by C D Cain
“Fuck.” Gentry swung her legs off the bed but stopped suddenly when she heard something outside. She looked out of the window but couldn’t see much in the dead of night. It must’ve been close to eleven by this time. Slowly, she turned off the light above her bed. She grabbed her flashlight and walked to the doors of the bus. Again, she heard stirring outside of the bus. She tried to peer out of the windows closest to the doors. The streetlight gave little light for her to make out anything. Its lamp was overshadowed by the large trees that stood between it and her bus. It sounds big. She put her hand on the knob but didn’t pull the doors open. What if it’s a bear? Gripping the handle tighter, she mumbled, “Where the hell did I put that bear spray?”
Sam could’ve sworn Gentry’s light was on over her bed when she pulled up. But walking around the bus, she saw no signs that Gentry was awake. She must’ve gone to sleep. I knew I should’ve called. She stepped farther away from the bus to see better into the windows, although it didn’t help much. Briefly, she thought about walking back to her car and getting her phone. Just because I can’t sleep, is no reason to wake her up. Of course, Gentry was sleeping. She was back in her routine of things. After all, it wasn’t like Sam was an addition to her life in her bus. Feeling every bit of her stupidity for driving to Gentry’s bus in the middle of the night, she walked past its doors on her way back to her car. She stopped when she heard movement at them. She craned her neck to try to see into the bus. Hesitantly, she lightly tapped on the doors.
Was that a tap? Gentry’s eyes darted back and forth. Bears don’t tap, right?
Another tap, softer this time.
Gentry swallowed hard and then immediately became disappointed in herself for being afraid. Get it together, girl. You ain’t no wuss. Slowly, she opened the doors. The immediate sight of Sam standing at the door caused her to jump. She held back the scream of profanity buried deep in her chest as she tapped the flashlight against her leg.
“Did I scare you?” Sam asked quietly.
Gentry took in a breath to calm her nerves. “A little.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
Gentry looked over Sam’s shoulder in the direction of the deep, rhythmic beating of an owl’s hooting. The wind bristled the needles of the pine trees and blew in crisp air into the bus. Gentry pulled her flannel shirt closed over her T-shirt-covered chest.
Sam brushed the hair from her face and leaned against the folded bus doors. “I missed you.” Her voice was soft in its honesty. “I missed the sound of you breathing next to me.”
Gentry stepped down onto the first step.
“I know I shouldn’t come out here whenever I feel like it.”
Gentry stepped onto the last step. Yet, still spoke no words to Sam.
“I know I shouldn’t miss you.” Sam leaned in to shield herself from the wind. “I know I shouldn’t…”
Gentry interrupted her by putting her finger upon her lips. She lowered it to curl it over the collar of Sam’s shirt. Gently, she tugged it to encourage her to step up into the bus. She pulled her lips to hers and kissed her. Sam held the expectations of the pattern of their kiss. She let her tongue flow in the rhythm they had found in their many shared kisses. They had learned one another’s bodies and the responses their touches elicited. Or so Sam thought until this kiss. Gentry’s tongue swept across hers with a sense of searching. Not as feverish as in their first kisses, but still with the same sense of unknown. Sam followed Gentry’s movements. Gentry pressed her fingertips into the back of Sam’s neck to deepen their kiss. Sam moaned in her mouth. With the pressure of Gentry’s hips pressing into her, Sam fell backwards against the bus.
“So, how are those pregnancy hormones working out for you?” Sam asked when Gentry released her lips.
Gentry felt Sam’s labored breath against her lips. She reached down to take Sam’s hand. “Come inside and I’ll show you.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Sam laid with her head on Gentry’s chest and tried to control her breaths. Sex with Gentry had brought her to the most explosive climax…again. She rolled her shoulder when she felt the stinging of where Gentry’s nails had been.
“So,” Gentry said as she softly ran her fingers through Sam’s hair, “how was your day?”
Sam snorted a laugh. “It was good. How was your day?”
“Long. I missed you.”
Sam ran her fingertips over Gentry’s belly in small circular patterns. “Not me. Hardly thought of you at all.”
Gentry returned Sam’s laugh. “Oh, is that a fact?”
“Fact it is. So much so that I drove out here close to midnight because I wasn’t thinking of you at all.”
“I see that.” Gentry tucked Sam’s hair over her ear and traced her finger along it. “You didn’t have to, you know?”
Sam raised her head up to face Gentry. She braced her weight on her elbow and looked into Gentry’s eyes, their green a deeper shade of emerald instead. “Have to come out here?”
“No. Have to leave.”
“I did.” Sam laid back down on Gentry’s chest.
“I never asked you to.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“Did I ever make you feel like I wanted you to?”
Sam traced the lining of Gentry’s elevated belly button. “No.”
“Then…can I ask why you did?”
Sam took in a deep breath. She thought about her answer as she continued to trace circular patterns on Gentry’s belly. She thought about the baby growing inside and the changes that would soon take place. “I’m a lesbian, Gentry. In every sense of the word.”
Gentry followed Sam’s pattern with her fingertip along Sam’s back. “Okay. Kinda think I’ve got that part.”
