She closed her eyes, focusing on the way his teeth grazed her earlobe. “They told me if I didn’t do it, that they’d hurt my mom or my sister.” She pulled back. “I should have been brave. I should have told my mom and trusted that she’d run away with me, but she was so caught up in Grigori’s spell that I didn’t know if she would support me. So, I said nothing. There were so many, Jace, so many. I just—”
God, how many times had she stood there, that terrible song coming from her mouth, while men shifted and destroyed innocents. The screams of pain from the victims, the agony of the men after it was over and they’d shifted back, realizing what they’d done. “He wanted to break them,” she whispered. “Sometimes it turned them into lethal disciples, and other times…” She looked at Jace. “It destroyed their soul. Like you. I saw it in your eyes at the trial. You were like the others. You felt that same anguish that they had, and yet somehow, you were still functioning, still caring, still fighting to find meaning in it. You may think you’re weak, Jace, but you’re the opposite. No one else who felt your anguish was able to survive the weight on their soul.” She rested her palm on his heart. “Just you,” she whispered. “You’re special.” Her throat tightened as she said the words, and she knew it was true. “You’re the first one, the only one, who survived my song without losing who you were.”
His eyes darkened, and yearning flashed through them, a deep, raw craving for her to be right. She knew how deeply he needed to be whole again, to find a way to believe in himself. She realized she was his only chance for that, the only one who truly understood what he’d endured and how strong he was to be lying there with her, fighting for survival, even though he was willing to die.
He didn’t acknowledge his own needs, however. He simply brushed her hair back from her face, offering her comfort, as if he truly understood what she’d gone through, the depth of anguish she lived with every day for what she’d allowed Grigori to force her to do. “What finally made you leave the pack?” he asked gently.
“When Lucius decided to marry my sister. I knew what he was like, but my sister fell for his charms the same way my mom had fallen for Grigori. She hadn’t seen what I’d seen. She’d never been there when Lucius and Grigori had forced me to sing to those innocent men…” She blinked back tears. “When I found out that my sister was going to marry Lucius, I tried to tell her the truth. She didn’t want to believe me, so she confronted Lucius.”
Jace groaned. “Oh…hell…”
She nodded. “That’s when he attacked me. It was my punishment for interfering. My grandmother found me, and she took me to Kiernan.” Tears burned in her eyes. “My grandmother told my mother what had happened, and my mom believed her.” She looked at him. “She believed her. All this time, I’d kept the truth from them, thinking I was protecting them, thinking that they would never believe me, and I’d been wrong. I should have had faith in them, Jace, but I didn’t. My mom told my sister what Lucius had done, and this time, my sister finally accepted the truth. Together, they tried to break from the pack, but Grigori found my mom. He killed her, torturing her to tell him where my sister and I were, but she never told.”
She looked at him. “I spent all that time letting Grigori control me because I didn’t believe in my mom. If I’d told her, she would have left right away, and they’d both still be alive. I was afraid, and after Lucius, I was still afraid. She died for me, and yet, all along, I didn’t think she’d even believe me. I was so wrong…and my lack of belief in her, in both of them, resulted in them both dying.”
“It’s not your fault.” He took her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm, his eyes flashing. “You’re like me, a natural protector. Your number one goal was to ensure the safety of those you loved. You’d been raised in the pack since birth, trained to believe in their omnipotence. The fact that you were able to see what they’d done and stand up to them in the end is a testament to your incredible strength.”
“Me?” She laughed softly, a laugh of bitterness. “I was stupid—”
“No.” He caught her jaw, forcing her to look at him. His face was angry, and his eyes were glittering. “You’re fucking amazing. Never, ever blame yourself for singing that song. Ever. They were holding the ones you loved most hostage, and you were a girl, in the hands of brutal killers. You survived it, and you never lost your ability to love. Your sister and your mother were perfectly capable of seeing what was going on. They chose not to, until you were almost killed. But you didn’t hide from what was happening. You saw it all along. Do you understand how much courage it took to see the truth, when everyone around you didn’t want to?”
