by Cora Brent
“You do,” Claudia agreed. “I’ll stay with her. What time does the nurse get here?”
Jack ran a hand through his dark hair, now faintly peppered throughout with bits of gray. “Noon,” he said. “I was gonna head down to the shop for a few hours this afternoon.”
“Rocco’s down there,” I told him. “And Getty probably rolled his hairy ass out of bed by now too. I’ll be there in a little while. There’s no reason for you to work today.”
He was considering. If the guy didn’t get a good stretch of rest soon he was going to fall right the fuck over. Claudia stepped in and stood in front of him.
“I’ll stay with her. I won’t leave the room at all until the nurse gets here.”
Jack’s eyes were red and raw as he looked at his daughter. I was afraid he was going to cry right there in front of us. We’d already seen each other cry, more than once. It was never anything but awkward for a man to cry in front of another man, family or not.
I tossed Jack my keys. “Why don’t you go down the block? Getty won’t care if you crash there for a few hours. It’ll be quiet at least. And cool because that asshole is coldblooded and keeps the thermostat way down.”
Claudia gave me a grateful look before nudging her father.
“Go on,” she said gently as if she were talking to a child. “It’ll be okay.”
Jack rubbed his eyes. “Allie gets home at three thirty.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Claudia said.
Jack gave his wife one final kiss on the forehead and touched her cheek before heading out the door. “I’ll be back, sweetheart.”
Claudia didn’t move until she heard the front door open and shut. “Thanks for that,” she said. Then she stepped over to the bed with a sigh. “Anya. God, I wish there was more time.”
“That’s something she’s never had enough of,” I said in a harsh voice. “Time. She knew it. She always knew it.”
Whenever I thought I was broken enough, something else set me off and I cracked in half all over again. This time it was a crayon drawing of a pink sun with a smiling face and under it the word ‘Mommy’. Someone, probably Jack, had taped it to the ceiling along with photographs and additional artwork by Allie. It was done so that when Anya was awake and silently blinking at what was left of her life, she could see all the love she’d built in her time on earth.
Right now I didn’t know if Anya was awake or not. As Jack had hovered over her, it seemed from the steady pattern of her breathing that she wasn’t. The IV in her arm continued to drip life into her veins for the moment. My head started swimming so I left the room, aware that Claudia was following.
“Easton.” She reached for me there in the dark hallway, standing on tiptoe and wrapping her soft arms around my shoulders. I grabbed her and held her tight. We both wanted that, the warm comfort of someone who understood what was being lost here.
“I know,” she whispered, resting her head on my shoulder and allowing me to stroke her long hair.
Claudia wasn’t a lover to me right now. She was my friend. But I knew if she moved her head just slightly I would find her lips. I would start kissing her and once I started I wouldn’t ever be able to fucking stop. And that just couldn’t happen. Not here, not now.
She released me when I cleared my throat. I backed away reluctantly.
“I should go rake up the yard and get down to the shop like I promised.”
Claudia peered into Anya’s room, then pushed her hair behind her ears. Once I’d thought she was the prettiest girl in town. Now I knew she was the most beautiful woman in the world. “Okay. I’ll be here.”
“You should talk to her,” I said. “Doctors say she can hear, and that it’s good for her to know that she’s not alone.”
Claudia nodded thoughtfully. “I will. I actually have a lot to say if you catch me in the right moment.”
“Yeah you do,” I grinned. “Whether anyone wants to hear it or not.”
She made a face but then smiled back and I left her there at my sister’s bedside. I hoped there would be a mountain of work waiting at the shop. I needed a busy afternoon away from my own head.
CHAPTER THIRTY
ANYA
She was floating but it wasn’t right. It wasn’t pleasant. The feeling was like being cruelly disembodied, adrift. Some things pulled her back; Jack’s voice, the laughter of her child. Then she would return to her body and find that she could still breathe, flex her limbs, blink her eyes. Considering the full range of what a human body could do that wasn’t much, but it gave her some satisfaction.
