by Bradon Nave
Johnny was now beginning to question the amount of space he had put in between himself and the house. If whoever was looking for him had almost reached him, perhaps he was closer than he originally anticipated. Johnny had no clue how long he had dosed off. Although an impromptu rest wasn’t in the original escape plan, the boy had rested near a large log momentarily to catch his breath and regain his thoughts. He then replayed what had transpired by the barn over and over again in his head as he closed his eyes. Johnny had actually been sleeping for nearly two and a half hours on the boggy floor of the dark and highly inhabited wooded area. The combination of the previous day’s labor, coupled with a lack of food intake and an extensive hike, had left the boy extremely exhausted.
Although his exhaustion was nowhere near quelled by the lengthy nap, the boy knew he needed to rise to his feet and continue on his route to nothingness. There was indeed a large part of him that wanted to run to the lights and the comfort of the family he had so grown to love, but the larger part couldn’t face the questions, and more importantly, the answers. He had no plan other than getting the hell away from everyone, and he was at the level of mental and physical defeat where he didn’t feel an extensive plan of action was necessary. He felt he only needed a calm place to merely fade, and to stop being.
“Johnny!” The boy heard again, this time the voice seemed further away. He thought perhaps whoever it was was walking in the wrong direction. As he looked again for the lights, he saw only a small glimmer, he was right; whoever was looking for him was moving in the opposite direction.
As Johnny looked to the black sky for some source of guidance, he heard his name called out once more in a desperate cry through the darkness. It was the voice of Jared, and Johnny knew instantly by his distressed call that the boy was upset and more than likely sick with worry. Johnny quickly compared his friend’s potential sense of despair to his own situation with Jacob. Although time had softened the harsh void that plagued Johnny’s soul, the reality was that Johnny was deeply burdened by the lack of knowledge surrounding Jacob’s well-being.
As a deep sense of empathy overtook Johnny’s emotions, he knew he couldn’t allow his friend to spend the rest of his life wondering what happened to him. He knew that Jared would need answers, and those answers would only be made available through Johnny himself. Completely filthy, Johnny turned back to the fading lights and began to reluctantly move in their direction.
“Johnny!” He heard Jared call out his name again in a pathetic manner that indicated to Johnny that his friend was beginning to lose hope. Johnny heard other people talking as well, and he knew that there must be a search party looking for him. Again, Johnny wondered what time it was, and how far he was from the house. His mind was gradually becoming as boggy as the surrounding woodland, saturated with confusion. His lips were dry and cracked, and his tongue continuously stuck to the roof of his mouth. His voice was shaky, but he knew that the party would more than likely be moving faster than he would, he knew he needed to cry out to announce his location.
He sat back down on the ground and covered his face with his grimy hands. As he drew in several deep breaths, he put his head back and yelled loudly, “I’m here!” The boy’s voice cracked, but it carried across through the darkness. Johnny knew the party heard him as he could hear a great deal of commotion coming from the group.
“Johnny! Where are you?” Johnny heard Brian’s voice yell out as his thoughts of surrendering to the elements were being rapidly replaced with feelings of humiliation and a great concern in regard to how the party would scorn him for this irresponsible act that had them out trudging through the boggy, dangerous backwoods of deep Louisiana.
“I’m here!” Johnny screamed out again, “I’m here!” Johnny sat, holding his knees with his arms. He had never felt more pathetic in his miserable life. As he looked at the sky, the reality set in and he knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that his time at the Everett house was done, and his future had once again been tossed into the realm just past uncertainty. He didn’t want to think about tomorrow, or even five minutes from now. For now, he wanted only to sit and stare into the dark nothing, and push all thoughts away to the back of his psyche.
“Johnny! Dude, where are you!” Jared yelled loudly.
Johnny could hear the renewed hope in his friend’s voice and he felt horrible for causing him and the others in the party such distress. Before Johnny could respond, Jared’s flashlight was upon him.
