by Jewel E. Ann
“Fair.” Never. No way. The woman brought him to his knees with her pinky finger. Tire of her? Hell no.
They let Rags walk around the perimeter of the hotel before going up to the room for the night—a regular room with two double beds, a desk, and a chair and ottoman.
“How old are you?” Parker asked.
They ate their burgers and fries on their beds. Levi leaned against the headboard. Parker sat in the middle of her bed facing him, legs crisscrossed.
“Thirty-three.”
“But you’ve never been married.”
Levi wiped his mouth. “No.”
“Serious relationships?”
“A few.”
“How serious?” She tapped her lips with a French fry.
“Not longer than six months.”
“You ever propose?”
Levi laughed, shaking his head. “No. I’m not sure I’m cut out for marriage.” He sipped his drink, gauging her reaction.
“Why not?”
“For the same reason I’ve had three ‘serious’ relationships that never led to marriage. Eventually, I say something stupid and they leave.”
“The truth, isn’t it? You say the truth or you’re honest about something and they leave.”
He nods. “Too many questions for which they didn’t really want the honest answer.”
“Like, ‘Do these jeans make me look fat?’” Parker grinned.
“Like, ‘Do you see us getting married someday?’ Most guys could say ‘maybe’ even if they meant ‘no, just enjoying the sex for now.’ Me? Nope. My answers are much more blunt.” Even that was something he didn’t want to be honest about.
Levi wanted Parker in a way he’d never wanted anything in his life. There was a ninety-nine percent chance he’d fuck it up, but he still wanted to fight for that one-percent chance that she was the one for him—the woman who could forgive his honesty.
She shoved her trash in the bag and got Rags his food from the sack by Levi’s suitcase. “The truth sucks most of the time. That makes you a natural bearer of bad news.”
“Yep. Sucks ass.” He wadded up his trash and shot it at the trashcan.
Swish.
Parker grinned and he gave her his best cocky wink.
“Do you wish you could lie easier? Or do you hate liars? I hated cheaters.” Parker looked down as if she was ashamed of something. Lying? Hating cheaters?
“Sure, I wish lying was easier.” Levi laced his hands behind his head. “Sometimes the truth doesn’t serve any purpose other than hurting someone. Sometimes people lie to not hurt people then some lies are to cover your ass. And my ‘honest opinions’ are not always truths, just opinions. So … of course I don’t hate liars.”
“Do you hate cheaters?” Her brow creased.
“Do you want me to hate cheaters?” He gave her a half smile, trying to lighten the mood.
“I’m serious, Levi.”
“No. I don’t hate cheaters. I’m sure there’s a lot of gray area when it comes to relationships and why we do what we do to connect, love, and navigate this crazy life. Honestly, for many years I’ve questioned if humans were really wired for monogamy.”
Parker nodded slowly. “And now?”
“I still don’t know. My parents said I just haven’t found the right person yet. The game changer.” He averted his gaze so she wouldn’t see that the game changer was standing a few feet from him. An impossible probability based on nothing more than a feeling. Levi wasn’t sure if in that lifetime he’d ever be able to explain knowing something with such certainty in the timespan of a slow blink.
“I’m going to brush my teeth and change really quick so you can take your shower.”
He lifted his arm and sniffed his pit. “Do I smell?”
“What? No, I just—”
When she caught his shit-eating grin, her eyes narrowed into revenge. “Ha ha! Stupid boy,” she mumbled, disappearing around the corner.
Chapter Thirty-One
Nothing lasted.
Parker brushed her teeth, pulled her hair back, and washed her face. Who was the guy in the other room? And where had he been her whole life? The previous men in her life had messed with her head too much. She couldn’t think about Gus without being reminded that nothing lasted. Don’t get attached. When she thought about Caleb’s recent revelations, it made her feel like a clingy, needy, stupid, blind woman who loved too hard, planned too far ahead, and in general suffocated everyone around her.
