He dismissed her concerns, but his stiff posture told a different story. “It's natural, really. When I was chosen, they knew they'd never see me again. I was no longer their son; I was something more.”
“So they treated you like less? If this is supposed to be some high honor, why would they turn their backs on you?”
“It wasn't their fault, Ariana. When a child is chosen to be—” He cut himself off before saying the actual word. “It just gets complicated, that's all.”
“Why do you do that?” She turned around to face him. “You start to tell me what you are and then you stop. You say it's an honor, but you won't talk about it. Don't you think I deserve some honesty here? I've put my life in your hands and you won't tell me anything about yourself.”
“Funny that you say that, because I was just thinking that you have this way of getting me to reveal things about myself that I've been burying for a very long time.”
“You're kidding, right? I don't know anything about you. Whatever it is, I'd rather hear it from you first. How do you think it's going to be when we get to Anscombe and someone else tells me?”
He stared out from the mouth of the cave, heartbreak written all over his face. “It won't matter then,” he whispered.
“Why would you say that?”
“I told you. If I follow the path chosen for me as a child, I will lose my ability to care for anyone.” His eyes glistened. “Maybe I want to enjoy this while it lasts. If you want me to be the one to explain everything to you, I will. Once we get to gates of Anscombe. But not a moment before.”
“Why? I get that you want to be just Alec and Ariana while we can. I do too. That's what terrifies me about getting to Anscombe. You think I don't realize how much everything is going to change for me? I understand that. I really do.”
He grabbed her hands urgently. “Then please, don't ask me anymore. Because what you don't understand is that the moment I confess my soul to you . . . ” He dropped her hands and took a step back. “I couldn't bare for you to look at me differently.”
“You're so hard on yourself. You didn't choose this path or whatever. Your people chose it for you and then carved you up as an added bonus,” she said heatedly. Her fingers tingled with the urge to trace the sword-shaped scar on his chest once more, wishing she could take away the pain associated with his mark. “If you should be hard on anyone, it's them. Telling me what they did to you won't make me look at you any differently, just make me hate them a whole lot more than I already do.”
“There's a lot you don't understand about the worlds, Ariana. You shouldn't be so quick to judge our ways when you don't understand them.”
“Well, you aren't exactly helping me to understand when you won't tell me anything about these worlds I'm supposed to save or rule over.”
“There will be people in Anscombe who will tell you everything you wish to know.”
“Yeah, and from what you've said we won't be there for months. Meanwhile, the others have the advantage,” she said, unable to fight the jealousy over the other girls, including her sisters. They were in the comfort of some swanky castle, while she roughed it in caves and ran for her life. “They're probably getting spoon fed all this stuff while I have to resort to begging you for the tiniest scrap of information about what the hell is going on around me.”
“That's because I don't know!” His voice lowered, but his heaving chest reflected the temper he struggled to keep in check. “I've been locked away with Kellen for years,” he said through clenched teeth. “What makes you think I know anything about what the hell is going on around us?”
She took a step back, hurt by his harsh tones. “That's not the point and you know it, Alec. You won't tell me even the things that you do know. How am I supposed to trust you when you are purposefully keeping me in the dark about even the smallest things? I thought we were friends.”
He rubbed his hands over his face as if he could wipe away the guilt he felt. “I wouldn't even know where to start.”
“I've pretty much gathered that you aren't human, or at least not like me,” she amended. “You could start by telling me what you are.”
“I already told that I can't.” He turned away from her and walked inside the cave. He pulled out the pack and spread out the blankets he had acquired for them. “It's getting late. We should get some rest.”
Ariana nodded slowly, recognizing his dismissal for what it was. His walls were high and thick, and she felt foolish to have thought that she could break them down. They'd been through so much together, she'd assumed that he felt the same bond she did. But maybe she truly was nothing more to him than a ticket home, a chance at redemption. She lay down, turning her back to him and curling into a ball. She refused to let him see her cry. She closed her eyes, forcing herself to listen to the ambient sounds around her. She focused on the familiar sounds of crickets chirping and the way the wind shook the branches of the trees outside the cave until the soundtrack of their escape route lulled her to sleep.
***
Hours later, Ariana awoke to a chill beside her instead of Alec’s warmth. The sun had barely begun to rise, leaving only a sliver of light coming in through the opening of the cave. She pulled herself up, wrapping the blanket around her tightly to fight off the crisp cold of the morning air. Alec sat against the wall, his back completely straight and his eyes closed as if he was asleep. She knew better by now. When he sat like this, he was meditating.
Ariana's eyes narrowed to slits. His breathing was deep and slow, which told her he had been at it for a while. She tensed at the sound of footsteps outside the cave. She stood up, slowly and quietly making her way over to Alec. She stood in front of him protectively, nudging him with her foot and hissing his name. He didn’t stir from his trance, and she resisted the urge to kick him awake.
She opened her hands, willing the fire into her palms. She took an involuntary step back when a form took shape against the light outside the cave. It was a large four-legged animal covered in black and gray fur, with a head held regally high and that probably came up to her ribcage.
“Biggest damn wolf ever,” she muttered to herself, still tensed and ready for a fight.
