It was the spot where they’d conceived their baby.
Digging her nails into her palms, she looked out to see the view of the moonlight on the water, the shadows of the trees over the sand. The same haunting view that regularly featured in her dreams.
Ahead, JT crouched down and began clearing away a buildup of leaves and twigs from something, so she crouched beside him for a better look.
Her heart leaped into her throat. It was a beautifully carved wooden cross. “You made this?” she asked.
“I had to do something,” he said, voice rough. He cleared the last bit of debris and sat back on his haunches. “I usually bring flowers when I come.” He looked around as if hoping some of the trees would magically sprout flowers he could use.
She reached over to touch the cross and realized there were words carved on the front. She looked closer and saw “Brianna Hartley, Beloved.”
Her eyes filled with tears and JT reached for her hand, squeezing tight.
“Thank you,” she whispered, searching his eyes. And she saw something there that rocked her to her core. Fourteen years ago she’d been so grief-stricken, so young that she simply hadn’t had the emotional capacity to understand JT’s grief.
She’d known he loved their unborn daughter, but stupidly, she’d seen something different between mother-love-having the physical connection to their baby-and JT’s father-love.
Yet she could see now, in the depths of his haunted green eyes, that he’d suffered a grief as powerful as her own, that Brianna had been as much his baby as hers, that the pain of losing her was his as well.
And while her family had been pushing her to move on, to pretend it hadn’t happened, JT had made this simple, beautiful memorial. The craftsmanship was exquisite-made from one piece of wood, carved and polished with love.
Even after the way she’d shut him out, he’d shown her this, shared it with her as a gift, his solace to her. Her vision blurred and she was helpless to stop hot tears spilling down her face.
Silently, gently, JT wiped her cheeks with his thumbs, whispering soothing sounds and words, which only made her cry more. His arms came around her, wrapping her in his safe embrace and she leaned into his strength, needing it now more than anything. His black jacket was rough beneath her grip, his scent familiar, his body warm.
After endless minutes, her tears eased, but she couldn’t let him go. The comfort of the only other person who understood her pain was something she couldn’t yet step away from. His hands made long, reassuring strokes down her back, his breath warm near her ear.
She looked up, seeking his gaze and whispered, “I wish-”
“I know,” he said, placing a finger over her lips to silence the futile yearnings, then pressed his lips to her cheek. The touch of his mouth was so soft that she leaned further into him, needing the human contact, his living touch. She turned her face and sought his lips, and his hands cupped her face as he kissed her tenderly, no more than butterfly kisses that made her ache inside.
As his mouth moved to her jaw, her throat, she wound her arms around his waist, surrendering herself to him, needing to block out all else.
Yet, as hard as she tried, she couldn’t block it out. It was too much-seeing JT again this morning, opening the memory box for the first time in years, the cross for Briana, being with JT in the same place they used to come as teenagers. Too much to all happen in half a day. She didn’t have anything left to give, any defenses remaining.
JT slowed the trail of kisses, then looked down at her. “Is something wrong?”
“We’ve been here before, JT,” she said, laying a staying hand on his chest. “This isn’t good for either of us-”
“Pia,” he said softly. “You’re overthinking. If you want to stop, we’ll stop. But all that’s happening here is two people who have gone through a harrowing experience together, reaching out to each other for what comfort they can find.” He placed an exquisite kiss on her lips. “Let me comfort you, princess.”
If he’d tried to convince her with sensuality, she could have resisted. But the tenderness in his voice almost brought tears to her eyes once more.
“Yes,” she whispered.
All she needed in this moment was to escape in his arms. Moonbeams danced around them as she let him lead her to a place with no memories. No pain.
Chapter Four
As JT laid her down on a makeshift rug of their coats, Pia opened her arms to welcome him, the keen edge of anticipation making even the air feel electric. It was as if she’d waited fourteen years for this moment. Why was it only JT who could inspire this level of want within her?
He pulled her against his strong form and pressed a hot, velvet kiss to her throat. The feeling was so decadent that she moaned as he laid more kisses down her throat to the edge of her collarbone.
She’d missed this.
Needing to feel the heat of his skin, she fumbled for the hem of his T-shirt and pushed it up. When her hands made contact, she squeezed her eyes shut to savor the feeling. Her fingertips chased over the planes of his chest, greedy to make up for every moment she’d existed without his skin touching hers. It’d been too long. Unbearably long. She’d had her reasons, but now they seemed to evaporate into nothingness and float away.
As he claimed her mouth again in deep, hungry kisses, she felt the coil of arousal at her core pull tight. Despite lying on the ground with nowhere to fall, her hands gripped his waist, holding on, trying to stay anchored under the sensual onslaught. His mouth broke away, and she used the moment to drag air into her lungs, his labored breaths fanning over her cheek.
His thumb stroked over her bottom lip and sent tingles clear to her toes. She looked into his eyes and his name reverberated through her mind-part of her not quite believing it was JT here after all these years, JT who’d just kissed her senseless. The leaves crinkled beneath their coats as she linked her wrists behind his neck and brought his heated mouth back to hers.
