by Jessica Ryan
This has to be painful for him, she realized. I have to let him work through this. He'll come to me when he's ready.
"We should go," Hawk said, breaking her train of thought. "I need to take Ciara back to her car and then I need to figure out what we're going to do."
Rowan broke away from his sister, looking up at the skinny by comparison alpha wolf. "You're gone after all of this is over, aren't you?"
Hawk tried to peel away and not make eye contact with Rowan, but the sly grin on his face gave his intentions away. "I will save the town I love once more, but after that it's in my rearview mirror."
"Fair enough," Rowan said.
Hawk must not have expected Rowan's answer because his head shot back up, his mouth hanging open.
"We've all had a lot of painful memories brought up lately," Rowan said as he put a hand on Hawk's shoulder. "I don't blame anyone for wanting to leave it behind completely. Besides, it looks like you have better things to do than waste your life being someone's watchdog."
Ciara giggled as Rowan winked at her, sending another pang of jealousy into Eva's heart. She was going to have to get over these feelings. It had to be Rowan's fucked-up emotions that were doing it to her.
"Do not tell Aster of this," Rowan said. "He doesn't need to know about Leena's return yet."
"I wholeheartedly agree," Hawk said. "He needs to worry about Forrest right now."
Rowan clenched his fist as if he was looking for something, or someone, to put it through. "He's a dead wolf."
Eva couldn't take any more of this; she had to separate herself from the situation. Usually she could control her emotions better when she wasn't face to face with Rowan.
"I'm going to go check on Rain," she said, heading for the street.
"Hey!" Rowan called after her, jogging to catch her just by the edge of the yard. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," she lied.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, mister. Go be with your sister. I'll be back in a little bit."
"Okay, then." He leaned in and gave her a long kiss on the forehead before turning back to his guests.
Eva glanced at them all one more time before crossing the street to her unlikely best friend's house. When she was first brought to Bucklin, she'd felt like more of a captive than anything else. Rowan had been holding here there for her protection, but he was cold and distant. It was a whirlwind few days as she realized how much he cared for her and how attracted to her he actually was. She returned the feelings and realized she had nothing left at home, especially after an eye-opening conversation with her father where he didn't show any love to her at all. But the thing that made the transition to living amongst wolves the easiest was her immediate friendship with Rain. It had only been a week since she'd ended up in Bucklin, but she felt like the young wolf had been her friend for years.
It hurt Eva to see Rain so upset and embarrassed in front of so many important people. She had by all accounts made a complete ass of herself, but at the same time she was just trying to protect Eva.
Eva wasn't much older than Rain and she still made impulsive and stupid decisions. It had been ten times worse when she was eighteen, so she understood where Rain was coming from.
There was no answer as Eva began to beat on the door. Rain was probably holed up in her room, trying to shut everyone else out.
"Come on, Rain!" Eva shouted. "Answer the door!"
She glanced back across the street. Everyone was looking at her as if she was on some kind of hidden camera show.
"Go back to what you were doing," she muttered, turning back to the door. She reached down and grabbed the doorknob, turning it slightly. It wasn't locked and it swung open with ease.
Eva stepped into Rain's front room to immediately be met by the smell of days-old pizza and dirty laundry. It was actually the first time she'd ever entered Rain's home and it was an eye-opening experience.
"I was never this much of a slob when I was eighteen," Eva muttered, trying not to inhale as she looked around the house.
There were old clothes strewn about the living room, haphazardly lying wherever they had been thrown when Rain took them off. Beside the couch was a stack of old pizza boxes with flies buzzing close by.
"Maybe it's not such a good thing wolves have tried human life," Eva said.
She wasn't sure how a wolf's digestive system could handle that much pizza. In the wild they wouldn't have to worry about clothes or cleaning up after themselves, but Rain had lived within a city her entire life. She was part of a new generation of wolf, one who had never felt the kiss of the night air or the taste of a fresh kill as you sunk your teeth into it. At least that's how Rowan had put it to her, despite the fact that he had grown up in Bucklin himself. But his parents had spent a good bit of his childhood teaching him to respect his roots and taking him on hunts. That was slowly being phased out as the wolves became more and more domesticated. Eva wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. She had warned Rowan about denying his inner wolf, afraid the beast would eventually take control. She felt that way for all the wolves; without the call of the wild they were basically just large humans who could transform into a wolf if they felt like it.
"What do you want?" Rain called from her bedroom, her voice racked with emotion.
"I'm just here to talk to you," Eva called to her.
The house was set up much like Rowan's, without a lot to it. She was shocked Rain could smell her all the way in the living room amid the haze of funk that seemed to settle in the air. Eva could almost see a green cloud hanging above all the furniture.
She shuddered before heading for the bedroom while making a mental note to come back later with heavy-duty cleaning gear. It would take all of her effort, but she would have this place spotless before too long.