The wolf had something in its mouth. It trotted casually inside and dropped the item down at her feet, then sat back on its haunches and watched her with a curious tilt of its head. She swore that it nodded at what it had dropped at her feet. She risked a glance down and her jaw fell when she realized that the wolf had given her an apple.
“Breakfast,” Alec said from behind her, causing her to jump.
She rallied back quickly, resorting back to her defensive stance against the wolf she eyed wearily. “Funny, it seems to be thinking the same thing about us.”
“It's okay. He means you no harm. He and I have become fast friends,” he assured her. The wolf sat beside him and allowed him to scratch its chin happily.
Ariana's mind whirled with confusion. “What are you talking about? You've been here the whole time. Haven't you?” The last part was more accusatory than she meant for it to be, unhappy at the idea of him leaving her unconscious while he ran frolicking through the woods.
“Yes and no,” he answered. He picked up the apple and wiped it off on his pants. “As I've told you, my race allows me certain abilities. One of those abilities is to be able to join with or take over certain nearby animals.”
“Take over?” she repeated. “Like, possess them?”
He nodded. “That's a good way of putting it. We also share some of the same characteristics as the animals we can take over.”
She mulled this over for a moment and the pieces began to fall into place for her. “Is that why you growl when you get mad?”
“I never realized that I did, but yes that would be because of my more animalistic traits.” He patted the wolf's back. “This guy has been helping me scout since we left.”
“That's what you've been doing every morning? Possessing this wolf and running around in the wood
s?”
Alec shrugged. “That's how I've known where to get supplies or take shelter, which way to travel. I've also been watching to make sure we aren't being followed.”
“Are wolves your thing? Like the only animals you can possess?” she asked and lowered herself tentatively down next to him. She reached out, hesitant to touch the wolf until it nuzzled its nose against her hand and licked her palm.
“He likes you,” he noted. “And no, I'm somewhat different in that respect. Most of my kind can only join with certain animals and their kin. I am much more powerful than that. I'm able to channel just about any animal I come across. It's the reason I was called for the destiny I tried to run from.”
“Not that I'm ungrateful, but what's put you in the sharing mood all of the sudden? Did Sir Woofs-A-Lot here talk some sense into you?”
The corner of his mouth twitched at the play on words. “No, actually you did. You called me a friend last night.”
“Was I wrong for that?” she asked, hoping she didn’t sound as vulnerable as she felt.
“No. I would be honored to call you a friend. It's just that…it's not a position I am used to. I've been on my own for quite some time now, Ariana. I'm not sure I know how to be a friend to someone. I've clearly had very little practice.”
She lifted a shoulder. “You care. Or, I mean, you seem to. That sounds like a good start to me.”
Alec inhaled slowly, thinking about how to respond to that. “I do care. I don't want to see any harm come to you. And I will do my best to protect you and be a friend to you. But you must know that this will change when we get to Anscombe.”
“Because they'll expect me to shun you like your parents did? Because of what you are? I won't do that.”
He ran a hand through his light brown curls. “You might end up feeling different about that.”
“You're still afraid of what I'll think about you.”
“That's part of it.”
“What's the other part?” She could tell he was avoiding looking at her and placed a hand on his cheek to guide his gaze back to hers. “What's the other part?”
His hand covered hers. “I can hardly live with what I've done, Ariana. I've betrayed not just my people but yours as well. I've disgraced myself and my kind. To explain to you why that is…I'm not ready to face it yet myself. Or the fact that when I return to Anscombe, I will be returning to the same fate that I ran from. That part of me still wants to run from.”
“You want a life of your own. That doesn't make you a bad person. Or if it does, then I guess I'm a bad person too. There's nothing I want more than to forget about all of this and go home to Dhara. Pretend it was some weird dream and let Estridia and Cahira fight each other far away from me.”
“You wouldn't be able to forget. Not from what I've seen of you.”
“You give me more credit than I deserve,” she mumbled and dropped her hand. “But thanks. And the same can be said for you.”
“What do you mean?”
“You're risking everything to help me. You know that when we get to Anscombe, you might be sacrificing your chance at a normal life. But you're still here with me. A bad person wouldn't do that.” She lifted up a hand to halt his arguments. “And don't tell me it's because of who I am. It's like I said before—you were trying to help me before you knew who I was. It's who you are. You're a protector.”
His shoulders slumped at her words and he leaned his head back against the wall in frustration. “I suppose I am.”
His defeated reaction surprised her. “What? What did I say?”
He patted her knee before standing up. “It's nothing. Thank you, for having faith in me. It means a lot.”
She took the offered hand he gave her and stood up next to him, taking the apple from him. “Thanks for breakfast,” she said with a wink.
CHAPTER FIVE
Zelene opted to skip her lessons again. She didn't feel like dealing with politics or history, which really made that day no different than any other. She dressed in her Tainted uniform of a pea-colored burlap dress and headwrap, and then set out. She had no destination in mind when she left, but somehow her feet guided her to the leigheas, which had become one of her more frequent haunts since arriving in Anscombe. She was still drawn to this floor, where Kyle spent so much time recovering before his disappearance, and where Isauria still remained.