“Pia,” he groaned against her lips as he unbuttoned her jacket and blouse without breaking the kiss. The pads of his fingers fanned across the sides of her breasts, moving to tease the undersides, and she tried to hold back a whimper of pleasure, unsure of whether she’d succeeded or not.
She threaded her hands under the edge of his shirt, running them over his back. How could someone be the most familiar person in her life, yet at the same time be so unfamiliar? Even the shape of his back had changed-newer, stronger muscles spread from the ridges of his spine-and she was desperate to know everything about the differences.
He kissed his way to her breasts, then took a beaded peak into his mouth. A hand cupped her other breast, the rough pad of his thumb stroking, while his tongue softly circled, then lightly bit. As she struggled to cope with the exquisite torment, her hands stilled on his upper back. Their surroundings vanished, all that existed in the universe was JT-his mouth, his hands, his heat. Just when she thought she’d dissolve, he moved back up her body and kissed the sensitive spot behind her ear.
“You’re more beautiful now than you ever were,” he whispered, then his tongue touched the shell of her ear and she sank still deeper into the sensations he evoked. The words, combined with his warm rapid breath in her ear sent a delicious shiver across her body.
She pushed his shirt up to his shoulders, watching the color of his chest change as it was exposed to the night’s pearlescent light. Absorbing the vague scent of soap that emanated from his skin, she whispered a kiss across his chest, and smiled when he shuddered. He’d always reacted intensely to her caress-strange that he was so changed in some ways, yet her memories of how he liked to be touched seemed as fresh as ever.
Filled with the power of her recovered knowledge, she pushed the T-shirt higher and he grabbed the fabric behind his neck and tugged it over his head. She touched everywhere she could reach, the ridges of his abdomen, the swell of his biceps, the crisp hair smattered across his chest. The more of him she touched, the faster her blood pumped, and
she felt the answering beat of his heart thudding strongly under her hands.
She needed more, so much more. Desire smoldering in her belly, she reached into his jeans to find him straining and ready for her. The soft slide of him against her palm made her breath catch.
He groaned and pulled her hand back to slowly remove the rest of her clothes, peeling away fabric, kissing the skin he exposed as his fingers feathered across her belly, the satin of her thighs.
Instinctively his name slipped from her mouth as he covered her with his weight, and she was losing herself, melting into him. His mouth came down and kissed her with a consuming hunger and she pulled him closer against her. It wasn’t near enough. She wrapped her legs around his strong thighs, and his hand snaked between them and unerringly found the pulsing core of her, his other hand curled around her nape as his mouth sustained the kiss.
The moment after he entered her, his neck corded with tension and he held himself very still. A tear ran down her face-the beauty of finally being reunited with him was breathtaking, nothing could ever compare. JT leaned down and kissed the tear away, then began to move in a rhythm that she matched without thought.
His heavily lidded eyes were locked on hers as they climbed higher, his name on her lips, and higher still, the feel of him everywhere, and higher, before she broke free, released of earthly restraints, and felt him follow her, gripping her tight, calling her name.
She floated for an endless time, neither of them moving, as if not wanting to break the spell. Then, as she drifted back to earth and the hot pulse in her body slowly leveled, the outside world began to intrude. The leaf litter beneath their coats that rustled with every movement, the small stone digging into her arm, the light breeze on her naked leg.
And with the awareness of her surroundings also came awareness of what she’d done. Her stomach shrank to a cold, hard lump as the full folly of her actions came crashing down-she’d crossed a line. A professional and ethical line. But also a personal one…
She’d allowed herself to lapse from the person she’d worked so hard to become.
Although, perhaps it had been inevitable-a healing experience they’d both needed. And now they could move on. She released the breath she’d been holding, relieved to have understanding of what they’d done-she’d simply needed the closure and now she had it. She scrubbed a hand over her face.
JT stroked a finger down the side of her cheek. “Pia, I didn’t mean for that to happen. I did think earlier at your apartment that maybe…but I would never take advantage of you when you were vulnerable.”
“I know,” she whispered. “Maybe making love one final time was closure.”
His forehead furrowed as he considered. “You could have something there.”
“When things ended between us, it was…”
“Messy?” He arched one eyebrow in faint amusement.
“Messy,” she agreed. “Maybe this was inevitable, even if it was the result of getting carried away.”
He smiled his crooked smile, then his body tensed and his face blanched. “Oh God, I’m sorry, Pia. I didn’t use protection.”
Ice trickled through her veins. She hadn’t given it a thought either. Although she’d be safe from pregnancy thanks to a little daily pill, it had been crazy to do this with no other protection. As crazy as doing it at all had been.
“It’s-” she swallowed and offered a half smile “-it’s okay, I’m covered.”
He looked up at the stars, then back to her, disbelief clear in his eyes. “I’ve never forgotten before. Not once, I swear. You’ll be safe.”
“I’m clear as well-I’ve never been unprotected.” It seemed they only lost their minds with each other. The thought was somehow comforting-she wasn’t the only one who was this affected-but it meant she’d need to double her guard. This couldn’t happen again.
