His Lullaby Baby

by Airicka Phoenix

  With that, she turned and left the diner.

  She decided on a lamb and vegetable stew. The weather was just cold enough to make the scent of meat and sauce perfect for what she hoped would be a comfortable and uniting supper. Lord knew what she’d been thinking inviting Beth and Cole, but she just knew she had to. Toby needed to talk to his family again. Maybe a part of her felt guilty that he wasn’t because of her. Another part just wanted them to like her enough not to put a wedge between her and Toby. She knew he said he was fine now, but eventually, he would want to see his family. She didn’t want him to blame her for not trying harder. Plus, if it actually worked and Beth somehow comes to accept Addy, all the better.

  She baked fresh bread and set the table with Macy’s best dishes. She even did a quick scrub of the house, just in case. Everything was as prepared and orderly as it was ever going to get, and yet, it felt like there was a million things left to do.

  “Something smells really good!” Toby stepped into the kitchen and inhaled. “Mm, what is that?”

  “Lamb and vegetable stew,” she murmured. “I thought with the changing weather…”

  Toby nodded. “Yeah, it’s a good idea, but what’s with the…” He gestured to the table. “We got company coming?”

  “Um…” She set the knife she’d been using to slice the bread down and dusted her hands. “Toby, I, uh, I ran into your mom today at the market.”

  Toby’s entire body stiffened.

  “It’s okay!” Addy quickly plunged on. “We went for lunch and started talking and I invited her and your dad for supper.”

  He said nothing for what felt like hours. He just stood there and stared at her until she shifted.

  “Why?” he asked at last.

  “Why did I invite them?” At his nod, she shrugged. “Because they’re your family and I know you miss them. I just don’t want you to be sad anymore and I know they want to see you again.”

  “But the way she treated you—”

  “Toby…” She went to him and set her palms on his chest. “I love you and I love that you would do this for me, but I can’t let you. They’re your family. Take it from someone who doesn’t have any, that’s a big deal. Now, they love you and I know you love them. Plus, your mom and I talked. I think we’re in a good place now.”

  “Addy girl.” His hands reached up to cradle her cheeks. “You should never have had to go through that, but if you want this, then I’ll do it.”

  She kissed him. “I do. I really, really do.”

  “Okay then. Dinner with my folks it is.”

  The McClain’s arrived promptly at five thirty. It was just Beth and Cole and still Addy wished she’d invited the whole crew. Then, maybe it wouldn’t have been so awkward leading them through the house towards the parlor.

  “I’m really glad you came,” she said, making small talk. “Would you like anything to drink?”

  The two sat on the loveseat.

  “Nothing for me,” Beth said.

  “I’m good,” Cole piped in.

  Addy took the armchair across from them. “Toby’s just helping Hanna with the…”

  The two in question arrived with a platter of deviled crab dip and a bowl of rosemary pecans. Hanna set hers down with a flourish and stepped aside to let Toby set his tray down.

  “I made the rosemary pecans,” she declared. “Toby helped.”

  Toby claimed the second armchair. “I just held the bowl.”

  Cole leaned forward and grabbed a pecan from the bowl and popped it into his mouth. “Mm!” he hummed. “These are delicious. You got your mother’s touch in the kitchen.”

  Hanna beamed.

  “Where’s your son?” Beth asked Addy.

  Addy hesitated. Her gaze went to Toby before returning to the two across from her.

  “Sean’s not feeling very well tonight.”

  It wasn’t entirely a lie. Sean had been moody and quiet since the night of the campout. He hadn’t said as much, but she knew he missed his friends and the way things had been going. Part of her also knew he blamed her for not attending weekend dinners at the McClain’s anymore. But there was nothing she could do and no way to explain that they weren’t wanted without hurting his feelings.

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” Beth murmured. “I hope it’s not serious?”

  Addy shook her head. “No, he’ll be okay.”

  “So, Addy, I bet you’re happy to hear we’re almost done with that porch of yours,” Cole intervened when the silence became too much. “Another week or so and we’ll be completely out of your hair.”

