“Oh relax, Ben. One sip won’t kill me. Besides, the band’s about to start. I didn’t want to lose my place trying to get a drink.”
“Yeah, but—”
A shrill scream breaks through the night and is followed by a roar. The crowd surges forward, carrying us with it. I wrap Olivia in my arms to protect her from the sharp elbows and burly guys who’ve had way too much to drink. My arms and back get pummeled, but the crowd flows around us. We lose Jack and Sofie somewhere in the melee. By the time the riot is calmed by the patrolling cops, the headliner is halfway through the first set.
I don’t know how it happens, but Olivia stays in my arms the whole time. I’d forgotten what it was like to be with a girl, not just a random girl who ends up in my barracks because I managed to sneak them back from the bar. But a girl I know, a girl I’ve grown up with and care about. She feels so damn good in my arms I don’t ever want to let her go.
Her body is plastered to my front and she hasn’t let go of my hands the entire time. A part of me knows that I should just walk away, should try to find the others and put some much-needed space between us, but I can’t.
I don’t want to.
When the last note of the final song rings out she turns in my arms and looks up at me. I’m frozen to the spot, my hands resting on her hips, people pushing past where we’re frozen in the crowd. Finally someone knocks into us and I wrap a protective arm around her shoulder and usher her out of the way.
We wind up at the base of the Ferris wheel, hidden in the shadows of two looming carnival games. The crowd spills on either side. Bright lights dance in the distance. For the first time in my life, I don’t have a goddamned thing to say. Sensing my hesitation, she raises her hands to my shoulders, her fingers slide up my neck and she pulls my head down to hers.
I crowd her against the particle board siding of the stand, unable to keep from touching her. She tastes like beer and the sugar from the funnel cake she’d snagged. I lick it up, tracing her lips with my tongue. She nips my bottom lip and I can’t help but grin against her mouth.
She arches her neck and I taste the skin at the curve of her shoulders. Her fingers flex against my chest and she trembles against me. Or maybe it’s me. I feel like I’m a fucking virgin with her in my arms. I nip a line up her throat and my hand moves of its own accord to the exposed line of her stomach. Her skin is satin-soft and I feel her hum as my hand moves upwards. Hopefully she can’t feel them shake.
She urges me closer and I use my free hand to hitch her up against the wall as my lips find hers again. We groan in unison as her legs wrap around my waist. I can feel her heat through our clothes. I’ve never been so hard in my life.
My hand inches up the bared expanse of her skin. I trace the line of her bra with a finger and she does a full body shiver. “Touch me,” she says.
The sound of her throaty voice breaks through the haze of my arousal. Even though it hurts, literally hurts, I manage to put some distance between us.
She looks up at me, her lips puffy and red. “What’s wrong?”
“We should—we should head back.”
I take a step backwards, trying to regain control over myself.
What the fuck was I thinking?
Livvie grabs my arm. “No, not until you tell me what’s wrong.”
“You’re not that girl, Livvie. I’m not about to fuck you against the wall.” She blanches and I feel like an asshole. “I’m leaving again soon and you’re better than that.”
Her face falls, but she covers it up with a fake smile. “Right. I’m going to go…find Sofie.”
I watch her walk away, cursing myself for making that move…and for not following through on it.
Maybe this is my second chance. As I watch them leave, I vow not to make the same mistake twice.
Later that afternoon, unable to stomach my parents’ house for another second, I head to Jack’s gym, almost hoping that he’s there. We hadn’t talked much since I got back, he’s probably pissed at me for sleeping with his sister. If I were him, I’d want to kill me, too.
Unfortunately, he’s not there when I shoulder my way through the front door. I pay for a day pass and a locker rental, hoping to pound out my frustration on the mats. The locker rooms are empty as I change into my gym clothes and turn off my hearing aide. It does come in handy when I want to check out of the world. The loss of sound helps center me…it isn’t always like that, though. Sometimes the silence can be deafening.
