by Karen Kirst
“Oh, Miss Siddons.” Timothy shook his head slowly. “Our plan ruined your life, too. For that, I am so sorry. You see, when all of this occurred, I never considered that it would affect you at all.”
“I know.” She gave him a tremulous smile. “I don’t blame you. We don’t always look before we leap.”
“Taking you home to Tansley is the very least I can do,” he replied. “I will talk to Mr. Reed and apologize. Then we will make our journey.”
The door opened, and Reed strolled in. Hannah forced herself to look him in the eye. He was so very aloof and forbidding, where once he had been warm and teasing. There was nothing in his expression or bearing that spoke of welcome to her. He eyed her coldly and passed by without even a curt nod.
She rose, a little unsteady on her feet. “Gentlemen, if you will excuse me.”
“I believe only one of us is a true gentleman,” Reed replied, a mocking grin spreading over his handsome face.
Timothy reddened, but accepted the insult without complaint. “I will see you in a little bit, Miss Siddons.”
She nodded and curtsied to both men, then quit the room. There was really not much left to do. She was already in traveling attire, and her valise was still packed. The only thing she could think of to occupy herself was to make a list of things to finish for the two maids. She took the stairs two at a time, wanting to be done but at the same time, wanting to stay.
“Hannah.” Jane was waiting at the top of the stairs. “What’s happening?”
“Mr. Holdcroft is talking to your brother. I don’t know anything more.” She brushed past Jane and opened the door to her room.
Jane followed her in. “My brother is furious still?”
“I imagine he will be, for some time.” Hannah took a sheet of foolscap from the dresser drawer and sat, dipping a quill into some ink.
“What are you doing?” Jane moved over to stand beside her.
“I am making a list of items for Amelia and Lucinda to finish for your wardrobe,” Hannah muttered. She began writing.
Take measurements for ball gown. Have Miss Jane try it on, for it has just been basted together, and a close fit in the bodice is necessary for the proper finish.
“Why?” Jane peered at the list.
The lapels for the riding jacket are finished and ready to be attached.
“I will be leaving soon.” A sudden, unreasonable anger suffused Hannah. Jane had deceived her, too. Jane had been blinded by love, rendered selfish by her own desires, but in the process, she had run roughshod over all of Hannah’s own hopes and dreams.
Be sure the ruching for the rough straw day bonnet has been pulled tightly, and use the Valenciennes lace for trim.
“Where are you going?” Jane’s eyes filled with tears.
“I am going back to Tansley, where I belong.” At any other time, she would have ended the conversation there, but the stubborn, unreasonable anger would not abate. “Do you have any idea what you have done? You told your brother that I helped you in your romance, when you know full well I did no such thing.”
The embroidery for the evening shawl must still be done. Embroider over silk pads for a raised effect.
“But—” Jane began, her face drained of all color.
“I don’t want to hear it.” Hannah finished the list with a flourish, dropping her quill to one side. “Your brother thinks of me as a liar no matter what I say. Very well, then. You two can go about your lives, wrecking into every poor person you meet. I am done. I will go home to do what I should have done before. Now I can’t go back to the shop, because I gave it away. So, I must resign myself to being an old maiden aunt, living in my sisters’ homes.” She rose, looking Jane squarely in the eye. “I love you as a sister. But I am so angry with you right now that I scarcely dare to speak to you, for fear of saying something truly hateful.” She thrust the list at Jane. “Do something useful, for once, and give this to your maids. Not Beth, of course. She’s been sacked. Another victim of the Reed selfishness.”
Jane accepted the crumpled list, tears streaming down her face. “I never meant for John to be angry with you. I’ll talk to him.”
“Don’t you dare.” Hannah rushed past her. “I made a fool of myself, believing that your brother really liked me, that he trusted me, and that he thought of me as more than plain old Nan Siddons. I don’t need any more help being humiliated.”
Jane followed her out onto the landing. “Hannah, don’t go. Please let me mend the damage I’ve caused. At least let me talk to John, for I think you must be in love with my brother.”