Three weeks later, Pia picked up her cobalt blue wide-brimmed hat and stepped out of the cab and into a gorgeous sunny day. Fundraising events targeting the rich and powerful weren’t normally particularly interesting but this one was different. Her bosses had sent her to this charity garden party at the Botanical Gardens so the firm could make an appearance, and anything the partners wanted while her promotion was in the air, the partners would have. They themselves usually attended the higher-profile fundraisers, so she’d been thrilled when they’d asked her to attend this one with the cream of the city’s elite. It meant they trusted her. That promotion was so close she could taste it.
A rogue thought caught her off guard and penetrated her defenses-what was JT doing today? Would he be working? Socializing with a date? Riding his bike? The rush of emotion through her bloodstream made her dizzy and she paused to rebalance. After they’d made love at their beach, they’d traveled back to her apartment in silence and the goodbyes had been awkward. From now on, he was merely a claimant to a will she was administering. Making love had been important for healing, for closure, she could see that, but it was over. All she had to do was hold her thoughts, dreams and fantasies in check and she’d be fine. She shook her head and smiled ruefully at herself, and at how optimistic that plan was. JT was a hard man to shove to the edges of her mind.
She stepped into the park, and smoothed down her dress in the matching blue to her hat and shoes, then took a breath. She was ready to be charming, to make a good impression.
The Botanical Gardens were huge and the annual garden party fundraiser for a wildlife refuge was always held in the rose garden section, so she headed that way along a paved path. A light breeze played with the edges of her dress and she held her hat until it passed. Up ahead she could make out women in bright, bold hats and men in suits standing in groups, laughing and chatting. She spied two women she knew from other city firms and headed for their group, accepting a class of iced tea from a passing waiter on her way.
Within two hours, she’d donated money via the charity auction and made contact with the clients her boss had told her to seek. Two hours was all the partners expected; besides, she was exhausted from the long hours she’d been putting in lately and still had more work to do this afternoon. Plus, the day had warmed-she was looking forward to getting home and taking off the closed-toe shoes.
Just as she was running an eye over the crowd, checking to see if there was anyone else she should talk to before leaving, she saw JT heading over, a slender blonde at his side. Her heart froze, then burst to life again as if trying to break free from her chest. They’d had no contact since he’d dropped her home the night they’d made love on the beach.
The only way she’d been able to cope with that crazy, explosive night was to try not to think about it. But with each step he took closer, the memories assaulted her-his kiss, the feel of him entering her, his tenderness. His companion was talking and JT nodded and replied, but Pia felt the intensity of his gaze in every cell of her body. By the time he reached her, her breath was coming a little too fast for someone standing still on a warm, sunny day, but she was helpless to glance away.
When they stopped in front of her, his blonde friend looked up, seemingly surprised to find someone there.
“Lovely day,” JT said, voice smooth and low.
She swallowed to moisten her throat before she could speak. “JT.” Thankfully, her voice sounded normal, even professional.
“This is Christina,” he said. “She works in my marketing department.” He turned to the woman beside him. “This is Nell.”
Pia blinked then realized he was being discreet, just as she’d asked. Either that or he was making fun of her. She held her hand out to the other woman. “Nice to meet you.”
Christina took Pia’s hand and shook it, giving her a warm smile. “Lovely to meet you too, Nell. By the way, your hat is hands down the best here. I have a largish collection but that one’s something altogether different in style. Where did you buy it?”
“I made it,” she admitted. From the corner of her eye, she saw JT’s gaze sharpen.
“Really?” Chris
tina asked, her eyes fixed above Pia’s crown. “It has such fabulous details on the brim. Are you a milliner?”
For a moment, Pia imagined her mother’s horrified expression if she’d overheard someone asking one of her daughters that question. The Baxter girls were not raised to make things. They were raised to earn exorbitant wages-or marry money-then pay others to make things for them.
“No,” she said, “a lawyer.”
“Do you ever sell your creations? Because I’d be first in line to buy one.”
Sell them? Pia almost laughed. Her job took practically every minute of her day, and once she made partner, it would only get busier. And this woman thought she’d have time to sit around and make hats for other people? That after a law degree from Yale and incalculable hours of overtime, she’d suddenly start spending her nights whipping up designs? A niggle of annoyance reared its head-solely to do with the conversation, not with the fact that this woman was on JT’s arm, of course.
“Sorry to disappoint,” she said with a polite smile, “I don’t have the time.”
Christina was undeterred. “Well, if you ever change your mind, please make sure I’m the first person you call because-”
“Nell,” JT interrupted, “there’s something I wanted to discuss. Do you have a moment to take a walk with me?”
Thankful for the interruption, she turned to him. The offer of escape from Christina’s well-intentioned enthusiasm was hard to bypass, but there was a danger in being alone with this man. Although, they wouldn’t be alone-they were at an event, being held in a large park filled with people, in the middle of the day. It was nothing like being alone at their special beach in the moonlight.
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