She walked into Rain's bedroom, which was surprisingly clean compared to the living room. Maybe Rain just liked to nest in front of the TV, creating a special little den in that area. It made Eva shudder again to think of what an actual den in the wild would look like with this one at the helm. By comparison Rowan's house was clean and clutter free, except for the layer of dust on everything. That was a man thing, though; Eva had always noticed men couldn't dust to save their lives. They were also really bad at sweeping for some reason. She made another mental note to inspect the kitchen floor when she got home.
"Just leave me alone," Rain said, looking up from the pillow. Her beautiful, soft features were marred by the puffy redness that remained after someone had just finished bawling their eyes out.
"It's okay, girly," Eva said, sitting down on the end of the bed. "I'm just here to check on you."
"I'm fine," Rain said, sitting up and sniffing. "I just made a complete ass of myself in front of everyone important to me."
"Hawk and his girlfriend are important to you?" Eva asked, cocking one eyebrow.
"Oh, screw him and his hussy," Rain said, flipping her hand dismissively. "I'm talking about Rowan and you."
"Rowan will get over it," Eva said. "And I'm already over it. I was eighteen once too, you know. Not that long ago, actually."
"I know," Rain said, finally calming down. "It's not that, though. I saw Rowan hugging another woman and it just woke something up inside of me, something deep in me that demanded I right the wrong I was seeing."
Eva stiffened and tried to keep her facial expression neutral, but it was hard. A lot of her suspicions were being confirmed the more she observed the wolves around her. This wasn't good at all.
"Was it your wolf that was bothering you?" Eva asked, trying to sound casual.
Rain perked up and looked at Eva like she'd just revealed a long-hidden secret. "Yes, actually it was. How did you know?"
"Just a hunch," Eva said. "Why do you think your wolf is being so impulsive and pushing you so hard?"
"I don't fucking know!" Rain cried, throwing her hands up in defeat. "She's
a moody bitch."
"She's you, though, Rain," Eva said. "I had this same talk with Rowan. You can't think of your wolf as a different person. It's you."
"I guess you're right," Rain said.
"I don't think you understand," Eva said. "You can't deny your wolf. It's a part of you; you can't lock part of yourself up. This is how some humans go crazy. They find out something about themselves they don't like and they bury it deep inside without seeking help or talking about it. It festers for years and eventually they go insane and murder twenty people."
Rain looked at Eva like she was crazy while pondering her words. "That's a giant leap to make."
"Yes, I'm using hyperbole, but it's true. Maybe if some people who are mentally ill would seek help earlier in life, they wouldn't snap one day."
"Are you saying being a wolf is being mentally ill?"
"No, that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm just saying the wolf is a part of you, a very big part. If you treat it like it's a different personality and try to ignore it, eventually it's going to bite you in the ass. It's already bit Rowan several times when he's lost his temper and killed on account of needing to protect me."
"That was good of Rowan to do, though."
"No, it wasn't, Rain. Nobody deserves to die and nobody has the right to take another's life. Even Aster understood what Rowan did was wrong."
"Aster would have killed those men too. He was just upset that Rowan did it so publicly and in a place he could easily be caught."
"Okay, well, this is all beside the point. If Rowan had embraced his wild side more and let it have more of a say, it wouldn't have taken over in such a blind rage like that."
"So you're saying my wolf is starting to control me against my will?"
"Again, Rain, it's not a different person living inside of you. But yes, that part of you is going to start becoming more and more dominant."
"So what do I do?"
"What does that part of you want more than anything else? What's the biggest desire it's pushing you towards?"
Rain shook her head and buried her face in her hands, letting out a long exhale before looking back up. Her face was now flushed with embarrassment. "It wants to mate. It wants to find a man and just take him to fucking town."
"Really?"
"Hell, yes."
"You're a virgin?"
"No," Rain said, biting her bottom lip. "I've had sex, but it's never been satisfying. It's always with a guy I could give two shits about. My wolf, err, that part of me wants a companion."
"You mean you want to settle down?"
"I suppose, but the thought of children makes my skin crawl."
"That's okay," Eva said, putting a hand up to calm her friend. "You don't have to have children when settling down with someone. I've known plenty of people married for years and years with no children."
"So what do we do?"
Eva smiled devilishly. "Tonight we're going out."
Chapter 3
Rain could barely concentrate on her makeup. The sound of Eva cursing and the noise of the vacuum were almost too much for her fragile mind. What was the big deal, anyway? She didn't see why she had to live like anyone else. Men never came to her place, so why did it have to look presentable?
"Because she's trying to hook you up with someone tonight, stupid," Rain said to herself as she leaned over toward the mirror and did her eye makeup.
It was a nice gesture; Eva wanted her to give in to her wolf and find someone, but Rain just hadn't had any luck in that department. Every guy had a flaw, usually one she just couldn't get around.
They were either too full of themselves, or too busy trying to look down her shirt, or too overbearing, or too meek, or too wimpy, or too macho, and they all sucked in bed. Sex was always the same. They would get on top, pin her legs over their shoulders and start jackhammering her like they were starting an important construction project. Sure, she liked rough sex, but every guy assumed that trying to dig to China through her vagina was the best course of action. Then they would usually spin her over, grab her hips and start pounding away from behind before invariably tensing up and blowing their load all over her lower back before she was even warmed up. Rain wasn't sure she'd ever had an orgasm from a man.