“Of course I am,” Hannah snapped, trotting down the stairs. “But I am also an idiot.”
*
“All I can hope is to win you over to my side by behaving in an honorable fashion from now on.” Timothy Holdcroft gave John an earnest look. “I won’t see your sister again without your permission.”
“I think, for the moment, that my permission is denied.” John sighed. All the anger had drained out of him, and now he needed to think. Yet he couldn’t think about this unless he had someone there to mull it over with him. He would normally depend on Sid for help, but if she had aided and abetted this relationship, then he was not about to trust her yet. “Does your family know about this debacle?”
“I am sure my mother has found my letter by now.” Timothy cleared his throat. “I must go home to make amends with her, too. Though to be honest, I would rather stay and face your anger, sir.”
Despite himself, John gave a short bark of laughter. “You don’t think your mother is pleased with you?”
“I know she isn’t.” Timothy nodded slowly. “You see, my mother still wants us all to behave as we would if our family fortune had not been lost. She would be appalled at anything that could sully the family name, even if our family isn’t of the ton any longer. Not that she’s a snob,” he hastened to add. “It’s just that, well, she wants us to never forget where we came from, even if our current circumstances are straightened.”
John nodded. “There’s something to be said for maintaining a certain standard in a family. For years I rebelled against it myself.” Until he found Mother’s diary and understood what she meant by duty and loyalty. Everything she did was done out of love, not a sense of obligation. It was a concept that was hard to understand and harder still to apply to his own life, but he was trying. As angry as he was, he was still trying.
“I wouldn’t say I’ve resisted it,” Timothy replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “The only time I have gone against it was to marry Jane. I love her, Mr. Reed. I can make her happy. I beg of you to let me try.”
“I must consider the matter further.” John folded his arms across his chest. He must act out of love, but at the same time, he could not act too rashly. “When I have made a decision, I will let you know.”
“Thank you.” Timothy held out his hand, and John shook it.
Despite himself, he found himself liking Timothy Holdcroft. He was no Lothario, that much was certain. He cared about his family. He professed to want none of Jane’s fortune, and somehow, his words were believable. If he went ahead and gave his consent, though, then he would seem too easily persuaded. So, he must wait just a bit to make sure he wasn’t merely charmed by the Holdcroft family, or eager to end an unpleasant scenario in his life. After all, he had always run away from circumstances like this before because they weren’t any fun. Now, if he was to prove himself a true master of Grant Park, he must struggle from beginning to end, no matter how unpleasant it was. He would remember Mother’s credo as he worked through it, but he must have some time to think over the problem.
A knock sounded on the door, and Sid stepped in. “I am ready when you are, Mr. Holdcroft.”
John’s heart lurched at the sight of her pale face and packed valise. Was Sid eloping with Timothy now? “What is going on here?”
“I am going home to Tansley, to face my mother,” Timothy replied. “Miss Siddons asked to come along so that she m
ay be with her sisters.”
“Yes, sir.” Sid turned to him with the same brisk, businesslike demeanor she had used in the earliest moments of their acquaintance. “I suppose I am still discharged. In preparation for my departure, I have left behind a list of orders for Lucinda and Amelia. Once they have finished them, Miss Reed’s wardrobe should be complete enough, at least until you reach London and can have some work done by a proper seamstress.”
This couldn’t be happening. She was leaving? She wasn’t supposed to go for a year, at least. Yes, he had snapped at her, and yes, he was furious with her, but he did not expect her departure. “I don’t know that I am happy with this” was all he could manage.
“I assure you, it’s for the best,” she replied, giving him a terse smile. Her blue eyes held a bright sparkle that could be anger or tears; it was hard to tell which. “Miss Reed will have an ample wardrobe for her first few weeks in London. I thank you for this opportunity, Mr. Reed. It has certainly been life changing.” She turned to Timothy. “Shall we go?”