Anya was aware that terrible things had happened very quickly. She had still been able to use her wheelchair when the early buds of spring started to color the world. The season was in full swing now. She could see it out the window. She knew it was the last season she would see at all and she was glad it was the prettiest one.
Jack told her what was happening in the world outside. Allie drew pictures of smiling suns and flowers so her father could tape them to the ceiling for Anya to see. There was so much love in the room it was overpowering.
Easton was often there too. For some reason she wished he wasn’t, although she couldn’t remember why. Then Claudia’s sad voice reached her and Anya realized that her brother shouldn’t be conducting a deathwatch at her bedside. He should be throwing sliders on the mound and basking in the cheers of the crowd.
But when Anya heard them speaking to one another – Claudia and Easton – she remembered something else too. She’d never seen him look at another girl the way he looked at Jack’s daughter. Easton hadn’t admitted to her exactly what his relationship was with Claudia. It was something intense, something that didn’t come along all the time. They’d never been able to turn it into anything that lasted, but they’d been young, uncertain about themselves and about each other. Maybe now they would have a chance.
Take it, little brother. Take the chance. You may not get another one.
Had she told him that? Anya thought she did. Then suddenly she wasn’t sure.
Things were becoming confusing. Anya would open her eyes and the early morning sun would be streaming through her window. Jack would talk to her. Allie would run in and run out again. Anya would smile even though her lips didn’t like to cooperate anymore. Then she would blink and find that the sunlight had vanished. She felt cheated, as if the day had betrayed her somehow.
An unfamiliar woman would be there sometimes. Her hands were gentle and her eyes were kind. She would say things to Anya although she must have known Anya couldn’t answer, not anymore.
Once Claudia walked in while the woman was there and Anya heard her clearly.
“Thank you for taking such good care of her.”
“Naturally,” the woman answered. “It’s what I do.”
“How is she?” Claudia asked and Anya could hear the hesitation, the fear.
The woman answered in a sad voice. “I don’t believe she can hear us anymore. It won’t be long. He knows that, doesn’t he?”
“He knows,” said Claudia and her voice cracked a little. “You can take the afternoon off. I don’t mind sitting with her.”
Anya remembered now. The strange woman was her nurse. She checked Anya’s pulse before smoothing a stray piece of hair. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Mrs. Giordano,” she said and then uttered a soft goodbye to Claudia.
Claudia sat in the chair closest to the bed. It was the one Jack always sat in when he wasn’t lying beside her.
“I don’t believe that,” Claudia said quietly. “I know you’re in there. I know you can hear us.” She took a deep breath and then another one. By now Anya recognized the sound of a person trying desperately not to cry. But Claudia didn’t cry. Claudia greeted the world with staunch skepticism and she did not yield. How did Anya know that? She was sure that she had never spent much time with Claudia, even when they were children. So how did she know?
Jack.
Jack had said so. Jack had always been bewil
dered by his daughter.
Claudia was talking again. “When we were kids I would see you walking down the street sometimes and I would be jealous. You’ve always been so pretty, impossibly pretty. I just knew everything in your life would be wonderful and that pissed me off because I thought you didn’t deserve it. I didn’t know anything about anything, Anya. That’s probably true even now and I have no excuse at this point. But you figured it all out a long time ago, didn’t you? You made peace with the hand you were dealt and you built this amazing life that anyone in their right minds would envy. Anya, I never thanked you. I never thanked you for loving Jack, for breaking through whatever held him back and kept him searching for the youth he lost when I was born. No one else could have done that. It had to be you. You know how to love with everything you are. I’ve seen it. With Jack, with Allie.” Claudia paused. Her voice was nearly a whisper. “With Easton.” She took a deep breath. “I wish I could do that. I wish I had learned from you, tried harder to be your friend.” Claudia was crying freely now. If Anya could move she would have reached for her, comforted her. But all Anya could do was listen to the words.
