Still, she was a good Christian girl and she felt that living with him without benefit of marriage wasn’t an option for her. Others may be comfortable with it, but she knew that she never would be. It was her option to feel that way and she accepted it.
Max thought about talking to her pastor at Antioch, but he and her father were friends. Most likely he wouldn’t say anything to her father, but she wasn’t about to take that chance.
She decided to talk to Reverend Ferguson, Matthew’s uncle instead and called him to make an appointment. She was glad that he was able to see her later that day and planned to meet him at the church at the end of her shift.
She left the gym after four and headed to the church and was glad when she pulled up that only one car was there.
She got out and tried the front doors, but they were locked and then went to the side of the building finding an open door.
“Hello?”
“In here,” she heard a voice call out.
Just then Reverend Ferguson stepped into the hallway.
“The church secretary is out today or she would have been here to greet you,” he said.
Max smiled at him. All of the Fergusons looked a lot alike and she could see the resemblance between him and his son, Jeremy and Matthew.
“Come into my office,” Reverend Ferguson said.
Max sat down and looked around. There were several degrees on his wall as well as some scripture plaques.
“So what’s on your mind Maxine?” he asked. “I was surprised when you called to have a conference with me.”
Max took a deep breath. “I was abducted and raped when I was thirteen years old.”
She went on to tell Reverend Ferguson about the ordeal and he didn’t interrupt her, nodding from time to time. She then told him about her relationship with Matthew and that he’d asked her to marry him.
“My faith in God has been sorely tested. I kept asking him why this had to happen to me. I felt envious of my sister and Eric watching them interact as husband and wife. They looked so in love and happy and I wanted that for myself, but then I couldn’t see how that was possible with all I’ve been through.”
“How is your counseling going?” He asked.
“It’s very helpful and I know that I’m getting better every day. However Dr. Nelson can’t help me in some areas. She’s not a minister and that’s why I came to you.”
“You have questions, Maxine and you’ve been through a terrible ordeal. No one has all the answers and I can’t tell you why bad things happen to good people or why we as Christians have to suffer through things in this life.”
“Yes, well despite all that, I still have my faith in God, though I was mad at him for a time.” Max replied.
“That’s understandable. Are you still mad?” He asked.
“A little, but it’s something I’m working through. I stayed with Matthew last night, all night.” Max said, looking at him. “I wanted to stay with him. He knows all about my past and I want to be able to have a decent relationship with a man. We’re a couple and he asked me to marry him.”
“What do you expect me to say to that, Maxine,” he asked. “I can’t condone premarital sex.”
“I know we’re not married yet and you probably think its wrong, but I don’t want to rush into marriage just because of some rule the church has. I don’t expect you to condone it; it’s just that I’m conflicted about doing it.”
“Of course you are.” Reverend Ferguson nodded. “That’s understandable.”
“I mean, last night was the first night in a long time that I’ve had a peaceful night’s sleep. Matthew was there and I felt protected. I wasn’t alone. It felt right for me. We haven’t actually, you know, had intercourse, but I love him and he loves me. I don’t know when I’ll be ready for that. I guess I’m here because I feel in my heart that God understands my dilemma. I don’t know when I’ll be ready for sex and if I’m not ready, I can’t expect Matthew to put up with that for very long. Yet the two of us being together last night and what we did do intimately just felt right to me. I’m not sorry I did it.”
Reverend Ferguson sighed. “So you’re telling me that even though you didn’t have intercourse, that you shared some intimate acts together and now you’re feeling conflicted about it.”
“Yes.”
“Maxine, sex isn’t a bad thing. Your feelings aren’t a bad thing. Sex was designed for marriage only because God knew our hard hearts. He gave us boundaries for a reason. Sex is so much better for us in a sacred union of marriage the way God designed it. I can understand your hesitation and you and Matthew both want to get married and that in itself means something.”
“I just want to be sure that I’ll be able to be a wife to him and not have him in a marriage that he won’t be satisfied with. I want him to be happy.” Max said as tears began to fall. She pulled a tissue from the box on the pastor’s desk. “I mean, I have these triggers. If he’s on top of me, I have flashbacks. Things were getting better until Rogers showed up again, now it’s like I have to start all over. Matthew wants to get married right away but I’m afraid that he’ll come to hate me if I can’t get over this.”
“Maxine, if Matthew asked you to marry him and he knows all about your past, then I’m sure that he’s prepared to be patient with you. At some point you’ve got to trust your love and trust God to help you through this. You and Matthew should both come to me for marriage counseling and I will talk to you together.”
“All right. He doesn’t know that I’m here, but I will tell him.”
“If you don’t mind me asking, what did the two of you do last night?”
Max felt her face flush as she concentrated on her hands that were in her lap. She quietly related what had happened between her and Matthew the night before. When she was finished, she was afraid to look up.
“Maxine,”
Slowly she raised her head and the pastor reached over and took her hand in his.
