by Jillian Hart
“Are you sure?” Furrows dug into his forehead, and his gaze searched hers again, but she had to stay closed to him.
She didn’t know what to say. Her tongue tied, her thoughts tangled up in knots, making her brain completely useless. She climbed from the sleigh with all the composure she could muster. She gripped her bag tightly. She was an adult, no longer a schoolgirl, and reality could not be wished away. Within days, surely by the end of the week, she would be on a train with her father. She set her chin and walked away.
No matter how many steps she took or how hard she tried, distance did not separate them.
Chapter Fifteen
“What were you doing in Lorenzo’s sleigh?” Earlee whispered, clutching Ruby’s hand and drawing her up the walkway. “Tell me. Is there something I don’t know? What’s going on? Is he your beau?”
“No. He can never be that. He came upon me walking on the road. Earlee, I’m begging you. Please don’t say anything.” Disgrace washed over her. What would Earlee think, knowing how Kate and Scarlet felt about the man? The treasured memory of his kiss burdened her. She hiked her bag higher on her shoulder and blanched at the weight of her guilt.
“But why were you walking in the first place? It’s a long way from the Davis ranch to town.”
“Solomon is ill.”
“Oh, that’s why you missed church and yesterday’s sewing circle. We worried.” Earlee glanced over her shoulder, probably watching Lorenzo tethering Poncho at the hitching post. “Will Solomon be all right?”
“He’s improving.” Not fast enough. Her worries pulled her down further. Best not to dwell on what she could not change. “I’m only staying tonight for part of the practice. I want to get home and check on him. I shouldn’t have come, except I wanted to see you all so badly.”
“I’m glad you did. You look as though you need a friend.” Earlee wrapped her in a hug. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Or me?” Kate bounded up, breathless and chapped pink from her cold ride from her family’s homestead. “I couldn’t help but overhear. We all knew it had to be something serious for you to miss both church and our meeting.”
“Your prayers would sure be a help.” She hugged Kate, too. What great friends she was blessed with. The Lord had dealt bountifully with her. She felt full up, no longer alone. “How have you all been?”
“Don’t change the subject.” Scarlet sauntered up with the rest of the girls, lovely and fashionable in a stunning, gray, tailored coat and hood. “How can you manage while Solomon is recovering?”
“I’ll have Shane bring you one of ours to borrow,” Meredith offered.
“No, I couldn’t, but your offer means a lot.” Ruby swept up the steps, miserable over her kiss with Lorenzo, yet so happy to see her friends. “I don’t mind walking.”
“If you change your mind, let me know.” Meredith held the door. “What are we going to do about Christmas? Will you still be here?”
“I don’t know.”
“Don’t worry, we will just have our Christmas early, if we have to. We can’t celebrate without you, Ruby.” Scarlet leaned in to give her a hug.
She didn’t deserve such good friends. Miserable, she tumbled into the vestibule and unbuttoned her coat. Her friends talked, offering their ideas on where to meet for their Christmas party. She was too wretched to utter a single word. They were so good to her. They had no notion what she’d done. How she’d betrayed them. Even if she couldn’t help it.
Lila joined the gathering, handed over a wrapped bundle—the mended dress from the church barrel—and added her opinion. Laughter surrounded her as coats were hung or laid on tables, scarves removed and mittens peeled off. For the first time since she’d met them, she didn’t feel a part of them. She felt like an outsider. That was her fault, too.
“It is going to be all right.” Earlee slipped her hand in hers. “You just have to believe everything will work out. Poor Solomon.”
The air changed as someone opened the door and held it. She didn’t have to look to know Lorenzo was nearby. He strode into sight on the steps outside, dusted with white, talking over his shoulder with some of his friends. Beside her, Scarlet gave a dreamy sigh and stumbled into the sanctuary, leading the way. Kate gazed longingly as Lorenzo, charged into the vestibule and chuckled at something James Biddle said. When he glanced up, she felt the pull from where she stood.
She let Earlee tug her away. Squeak, went her left shoe. Creak, went her right. She debated changing into her new ones but decided not to.
This is who she was.