Tears filled her eyes as she searched his face, her heart turning over at his words. “You make me sound…brave,” she whispered. She couldn’t stop a tear from trickling down her cheek. The only emotions she’d ever felt for herself were hate, disgust, horror, and guilt. But with the way Jace was looking at her, suddenly, she felt different, like maybe, just maybe, there was something inside her that was as beautiful as what she saw in him. “And then came you…”
She laid her hand on his bare chest. “You see me in a way that I’ve always wished I was, but never thought I could be. You make me…feel like I can breathe, like I deserve to breathe. In your arms, I feel safe, and I’ve never felt safe in my entire life. You are this great treasure, this great source of strength and yet…” Her fingers dug into his chest. “At any moment, I could trigger you and force you to kill me. The ugliness is so close to the surface.”
“For both of us.” He slid his hands through her hair. “I am your greatest threat, and you are mine, and yet… I feel like you’re my only chance to survive.”
She searched his face. “That’s how I feel too.”
He framed her face with his hands. “Listen to me, Abby. No matter what happens going forward, you can’t blame yourself. Not for the choices you already made, or what might happen in the future. You have an amazing heart, and a beautiful soul, both of which somehow survived a childhood of corruption and depravity. Don’t ever lose that, okay? No matter what.” He put his hand over her heart. “If you hold onto that, then Lucius and Grigori lose, regardless of whatever else happens.” Heat poured from his hand to her heart, melting the shields that had been around it for so long. “I would be dead right now, by my own hand, if you hadn’t walked up to me and asked for my help, refusing to let me die. I need you, and I owe you. I want to destroy the demons that haunt you, and I want to help you retrieve Seth.” His eyes darkened. “I want to be that man for you, Abby. I need to do that.”
Her throat tightened, and she nodded. “Okay,” she whispered. She didn’t even know how to ask for help, or to accept it, but somehow, Jace made it easier. Maybe it was because she understood the demons that haunted him, and she knew that he needed her as much as she needed him. “What do we do now? Seth is out there somewhere, and in two days, Grigori and Lucius are going to force him to kill using my voice. I can’t let that happen.” She rolled onto her back and pressed her palms to her eyes, trying to regroup. As much as she wanted this moment to just be about her and Jace finding a place to leave their guilt and torment behind, it was more than that. “We have to stop it, Jace.”
“I understand. I’m with you.” His voice was taut, almost feral in his fury. “Tell me why your song didn’t turn Damien in the alley.”
She rolled onto her side to face him. “Because they practiced, again and again, and again.”
A muscle ticked in his cheek. “They listened to your song repeatedly until they finally learned to resist it?”
She nodded.
“How many people did they kill before they beat it?”
“Hundreds, at least, but—” She caught Jace’s arm as he swore. “But I truly believe that’s because they didn’t really care if they killed. They were learning to resist for strategic purposes, but they liked killing, and a part of them didn’t want to stop. You’re different.”
“I’m not that different—”
/>
“Jace!” She smacked him in the chest. “Don’t say that! Don’t you understand what they’re like? Didn’t you see my scars? Lucius did that for pleasure. How can you say you’re like that? Don’t insult me like that!”
He swore and caught her arm. “Hey, I’m sorry.” He wiped his thumb over her cheek, and belatedly she realized she was crying. “You’re right. I’m not like them.”
She wrapped her fingers around his wrist, unable to stop the tears. “Don’t take my faith away from me,” she whispered. “I haven’t trusted a man my whole life, until you. Don’t tell me I’m wrong. I need my faith in you. I need to know that there’s someone good out there in this world. Do you understand?”
He nodded, continuing to stroke her cheek. “I understand.” He leaned forward and kissed her gently, a kiss so tender and kind that more tears threatened.
