can spot me.” The emphasis was slight, but I caught it, and I looked into Rage's knowing blue eyes. Oh, criminy, yes. Rage – Rachel – recognized me, knew that I was Bad Penny.

  This was a disaster. If Rachel knew, Ruth knew. Who else? Okay, she'd been so subtle that nobody else would have noticed, so she was going to keep this personal. Secret identities were so inviolate that heroes and villains alike protected them, literally to the grave.

  It had to be that time my mask came off in Chinatown. Hundreds of villains might know who I was, but only villains. I wasn't in danger of this getting back to my parents.

  Still, criminy. Criminy buckets. How many pillars of my world were going to get knocked down today?

  I reeled, back into a pair of waiting arms and a decidedly softer, more feminine figure than most girls my age and height had. Claire held me around the waist and asked, “Penny, what happened? Are you in trouble? I'm sorry I took so long to get here!”

  Her hug let go as I straightened up. “How are you even here at all?”

  Claire tossed her head arrogantly, sending her blonde hair into a rippling wave. “Mr. Wise is a very sweet guy, my best friend was in trouble, and I can be awfully persuasive when I want to be.”

  My mouth hung open. “You used your power on a teacher?”

  “No! Only a tiny bit. Mr. Wise really is nice. He made me do an extra page of word problems in class first, to prove how bad I wanted it. Forget about me, are you okay?”

  “She's fine. Cassie will be fine. I'm sure even Charlie will be fine, after Ruth gets done with your principal,” Rachel promised.

  Essential Claireness took over. Always eager to make new friends, she stepped past me, aiming her most beamingly eager expression and probably a little bit of super-cuteness at Rachel. “You're Cassie's family? You're not old enough to be her parents-”

  Claire's voice dropped to a whisper, and she lunged forward, grabbing both of Rachel's hands. “You're Rage and Ruin. I have to have your autograph!”

  Rachel started laughing. Cassie just went 'pfft' and then looked awkward, her nose scrunching up a little. “My parents aren't the nicest people in the world. I live with Ruth and Rachel instead.”

  Claire balled up her fists, shaking them with the glee of pure geek satisfaction. “I knew it. I knew it knew it knew it! Rage and Ruin are a couple! I don't see a ring. I guess you're not married yet?”

  Rachel laughed louder, making gulping noises as she forced it down enough to say, “You are so lucky Ruth is busy. I can hear her now. 'Hasn't anyone heard of a heterosexual life partner?'”

  It was Claire's turn to look stunned. “So, you live together, you're
raising a child together, you fight like you're practically one-”

  Laying my hand on Claire's shoulder, I squeezed hard and whispered into her ear, “This conversation is very inappropriately personal, isn't it? Rachel Fitzclaire is here as Cassie's guardian.”

  Cassie held up her hands, face blankly solemn. “I swear. Separate rooms. I've never even seen them kiss.”

  Rachel sighed, leaning back against the wall again. “I don't know what we'll do if one of us does fall in love with someone. Without Ruth to let me out of myself, I'd have snapped in a fit of homicidal anger years ago.”

  Claire gawked. “But… fits of homicidal anger are what you're known for.”

  “Yes, but Ruth makes sure that when I lose control, it's for fun and profit.”

  “This is still too personal, Claire,” I warned, putting an edge of frustration in my voice.

  The bell rang. The hall exploded in noise as kids rushed out of their classrooms, to their lockers or straight out the front doors. Wow. This had gone on the whole hour.

  Inside, the adults stopped talking and looked around. Mom stood, and said, “We have much to discuss when things are quieter, and after the community has had time to weigh in. For right now, I'd like to thank you for seeing reason, Principal Jagan.”

  “I'm not certain I had a great deal of choice,” he joked, looking at Ruth, but his tone was relaxed enough that it definitely was a joke.

  “Cassie? Kids?” Ruth called as she walked to the door. In that fluid, predator's gait I could definitely see the purple feline monster Ruin transformed into when committing crimes.

  “So, they're not in trouble?” Claire asked urgently, peeking over my and Cassie's shoulders.

  Mom answered, “Not in any way. Would you like a ride home, Penny, or are you staying for your club? None of this was your fault, so I don't mind coming back to get you.”