“Do you suppose I could get Lorenzo for Christmas?” Scarlet whispered as they trounced down the aisle. “All wrapped up in a pretty red bow under the tree with a bright shining engagement ring?”
“No, he won’t be under your tree, I’m sorry,” Kate sympathized. “Because he’s going to be under mine.”
“What are we going to do about you two?” Lila asked as she scooped up a songbook. “If he walked up to us right now and asked one of you to go to his family’s ball, what would you do?”
“As much as I want him, I would tell him to ask Kate.” Scarlet’s chin went up, her mirth fading.
“I would ask him to take you.” Kate slung her arm through Scarlet’s, and they leaned together, lifelong friends. “Nothing is more important than our friendship.”
“Likewise.”
“So neither one of you would go?” Lila asked, doling out books.
Ruby’s knees buckled as a book tumbled into her hand. Losing her balance, she seized the back of the bench, bumping her knee against the edge of the wooden seat. Pain cracked through her knee cap, but she hardly noticed it for the guilt blooming through her. It ached like a bleeding wound. She was not as good of a friend—as good of a person—as Kate and Scarlet were.
Not by a long shot.
“I guess that only leaves us right where we are. Dreaming of what cannot be.” Keeping her voice low, Scarlet glanced over her shoulder, pure wish telegraphing across her face as Lorenzo shouldered out of the vestibule, flanked by Luken and James.
“He is a very nice dream,” Kate agreed. “Hey, I saw that, Lila. Not every girl can wind up with an amazing Range Rider for a husband.”
“True, I’m very blessed. I’m sure God has great loves in store for the rest of you.” Lila squinted in her direction. “Ruby, are you all right?”
“Fine. I just banged my knee.” Tearing her gaze away before Lorenzo caught her staring, she limped forward on her squeaky shoes.
“First your wrist, then Solomon, now your knee. You must need a hug.” Lila wrapped her arms around Ruby. “C’mon, everyone.”
“I love you, Ruby,” Kate whispered as she joined the hug.
“I love you more,” Earlee huddled in.
“No, I’m the one who loves her most,” Scarlet sidled into the circle.
“No, it’s me,” Meredith argued, joining in.
“We’re so glad you’re one of us, Ruby.” Lila completed the circle, her loving friends.
Tears burned behind Ruby’s eyes, both of gratitude and despair. I will have to do better, she vowed. They accepted her just as she was, for all her foibles and faults, and she loved them all dearly. There was nothing she wouldn’t do for them, nothing she would not give.
So why had she let her heart carry her away?
Lorenzo took a songbook from the pile, and she felt his gaze on her face, felt his love.
A love she could not have. Determined to be a good friend, a better person, she did not look at him again.
“Sleep in heavenly peace.” The last refrain of the beloved carol rang in three-part harmony and faded into silence. The arched ceiling of the sanctuary seemed to hold the memory of the notes as Reverend Hadly smiled. “Wonderful. Just wonderful. I think we are nearly ready for the public. You all take a break. Good work.”
Finally. Ruby closed the book, ran her fingertip across the frayed spine and handed it over to Kate. Do not look over at Lorenzo,
she reminded herself as she exchanged smiles with her friend. It hadn’t been easy, but she’d successfully kept her gaze from inching over in search of him.
“Poor Solomon.” Kate squeezed her hand. “If he is too weak to bring you next time, I will take the other way into town and pick you up. No arguments.”
“Can we talk you into staying for a cup of tea in town with us?” Scarlet took her other hand. “We’re not ready to let you go.”
“Oh, I wish I could.” She hated turning down the chance to spend just a little more time with her friends, but she had another friend waiting for her. She wanted to spend time with him tonight, too.
“Hello, Dr. Hathaway.” Meredith plucked the songbook out of Kate’s hands and added it neatly to the stack. Trouble danced in her expression as she waved the handsome medical man over. “I’m so glad you’ve joined the group. Do you have much caroling experience?”
“None, but I’m an optimist. Off tune, but an optimist.” He shouldered over, cutting politely but firmly through the departing crowd of singers. His good-natured gaze found hers. “Ruby, how is your wrist?”