She closed her eyes, letting his lips drift over her cheeks, kissing away the tears. He cupped her face gently, so gently, his thumb tracing delicate circles along her jaw while he nibbled at her lips. Her soul ached for his touch, for his kiss, for the safety of his embrace, for how he made her feel.
She ached for him.
Chapter 16
Jace continued to kiss her as he slid his hand over her hip, tracing the curve of her body with such a delicate touch it was as if his fingers were no more than a feather whispering over her skin. The turmoil inside her began to subside, calmed by his kiss and his touch, by the feel of his strong body stretched out beside her.
She spread her fingers over his chest again, losing herself in the heat of his presence and the magic of his kiss.
“Yes,” he whispered, “touch me. It’s okay. Anything you want to do is okay.”
After a lifetime of being commanded and threatened, his words seemed to pour lightness into her heart. She slipped her hand behind his head, pulling him closer. He moved over her, deepening the kiss as he settled on top of her, his ripped body pinning her to the cot. She was trapped beneath him, but she didn’t feel afraid. Jace made her feel safe, even though she knew he could kill her in a heartbeat if he heard the song. But somehow, someway, she believed he would never hurt her. There was just something about him, an inner strength, a mortal fierceness, and the ache of regret that made him stronger than anything Grigori and Lucius could throw back at him.
She wrapped her legs around his hips, drawing him closer as he continued to kiss her, his lips and tongue a beautiful array of sensuality, lust, and intimacy. She felt as though each kiss was chasing away another shadow, another memory, another horror from her past. Telling him had brought them to the surface, and his kisses were severing their grip on her, allowing her to breathe again.
He cupped her face, drawing back enough to see her as he shifted his hips, sinking more intimately between her legs. “You make me feel like the man I want to be,” he said.
Her heart tightened. “All my life, I’ve been responsible for terrible things happening to good people. To know that I bring good into your life, even if it’s just a little bit, is amazing. I didn’t know I could do that.”
“You do.” He tunneled his fingers through her hair, bracing himself with his elbows on either side of her head. “I was ready to die that day at your grandmother’s house, and you gave me a reason to live.” He grinned as he shifted, thrusting inside her.
She gasped, unable to keep herself from shifting in response. It felt so incredible to be connected to him so intimately, to have him gazing at her as if he wanted them both to know exactly who they were with. Her heart ached, an ache that hurt as much as it healed. “I love you, Jace,” she whispered, the words so quiet she barely even heard them. She didn’t mean to say them, but they slipped out, pouring out into the space between them.
Jace stilled, his face going blank for a split second.
She caught her breath, suddenly afraid. Afraid she would drive him away. Afraid that by saying the words, by admitting to herself that she’d let herself care, that she was going to find her heart carved apart once again. It wasn’t safe to love. She knew that. She didn’t want to be there again, loving someone so much that she made terrible choices to protect them. “I didn’t say that,” she said, trying desperately to recant. “Please, I can’t afford that—”
“You gave it to me. It’s mine, now. I can’t pretend you didn’t say it.” He kissed her again, deep, fierce, and claiming. As he kissed her, he began to thrust again, slowly at first, then faster, deeper, until the rhythm of their bodies became a thundering percussion of music that filled even the darkest, most hidden, most protected recesses of her soul. He was merciless and rough, but at the same time, there was such tenderness in his kiss and his lovemaking that her heart swelled in response, crying out for him, for how he made her feel, for how much he mattered to her.
The orgasm swept over her with merciless power, driving deep into her heart and shredding the last remains of denial she was clinging to. She arched back, clinging to Jace’s shoulders as he bucked against her, succumbing to the same orgasm that had consumed her. His fingers sliding through her hair as he found her mouth, claiming her on all levels as the last shocks of their climax shuddered through her.
Tears burned her eyes as he collapsed on top of her, pressing his face into the crook of her neck. Abby wrapped her arms around him, holding him to her, unable to stop the tears streaming down her cheeks as the truth settled on her. It was too late. There was no going back. She’d fallen deeply, completely in love with this maddening, honorable, broken man who could doom her. If she sang to him, if she broke his soul by making him kill again, she wouldn’t survive it…which meant that she would do whatever it took to protect him from her…no matter what the cost.