“Johnny!” Jared yelled gleefully as he moved quickly over the stumps and knee high vegetation, frequently losing his footing and having to rely on nearby trees for a counterbalance.
Finally, Jared reached Johnny, who was shirtless and making no efforts to cover his scarred body, as there was no longer a need. “Pops! He’s here!” Jared yelled loudly as other lights began to head in their direction.
“Is he okay?” Johnny was shocked to hear Tyler ask as the boy walked up behind Jared.
Jared, who had obviously been upset, was squatting down by Johnny, smiling as silent tears streamed down the boy’s face at the same time.
“Dude,” Jared tried to talk but he couldn’t as Tyler kneeled down by the boy as well.
“Johnny, man, I had no idea, dude. I’m so fucking sorry, man,” Tyler said in a deeply genuine tone of voice, placing his hand on Johnny’s shoulder.
Johnny was rather confused as to why the boy was apologizing as he had little recollection of what actually happened; Johnny felt as though he should be the one making apologies for everyone’s inconvenience. The entire situation was becoming increasingly confusing to Johnny as he chose to say nothing until Jared grabbed his shoulder. As Johnny looked at Jared, who was still silently shedding tears, Johnny felt horribly guilty, “I’m sorry,” the boy mumbled.
“Jared! Johnny, are you okay?” Jackson had finally reached the boys.
Johnny noticed the man hadn’t changed clothes prior to searching; his nice shorts, and even nicer shirt, must have been completely ruined. Johnny slowly rose to his feet as Brian approached with one of the Emhoff nephews.
“I’ll call the others to notify them!” Brian said excitedly as he pulled out his phone.
Johnny searched his mind for the words to say, but before he could formulate any form of an apology Jackson hugged the boy tightly, almost squeezing him. He placed his hand on the back of the boy’s head and held it tightly against his chest. “Are you okay, bud?” Jackson asked in a cracking, shaky voice.
Johnny knew he had caused the man much worry, and didn’t know how to even begin to ask for forgiveness.
“I’m sorry, Jackson,” the boy muttered into the man’s chest, “I’ll go. I’ll go tonight and get a ticket.” As Johnny began to verbally announce this random plan of action, Jackson held the boy out and looked at him.
“What the hell are you talking about, a ticket? I told you that you’re a part of this family, and you’re not going anywhere!” Jackson said sternly, yet lovingly, the way a father would speak to his son.
Johnny couldn’t understand why, after everything, the family continued to support him.
“Why? I don’t understand why,” Johnny said as Jackson released him, staring at the sludge covered teen. “My life is fucked, and my head, my mind ain’t right, my mind is completely fucked! I got nothing!” Johnny exclaimed as he began to slowly break down. The last several hours were proving too much to bear as everything seemed to be coming to a head.
Jackson looked at the Johnny as the boy put his hands on his head again, looking at Jackson for an answer.
“We don’t have to know everything right now, Johnny. Life doesn’t work that way, and it never will. I can’t tell you that it’s all gonna be easy, but I can tell you that this family has been through some really tough shit, and we are all gonna get through this too. Do you understand me?”
As Johnny looked at Jackson and then the rest of the group, he noticed that no one appeared angry or irritated with him. He looked at Jackson and
gave the man an affirming nod.
Jackson moved toward the boy again, placing his hand on the boys shoulder, “Now let’s go home.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Decision
His hair was still wet and even dripping somewhat on the kitchen table as he sat, surrounded by his seekers. Johnny was embarrassed to learn that there were actually two parties searching for him, and had he not disclosed his location when he did, the search would have extended to official law enforcement.
The shower was invigorating as it had washed away the muck and grime from the boy’s body. Regardless of how hot and powerful the water was, it hadn’t been able to wash away the humiliation and the feelings of devastation as they still lingered heavily on the boy’s mind.