"It'll be more of the same," she said to herself. "Eva found one of the good ones, but she has no idea."
Rain had enthusiastically suggested they go to Cowboy's Landing. There usually weren't any shifters there and she had a better chance of finding a human she liked than a wolf. But Eva was still uncomfortable returning there, after she just vanished on them.
The entire situation with Eva's "kidnapping" had been cleared up, thank god. Her father had gone to the newspaper after she called him and told everyone she wasn't missing, she'd just run away with a boyfriend. He'd also managed to call her a whore and disown her all in the same interview. The police were still focusing on the blood and the missing biker, but they had announced Eva wasn't connected to it and let their investigation of her drop. Her father had probably greased some palms to get them to shut up and keep his name out of it; at least that's what Eva had told Rain.
Still, Eva didn't feel right going into a place where she had basically vanished after the first night of work. Sure, it had been out of her control, but her boss and co-workers didn't know that.
"What the hell is that?" Eva cried from the living room. "Is that mold or a dead animal? Is it growling at me?"
Rain had to admit, she was a slob. But she just couldn't be bothered to keep the place up when she was the only one who ever saw it. She'd thought about cleaning when she was talking about having a girls' night out with Eva, but so much heavy shit had gone down since Eva's arrival that fun days were few and far between.
There was a tension around town, one that really bothered Rain. Rumors were starting to get out about Satan's Angels. More and more wolves had spotted their bikers hanging around the outskirts of town. Crow's death had been covered up, but rumors were still flying about that. His pack was still running leaderless and Forrest had completely disappeared from town. Nobody knew why, except the alpha council, which now consisted of Aster, Hawk and Thorn. Rowan had begun sitting in on the meetings as an emergency member and there was even talk of him taking over the Blood Moon pack, although nobody in the pack would go for that. Crow had the most petulant, power-hungry pack Rain had ever had the displeasure of knowing. If Eva hadn't just told her that Oakdale was the pack that had betrayed Bucklin, she would automatically assume it was the Blood Moon pack.
That tension would probably be felt in the bars and businesses around town too. How could she let loose and have a good time when every wolf was wondering if his time was up? Everyone was expecting war in the streets, so how could they have fun?
"Die! Die! Die!" Eva screamed from the living room. Rain heard a terrible squealing and the sound of a broom slamming against the floor.
"I knew I heard scratching around those pizza boxes," Rain said, laughing. "Hey, Eva! I'm going to get some food! Do you want anything?"
It was still early in the day and they weren't going out until later, but Rain definitely needed the fuel. Her stomach was grumbling and her wolf was growling for sustenance. She wondered what it had been like in the days when you had to hunt and kill your food. Three meals a day were never guaranteed. Rain was happy she lived in this time period and not a wilder one.
"Where are you going?" Eva asked, appearing in the doorway glistening with sweat. She looked like something out of a movie, with her ratty clothes and do-rag tied around her head.
"Would you like some pancakes, Aunt Jemimah?" Rain asked, trying to stifle her laughter.
"Very funny," Eva said, rolling her eyes. "I wouldn't look like this if someone could clean up after herself."
"I don't ever entertain guests," Rain said. "Why bother?"
"I don't know," Eva said, sounding absolutely exasperated.
"Sanitation? Disease prevention?"
"We don't suffer the same diseases you guys do," Rain said, finishing her makeup and turning around. "If we can't get drunk, what makes you think we'll get a cold too?"
"I never thought about it like that," Eva said. She considered Rain's words before looking up with confusion all over her pretty face. "Why do you have bars in this town if you can't get drunk?"
"I guess that does look funny, doesn't it? It's because all of the damn wolves in this town like to be as human as possible. They like a place to congregate and talk at night, and some of them even drink alcohol. The Blood Moon pack is famous for acting like they're drunk."
"Interesting."
"Yeah, plus we get a lot of tourists and people passing through who like to stop and have a drink. Maybe there'll be a cute one tonight."
"You're definitely set on a human?" Eva looked at her apprehensively.
"Well why not?" Rain asked, crossing her arms petulantly. "Wolves suck. I hate male wolves. All they want to do is mate with me for life, knock me up and then brag about how they're continuing their bloodline. I don't want any of that noise."
"But you want a relationship?" Eva looked like she didn't believe a word Rain was saying.
"Well, that's what you think my wolf wants." Rain considered it for a minute, really turning it over in her head. "You know what I want?"
"What's that?"
"A man who's going to rock my world. I don't want to be claimed and I don't want to be tamed. I want a wild, unchained man who's going to take me to places I've never been."
"Every young girl thinks she wants that," Eva said, trying to sound motherly. "But then she meets the one and realizes that's just a little girl's dream."
"That's what you think," Rain said, turning her nose up defiantly.
"It's what I know. You know, I was where you were, Rain. I was dealing with asshole after asshole. Then I lived with the absolute worst guy I could ever be in a relationship with. Then I met Rowan, and it all fell into place for me."