  “You’re leaving?” Hanna’s expression became one of utter heartbreak. “But what about our logbook?”

  Beth glanced at her husband. “Logbook?”

  “Hanna and I have been measuring things and writing them down.” Cole explained. To Hanna, he said, “We can still do it. I’ll even come over every day if I have to.”

  Hanna looked no less crushed. She turned uncertain eyes towards Toby.

  “Are you leaving, too?”

  Toby set his cane aside and reached for her. He scooped her up and set her on his knee.

  “Nope, you’re stuck with me, Tiny.”

  Hanna’s response was to lean back against Toby’s chest and say nothing. Every so often, her legs would kick, but she seemed content to sit cuddled in his arms as she did every night before bed while he read to her.

  “Your place is beautiful,” Beth stated at last. “I love the changes you’ve made.”

  Addy looked over the place, trying to remember what it had looked like before her renovations. She hadn’t changed very much, except the hundreds of cat pictures and lacy doilies, two of Macy’s favorite things. She’d also changed the coloring on the walls, but otherwise, it was mostly the same.

  “Thank you.”

  Beth nodded slowly. “How are your preparations coming for the Halloween maze?”

  “Good! Calla has it all figured out.” She chuckled. “I saw her earlier today, before I went to the market, she had a few interesting ideas.”

  “She showed me the flyer she had done up,” Beth piped in. “It looks like it will be a lot of fun. Have you thought about adding a concession stand? Calla never mentioned one.”

  “A concession?”

  Beth shifted higher in her seat. “Well, you could do it here in the inn, have a place for kids and parents to come in and get some hot chocolate and something to snack on. It’s only an idea.”

  Addy shook her head. “No, that’s a wonderful idea. I know Macy used to put a table up outside for that, but inside would be better. It would get the kids out of the cold for a little while and gives the parents a chance to sit. I’ll talk it over with Calla.” She offered the woman a smile. “Thank you.”

  “Mommy, can I invite my class to Halloween?” Hanna asked. “I was only going to ask Kari, because she’s my bestest friend, but Ms. Moore says that we should always include everyone.”

  “I think that’s a great idea,” Addy said. “I’ll ask Ms. Moore if she can put a flyer up.”

  “Do you know what you’re going to dress up as?” Cole asked Hanna.

  Hanna beamed. “I’m going to be a surprise.”

  Cole squinted at her. “It’s not a tape measure, is it?”

  “No!” Hanna squealed, laughing and somehow still managing to look appalled.

  “Good, because I’m going to be a tape measure,” Cole stated evenly, making Hanna giggle.

  “You’re not a kid!”

  “Oh, that is debatable,” Beth said, setting a gentle hand on her husband’s thigh.

  From the kitchen, the oven timer chimed, signaling the completion of their stew.

  Addy rose. “Excuse me.”

  Beth got to her feet as well. “Let me help.”

  Not sure what to say, Addy just smiled and motioned the woman to follow her out of the room and down the hall. Neither spoke, not even when Addy hurried to the stove and the simmering crockpot perched on top.


  “It smells amazing,” Beth remarked. “What can I do?”

  Turning the machine off, Addy turned. “I could use some help slicing the bread.”

  She set the cutting board, knife and bread on the island counter and dug out a ceramic bowl for herself.

  “I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier.” Beth broke the silence. “And you were right. Anything I say will only come out fake and cliché after what you shared with me. But I want you to know that I will make the effort not to behave the way I did. Not because of what you told me, but because Toby is too old for me to be coddling. Truthfully.” She stopped her slicing to turn to Addy. “It never had anything to do with you. Not really. I haven’t been myself since I got the call that he was injured in the line of duty. It was probably the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me. I felt powerless and no matter how many times everyone told me he was okay, I just kept thinking oh my God … my baby was shot. It was never on you. It was just me being overprotective and irrational.”

  Addy listened until the woman stopped talking. She set the bowl and spoon down and faced her squarely.