“Better. It hardly hurts.” Self-conscious, she tucked her left hand into her skirt pocket. In the background, Lorenzo stopped, took notice and kept on going. It was for the best, although it didn’t feel that way. “Do you enjoy singing?”
“I do, but I’m not sure anyone enjoys hearing me. Reverend Hadly hasn’t asked me to leave yet.” Walt Hathaway was innately likeable. Why couldn’t she feel something for him? Why did it have to be for Lorenzo?
“The reverend hasn’t asked me to leave yet, either.” Earlee’s contagious smile made everyone grin. “So there’s a good chance you are completely safe. No one sings as badly as me.”
“I caught you mouthing the words instead of actually singing.” Lila rolled her eyes.
“That’s how bad I am.” Earlee laughed.
“Nice seeing you, ladies. Ruby.” The doctor nodded, cast one last look in her direction. Embarrassed by the attention, she bowed her head.
“Ruby,” Meredith whispered as the doctor disappeared down the aisle. “He really likes you. I think he’s your secret admirer.”
“I do, too.” Kate’s agreement rang like a merry bell. “Let’s go get our coats.”
“And let’s see what he left for Ruby this time,” Scarlet finished. “This is so exciting.”
“Like a real-life love story,” Earlee agreed as she led the way to the vestibule.
Every step she took felt like one of dread. Her shoes were heavy, her knees like stone. Her lips remembered the poignant brand of Lorenzo’s kiss, the sweetest thing she’d ever known. The stubborn love in her heart refused to budge. What was she going to do about that?
“Ooh, Ruby’s coat looks awfully bulky.” Meredith’s delight echoed off the close walls of the vestibule. “Her secret admirer struck again.”
“Fitting, since it is the Christmas season,” Earlee agreed. “Ruby, I’m dying. Hurry. I want to see what he left you.”
“Me, too.” Scarlet crowded close.
“Me, three.” Kate sidled in.
Her hands trembled as she pulled back the placket of her coat, revealing another wrapped package. She tugged it out of her pocket. A beautiful, white, silk ribbon bound the paper. A simple pull of the bow made the ribbon fall away. As she folded the paper aside, a soul-rending crack tore through her.
“Oh,” Meredith breathed.
“Beautiful,” Earlee whispered in amazement.
“The best quality I’ve ever seen,” Scarlet added.
“The yarn is perfect. It’s the color of your eyes, Ruby,” Kate noted.
The skeins of soft wool looked too fine to touch. On top of the fluffy skeins sat a pair of needles carved in a rosebud pattern. She’d never seen such wood, gleaming a rich red-brown that shimmered with a rare luster.
“I sold them in the dress shop,” Lila smiled. “My boss, Cora, carries only the very best in her store.”
“You know who sent them for sure?” Earlee asked.
“I’m not telling.” Lila squeezed Ruby’s shoulder. “But I will say, these are gifts of love.”
Ruby closed her eyes as the cracking within her broke deeper. How could Lila not condemn her? She ran a finger over the end of one knitting needle, so smooth and lovely it brought tears to her eyes.
“Are you sure you can’t join us?” Kate asked as she opened the door and waltzed out into the snow. “One cup of tea, that’s all.”
“I need to get going. I have to stop by the depot on my way home and pick up a telegram. Roop promised he would send one today.” She took care not to slide on the icy steps. “He left on the morning train hoping to find a job in Butte.”
“At the mine?” Earlee looked worried.
“He wouldn’t say, but I’m afraid so. It’s dangerous work.” She tried not to think of it. Shafts caved in, rocks fell from overhead, gases rose up through cracks deep in the ground killing workers. Her stomach went cold. “I will see you all next time?”
“Absolutely,” rang a chorus of assurances. After hugs and farewells and laughter, she watched her group of friends trudge along the beaten path toward Main Street, where the rest of the singers had gone. All but one, she noticed, as Poncho blew out a loud breath on the far side of the church. The horse was not alone. A man’s silhouette broke away from the shadows pacing toward her, shoulders dependable and straight, powerful enough to carry any burden.