“It’s obvious to me that you love him and that he loves you. At some point you have to trust that love. You’ve got to believe that the two of you can work through this and then you give it your best efforts. Just from what you’ve shared, I believe that you’re halfway there. You wouldn’t have been able to do what you did if you weren’t on the road to recovery. Don’t give up on yourself.”
“That’s what Dr. Nelson said,” Max replied, smiling through her tears.
“Seek God’s direction in all things,” Reverend Ferguson said seriously. “I believe that God knows your heart and your intentions. The law clearly says not to kill, but if we’re at war, killing happens which is different from outright murder. I believe that God does not use a wide brush of the law to judge us but I believe that he views each situation through his eyes of grace and mercy. I’m not condoning premarital sex, but I don’t believe that God is ready to strike you down with a bolt of lightning for trying to work through your issues with your husband to be.”
Max smiled feeling relieved.
“I want to set up an appointment for both you and Matthew to come in to talk,” he said, opening his desk calendar.
Max was glad to get that off of her chest. She left the office feeling a lot better and decided to call Matthew once she got home.
Matthew’s phone buzzed just as he was leaving the agency. He saw that it was Max and quickly answered.
“Hey,”
“Hey. Where are you?” Max asked.
“I’m just leaving the office.” Matthew said, getting into his car. “I was just going to call you and ask you to meet me for dinner.”
“Great, because we need to talk.” Max replied.
“Come over to my place about seven.” Matthew said. “I’m picking up Chinese.”
After talking to Max a little longer, Matthew picked up the food and headed home. He wondered if Max was having regrets about spending the night with him. He hoped not.
He pulled into his driveway and quickly exited the car looking at
his watch. Most likely Max would arrive in less than an hour.
He quickly entered his home and put the food in the kitchen and decided to take a quick shower. He had just finished dressing when he heard the doorbell and quickly walked to the door.
“Hey,” Max said with a smile at him.
“Come on in.” Matthew said, turning around and heading to the kitchen. “I’ll warm the food up.”
It wasn’t long before they were both sitting at the table about to eat and then they both started to speak at once.
“You go first,” Max said.
Matthew fingered the ring in his pocket. He looked across the table, her brown eyes wide with anticipation. He pulled out the ring.
“I’ve asked you to marry me, but I’ll ask again, Max.” he said, quickly getting on one knee. “Will you marry me?”
Max gasped and looked at the ring he was holding.
“Oh Matthew, it’s beautiful,” she sniffed picking up the ring.
“Is that a yes?” he asked quirking a brow.
“Yes.”
He stood up and took the ring from her slipping it on her finger.
“Good. Now it’s official.”
He pulled her to her feet kissing her.
“I’ll make you happy Maxine,” he said, holding her tightly.
“I know,” she replied grinning.
CHAPTER 30
His mouth is most sweet, Yes he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend. Song of Songs 5:16
Max’s heart felt as if it was about to beat out of her chest. It was July 4th weekend and she was about to marry Matthew Ferguson. Both she and Matthew had settled on the date after agreeing to weekly visits with her doctor. The date had just felt right in her heart and even though their families had been concerned, they had given them their full support.
She sat before the mirror fully dressed and ready. Her mother and Nadine were close by and she knew that Matthew was waiting for her to walk into the church on her father’s arm.
Jesse James stood in the doorway and Max could see his reflection in the mirror.
“You look beautiful, Maxine.”
Max gave him a small smile. She hadn’t expected her father to give her away after the way he’d acted with Nadine, but he’d done a total turn around and Max was glad.
She’d chose an off white gown because she hadn’t felt comfortable with white even though her mother kept insisting that white only meant that it was your first wedding.
She had chosen to keep things simple, only inviting their immediate families to the ceremony.
She stood and took her father’s arm and closed her eyes. She vowed to herself that she would do whatever possible to be the very best wife she could for Matthew.
She decided to have the wedding at Antioch, but the reception at First Baptist. Both ministers were officiating the ceremony.
They walked into the sanctuary and she could see Matthew standing in the front dressed in his black suit. Her pastor and his uncle were both standing with him. Jeremy and his wife had come down and he was standing with Matthew as his best man.
Even though they still hadn’t gone all the way so to speak, she had shared his bed every night and he hadn’t pressured her. Now that they were going to be married, she had made up in her mind to give him what was rightfully his, not because she had to, but because she wanted to make him happy. She’d made up her mind that if any triggers reared their ugly head, that she’d work through them.
Matthew took her hand and they turned and faced the ministers. She would steal glances at him every now and then.
“Maxine, you have some vows that you want to share. You can read them now,” Reverend Ferguson said.
She turned and looked at Matthew. She willed herself not to cry as she read what she’d written.
“Matthew, I vow to be faithful to you and to be the very best wife that I can. I promise to love you with all my heart for the rest of my life and to trust you with my heart. I trust you to lead me through the unknown things and to make those things better for me than I could possibly imagine. I trust you with everything. You are my husband, and I want you to be my husband in every way.”