  “I understand. I would be the same if it were Sean. I can’t even imagine how terrified you must have been.”

  Blue eyes shone despite the tight smile on Beth’s mouth. “It’s the call no mom wants. It changes everything in the span of seconds, and rather than accept that he was okay, I decided to lash out on you and that wasn’t fair. So, I want to apologize and ask that you not think too harshly of me.”

  Addy shook her head. “Never. We had more good times than bad and I’d like to focus on those.”

  Relief softened Beth’s features. She started to turn away, but stopped.

  “I would really like for you and the children to continue coming to family dinners. I’m not asking you to forgive my behavior and overlook it, but because you are family, Addy. For better or worse, my son is crazy about you and you make him happy. As a mother, what more could I ask for?”

  She took her time putting her thoughts into words that wouldn’t offend or pacify the woman offering her an olive branch. While kind, Addy didn’t believe that Beth would have come to the same conclusion about her had Addy not told her the truth. Something about her offer of peace just didn’t feel entirely self-proclaimed.

  “Thank you,” she whispered. “It means a lot to me that you’re willing to accept me and my kids in Toby’s life. I know the kids really enjoy dinners with you and the others and I don’t ever want to take Toby away from his family. But I think we should wait a while before I join the dinners again. I’m a trigger for you and the last thing I want is for you to feel uncomfortable in your own home. But maybe we can start off small. Lunches, maybe? Small gatherings. Social events. We can work our way to dinners again.” She offered the other woman her best smile. “We have plenty of time to feel at ease together.”

  Beth’s gaze lowered. Addy could see the disappointment and hurt tightening the corners of her mouth. But she nodded halfheartedly.

  “I can respect that.”

  It was the best either of them could possibly do under the circumstances. Addy had loathed Jonathon’s mother. The woman had been weak and a coward, and had spoiled her son rather than have to deal with his behavior. She had never had any respect for Rayna, but she didn’t want that to be Beth. She didn’t want animosity and bitterness to taint what she had with Toby. So, she would try. She would at least attempt at a cordial relationship, one that would hopefully one day grow into a tentative friendship, if not, a sense of respect. They both loved the same man in two very different ways and for him, they would both try.

  There was a calm in the air during dinner. The tension that had taken roots between her and Beth had all but dissipated and had nearly dissolved completely by the end of the night.

  “I’m standing there, telling him exactly why it was important he finish his supper and he looks at me with all the seriousness in the world, and says, but, Dad…”

  “If beans were made to be eaten, they wouldn’t make you fart,” Toby finished.

  Addy and Beth laughed.

  Hanna looked around the room, tiny brows furrowed. “Beans make you fart?”

  “They’re the magical fruit,” Toby told her solemnly.

  “Magical?” Hanna’s eyes went enormous in horror. “Like Jack’s beans?” Her head snapped towards Addy. “Am I going to get a beanstalk coming out of my tummy?”

  Addy shot Toby a glower. “They’re not really magical.”

  “Besides, it’s not magical fruit. It’s the musical fruit,” Cole corrected. “The more you eat, the more you toot.”

  “Cole!” Beth lightly smacked his arm. “Don’t teach her that!” She looked to Hanna. “Don’t listen to them. Beans are good for you.”

  “I want to toot!” Hanna bounced in her seat. “Can we have beans?”

  “Look what you’ve done,” Addy said to Toby with a shake of her head. “You have not smelled this girl after a bowl of chili.”

  The ease in which the conversation continued stretched well into the evening, well after Hanna had been put to bed and only the adults sat in the sitting room with mugs of coffee. Dessert was a smear of crumbs and cream from the strawberry and chocolate meringue she’d made. Dirty dishes and cutlery sat in a neat pile on the tray next to the empty plate. No one spoke as they enjoyed the calm. Cole and Beth sat opposite Addy and Toby. Cole had his arm slung over the back of the sofa, around his wife’s shoulders while she sipped on her coffee and studied the landscape portraits on the walls. Toby’s arm was tucked around Addy’s waist. The hand was splayed along her hip, tucking her protectively against his side. Addy didn’t pull away. She leaned into his chest and relished in the moment.