*
He liked listening to her breathe.
Jace lay beside Abby, his hand on her belly, unwilling to shift positions and take the chance of awakening her. After they’d made love the second time, she’d fallen asleep in his arms, tucked up against him as if he were her shield to the world.
She was breathing in a slow, steady rhythm, the kind of deep breathing that told him that she was completely relaxed, trusting him to keep her safe. Wonder rolled over him as he brushed a kiss over her hair, still amazed by how soft and delicate the curls were. She was half his size, so small he could crush her easily, awakening in him a fierce protectiveness.
He’d always been protective of anyone he sensed needed help, but Abby was different. She called to him on a deeper level, as if she could touch the hidden part of him that drove every action he’d ever taken.
The scars on her belly were smooth and hard as he traced them. He’d thought she was a survivor when he’d first felt those scars, but now that he knew all that she’d endured before that point, he knew differently. She was the strongest human being he’d ever met, and her beautiful heart had been ruthlessly crushed until it shouldn’t even beat anymore…except it did.
And it beat for him.
His fingers tightened on her belly as he recalled the moment she’d whispered those surreal words. I love you, Jace. She loved him. After all he’d done, after all he was destined to do, she’d gifted him with her love.
Jace rolled onto his back and clasped his hands behind his head, staring blankly at the ceiling while he went over that moment again. In her sleep, Abby scooted closer, tucking herself against him again, not allowing him distance.
Instinctively, he lowered one arm to wrap it around her shoulder, pulling her even more tightly against him. Since he’d killed Melissa, he’d been able to see no truth other than that he was a murderer, and a walking time bomb. He’d known it was his duty to end his life before he could be turned again…but it was different now.
Abby believed in him. She needed him, both to help her, and also to restore her faith in humanity, and men. If he died, if he let that fucking song take him, he would betray her on both levels. If he died or killed because of her song, it would stain her soul, not just his. He could not let the song win, or it
would break her.
“I can’t do that to you,” he whispered, brushing his lips across her heart. “You leave me no choice.”
She stirred in his arms and blinked at him sleepily. “What are you talking about?”
He took a deep breath. “Do you remember when you said that maybe I could build immunity to the song?”
She nodded slowly, the sleepy fog fading from her eyes.
He couldn’t believe he was saying this, but he could see no other way. “Will you help me try?”
Her eyes widened, and she sat up. The sheet fell away from her breasts, but she didn’t seem to notice. “You want me to sing to you?”
“Not here. Not where you aren’t safe from me, but…yeah.” He met her gaze. “If we’re going to go after Seth, and if I’m going to keep you safe from Lucius and Grigori, I have to be able to handle the song. I swear I’ll make sure I can’t hurt you when you sing, but—-”
Her eyes lit up. “Yes.” She nodded reverently. “Of course I’ll help.”
Hope leapt through him. “Aren’t you afraid?”
She set her hand on his jaw, sliding her fingers along his whiskers. “Of course I’m scared,” she said solemnly. “I’m actually terrified, of many things, including wolf shifters…except you. I’m not scared of you, and I never will be, no matter what.”
This time, instead of cringing away from her vote of confidence, resolution flooded him, a fierce determination to do whatever it took to prevail. “Then let’s do it.”
Before she could answer, a heavy knock sounded on the door. “Jace.” Drake’s voice was low and rough. “You better get out here. Now.”
*
Still buttoning her jeans, Abby hurried after Jace as he strode out of his room. Drake was leaning against the wall of the hallway waiting for them, his arms folded over his chest. His muscles were bunched, his expression tense, making him look every bit the deadly shifter bodyguard. His dark eyes flicked knowingly from Jace to her, and Abby’s cheeks heated up.
Dark Wolf Unbound (Heart of the Shifter #2) Page 13