Maybe Dr. Blair was as good as it got. Sex. No attachment. No expectations. No future. How would she have a family? She ran the washcloth under cold water and pressed it to her teary eyes. The last thing she wanted to do was spook Levi. He seemed to like her. Genuinely like her—something more than the sex they did or didn’t have.
The guy asked her to ‘be a person in his life.’ Weirdest request ever. Most flattering request ever. He liked her. She knew it, and she liked him too. A lot. It was the a lot part that worried her.
“Don’t mess this up, Parker,” she whispered to herself before opening the bathroom door. “It’s all yours—” She gulped at the sight of him sitting on the end of his bed, no shoes or socks, no shirt, jeans unbuttoned, hands folded between his legs.
“Great.” He stood.
After spending a few too many seconds staring at his unbuttoned jeans, her eyes darted to his.
Busted.
He brushed his knuckles along her cheek. “Feeling okay? You’re a little warm.”
Gulp.
“Um …”
“Did you check your vulva? Maybe you’re in heat.”
Parker coughed out a laugh. Levi’s pinky finger clasped her pinky finger. Her laughter faded as his touch held her captive. She looked down at their hands.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I just … can’t stop touching you. You’re so fucking beautiful.”
Her gaze worked its way up his body, pausing again at the exposed black waistband to his briefs then moving over each perfect cut of his abs. His beauty on the outside came close to what she’d come to know existed on the inside of Levi Paige.
“Levi…” Their eyes met and with one blink fat tears fell from her eyes, but deep down she knew they bled from her soul. “Where have you been?” She sucked in her quivering lower lip, searching for words that didn’t exist. Parker didn’t believe in fate. She barely believed in love anymore. But then … Levi.
He made all thoughts inconsequential. Gus was wrong. Something existed between a man and a woman that went deeper than desire, lasted longer than loyalty, and didn’t need to be nurtured like love. It simply existed. Levi was silence in the deafening noise of life. She couldn’t explain it. But she felt it. And it was the only thing in her unpredictable life that she knew.
His other fingers threaded with hers as she stripped her emotions, baring herself to him, one tear at a time.
“Looking for you,” he whispered, taking his free hand and pulling her into him—cheek to heart. It wasn’t sexual. It was simply beautiful.
Rags whined at the door. Levi squeezed her hand and kissed the top of her head.
“I need to—”
Parker released his hand and stepped back, wiping her face. “Go. Just come back. Take the elevator, not the stairs, and stay out of the alley if there is one.”
Levi grinned, fastening his pants then pulling on his shirt. “No stairs. No alley. Got it. Have you had a lot of people leave you and not come back?” He chuckled, tying his shoes.
She swallowed the boulder in her throat and fought like hell for a smile that hid the pain. “It happens.”
He opened the door, tightening his grip on the leash as Rags tried to take off down the hall. “Life?”
Parker nodded. “Yes, life. It’s on your back. It happens all the time.”
*
Rags had too much energy for eleven o’clock at night, so Levi ran him around the block a few times. By the time they got back to the room, Parker was asleep. He too
k a shower and brushed his teeth. Sitting on the edge of his bed, he watched her like a creeper. The one-percent chance of making it work with her weighed heavily on his mind, so did sex. But Parker was it. And he had no intention of ruining it.
They would have sober sex, and it would be mind-blowing. That would be the easy part. As much as he and every other guy in the world wanted sex to be enough—preferably everything—that reality didn’t exist. Women were fickle creatures with delicate needs, invisible boundaries, and often times unrealistic expectations. Maybe Parker was the exception, but he had no way of testing that without risking losing her.
He couldn’t lose her.
He shut off the light and pulled the covers up to his waist, knowing even the darkness wouldn’t shut off his mind. An hour later, Parker tiptoed to the bathroom. Levi partially closed his eyes when she came back, not wanting her to think she woke him. She started to get back in bed then stood again, facing his bed—just looking at him. Did she know he was awake?