“Let me drive you home.” Lorenzo’s caring tone rang low. The wind brought his voice to her. “Poncho insists.”
“I hate disappointing Poncho, but I have to this time.” You can do this, Ruby. You can be strong. You can say no this time. She lifted her chin, unwavering, buoyed by the guilt and shame tormenting her. “I prefer to walk.”
“Then I will walk with you.” He closed the distance between them and held out his hand palm up in a silent offer.
One she could not accept. “No, you should go join your friends at the diner.”
“Why?” Only Lorenzo, so wonderful, so perfect, could be as infinitely caring. His hand didn’t waver, patiently waiting for her to accept him. “You aren’t upset that I kissed you, because I saw you smile afterward. You did smile.”
“Did I?” She’d been too dazed to realize it at the time, to overwhelmed to remember it now. “I shouldn’t have.”
“Your moving away only means we should spend more time together before you go, while we can. Unless you don’t intend to answer my letters.”
His letters? She squeezed her eyes shut, wincing at the pain burrowing deep. Lord, what should I do about him wanting to write and visit, about the connection I cannot break? That connection lived in her like hope and fairy-tale dreams that nothing, not even her will, could diminish.
She had to do the right thing. Resolve twisted through her, stronger than any blizzard, more powerful than any avalanche. But how? How could she reject him? How could she say the words? “I’m trying not to think that far ahead.”
“I don’t blame you. It has to be painful. I see how close you are to your friends.” His hand remained outstretched, steadfastly waiting. Nothing in the world looked more inviting. She knew how safe it would feel to lay her palm against his. To feel his fingers close over hers protectively, devotedly. “It is painful for me, too.”
Her fingers crept of their own accord. Oh, she was so weak. Just one more time, she let her palm rest on his. His fingers engulfing hers felt like the most wondrous thing on earth. Caring telegraphed through his touch, through layers of leather and wool. “There can be no more kisses, Lorenzo.”
“Why? I know you liked it.” His forehead furrowed. “I’m embarrassing you. You’re blushing.”
Her face blazed warm enough to melt the snow catching on her lashes. Bashful, she dipped her chin, taking one step backward and lifted her hand from his. “It was perfection. Good night.”
The dark and the storm separating them was as great as the chasm dividing
them. She had duty and loyalties. He had a family ranch to run and all the choices in the world. That was the simple reality. She had to be levelheaded. Her duty and loyalty aside, only in story-books could a penniless girl find happily-ever-after with a wealthy prince. As she headed into the brunt of the storm, snowflakes hit her cheeks like tears.
Trudging into the yard, she noticed how the shanty’s windows were dark and lonely. Yet home never looked so good, iced with a fresh mantle of snow and the curtains she’d made hanging behind the paned glass. The happy memories that lived in that house warmed her as she turned toward the barn. Lantern light faintly crept beneath the door, guiding her through the storm.
“Ruby, is that you?” Pa called from Solomon’s stall.
“It’s me.” She closed the door tight behind her to keep in the warmth.
“What are you doing home so soon?” Hay rustled, and Pa leaned over the rail. “I told you to stay and enjoy time with your friends.”
“I did, but I was worried about Solomon.” And worried about her father, but she didn’t say so. She pulled the telegram out of her coat pocket and handed it to him with snowy mittens. “Besides, I have to get in to work early tomorrow. The Davis’s ball is this week. It’s a busy time for the kitchen, with so much baking and cooking to do.”
“Your job is a blessing, one I don’t think you should forsake.” Pa held open the gate for her, waiting while she passed into the crisp, crinkling hay.
Solomon lay upright, his hooves tucked under his warm blanket. When he spotted her, his ears went up, his eyes brightened and a weak nicker rumbled in his throat. He rocked up on his knees and rose awkwardly.
“You are my good boy.” Such a relief to see him a little stronger. She set down her packages and placed her hands on either side of his long nose, treasuring the sweetness as he leaned his forehead against hers.
Lord, You are generous to spare him. Thank you. She let gratitude fill her heart along with her love for God, Who was good to them in endless ways. She listened to the rattle of paper as Pa unfolded the telegram.