by Bradon Nave
“I’m sorry, Dad,” Johnny said in a pathetic voice as he looked at his father.
“Don’t you fuckin’ apologize to me. You wanna be a motherfuckin’ man? Well it’s about time you start gettin’ treated like a man!” Johnny was horrified, he had seen his father beat his mother relentlessly, but he had not beaten him before.
Thomas grabbed a large belt from the floor.
Johnny looked at the enraged man and the large belt as he began to tremble. He moved backward on the bed and began to cry.
“Please don’t! I’m sorry. Please don’t hurt me!”
“Johnny! Johnny, wake up!” Johnny awoke to a yelling Jared shaking him. Johnny had made a pallet in Jared’s room and decided to sleep in there after the incident in the laundry room. As Johnny opened his eyes, he looked about the room, completely horrified.
“Dude, wake up. It’s just a bad dream! It’s me, Jared!” Johnny sprang from the floor and backed up against the wall.
Jared quickly jumped up and turned the light on.
Johnny touched his shorts, assuring himself he was fully clothed. He found he had wet himself in his sleep.
“Johnny, dude. It’s Jared. You were just havin’ another nightmare. You’re good, dude.” Johnny watched his friend as Jared slowly made his way to where Johnny was standing, holding his hand out and slightly crouching.
“I was asleep? I’ve been here and asleep?” Johnny asked, shaking and attempting to make sense of what had just happened.
“Yea, man. It’s five in the morning and you been in here since we crashed around ten. You’re totally fine, dude.”
Johnny knew there was no way Jared could understand what was going on in Johnny’s mind, but every time Johnny suffered an episode, it seemed to upset his friend. As Johnny stared at the floor in confusion, he felt Jared’s hand on his shoulder.
“Dude, you’re fine,” Jared said again as he looked at Johnny square in the eyes. “I’m gonna get you some dry boxers and some new blankets while you go get cleaned up in the bathroom. And don’t sweat it, dude. I’ve pissed the bed a few times too.” Jared headed to his drawer to get Johnny some new boxers and a shirt to sleep in.
Johnny continued to stand with his back to the wall. As his fears began to subside, his humiliation and disheartenment began to increase tenfold. The events that continued to take place, the uncontrollable breakdowns and secrets disclosed during sleep, Johnny just knew they must be weighing heavily against his future at the at the Everett place. As Jared handed Johnny the dry clothing, the boy simply exited the room and went directly to the bathroom.
As he changed from his wet clothes, he imagined what the Everetts thought of his actions. He wondered what that poor man, Tracy, thought of his outburst. He had an overwhelming sense that his time on the Everett farm with the family would soon be coming to an end. He felt the need to run, to leave this place and seek lower life. He felt the need to seek out his own kind, damaged and ruined souls that find comfort in each other’s damaged lives and minds.
Looking at the wet clothes on the floor, Johnny felt disgusted with himself. He knew Jared was a patient and kind person, but he also imagined the boy was growing tired of the constant antics and unexplainable actions that Johnny continuously subjected him to. Johnny decided he was going to slip down the hall to his own room with his wet clothing, hopefully undetected. He picked up his wet clothing and headed for the door.
As soon as he opened the bathroom door and stepped into the hall, Jared stuck his head out of his bedroom door. “Hey man, I got you some new blankets in here,” Jared said in a light tone as he stepped into the hall. Johnny kept his gaze toward the floor, holding his clothes far enough away that he wouldn’t get his new clothes damp. “Man, just throw that in my hamper.” Jared pointed to his clothes hamper inside the bedroom door.
“I think I’m just gonna go to my room and hang out until everyone gets up and around,” Johnny said with a defeated tone to his voice while he avoided eye contact with his friend.
“Well, dude. I’m wide awake now. You wanna go chill in the basement?”
“Nah, man. Thanks anyways. I think I’m just gonna go hang out by myself for a bit,” Johnny replied as he slowly walked past Jared.
“Man, you’re seriously not the only person on Earth that has a few issues. Don’t sweat it, man. Just let it go,” Johnny heard Jared say behind him.