  “Are those Willa’s?” Beth asked at last, gesturing with a nod of her chin towards a set of three frames making up the same black and white photo in three sections. It was a panoramic view of the inn from the field, and it was one of Willa’s.

  “She took it the year before, just before the frost hit.”

  Beth nodded as though that made perfect sense. “She does beautiful work,” she remarked.

  “I have a few of her pieces around the place,” Addy said. “I have some of Lily’s too. They both have such incredible talent.”

  “Well, we all know what your talents are,” Toby chimed in. His fingers flexed at her hips and Addy felt the burst of heat all the way up into her face. Toby grinned knowingly. “Your baking.”

  “Right,” she blurted a little too high pitched.

  “Toby’s right,” Beth cut in. “You are amazing in the kitchen. You’ll have to teach me a few things.”

  “The brownies,” Cole hissed.

  Addy laughed. “I’d love to.”

  “Maybe this weekend,” Cole suggested, glancing from his wife to Addy hopefully.

  “I can’t make it, but I can send a batch with Toby and the kids, if that’s okay?”

  “What?” Toby and Cole said unison.

  “It’s okay,” Beth cut in before the two could demand why. “Addy and I have talked things over. We’re okay.”

  “Yes, I promise, we’re good. I just have a million things to do for next week and you’d really be doing me a favor taking the kids so I can get them done.”

  “Well, of course we’ll take the kids,” Cole assured her evenly.

  Beth nodded. “Absolutely. Anytime.”

  Cole and Beth didn’t stay much longer after that. They left their empty mugs on the coffee table and rose. Toby and Addy walked them to the door and waved them out to their car.

  “Okay, now, tell me the real reason you’re not going.” Toby cornered her the moment the door was shut.

  “When I was in therapy, we learned a lot about triggers and learning to recognize and control them.” She headed back into the sitting room with Toby right behind her. “I’m a trigger for your mom, Toby. It’s unhealthy for me to keep pushing myself on her until she’s ready.”

  “You
said you guys were good,” he accused.

  “We are!” She faced him. “We really did talk and everything is fine. We’re going to take it slow, learn to accept each other and grow from there.” She went to him when he continued to look perplexed. “I want you to keep going to dinners with them and I would really like for Sean and Hanna to go with you. Not because I need time alone, but because it really means a lot to them to see their friends and I don’t want them to stop because of me. But I will understand if you don’t—”

  “You know that’s not it,” he interrupted sharply. “Of course I’ll take them, but I want you there too.”

  She set her palm on the arm gripping his cane. “I will be there, just not right now. This isn’t about you and me, Toby. It’s about your mom and not intruding on her place of sanctuary. I will know when she’s ready to have me there and when she does, I will accept. Right now, she needs for me and her to take things one day at a time.”

  Toby’s eyes narrowed. “Ever thought about becoming a shrink?”

  Addy laughed and pulled away. “Goodness no! Could you imagine?”

  She gathered up the dishes and headed into the kitchen. Toby followed and stayed in the doorway as she rinsed and stowed everything into the dishwasher. He joined her when she started on the supper dishes.

  “You’re amazing, you know that?” he murmured quietly while passing her a plate.

  Surprised, she glanced at him, fingers curled around the ceramic. “Why do you say that?”

  He shrugged. “You just are.”

  “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Toby.”

  “I promise, I asked Willa and she assured me it was fine.”

  Anxious, Addy wrung her fingers around a dishrag and eyed the two standing a few feet away, fully dressed and each barring a backpack filled with their overnight things. Sean peered back at her, brown eyes pleading with her not to change her mind. Hanna looked curious, not entirely certain what was going on, but trying hard to understand. Neither one had said a word since Toby had told Addy the weekend plans.

  “Do you guys promise to be on your best behavior?” she demanded, glancing from one to the other. “If I hear that you guys are misbehaving, I will be down there so fast and I will bring you straight home.”