The doctors had advised against too much strenuous activity. But fuck ‘em. I needed this.
A couple of guys were sparring on the mats. I joined them to wait my turn. When it came, I was paired up with a big motherfucker. I bared my teeth at him as we started our round. He managed to work in a couple of powerful hits that jarred my ribs, but he stayed away from my face. I return with a right hook to his chin that pisses him off. It makes me smile and the weight in my stomach lessens.
Then he manages to land a glancing blow off of my ear and everything goes white. When I come to, I’m on the floor, looking up at the dirty ass ceiling and Jack’s ugly face is hovering above me.
He’s talking, but I can’t hear him over the ringing in my ear and the pounding behind my eyes is only making it worse. I wave a hand at him and manage to get back up to my knees. Blood drips from my ear onto the mat and my fingers come away smeared with it. Fucking great.
I get to my feet easy enough, growling at anyone that comes to try and help. Jack watches with narrowed eyes, his thunderous expression tells me that the time has come for us to have it out.
I stumble from the ring and head to the showers. Deciding that I’m not ready to talk after all, I do what I have become expertly good at over the last six months, avoid someone who used to be close to me. Close like a brother. He can fucking follow me if he wants to have this conversation.
He looks at me as he talks and his expression says he would love nothing more than to beat my ass. I nearly smile at him because I could use a good dust up.
It’s several hours later, that evening, when I answer the door with the twins screaming at the T.V. in the background. When I find Jack on the other side my back straightens.
My mom touches my shoulder to get my attention and I turn to see her at my elbow. “Jack!” she exclaims. “I haven’t seen you in forever. Why don’t you come in? I just made some tea.”
Jack smiles at her. “Thanks, Mrs. Hart, but I don’t have time to visit. I just needed to talk to Ben here for a minute.”
“You tell that sister of yours she needs to come see me one of these days.”
Like hell.
“Yes, ma’am.”
I join Jack outside in case he does decide to kick my ass. I bet Livvie spilled that we slept together out of pure spite. I turn to tell him that I don’t give a shit what he thinks, that we’re not together, but he beats me to the punch.
“You about done avoiding me? I’m starting to feel like some needy chick around you.”
I turn my attention out over the backyard and shrug. “Just had a lot of shit going on.”
He makes some clicking noise with his mouth before saying, “Right. What was that shit this afternoon? Even I know you shouldn’t be in the ring yet. What are you trying to do? Get yourself killed?”
I chuckle, though on the inside, the walls are starting to close in. “I already have an all-up-in-my-business- mother inside for this shit, Jack. Is there some reason you’re here?”
“Fine. I’ll cut to the chase. For the record, Liv doesn’t want me telling you a damn thing about this, but I’m sick of watching her try to do it on her own. I’ve given you time since you got back from Afghanistan and you’ve been fuckin’ dragging your feet.”
“Telling me what?”
He runs his hands through his hair and groans. “I know you think that Livvie slept with someone while you were deployed, but she didn’t. Not that it would matter if she did, because she didn’t promise you anything. Her baby is yours, man
. You’d have to be a fucking idiot to think she’d be sleeping around.”
My mouth opens and closes, my brain tripping over itself. “Why didn’t she just tell me?”
Jack turns toward me, and with the look of rage he’s throwing my way, I’m positive he’s going to take a swing at me this time. “Because, you jackass, you come home and shit all over her, and then you’ve blown her off ever since.” He breathes a heavy sigh and steps closer to me. “I know shit’s been rough for you lately. I wanted to give you your space. But you’re not the only one battling demons. She barely survived Dad’s death or having a kid with a heart defect that almost killed him. She thought she could count on you. She held on to that shit. But she couldn’t. Why would she tell you?”
The air seizes in my chest. I remember the emails that I’d deleted in the hospital. The one that said she needed to talk to me. I remember her stunned expression the night I showed up on her doorstep. I remember the small bundle she held in her arms.
And then I remember all the other people I’d failed.