Zelene usually visited with her older sister when she knew Isauria would be unconscious and no one else would be around. She admired Izzy for how close she had come to death in order to keep an eye on Ariana, but she didn't have the faintest idea as to how to get acquainted with her sister in such a strained situation. So instead, she would simply sit with her and get lost in her own thoughts. Sometimes she talked to Isauria about everything—how overwhelming their situation could be or how angry she was at their parents. Angry at their father for going away. Angry with their mother for giving them up and then getting herself killed before Zelene ever gotten the chance to know her. Just another of life’s cruel jokes, reinforced by the constant comparisons to her deceased mother that darkened her thoughts once more.
A woman with red hair streaked with gray left Isauria's room, leaving the door wide open. Zelene pulled a rag out of her pocket and nonchalantly wiped the railing of the crosswalk that connected the buildings. To her shock, when she glanced up from her work to see if the coast was clear, the woman stood at the end of the crosswalk resting her cheek against the wall. She watched Zelene, a look of deep sadness and longing on her face. She immediately turned around to see who the woman might be staring at, but there was no one else there. When she turned back, the woman was gone.
Shaking off the odd encounter, she slipped into her sister's room. She walked over to the edge of the bed, seating herself in the chair usually occupied by Isauria's visitors. She tentatively reached out and patted her hand, though the action felt stupid.
“How’s it going, Izzy? Any closer to finding Ariana?” Zelene knew she wouldn’t get an answer, but always asked anyway. “Not to put the pressure on or anything, but it’s looking like it might be up to you.” She paused and leaned her head back against her chair. “Maybe I’m seeing things that aren’t there, I don’t know. I like to think I’m pretty good at reading people. Not to get all sob story on you, but it comes from bouncing around so much with foster care. You learn really quick how to tell whether or not a family is going to work. Whether or not you can trust them to try or to care. And I get the same feeling from the Duillaine that I did from the families that I knew weren’t going to try. Anyway.”
She stood up, glancing around the room, looking for some reason to be there other than to talk to herself. She noticed a squirrel sitting on the ledge below staring up at her expectantly.
“Guess you're looking to be fed, huh?” she walked over to the fruit bowl on Isauria's bedside table and plucked a grape off. She leaned over, pinching the grape between her two fingers as she reached for the ledge below and set it down as steadily as she could. She jerked back up at the sound of the door opening behind her. Seeing that it was Terrena and Rhaya coming to visit, she quickly pulled out her rag and busied herself with work.
“There you are,” Rhaya greeted her young cousin. She lifted a brow as she watched Zelene scrub the windowsill. “Are you cleaning Isauria's room?”
“Of course she is,” Terrena whispered fiercely. “She's Tainted, Rhaya. Allow her to do her job or you'll get her in trouble. That's what I keep trying to tell Zelene.”
Rhaya shifted Terrena around to face the young girl in the burlap dress glaring at her. “That is Zelene, Terrena.”
Terrena blinked at the servant, recognition slowly dawning on her face. “Why are you dressed like that?”
Zelene tossed the rag down on the table and crossed her arms over her chest with a huff. “It's supposed to help me blend in since most people don't even look the Tainted in the face.” She directed the last portion of her comment at Rhaya with an accusing stare.
Zelene started to jump to the defensive until she realized that Rhaya seemed to be impressed. “Yeah, this is how I get around unnoticed. Well, mostly unnoticed.”
“So, you're basically a fly on any wall you want to be.” Rhaya’s excitement waned as she looked around the room. “Why here, though? I mean, you can come visit Isauria dressed like yourself.”
“Because you'd be surprised at the useful things you hear around here when no one sees you standing in the corner.” Seeing that she had their attention, Zelene crossed over to their side of the room and sat on the edge of Isauria's bed. “Bianca was reporting to Sylvanna the other day and I heard her tell her that Ariana isn't on Cahira.”
“What?” Terrena asked with disbelief. “Don't be ridiculous. The Cahirans have Ariana. Where else would she be?”
Zelene shrugged. “I dunno, but Sylvanna was pretty adamant that it wasn't Cahira. Apparently, the dude that Ariana is with described that world’s geography from what he knows, and Sylvanna said that it isn't Cahira. But of course Sylvanna was more interested in the guy than the useful parts of the conversation. It's like she didn't even care that Ariana isn't where they thought she was.”
Worry flickered across Terrena's face. “Do you remember what he said?”
Zelene's teeth grazed her lower lip, her face scrunched up in thought. “There are mountains to the north and the portal thingy we used to get between worlds is in the west. I don't remember the rest. Does that sound like Cahira to you?”
“I don't know. I've never really studied the Cahirans. In general, I was usually just running from them.”
Zelene shifted uncomfortably, remembering that Terrena hadn't exactly lived an easy life here on Estridia. She treated Terrena like she was some pampered princess—like their cousin Mira had proved to be—and she knew that wasn't actually the case. “Well, Sylvanna seemed pretty certain and she would know, wouldn't she? I mean, why say it's not Cahira if she didn't really know?”
Heirs of War, Crown of Flames Page 5