“I love you, Anya,” Claudia choked out. “I love my father. I love my sister. I don’t know why that’s been impossible for me to say out loud until now. I love you all as much as you love us. I can even admit a secret to you. It might shock you, it might not. But I think I might also love Easton.”
Tell him. TELL HIM!
Claudia rose from the chair. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and bent over the bed. Anya blinked at her.
“I’ll miss you forever, my friend,” Claudia whispered and kissed Anya on the forehead.
Claudia returned to the chair and sat silently for a few minutes as she stopped crying. Then she began filling the silence by joking about what an awful cook she was.
Anya started drifting away to the sound of Claudia’s voice. The next time she returned there was no light and Jack was beside her. She felt his fingers stroking her hair and heard his voice talking about a long ago day when they’d danced together. She remembered that day. She didn’t even mind that her eyes wouldn’t open because she could see the images of that beautiful day on the other side of them, as if someone was playing a private movie just for her. Jack’s voice faded and soon she felt the heat of the sun on her face, although she couldn’t see it any longer. She couldn’t see anything. Something sat on Anya’s chest and pressed hard. The more she tried to draw a breath the harder it pressed but everything was all right. They were all there, all the people she loved.
Her crazy brothers-in-law, Rocco and Getty.
Claudia.
Easton.
Allie.
Jack.
They would always be with her. And she was leaving a piece of herself with them so they could heal, and so they wouldn’t forget that love needs to be treasured every day.
Anya opened her eyes and could see again.
It was wonderful.
Staring down at her with a serene smile was her mother…
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
CLAUDIA
“Claudia? Claudia, I don’t have any socks.” Allie was whispering urgently into my ear as if her sockless condition was a state secret.
I opened one eye and found her inches from my face. She’d crawled right into bed with me, her bare feet absently kicking my thigh. The soft light filtering through the blinds told me the hour was early, very early.
“Grandma Estelle is still here. Can’t she help you?”
My little sister wrinkled her nose. “Grandma Estelle smells like towels.”
I had to smile over that. “How is it possible to smell like towels?”
“I don’t know. She just does.”
After suppressing a few profanities I forced myself into a sitting position and tried to convince my tired body to stay upright. Allie giggled as she watched my struggle. Mornings have never been good to me.
“What are we doing today?” Allie asked. “Can we play with Uncle Easton again?”
I stretched and felt a small pop in my back. Something would have to be done about this awful mattress if I was going to stay indefinitely. “Uncle Easton probably has to get back to work, sweetheart.” The Giordano Auto Shop had been closed for the last five days. There had been grief to deal with, a funeral to attend. With Rocco and Getty trying to pick Jack up off the floor long enough to bury his wife, my grandmother getting in everyone’s way, and the crippling sorrow hanging over us all following Anya’s death, Easton had been around a lot to help with Allie. He was amazing with her; patient and sweet. Yesterday we’d brought her to the beach and watched her run circles around the dunes before he took her by the hand and brought her to the waterline to search for clams.
“Oh,” frowned Allie, troubled by the threatened absence of the adored Uncle Easton. “Why don’t you have to go to work?”
Of course I’d left my job when I left Arizona. But try explaining that to a five-year-old. “Because if I did, I wouldn’t be able to be with you.”
Allie took a piece of her blonde hair and stuck it in her mouth. “Do I look like I have a mustache?”
I smiled. “No. Are you hungry?”
“Yup. But I want my socks first.”
Since Allie refused to walk down the stairs without her feet covered, I dug around in Rocco’s old dresser for the clothes I was keeping there. I found a pair of soft gym socks and rolled them over her toes. We thumped down the stairs noisily and found our grandmother scowling into a cup of coffee in the kitchen.
“Hush, girls. You’ll wake your father.”