A good minute or so later, she sat on the edge of her bed, drumming her fingers on her legs. Again, she stood, taking a step closer to his bed, pumping her fists a few times then shaking them out.
He opened his eyes, not knowing if the shard of light through the slight opening of the curtains was enough for her to see them. But then her gaze locked with his. She knew then that he was awake, but still, she said nothing.
His heart pumped harder and harder, echoing to his ears. Taking a chance, praying he didn’t breach that invisible line, he lifted the covers and scooted over a bit. Parker didn’t move. It felt like agonizing minutes passed when in reality it was only seconds before she slid into his bed. He swallowed in relief.
“I’m not asking you for sex,” Parker whispered.
He suppressed his grin as she nuzzled into his chest. The man who exhausted his bucket list before he turned thirty found a new experience—one that surpassed everything else. Levi hugged her to him, resting his cheek on top of her head while inhaling her. “I’m not offering it,” he whispered on a slow exhale.
She scissored her legs with his, her hip grazing his erection. “Um … are you sure?”
Levi didn’t budge, didn’t try to pull back and hide his attraction to her. “Ninety percent sure.”
He didn’t need to see her to know exactly what the smile, the one he knew she had on her face, looked like.
*
“Why does this feel more intimate than sex?” Parker mumbled into Levi’s bare chest, feeling content to never leave his arms.
“Good morning.” He kissed the top of her head. “Because we haven’t…” he cleared his throat to cover the lie “ …had sex, so you have no real comparison.”
Of course, she laughed because … Levi.
“I think it’s because with sex you’re trusting someone to make you feel good, but an embrace says you’re trusting someone to make you feel safe.”
“Safe from what?”
Parker traced the scar behind his tattoo. “From whatever: pain, embarrassment, anger, fear … life. Sex says, ‘I want you.’ An embrace says, ‘I’ve got you.’”
Levi didn’t respond.
“You don’t agree?” She leaned back, looking up at him.
His lips twisted to the side. “Does the embrace have to be reciprocated?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like a child hugging a favorite pillow, blanket, or stuffed animal. It’s not reciprocated, but it still makes them feel safe.”
“You’re making fun of me.”
Keeping his lips twisted, he shook his head, eyes alight with humor.
She rolled away and started to sit up. “I’m going to take a shower, maybe even listen to some music on my phone—maybe a ballad about an epic romance.”
He grabbed her hand before she could walk away. “A ballad?”
Parker narrowed her eyes. “Yes. A ballad that makes you feel like you’re the entire reason for another’s existence.”
Giving her a thoughtful look, he nodded and released her.
She guessed Levi didn’t like ballads or hugs. It wasn’t a deal breaker.
Parker showered to her favorite ballads, singing every lyric so everyone in the rooms around them could hear her. After drying her hair and applying a little makeup, she threw open the bathroom door.
“Shit!” She jumped.
Levi smirked around his toothbrush and mouthful of toothpaste foam, standing right outside the door. He squeezed past her to spit.
“How long have you been waiting to spit?”
He shut off the water and wiped his mouth. “Three songs ago. A Sia song, I think.”
“I like to sing.” She tipped her chin up.
“Really. Never would have guessed.” He slipped past her again and put Rags’s leash on him. “I’m taking him down to do his business. As soon as you’re packed up, we can hit the road.”
Parker couldn’t read his mood. It seemed fine, but after her spiel about the intimacy of hugging, and a karaoke performance in the shower, she questioned if maybe he was having doubts about her being a person in his life, especially since she’d taken sex off the table.
“Be right back.”
“Levi?”
“Yeah?”
Her face scrunched. “Buyer’s remorse is totally understandable. I really should come with a thirty-day return option. You had no way of knowing about my love of singing or my fondness for hugging. Don’t sweat it. I’m not clingy, which seems like a contradiction to the whole fondness of hugging, but we can just shake hands and call it a crazy adventure.”
Confusion washed down his face. “Who messed you up?”