Johnny stood still a moment with his back to Jared.
“Dude. I know you’re just being nice to me cause you feel bad for me. Thanks for the clothes, man.” Johnny reached for his doorknob as he heard Jared respond in with a defensive tone.
“And just what’s that supposed to mean? Why the hell would I feel sorry for you?” Jared asked. His sharp tone caught Johnny off guard as the boy turned and faced him.
“I know you gotta be sick of havin’ me around, dude. I’m sick of myself,” Johnny replied.
“Sick of having you around? I’ve actually been pretty pumped about having you around to hang out with,” Jared said as his feet occasionally moved somewhat nervously in place. “Yea, I don’t have many friends, none really. I don’t really try to text anyone because I’m afraid I’m gonna send a fucked up, misspelled, bullshit message. Yea, it’s awesome having a…a mom that’s an English teacher, and to not be able to read out loud in class. Most people just think I’m a fuckin’ idiot, and don’t take the time to get to know me. Then when I do make a friend, he goes and puts all my shit up on the blackboard for everyone to see, like they didn’t already know,” Jared exclaimed with his arms still crossed, and his face red with obvious anger and hurt feelings. “The only person I’ve had to talk to, or hang out, with has been my mom, or Pops, or a four-year-old, even when school was going. And then you got here. Why the hell would I feel sorry for you? I don’t feel sorry for myself, so why feel sorry for you? I’m nice to you because you’re my bro and that’s how friends treat each other,” Jared’s voice was shaky as he started stepping backward to his room.
Johnny was completely shocked that this had transpired. This moment offered a small epiphany as he realized everyone had their own discouragements and hardships in life. Jared came from a wealthy, loving family, and had just about every material possession a seventeen-year-old boy could want, yet he had no friends, no one to confide in, and there was nothing that could mend his learning disability. Johnny knew Jared must have been miserable without anyone his age to talk to. He also realized that Jared wouldn’t have confided in him if he didn’t trust him. As Johnny entered his room and closed the door, the teen felt ungrateful because of his comments.
Johnny tossed the clothes into the laundry hamper and walked to his bed to sit down. Other than Bobby, Johnny had never had a friend like Jared. He didn’t understand what was going on with his inability to maintain mental clarity, but he did understand that true friends were hard to come by, and Jared had been an awesome friend thus far. Johnny looked at his bed and contemplated another attempt at sleep, but the sickening feeling of guilt brewing in his gut prompted him to stand. He didn’t want his friend to be upset with him, he wanted to make things right.
The boy rose from his bed and walked to his bedroom door. As he opened it and entered the hall, he noticed Jared’s bedroom light was shining under the door. He walked slowly to Jared’s bedroom door and stood in front of it for a few seconds. He wasn’t quite sure how he would go about apologizing, and he was hoping Jared wouldn’t tell him to get lost. Nervously, he knocked lightly.
“Yea,” he heard from the other side, almost instantaneously. As he opened the door and walked in, he kept his gaze on the floor.
“Man, I’m…I didn’t mean. I didn’t mean to piss you off—” Johnny fumbled for the words to say.
Jared stood from his bed and lightly hit Johnny in the arm.
“No worries, man. My bad for getting all dramatic.”
“Dude, you’ve been awesome. Your whole family has been awesome,” Johnny said as he continued to look downward.
This was basically the best apology the boy could formulate. Johnny finally looked to his friend studying his expression.
“You’re good, dude. The whole thing was seriously fuckin’ stupid.”
“Man, I’m wide awake now too. You still up for headin’ to the basement ’til everyone else gets up and around?” Johnny asked.
“Well, hell yea,” Jared replied in a chipper tone of voice.
Johnny made his way to the basement with Jared as if nothing had happened.
Chapter Thirty-One
Redemption
“Dude, we’re basically both adults. I think we’ll be okay,” Jared said as his father stalled near the curb in front of the large basketball court.
“Dude? Try Dad. And all I said was stay here until I get back, as in no chasing girls or looking for crack cocaine,” Jackson replied with a sarcastic smile as Johnny and Jared exited the large, black truck.