I didn’t appreciate being called a ‘girl’ at age twenty-nine. But then I reminded myself that Grandma Estelle would be leaving tonight and it shouldn’t kill me to hold my tongue for a few more hours.
Plus I really didn’t want to make a loud enough fuss to disturb Jack. It was painfully obvious that he wasn’t coping well. As I searched the cabinets for Allie’s breakfast cereal, I shuddered at the sudden memory of the anguished shout that had come from my father five mornings ago when he awoke and realized Anya had died in the night. There would never be another sound like that. It would haunt me until the end of time.
As for Allie, she understood that her mother was gone. I just didn’t think it had sunk in yet that Anya’s death was permanent. It was forever. She was now a little girl without a mother. I’d been one too, but the circumstances were different, a little less tragic. Someday Allie would look back on these days and feel the full pain and confusion of the loss she’d suffered. It was inevitable.
“I’m sorry, munchkin. I can’t find any cereal. I’ll go to the store today, I promise. You want some eggs?”
Allie had been sitting in a kitchen chair and swinging her legs. She stopped. “You make bad eggs,” she said honestly. “Not like Mommy’s eggs.”
“I’ll do it,” my grandmother sighed and began hunting around for a frying pan. It was a mystery to me how she had managed to raise three sons and a granddaughter. She seemed rather put out when it came to doing anything for anyone else.
Allie flinched at all the noise from the clanging pots and I was about to shove the moody old lady out of the way and make the eggs myself. But then there were three quick raps at the side door and Easton walked in carrying a box of donuts.
“Yay!” Allie shouted and ran to him, grabbing the box. “Thank you, Uncle East!”
“Our hero,” I murmured, pouring myself a cup of coffee.
He gave me a dashing Easton Malone grin, rendered somewhat more rakish by his unshaven face. “Yeah, it takes a lot of courage to go down to Rignetti’s Bakery on Sunday morning and battle the church crowd for the last jelly donut.”
“Is it Sunday?” I asked, surprised. “Damn, I’m more out of it than I thought.”
Easton watched Allie take a bite out of a chocolate donut, set it on the table, and select a sugar-coated one.
“It’s Sunday,” he confirmed. He looked around. Grandma Estelle hadn�
�t acknowledged his arrival. She slouched in the corner with her coffee.
“Well, if you’ve got this covered I’m going to shower and change.” She exited the room without waiting for an answer.
Allie was determinately switching off between donuts; first a bite of one, then a bite of the other. Easton moved closer to where I leaned against the sink. He reached for a coffee cup, accidentally brushing my shoulder, and an involuntary thrill rolled through my body. I was used to it by now. Yesterday when we were at the beach there’d been a moment when we’d stood beside one another and I wanted to be in his arms so badly I almost couldn’t breathe. But then Allie had crashed into us, laughing and demanding that we move closer to the water.
“When I was at Rignetti’s, Ben Hollis came out of the back and asked if there’s anything he can do,” Easton said, referring to Sheryl’s father, the owner of the bakery. “I guess Rocco and Sheryl had told him that they offered to postpone the wedding.”
I shook my head. “Jack was adamant that it still happens on Friday. They’ve been planning it for nearly a year. There was no way to know that it would coincide with Anya’s death.”
Easton winced at the words ‘Anya’s death’. I really hated saying them.
“What are we doing today?” Allie asked, her mouth full of donuts.
I saw Easton force a smile. He tried so hard not to be sad in front of Allie.
“What do you want to do, princess?”
Allie jumped off her chair and scampered over to us. She grabbed our hands and pulled with a winning smile on her face. “I want to be with you guys.”
“Finish your breakfast,” I laughed. “Then go get dressed and we’ll talk.”
Easton nudged me when Allie had returned to the table.
“Ben also said Betty would be coming by later with some more food.”
“Awesome. That’s really nice of her.”
“Yeah it is. She must have heard about your cooking somewhere and wants to spare us further tragedy.”