He gave her a courtly bow. “Yes, if it’s your pleasure.”
She threaded her arm through Timothy’s elbow, and the pair walked out of the parlor.
John followed, jealousy writhing within him as he watched Sid walk arm in arm with Timothy. She could not go. He must have a chance to think the matter through, and he couldn’t, not if she was gone. “I am not done with you, Miss Siddons.”
She paused, turning to face him. “Is there more, sir?”
“There is, but I shan’t say it in mixed company,” he replied, nodding at Timothy. For his part, Timothy stood stolidly by her side. The fellow was certainly unperturbed by unpleasant situations, and the way in which he was squiring Sid away from an unhappy state of affairs would have caused admiration at any other time, and under any other circumstances.
“Well, then, perhaps you can put it in a letter,” she replied tartly. “I have given you many weeks of hard work and the wardrobe I have created will stand your sister in good stead. I wish her every happiness. And you,” she added, her expression softening a trifle.
With that, she nodded to Timothy, and they left the house. His carriage—hired, no doubt—waited outside by the portico. Timothy handed her inside and then climbed onto the box, whipping the horses up.
The carriage traced a semicircle in front of the house. He strained for a glimpse of Sid, but the curtains remained drawn. If she would but turn, he could wave or give some sign that, despite his anger, he still needed her. The curtains did not so much as flutter. With a profound sinking feeling, the realization hit him.
She was not going to look back.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Hannah looked down at her breakfast, the eggs congealing onto the plate. Her stomach turned.
“Eat, eat, it will do you good,” Daniel urged from his end of the table. “I have never seen you looking so peaked, Nan.”
She gave her brother-in-law a halfhearted smile and poked at the eggs with her fork. “I am really not so very hungry, Daniel. Is Susannah coming down?”
“She usually has her morning tea in bed, and then she will be down to breakfast later,” Daniel replied. He took another bite of ham and eggs. “You came here last night in such a state, Nan. Do you want to talk about it?”
Hannah paused. In some ways, she felt compelled to tell the whole sorry story to Susannah, and withstand all the judgment and questions that would come with it. Her eldest sister had been the head of the family for as long as she could recall, and as such, she should know about the excruciating embarrassment to which Hannah had exposed the family. On the other hand, Daniel was like the elder brother she’d never had. He was kind, and he understood. Moreover, he had a long history of making terrible mistakes that rendered him more sympathetic to the plights of mere mortals than Susannah, who hardly ever made a cake of herself. If she could tell Daniel first, it might help her later when she had to relate the whole sorry tale to her elder sisters.
“I failed,” she said simply. She stared down at her plate and the eggs grew blurry as tears filled her eyes. She would not cry now. Crying was reserved for nighttime, when she could bury her head in her pillow and weep soundlessly. She blinked rapidly and bit down on the inside of her cheek. The pain sharpened her focus. “I don’t know what went wrong, Daniel. Here is what I can tell you. Yesterday, Timothy Holdcroft went to Grant Park to ask John for Jane’s hand in marriage, and instead, they tried to elope. John and I caught them before they got out of the county, for their carriage had broken down. We got Jane home, and Timothy came back to Tansley. I rode home with him yesterday.”
“How did you fail?” Daniel helped himself to a slice of toast from the silver toast rack. “It sounds to me like the matter was between Jane and her brother.”
“Somehow, and I don’t know just how, Timothy and Jane were able to communicate through me every time I came home to Tansley.” She sighed. “John thought I was helping their romance along, when really, I had no idea. I promised him that I would help Jane with her London debut, but instead, it looks like I went behind his back to help his sister. He believes that I lied to him, and he discharged me.”
“That’s absurd.” Daniel slathered butter over the toast. “Are you sure I can’t interest you in toast and jam? Here. Try some, it will do you good. Eggs are difficult to eat, even at the best of times.” He slid a china plate down to her, with two pieces of toast and jam.