“What?”
“Who made you feel like you should come with a thirty-day return option?”
She folded her dirty clothes and tucked them in her suitcase. “It recently was brought to my attention that the reason my boyfriend cheated on me with my sister years ago was because I was sort of more than he bargained for.” Parker glanced up, hoping for some tell to his expression. Nope. Just a poker face.
Levi crooked his finger at her. She dragged her feet over to him like an errant child.
“His loss. My gain.”
With a slight curl to her lips, she looked up.
“And for the record …” He leaned down next to her ear. “Today is my favorite day.” When he straightened his stance, pride danced along his curled lips.
“I thought yesterday was your favorite day?”
“It was. Yesterday.” Levi surrendered to the dog at the other end of the leash, who jerked him toward the elevators. Two seconds later, the door slammed shut.
Parker finished packing and called her mom.
“I was starting to wonder if you were dead,” Janey said without a hello.
“I texted you twice yesterday, even sent photos of New Mexico.”
“Yes, I saw them. Nice of you to think of me.”
“Mom …”
“Sorry, I’m just frustrated with your dad today. He sprayed some crap on the yard early this morning, claimed it was ‘natural,’ but he failed to shut his window downstairs. Now the whole house stinks to high Heaven, and I have a headache which makes me question how ‘natural’ it was. I’ve already called Piper and told her to not come over here until the smell clears out, but I think that could take days. He never thinks before he does stupid shit. He just pisses gasoline everywhere and then walks off flicking a lit match over his shoulder.”
“Well, that’s too bad. Maybe you should go stay with Piper for a few days. My bed is empty.”
“I don’t know. She’s been a little short with me and everyone else. Pregnancy hormones.”
Parker set her packed suitcase by the door with her purse on top of it then sat in the desk chair. “Guess I’m even more glad that I’m not there to deal with that fun.”
“When are you coming home? I don’t like not knowing where you’re going or what you’re doing.”
Perspective. Parker loved
not being on her mom’s radar. But she kept that to herself. “We’re driving to Scottsdale today. I’m going to look for a job.”
“Oh, Parker. Not in Arizona. The job market there is not great. It’s crowded in the Phoenix area. It’s oppressively hot most of the year. And you don’t know anybody there.”
“Thanks for the pep talk.”
“I’m serious.”
“You’re discouraging.”
“I’m realistic. The grass always looks greener on the other side. Which by the way, is another thing you won’t find in Arizona.”
“Then I won’t need a lawnmower. And I know Levi, so you can’t say I don’t know anyone.”
“A guy you really know nothing about.”
A guy she couldn’t stop thinking about. A guy who made her forget about losing love, losing her job, and losing her grip on life in general.
“I have to go.” She winked at Levi when he and Rags came back into the room. “Love you.”
Janey sighed. “Love you too. Call me when you get to Scottsdale.”
“Yes. Or at least a text.”
“A call—”
Parker pressed end. “Let’s go. Just got the scoop from my mom on all the cons of Arizona. Totally pumped to see it for myself.”
Levi sent Rags in her direction, slung Parker’s purse over his shoulder, and grabbed the two suitcases. “Has your mom even been to Arizona?”
“Nope.” Parker followed him out the door.
“It’s hot and dry. When it rains the streets flood quickly. The traffic can be bad, but we have carpool lanes. And now that you’re my person, I can take you with me everywhere and use the carpool lane.”
“I’m your person? Or a better option for the carpool lane than a blow-up doll?”
“Both.” He started toward the door. “And I mean that in the most endearing way.”
Being anyone’s person was a good thing. She was never Caleb’s person, and she had a nephew on the way to prove it. Her occasional one-night stands didn’t earn her a person badge either. And as much as it hurt to admit it, Parker wasn’t Gus’s person either. Even if he loved her—and she truly believed he did—he was married. That made her a mistress, a dirty little secret, not any sort of endearing friend to take in the carpool lane.