Graye, Jackson, and Brian all sat with the Johnny at the kitchen table, as Jared had reluctantly gone to bed, and the rest of the party had gone home. Tyler was sleeping on Bryce’s bed, and the little girl was sound asleep in her parents’ room with her puppy.
Johnny stared at the droplets of water that fell from his hair to the table. He had no idea what the three adults were going to say, but he found some comfort in knowing that their basic demeanor was that of concern, rather than anger or irritation. When the party returned, Graye ran to Johnny and hugged him and seemed unconcerned that she had soiled her silk nightgown with the filth that Johnny was covered in. She had even kissed the boy’s face, which was covered in sludge and muck as well.
Johnny knew without a doubt that Brian genuinely cared for him too. It was after four in the morning, and the man was still there and awake, even after the exhausting search efforts. The walk back to the house had been a walk of deep shame for Johnny. No one said much the entire way home as Johnny and the men found it difficult to navigate and maneuver as a group through the boggy backwoods. Tyler had removed his soiled shirt so that Johnny could wear it to cover his scarred body.
“We have to start somewhere, my friend,” Brian said as he looked up from the table at the silent teen. “It is totally natural for you to withdraw when you are questioned about the devastating events that have taken place in your life. All of this can, and will, be worked out with vigilance and due time. I can assure you, that if you dedicate the effort, you will only move forward.” Brian’s tone was rich and soft, as his British accent and hand gestures were comforting and almost relaxing to Johnny. “First thing is first, Johnny, we need to have you physically examined by a proper physician to assure you are in good operational health. Treat the body, and then we will mend the mind with extensive, effective, and proven therapeutic interventions.”
“Nothing good is going to happen overnight, and this process isn’t going to be easy, but I need you to trust in yourself and utilize your support system to its fullest, Johnny. These people love you, and wish only for you to excel into the bright, successful, and stable young man that we all know is there. Your potential is limitless, and you have an incredibly bright future ahead of you, we just need to figure out how to take the most advantage of that. Does that make sense, Johnny?” Brian asked with his hands folded and a smile on his face.
The boy simply nodded as he gave a small smile.
“Good!” Brian said happily, “So, is it safe to say you are open to visiting my personal family physician today?”
As Brian asked, Johnny inhaled deeply and turned his head away from the three sitting at the table. Graye, who had puffy eyes from excessive crying, was now smiling at the thought of Johnny possibly being receptive to the help they so desperately wanted to give him. Jackson had been sitting with his elbows on the table and both thumbs in his mouth, chewing his thumbnails nervously.
“I’ll go,” Johnny said with a slight sense of relief in his voice, which indicated a genuine willingness to trust the people that had grown to love him so much.
“Excellent, Johnny,” Brian exclaimed, “who was your primary care physician back home? What was their name, Johnny?” The question was confusing to Johnny as he broke his gaze from the floor and looked at Brian.
“What?” the boy asked in a bewildered tone.
“When, Johnny, was your last visit to see your family doctor?” Brian continued as he looked at the boy curiously.
“I got some shots a long time ago with my mom so I could go to school, but I don’t know that guy’s name, or even if he was a doctor,” Johnny replied, hoping the response would satisfy Brian.
The three adults all looked at the boy in a surprised manner. “The last time you went to the doctor was for your immunizations?” Graye asked in a shocked voice as she stared at Johnny with a puzzled look on her face. Johnny couldn’t understand why this information came as such a shock to the adults.
“I’m not sure. That’s the only time I remember going.” As Johnny replied, he yawned loudly with exhaustion. He knew he needed rest for the long day ahead of him.
“Johnny, Dr. Evans is an excellent doctor, and I can assure you she will make the process as comfortable as possible for you today. I do think that it’s a good idea for you to go upstairs and try to get some sleep because I feel you should be well rested, and I’m unsure of when she will be able to see you,” Brian said as he smiled at Johnny.