“Please. We don’t gotta chase girls, they come to us,” Jared said as he retrieved his basketball from the front passenger floorboard.
“Yea, I think you have better chances scoring some blow,” Jackson said as Jared closed his door.
“Ha, whatever Pops…dude,” Jared said as his father waved at both the guys and began pulling away.
Johnny smiled and waved, he thought the entire conversation was amusing, yet didn’t quite know where to chime in. He loved the way the two reacted with each other, but it was obviously something he was not accustomed to. Although Jared made no other mention of the small fallout in the early morning hours, Johnny still felt somewhat remorseful for saying what he said. Johnny knew Jared was a nice guy in general, everyone who took the time to know Jared knew that. Johnny was naturally paranoid.
He recognized his paranoia wasn’t limited to strange, anxiety-filled episodes where he convinced himself his father would be pulling in the Everetts’ driveway at any hour of the night. Johnny had a tendency to think and assume the worst. In regard to his current predicament, however, he hoped Jared might understand his paranoia. His current living quarters were, in fact, much greater than anything Johnny could have imagined. The possibility of it being potentially taken was always lingering on the back of the boy’s mind.
The basketball court included four large courts surrounded by twenty-foot-high, black, chain-link fencing. The fence was surrounded by large trees. It seemed a good majority of structures were surrounded by large trees. The trees appeared uninhabited. Tiny creatures must have sought sanctuary from the tormenting temperatures, as the higher species gathered to exert themselves in the ridiculous heat.
“Dude, those guys look ridiculously bad-ass,” Jared said as Johnny looked toward the adjoining basketball court to see who he was talking about. There were several young men that appeared to be in their twenties. They were basically showing off with nearly every move they made. It seemed impossible for the guys to make a simple shot; rather, they would partake in ridiculous displays in an effort to reach the goal. Surprisingly, the majority of these displays looked incredible.
Johnny and Jared began to shoot around, taking turns taking shots. Johnny noticed Jared continuously looking at the neighboring group of guys. It was apparent that neither of the boys wanted to draw too much attention to their mediocre abilities as they were in the presence of such a talented group in the neighboring court.
“Horse?” Jared suggested as he clumsily dribbled the ball. Johnny felt he was starting to sweat already, although it was only ten in the morning, the heat was already bearing down on him.
“Yea, man. I’m down,” Johnny replied as he watched Jared heave the ball from the three-point line. Although the yellow paint was highly degraded on the cement ball court, they were still able to make out the shot line. As the ball bounced loudly from the backboard, Johnny was quick to retrieve it. The neighboring court had a great deal of noise coming from the guys as they competitively played.
Jared watched and seemed in awe, and then the boy quickly turned his face from the group, as if he’d noticed something or someone.
Johnny noticed the sudden change in Jared’s behavior. Although Jared wasn’t in the most athletic mood, he was now obviously distressed for some reason.
“Man, what’s up? You know those guys?” Johnny asked as he studied Jared’s actions. Jared held his hands up, suggesting he wanted the ball passed to him.
“Just one,” the boy said as Johnny passed him the ball. “Man, I know Pops said not to leave, but I wanna run across the street to the C-mart and grab some water. Maybe just wait there ’til Pops gets back. I’m hot,” Jared said as he lightly dribbled the ball.
Johnny thought Jared was acting peculiar, so against his better judgment he decided to agree to leave.
Just as Johnny was about to speak, the boys heard an arrogant voice approaching them.
“How goes it, Mr. Everett?” a boy asked as he made his way across the court. He had a long, sun-bleached beard, and unkempt, unmanaged, chin-length hair. He was shirtless and appeared to have zero body fat and outstanding muscle definition, and looked like he lived on the track. Johnny immediately sensed the tension as the guy got closer. “Hey, Jared, you gotta minute? I need to holler atcha,” he said as he approached.
Jared submissively put his head down.
“We were just leaving, Erick,” Jared said as he began walking toward the street.
“Whoa, dude, you just got here. Hold up, man,” Erick said as he swiftly ran in front of the teen and began walking backward in pace with Jared. “Man, Jared. I really just wanted to talk to you real quick, dude,” Erick said as he stopped walking.