Sam fought to look at Gentry but then decided it was probably easier for both of them if she kept their faces hidden. “But you don’t. For me, this is a life. For me, you and me living together is natural. It’s what couples do. To you, it’s not, because you’re straight. To you, we’re only friends.”
Gentry laid her hand flat on Sam’s back. “Sam, that’s not because you’re a woman. It’s because you’re a person. I thought you got that. I can’t be a couple with anyone. Not a woman and not a man. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”
“Couldn’t I be the judge of that?”
“Are you telling me you’re ready for a relationship? You’re over Rayne?”
Sam’s hand stopped.
“See. You can’t because you’re not. You’re still in love with her. You’re still healing your broken heart which is okay with me. I’m not asking you to give me anything. Nothing at all.”
Sam leaned back up on her elbow to face Gentry. “And that’s why I had to get my own place.”
Gentry gave her a puzzled look. “Meaning?”
“Maybe I want you to ask.”
Gentry gave her a smile of disappointment. Not one she felt toward Sam but one she felt for Sam. “Aw, honey.” She ran the tip of her finger down the middle of Sam’s spine and then back up. Not in a seductive way but in a caressing one. It was what she could give.
“It’s not your fault. You’ve been honest with me the whole time.” Sam returned to Gentry’s chest. “You told me not to fall in love. Not to envision the white picket fence with a family of three.” She bit the side of her cheek with the slip of how the baby had filtered into her thoughts when they drifted toward Gentry. “It’s why I had to get my own place. To get myself grounded. Have a space to go to if I did ever feel myself starting to fall.”
Sam’s head rose and then fell with the deep breath Gentry took. She listened to the pace of her heartbeat quicken.
“So, is this it? Are you telling me this is the last time we’ll have this?” Gentry paused, stared at the ceiling, and swallowed before speaking again. “Are you telling me goodbye? Is that w
hy you came out here?”
“No, not at all.”
Gentry’s eyes closed with the smile that spread across her lips. “Good,” she said with relief. “What are you saying then?”
“I’m saying nothing has changed between us. Having my own place keeps it from changing.”
“Friends then?” She felt the spreading smile of Sam against her chest.
“Friends.”
Gentry leaned her body to the side as she dipped down past the small of Sam’s back to trace along the edge of her buttock. Delicately, she squeezed. “The very best of friends.”
Chapter 15
Sam fumbled with her keys and hiking pack as she tried to find her ringing cellphone. It seemed to ring most when her hands were too full to easily answer. “Hello,” she said as she rested the phone against her shoulder.
“I’m so tired, Samantha. So very tired.” Her mother’s voice was flat, almost numb and void of any emotion other than sounding drained. “I can’t do it anymore. I just can’t.”
“Do what, Mom? What can’t you do?”
“I can’t stay with him this time. I can’t keep living like this.”
Sam threw her pack in the back of her new Xterra SUV. “What did he do this time?” she asked with exasperation.
“The same he always does. Except this time everyone knows. I lost it, Samantha. He pushed me to the point that I finally lost it. I’ll never be able to walk outside again. Nor go to the club. Everyone will know this time.”
“Mom, calm down and tell me what happened.” Sam picked the iced picnic basket up from the ground and put it in the back.
“I beat that car to hell and back that’s what I did.”
“What car?” Sam looked at her watch. This was taking forever. She was slowly running out of time to get Gentry to her doctor’s appointment.
“The car he bought for that bitch he’s fucking. The bastard actually bought her a new Mercedes. Stupid sons-of-bitches at his dealership delivered it to me instead of her. I actually thought he had done something special for me. I was actually happy when the delivery guys brought me a brand-new convertible Mercedes coupe. It had a big fucking red bow on it. When they asked me to sign for it, I saw her name on the paperwork and not mine. The sorry-no-good-for-nothing-can’t-keep-it-in-his-pants son-of-a-bitch. I wanted to kill him, Samantha. I still want to kill him.”
“No. Don’t talk like that. He doesn’t deserve for you to suffer like that.”
“You’re right.” She paused. “So I killed the car.”
“You did what?”
“I went into the gardener’s shed, grabbed a sledgehammer, and beat the hell out of it.” Her mom took in a breath. “And then, well, you know I’ve been taking that handgun class.”
“Ummmm, no. No, I did not know any such thing.”
“Well, I have, but that’s not the point. Anyway, I looked at that beat-up car and still wanted to kill him. So, I got my gun and emptied the clip into it. That’s when the neighbors came out. And then the police.”
“What?” Sam sat down hard in the back of her SUV.
“I was arrested, Samantha. Literally arrested in front of my house. Can you believe that? Me? Arrested. Of course, your father called the judge and had the charges swept under the rug. It’s amazing what strings you can pull when you save people’s lives in surgery. Your father thinks it’s all okay now. All taken care of. Everything back to normal. But I can’t. I don’t want this or him anymore.”
“Divorce him already, Mom.”
“I’m scared, Samantha. Is that so hard for you to understand? I don’t know where I’ll go. What I’ll do. You have no idea how that feels.”