She took a careful bite, unsure if her stomach would stage a revolt. The jam was sweet and soothing, like the kind of food she used to eat as a child in the nursery. She shoved the egg plate away and took another bite of the toast.
“That’s a good girl,” Daniel said with a smile. “You can’t think straight if you are starving yourself. Now, John dismissed you?”
“I suppose so. He threatened to, and I took him at his word. I was sure he was on the verge of it.” She took a sip of tea. It was bracingly hot and comforting. “I decided to dismiss myself, first. Besides, Timothy was coming home to Tansley. I figured I might as well save time and energy by riding with him.”
Daniel laughed, but somehow, she didn’t mind when he laughed at her. “Nan, that is so much like you. Practical and efficient, even when in the depths of despair. But why did you show yourself the door? You should know by now that John has a temper. He explodes like fireworks, but then it all fizzles out. He’s a jolly fellow most of the time, and his temper never endures for long. I know that both John and Jane like the work you have done. Why deny yourself the chance to do more?”
“I couldn’t bear it if he didn’t trust me any longer,” she blurted. “I value his opinion of me far too much.”
“I see.” Daniel gazed at her, his brown eyes softening. “You think highly of him, then.”
There was no use hedging. Daniel had guessed at the truth anyway. “I made the awful mistake of falling in love with him. Of course, he can’t love me. I am not the kind of woman he is looking for to be mistress of Grant Park. When he started believing me to be a liar, it hurt as badly as if he had cut me with a knife. I couldn’t abide the look in his eyes. I couldn’t tolerate the feeling that I had failed him. So I left.” She took a restorative sip of tea, allowing the golden liquid to wash the bitterness down her throat.
“Oh, Nan.” Daniel shook his head. “It’s not an awful mistake, and you are precisely the kind of woman that Grant Park needs. Any man would be proud to call you his wife. And if he didn’t, he would have to answer to me.”
Despite her misery, Hannah chuckled. “You’re just saying that, but it’s nice to hear.”
“You know me well enough to know by now that I don’t give pretty speeches.” Daniel gave her an affectionate smile. “Of you and Becky, you were always my favorite sister of Susannah’s. I’ve felt a kinship with you from the moment we met. A man knows where he stands with you, and he knows you will always be honest with him. This is such a valuable gift, Nan—I wish you knew how rare it is. John Reed has, until ve
ry recently, been around women who compliment and cajole him because of his wealth. They laugh at his jokes, they tolerate his bad habits and they flatter him even when his behavior is inappropriate. They have never dared to disagree with him, or to challenge him. I suspect, though I don’t know, that you have had a profound effect on him for the better.”
Hannah gasped. This was the kindest thing anyone had said to her, and the most lucid assessment of John that she could ask for. “Thank you.”
“I always said the Siddons girls work on a man like a tonic,” he replied. “Susannah was just what I needed. Becky has completely changed Paul. I imagine you have done the same for John Reed. When his temper cools and he spends a few hours alone in that vast house of his, he’ll come to realize what a horrible mistake he has made and he will come running back to Tansley to fetch you. In fact, I am sure that Susannah will be spending her time making the chapel ready for a wedding, and Becky—despite her present girth—will be hard at work on a wedding gown for you, my dear. I know it’s hard not to give in to maudlin feelings of despair, but stay strong.” Daniel folded his napkin and placed it to one side of his plate. “If he doesn’t, or if he continues to say ridiculous things about my little sister being a liar, then I will have to pay him a call.”
Daniel rose from his chair and walked past her on his way out of the dining room. He gave her shoulders a hearty squeeze. Hannah smiled as he left. This was as content as she’d felt in some time. Daniel believed her, and Daniel was no fool. But there was the looming problem of what was to become of her. Lillian Bellamy had the shop—it was no longer hers. She had no place to go, and no prospects. In just a few brief hours, she had gone from a woman full of purpose and sure of her place in the world, to the one thing she had tried to avoid. She was a maiden aunt, a spinster, and she was now dependent on her sisters and their spouses for support.