Jared stopped walking too, keeping his head down.
“What, Erick, do you want?” Jared asked, in an irritated voice.
“Man,” Erick continued, “I was just gonna see if maybe you wanted to keep score for us, but uh, then I forgot you might get that all fucked up. Maybe your new boyfriend here could do us a solid.” Erick had a cold smile on his face as the boy seemed delighted with the submissive reaction he was getting from Jared.
“I’m fine with numbers, asshole,” Jared said, continuing to divert eye contact.
As Johnny heard his friend being abashed, a rage took over him that he hadn’t necessarily felt before. “Hey, faggot!” Johnny yelled. “Yea you, faggot. I’m fuckin’ talkin’ to you, you motherfuckin’ piece of dog shit, pussy!” Johnny walked fiercely at Erick, yelling obscenities.
Erick at first seemed amused, but his demeanor rapidly changed in a matter of seconds as Johnny approached.
Johnny was now in the boy’s face, his voice resounded with rage. “What the fuck did you just say, faggot?” Johnny yelled, he noticed he attracted the attention of the crowd Erick had left seconds before.
“I…I was talking to—”
“I didn’t ask who you were talking to, I asked what the fuck you said!” Johnny yelled in a deep, belligerent tone.
“Dude, I’m out. I was just…I was just fuckin’ around,” Erick nervously said as he began slowly retreating backward. His face was flushed, and there was no sign of his larger party attempting to offer assistance.
Johnny continued to follow the boy, harassing him as Erick began walking faster.
“Hey! Hey!” Johnny yelled, pursuing the kid.
Erick continued to walk toward the safety of his group, but as he got closer to the crowd, he stopped.
“What, dude?” Erick asked. He appeared frightened by Johnny’s actions.
“Look at me, asshole,” Johnny said in low menacing voice as he approached Erick. “You ever talk to my friend like that again and I’ll beat the fuckin’ shit out of you. You piss-ignorant, cock suckin’ piece of shit. I’ll leave the fuckin’ buckle on,” Johnny said as he inched closer to the stunned Erick.
“What, dude? All right, man. Back off, I get it,” Erick said frightfully as he began a full retreat in his party’s direction.
Johnny stood his ground, watching Erick walk to his crowd.
“Man, when a
re you gonna learn to keep your mouth shut? You’re gonna get your ass whooped someday,” Johnny heard another of the guys scold as Erick rejoined them.
Johnny watched Erick walk to the red, wooden bench on the side of the court and sit. Briefly, Erick looked up in Johnny’s direction, but looked away as soon as he realized Johnny was still standing there. Satisfied that Erick was no longer a threat, Johnny turned to walk back to where he had left Jared.
Jared had a look of both gratitude as well as shock on his face. Johnny was still visibly angered as he approached his friend. Jared was now holding his hand upside down, insinuating he would like to offer a discrete high five.
Johnny obliged. “Let’s go get that water,” the boy said in a much calmer tone.
“Dude! That was freakin’ awesome! Did you see his face?” Jared asked as he looked at Johnny with his mouth gaping in admiration. Jared continued to smile at Johnny as they both walked toward the street. “Man, seriously. That was phenomenal!” Jared continued as the two boys reached the curb.
“Dude, I hate that word.”
“What word?” Jared asked curiously.
“The ‘f’ word. I hate the word fag or faggot,” Johnny said with a look of regret on his face.
“Well, man. I don’t like it either, but you were just pissed the hell off. You went off, dude, and it was fan-fuckin-tastic,” Jared said, smiling.
“Yea, it was pretty awesome to watch him take off like that,” the boy confessed as they began walking toward the store across the street. “But I like Brian,” Johnny continued, “I would never say that to him, and I would never want him to hear me say it.” The boys walked hastily across the empty street until they reached the other side.
“Man, I know that, you were just mad as hell. It’s pretty awesome,” Jared said, still smiling.
“My dad always called me that,” Johnny said, offering Jared a small piece of his pain.