As Johnny looked up at the three sitting at the table, hundreds of thoughts ran through his head, and one of them escaped the boy’s mouth. “I don’t know how to say thank you, and I suck at talking sometimes, but thank you all and I’m sorry again for tonight,” the boy said as his gaze fluctuated between each person at the table.
“You’re more than welcome,” Jackson replied.
“Let’s just worry about getting you some rest right now. Today, I’m sure, will prove to be difficult, and the authorities will most certainly be inquiring about the extensive scarring and signs of obvious abuse,” Brian said as Johnny stood from the table.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Scarred
“Who the fuck do you think you are? And you sure as hell better not answer that, you little faggot-ass piece of dog shit!” His father paced back and forth behind him as he was standing facing his bed with his head down in his pathetic room, sweltering and sweating in the Louisiana humidity and heat as the sun was still blaring outside.
Johnny would often just stare at the wall when he was in this situation. His father liked to begin the punishment by first saying horrendous things to Johnny. He liked to belittle him, humiliate him, and let him know just how bad it was going to hurt. A few times Johnny wet himself during a beating, and this only angered Thomas even more. Now, Johnny would try his hardest to mentally block out what his father was saying. He knew this time the buckle was going to be left on.
“You think you can just walk up in this motherfuckin’ house any goddamned time of the day, and it’s cool? Oh you’re so fuckin’ cool, ain’t ya, faggot?” Johnny felt the man’s fingertips abrasively push the back of his head. “What the fuck would you had done if them fuckin’ chickens had been outta water in this goddamned heat? Huh? I fuckin’ hate you. I wish to God every day I woulda shoved a hanger up your slutty mother’s disgusting pussy and scraped you out before she shit you out on the kitchen floor. You’re never leavin’ this place, fag. Never!”
His father continued to pace, further building anxiety in the trembling teenager. He was the typical alcoholic, swollen belly, stained, white tank-top, and bright red cheeks. To make his appearance even more monstrous, his teeth were yellow and dingy, and his hair was extremely greasy.
“Off with your shirt, boy.” Johnny’s worst fear. The pain that came with being beaten with a belt buckle was unbearable on bare skin. Shaking, Johnny removed his worn, gray t-shirt and tossed it on his bed. “Pants and skeeters too, fag. You gonna learn better than to piss me off.”
Trying his hardest not to give into the temptation to turn and beg, or to cry, Johnny began to unbuckle his jeans. His hands were shaking so bad he was almost unable to get them undone as his fingers kept slipping off the button. Finally, he was able to unfasten them.
Quickly, he began to remove both his jeans, and his underpants; once he got them to the floor he used his feet to push them away.
“That’a faggot!” Thomas yelled out.
The force and the pain from the belt almost knocked the boy over, yet he stood silent, grimacing, and anticipating the next blow. Just then another hit came to his back, the same area. And again, and again.
“Bend over!” Thomas screamed at his son, who could feel blood streaming from where the buckle hit his flesh just right. Thomas continued to beat the boy on his buttocks, and the backs of his legs. He hit the boy many times before he stopped.
Johnny found it difficult to breathe as the pain seared from his legs and back and was completely unbearable; yet he remained silent.
“Stand up straight!” Thomas yelled as Johnny quickly stood up as straight as he could, shaking and breathing hard as he was on the verge of vomiting. “I hope you’s enjoying this as much as me, fag. Look what you make me do.” Thomas said in a cold, quiet voice. “Now turn around,” Thomas continued as Johnny turned around and faced his father as quickly as he could.
The boy felt dizzy and light headed, shaking, and sweating profusely. “Now, put your arms straight out, and I swear to God boy if you try to cover them balls, I’ll cut ’em off ya!” Thomas yelled loudly as the veins in his head were bulging. Johnny did as his father said, his hands reluctantly uncovered himself, his arms were shaking as he tried his hardest to straighten them out on either side as if he were about to be crucified, but he could no longer contain the tears as he felt them escaping his eyes.