Disgust rolls in my gut. “I didn’t—”
Jack sneers. “No, I don’t want to hear it. The person who deserves your apology is my sister. Like I said, I know you went through some shit and I get that, but that doesn’t excuse you being a dick. Man up, Ben. Livvie will never admit it and she’ll probably never talk to me again for doing this, but she needs you. And if you can’t do that, she needs you to at least not be such a douche about it. I’m tired of seeing the two people I love the most in fucking shambles.”
And with that, he walks away from me and heads back into the house, leaving my world turned on its axis. I’m overcome with every emotion at once: anger, elation, shock. Olivia and I made a life, and I didn’t even know about it.
I’ve been stateside for six months now, without a clue that I have a son. I’d done my best to hide away from everyone in the months that I’d been back, only seeing my dad and family at the shop since I got back. I’ve barely been able to manage to keep going every day. To push myself out of bed every morning. To fight through the headaches, the nightmares, the struggles with my hearing loss. What could I possibly have to offer the life of another person? That of an infant, no less.
Olivia’s pained expression the night at her house plays in my head. I could throttle her for not telling me. She’d failed me. But, if I’m being honest, I’d failed her too. The list of people I’ve failed only seems to continue to grow.
Olivia
Chad Trenton sure is nice to look at. Short blonde hair, endless blue eyes. He has the southern boy charm shtick down to a work of art. We hadn’t been at the McCormick Lake potluck two minutes and we were already catching the attention of the people gathered on the beach.
He comes from a good family, doesn’t have any plans of running off to kill himself, and he sure seems to enjoy my company. The no-strings simplicity of our dates is what drew me to him. His parents own most of the farming land in Nassau, so he won’t be leaving the area any time soon. I’m comfortable with him. Even my son enjoys his presence. Then again, at seven months, Cole does little more than eat, play, and sleep. Even now, he’s tucked away at Melissa’s spare room next door, oblivious to the goings-on.
“Just remember I have to be out by eleven,” I tell Chad.
A flash of irritation crosses his face, but he replaces it with a sugar-sweet smile. “Of course, sweetheart.”
The night is cool, and I stop when we reach the beach to toe off my sandals. I hold them in one hand as we’re absorbed by the crowd. As it is with near everyone in the surrounding areas, I’ve known Chad for years. He and Jack went to school together, though I didn’t get to know him in truth until a few months ago. He is easygoing and handsome. I don’t want or need to be blown away by lust or fall madly in love. A simple relationship of comfort is all I could handle, especially with Cole now in the picture.
Thankfully, Chad seems to understand that so far.
Music is pulsing from one of the cars someone parked on the grassy knoll which borders the beach to the lake. A smooth, male voice drifts from it as I relax into one of the white plastic lawn chairs and listen to the chatter around me. Chad leaves soon after I’m settled to flit around the crowd, social butterfly that he is. He has a boundless supply of energy and has never seemed content just to sit and watch with me. No, the moment we get wherever we’re going, he’s off to engage someone in a game of beer pong or daring someone to strip and jump in the lake.
I set the baby monitor I’d brought from home on the table next to me so I can hear any stir from Cole. Through it, his soft murmurs comfort me. It was a good idea after all to let Chad drag me out here. I haven’t been out since before Cole was born, so it’s nice to just relax with people who can actually talk back to me. I’d forgotten what adult conversations were like. Especially if they’re not about work, hospital procedure, or babies.
A couple of the guys’ dates gather around with the girls I’d invited from work and we make idle chit-chat about their drunken antics. Though they’re younger and seem more interested in guzzling down beer after beer, I find myself laughing along with them as Chad convinces one of the new guys from the gym to jump naked off the docks into the frigid water.
At that moment, I feel the air change. It shifts over my skin, snapping and crackling until I shiver with awareness. My eyes flit over the bobbing heads of the other people and land on a shadowed figure by the car. George Straight croons about getting carried away, and my heart starts to beat faster. It’s as though it somehow recognizes that its other half has returned. I curse it for its flighty affections. When will it ever learn? I should have realized by now that hearts are fragile things. They break easily.