She folded the paper and looked at him. He gave her a smile and mouthed ‘I love you.’
“Matthew, do you have vows you want to share,”
Matthew looked at Max.
“Max, I am so proud of you. You are a strong woman and I vow to help you grow stronger every day. I promise to be patient and as loving to you as your husband. My desire is to love you all of my days and to show you that the trust you place in me is not taken lightly. You were broken long ago due to circumstance beyond your control. I’ve gathered up those pieces of your heart and joined them to my own heart and now we have one heartbeat beating together. What was stolen from you, I will redeem. What was damaged, I will restore, where you were dead inside, I will bring back to life. With all my will and with all my strength I will make this happen as we take this journey together. This is my promise.”
Max couldn’t hold back the tears as she looked at Matthew. The minster’s voice droned on in the background, but she couldn’t think. She could only look into the brown eyes of her husband and feel the warmth of them on her face.
Before she knew it, they were kissing and were man and wife. Max couldn’t remember ever being this happy.
They had a simple reception, but the place was packed with people. Max suspected that their parents had invited extra people to the reception who hadn’t been invited to the wedding. It was after Matthew tossed the garter to the eligible men that she spotted Dr. Nelson in the crowd.
Once everyone started dancing, she made her way over to the doctor.
“I’m surprised you came,” she said, grinning at her.
“Of course I was coming,” Dr. Nelson responded. “I’m happy for you Maxine and I’m here whenever you need me.”
“I know,” she nodded giving her a hug.
“I was moved by the vows, especially your husband’s,” Dr. Nelson said as Max slipped into the seat beside her.
“I know. I didn’t know he was going to say all that.”
“But he said it from his heart, and that’s what counts,” Dr. Nelson said, sipping her drink. “Are you two going away for your honeymoon?”
“No, we’re waiting until after the election to go away,” Max said. “Since we have a long weekend, we’re going to Florida which is why we married on a Friday instead of Saturday. We’ll be leaving by plane in a few hours.”
“Well, good luck.” Dr. Nelson kissed her cheek.
“Thanks.”
Matthew was glad that they were able slip out of the reception and arrive at the airport with time to spare. Everyone was congratulating them since Max still had on her wedding gown.
“I should have changed!” Max said. “This gown is getting on my nerves!”
“I told you to change at the reception but you were talking to everyone and you knew that we had a plane to catch.” Matthew reminded her.
“I know,” Max said, nodding. “It’s my own fault.”
“Well, we only have one stop and we’ll be there in four hours.” Matthew reminded her.
Max groaned. “I hope I can make it in this dress.”
On the flight they received more congratulations. Max envied Matthew who was able to remove his suit jacket and tie and loosen his shirt. The dress felt confining as it was form fitting, however she was glad that she didn’t have a long train to be stepped on.
She was glad when the exited the airport in Miami and found that Matthew had a limo waiting for them to take them to the hotel. She breathed a sigh of relief once he’d retrieved their luggage and they were on their way.
Matthew had reserved a weekend for them at the Eden Roc in Miami Beach. Max had never been to Florida and she could tell as they pulled up in front of the hotel that Matthew had gone all out.
More whistles rang out as she walked across the lobby in her go
wn. She was tired but gave a good natured wave to the guests who were looking at them. She just wanted to get to her room.
They took the elevator and she realized that Matthew had gotten a large suite overlooking the ocean. Max had never seen such a magnificent hotel.
“It’s beautiful,” she said, walking out onto the balcony.
“You’re beautiful,” Matthew said, walking up behind her. “Now I know you want to get out of that dress that you’ve been wearing forever.”
“Yes, I do.” Max grinned. She turned her back to him for him to unzip the dress, and he quickly complied.
“I’ll be back in a minute.” He walked to the door of the suite. “I’ll give you a few minutes to get into something sexy so that I can take it off.”
“Don’t take too long,” she teased.
Max heard the door shut and quickly pulled off the gown. She stared at her reflection in the full length mirror.
“You can do this,” she said to her reflection before quickly removing the rest of her clothes.
Nadine had given her a beautiful aqua floor-length nightgown that had long slits on the side and left nothing to the imagination. It didn’t even have panties, and Max looked at her reflection clearly able to see all of her assets.
She heard the door open and quickly turned around to face Matthew.
Matthew walked into the hall went down to the lounge for a quick drink in order to give Maxine time.
He’d already made up his mind that if she wasn’t ready for sex that he would just deal with it even though he knew he’d be disappointed.
He sipped his drink as he thought about Max. They hadn’t actually had sex yet. She’d slept over every night and even though they touched each other until they each climaxed, a part of him hoped that she was feeling unfulfilled as much as he was. He longed to be inside her, he craved it. Regardless of his feelings however, he was willing to wait for her.
He finished his drink and headed back to the room hoping for a miracle.
Broken: The sequel to THE PREACHER'S SON Page 37