“Don’t I? Where am I? What about the last several months of my life makes you think I don’t know how that feels? Were you oblivious to it every time I called you?”
Sam’s mother began to sob hard tears. “I’m a terrible mother. A terrible wife. I’ve never done anything right in my life.”
Sam pinched the bridge of her nose and immediately felt remorse for being callous with her mother. “Shhhh. Please stop crying. Next week, I have a long weekend off. I’ll fly home and help you get settled somewhere. Can you hold out that long?”
“You would do that for me?” Her tears turned into sniffles.
“Of course. Hang in there. I’ll be home soon.” Sam stood up, shut the latch door, and walked around to the driver’s side. “Oh, and Mom?”
“Yes.”
“Please don’t kill him.”
“I make no promises.”
Gentry pulled her hiking cargo pants snuggly across her belly bump to button them. Before too long, she was going to have to go on a shopping spree. She bent over to lace and tie her hiking boots at the ankle and felt pressure to take a breath. She stood back up and propped her foot up to tie her shoes. Yoga can only do so much when your belly is expanding. She rubbed her hand across it. She wasn’t looking forward to her OB appointment today. In fact, she hesitated when Sam asked to drive her. She very nearly said no, as she thought it may be best to take the bus into Bar Harbor. Then again, she really was missing Sam since she had been staying at her place in town. Gentry’s ears perked up to the sound of tires on shells and gravel. She blotted her cherry red lipstick, adjusted her headband, took one final look in the mirror, and grabbed her bag as she ran out of the bus doors excitedly to meet her.
“What in the heck is this?” Gentry stopped when she rounded the hood of the bus to see Sam’s new vehicle.
“Isn’t it cool?” Sam eagerly jumped out of the driver’s seat and ran to hug Gentry. “Damn, I missed you.” She kissed her a gentle hello.
“I guess you did.” Gentry squeezed Sam in another hug. “Right back at ya.” She peered around Sam’s shoulder. “So, what’s with the new ride?”
Sam burst into a large smile. “Do you love it? It’s an Xterra. I traded in my Mercedes for it. This baby is four-wheeled drive so the winter here won’t be a problem. Plus, we can take it anywhere. Look at these racks.” Sam stood up on the step bar. “We could put some kayaks up here or hell anything we can’t stow in the back, but there’s a ton of room back there.” She remembered the picnic and hiking stuff in the bag and decided not to ruin the surprise. She can show her the hatch area later. “And it’s a four-door so it’s easy to get in. Plus, it’ll be a lot easier to get a car seat in here. I’ve put one in the back of a two-door car before and it was hell. I can’t imagine doing it over and over. I suppose you get used to it but well…” she stretched her arms out wide, “now we don’t have to.” She saw the downward slope of Gentry’s eyes as her face lost her smile. Idiot. Sam thought. Gentry doesn’t talk about the baby or the plans for it. She felt stupid for saying that about the car seat. She dropped her arms followed by her head. “I’m sorry. That was stupid of me to say.”
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not but thanks. Can we try to pretend I didn’t just ruin our time together?”
Gentry smiled as she stepped toward Sam. She placed her hands on the side of her face and leaned in to kiss her. A tender, sweet kiss. “You didn’t ruin anything. I’m happy to see you. If we weren’t running late, I would take you inside and show you just how much.”
Sam felt like a high school girl. So much so that she had to force herself not to shuffle her foot across the dirt. Gentry made her feel like she was someone else, somewhere else. “Just my luck.”
Gentry cocked her head to the side. “Maybe when you bring me back?” She playfully waggled her eyebrows.
“You got it.” Sam’s smile was broad and toothy. She realized how much she needed to see Gentry after her phone call with her mother. “I’m sorry I’m running late. My mom called. I’ll tell you about it on the drive but we better get going,” she added quickly.
“I love the color.” Gentry looked over her shoulder toward the big blue
bus. “Looks somewhat familiar.”
Sam smiled sheepishly. “Well, for some reason, it seemed like the perfect color of blue.”
“Totally.”
“Hi, Dr. LeJeune. I didn’t know you were coming in today,” the girl said from behind the glass of the check-in desk. She ran her fingers through her hair to straighten it.
Sam smiled. “I’m here with a friend.” She wrote Gentry’s name down on the clipboard. “Will you let Dr. Waggoner know we’re here? We’ll need some new patient paperwork to fill out.”
The girl stood up, looked around Sam to the waiting room, and grabbed a clipboard. “Sure thing. Here you go.”
“Are you completely oblivious?” Gentry asked as Sam sat down and handed her the clipboard.
“To what?” Sam asked honestly.
Gentry laughed. “Oh yeah, you completely are. That’s so cute.”
Sam shrugged. “What’s cute?”
“You just ruined that girl’s day. She was very excited to see you and now look at her. Poor thing.”
Sam looked over at the window to see the girl watching them. She looked away quickly when she realized she had been caught staring. What was her name again? Sam tried to remember but failed. She had only recently started at the clinic and the names were taking a while to remember.