I don’t realize that I’ve stopped breathing—or that the figure is almost within touching distance—until Chad appears at my side, clapping an arm around my back and forcing air back into my lungs.
“Ben!” Chad’s breath fans over me in a noxious cloud of sour beer. “I didn’t know you had a place around here.”
Stupid. I should have known he’d be here.
“Good to see you man,” Chad continues, completely oblivious to the tense looks we’re sharing and the fact that most of us have known each other for decades.
Ben nods, his eyes elsewhere, though I have a feeling he’s catalogued everything about me in seconds. And damn if he doesn’t look downright edible cleaned up in a pair of jeans and a tight T-shirt. The baseball cap throws a shadow over his eyes and the firelight flickers over his beard.
I refuse to let my fingers tug down the hem of my shirt to make sure the infinitesimal white lines that mar my stomach aren’t visible. Doing so would only emphasize the new fullness of my breasts. As if on cue, I can feel them tighten and come to attention.
His face is all hard, uncompromising angles, almost too harsh to be attractive, but somehow it is. The light of the fire flickers in his crystal-blue eyes and it takes a moment for me to realize that he’s ceased his perusal of the goings-on and is now staring right at me.
“Good to see you, too,” Ben murmurs to Chad, his voice flowing over me like silk.
A shout distracts Chad from the conversation. “Let me get you a beer, okay? Sweetheart, you want something?”
I shake my head but am unable to tear my eyes away. Chad departs, ever oblivious, and howls welcome him back into the fold of partygoers. The girls sense the tension, as well, and leave under the guise of refreshing their own cups. I shift my weight from one foot to the other, suddenly feeling like we’re alone even though we’re surrounded by people. And I can recall quite vividly what transpired between us the last time we were alone. In this very spot.
The memory breaks the current flowing between us. I dig in my purse for the water I’d stashed there and take deep, refreshing gulps. I fold into the chair again, determined to ignore his presence and get back to my good time.
I hear the scrape of a chair being dragged along the sand, causing my heart to beat
ever faster in my chest. His spicy, clean scent surrounds me, and damn if it doesn’t throw me back to tasting the spot on his neck where it’s the strongest. I’m too far away from the fire to feel its warmth, but I do feel the heat emanating from the closeness of his body.
My words bubble up in my throat. “If you’re here to rub the fact that you bought Dad’s house in my face you can kiss my ass.”
He sighs. “That’s not why I’m here, Olivia.”
I concentrate on my water bottle, not yet feeling strong enough to look in his direction. “Then why are you here? You made it damn clear that night that you didn’t want anything to do with me. Nassau may be a small town, but it’s easy enough to stay out of each other’s way.”
“I don’t think that’s going to be possible. Do you?”
I glance over at him. “You’ve managed to do it for the last year and a half. I don’t see why anything has to change now.” The arm of my chair jerks in his direction and I squawk in outrage. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Let me put this into plain words so that there aren’t any further misunderstandings.” He moves closer to me, his lips so close, I ache to feel them on mine, despite how furious he makes me. “I was an asshole to you that night and I’m sorry. I didn’t buy your dad’s house to piss you off, even though we both know I love it when you get pissed off. I bought it because I know how much it means to you.”
My breath catches in my throat. “You did what?” My purse starts buzzing and I drag my gaze away from his to dive in it for my phone, noting Melissa’s name across the screen. “I-I appreciate the apology. Don’t take this the wrong way, but Melissa—she was Dad’s girlfriend—is watching Cole and she just sent me an SOS. We do actually need to talk. Soon. But, right now I have to go.”
I can feel his gaze on me as I pack up my bag and shoot off a text to Chad letting him know where I’m going to be.
“Tomorrow,” he says.
First to Fight Box Set: Books 1-5 Page 25