‘She’s a great kisser, mate! But last night – on the phone – I asked if she wanted to “go out” officially. And she said “yes” so I – ’
‘You phoned her while you . . . were away?’
‘Well . . . yeah.’
‘Why didn’t you phone me?’
‘It was my grandparents’ phone, mate. I couldn’t phone just anyone.’
‘I’m not “just anyone”!’
‘Look! If you’re going to have one of your bloody tantrums you can just fuck off.’
‘I want the magazine back!’
‘Wh-what?’
‘Mr Kass’s magazine. I want it back!’
‘Okay, okay. I’ll give it to you when I – ’
‘Now! I want it back now! Mr Kass has noticed it’s gone. I’m the only one who could have taken it. If the magazine’s not back by the time Mum gets home he’s going to tell her I took it.’
‘That’s bullshit.’
‘It’s not!’
‘Mate, there is no way he’s going to mention a magazine like that to your mum! You’re making it all up!’
‘I’m not, I’m not!’
‘You fucking are! I know you are! You’re making it up because you’re pissed off I’m going out with Zoe.’
‘I don’t give a toss about you and Zoe!’
‘Liar!’
‘Listen! I want my magazine back! If you don’t come back and give it to me now – now! – I’ll tell your mum that you said to use the emergency key to get into your room.’
‘No you won’t!’
‘I will! I’ll show her the magazine. And I’ll show her all the photos too.’
‘You wouldn’t!’
‘I would!’
‘You’d be in as much trouble as me!’
‘I DON’T FUCKING CARE!’
Lloyd glared at me. The tiny vein in his temple was throbbing, like it always did when he was really angry.
He said, ‘Okay. We’ll go back. I’ll give you the magazine. And then I’m coming back to see Zoe. Without you. And everything I do from now on is without you. You get me? I never want to fucking speak to you again, you crazy fuck!’
‘Do what you fucking like.’
‘Thanks! I intend to!’
We walked in silence. I could feel Lloyd’s anger like a forcefield, keeping me out. He was muttering and, once or twice, spat on the pavement.
As we approached Lloyd’s house I could hear the sound of Val and Dagger shouting at each other.
‘Jesus!’ Lloyd muttered. ‘Jesus!’
Lloyd opened the front door. The sound of yelling got louder.
I could see the shadows of Val and Dagger moving in the kitchen.
Lloyd rushed upstairs. I followed.
He unlocked his bedroom door and went inside.
‘This is the last time you will ever make me do anything!’ he said to me. ‘From now on I’ll be . . . I’ll be fucking free of all your bullshit and . . . and all your fucking jealousy and – ’
‘It’s nothing to do with jeal – ’
‘It is!’ He knelt beside the bed. ‘Whenever I fucking do anything with anyone else you throw a fucking wobbly!’ He reached under the bed. ‘I knew you’d be like this when you found out about Zoe!’ He got the magazine and threw it at me. ‘Sort yourself out, you fucking queer!’
‘You bastard!’ I said.
I clenched my fists and stepped towards him.
‘Don’t start a fight with me, mate! I’ll fucking flatten you!’
‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah!’
I grabbed him round the neck.
He grabbed me and –
A scream! From downstairs.
And the sound of something smashing.
‘Mum!’ Lloyd cried. He untangled himself from me and rushed out of the room. ‘MUM!’
I ran after him.
Val was standing in the living room doorway. Dagger was down by the kitchen. Broken glass was on the carpet between them. It was the vase from the hallway table. Val had thrown it, by the looks of things. No one had been hurt.
‘If you hit me again, Dag, I’ll call the police!’ Val yelled.
‘I’ll fucking kill you!’ Dagger yelled.
‘Stop it, Dad!’ Lloyd yelled.
‘It’s got nothing to do with you!’ Dagger pointed at Lloyd.
The phone at the bottom of the stairs started to ring.
Val looked at me. ‘Is your mum home from work?’
I said, ‘Yeah!’
Val opened the front door.
‘Oh, that’s it!’ Dagger said, as Val rushed out. ‘Fuck off to your girlfriend! – WILL SOMEONE GET THAT FUCKING PHONE!’
Lloyd picked it up. ‘Hello . . . Well, obviously I’m still here . . . I’ll get there when I get there, Zoe! . . . Oh, fuck off!’ He slammed the phone down.
Dagger pointed at me. ‘Your mum will be bitching about me.’
‘Leave him out of it, Dad!’
‘His mum never liked me.’
‘She does like you!’ I said.
‘She told Val not to marry me! You know that? They were like bloody Siamese twins when they were at school. Bitches united. I had to use a fucking crowbar to get them apart. It’s still the same. They don’t want me here. No one wants me here!’
‘We do, Dad!’
‘You don’t! All the fucking looks you’ve been giving me. Like I’m the big bad monster and your mum’s a fucking saint.’
‘I didn’t look at you like – ’
‘My dad’s fucking dying! I’m going through shit. Does anyone ask how I am? Does anyone ask if I’m okay? No! No one gives a fucking toss what I’m going through. Then I say something sharp to your mother and suddenly I’m public enemy number one!’
‘You hit her, Dad!’
‘She was winding me up!’
‘You shouldn’t hit her!’
‘Well, you wait till you’re married! You see how long you can go without raising your fucking fists.’ Dagger looked at me. ‘Your dad made the right choice! Run off with someone new and leave all this shit behind.’
‘Oh, thanks!’ Lloyd said. ‘Thanks a lot!’
Lloyd ran upstairs.
I ran after him.
‘Now you two can bitch about me as well!’ Dagger yelled after us. ‘Like mothers, like sons!’
Lloyd was lying face down on his bed.
I could tell he was crying.
‘Lloyd,’ I said.
‘Fuck off!’
I touched his back.
He flinched away. ‘This is all your fault! I wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for you. I’d be having fun at Zoe’s. I’d be – ’
‘WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?’
Dagger had come into the room behind us.
He had seen the magazine on the floor.
He picked it up.
I stared.
Lloyd stared.
Neither of us moved.
‘Where’d it come from?’ Dagger flicked through the pages. He looked at Lloyd. ‘Is it yours?’
‘No!’ Lloyd said. He pointed at me. ‘It’s his!’
Dagger took a step towards me. ‘Why are you showing queer porn to my son? Eh? Eh?’
‘I . . . I . . .’
‘Are you a queer?’
‘No!’
‘Well, you’ve got this magazine for a reason.’
‘I . . . I . . .’
‘Where did you get it?’
‘S-someone . . . gave it to me.’
‘Who?’
‘. . . Mr Kass.’
‘Mr Kass?’
‘His lodger,’ Lloyd said.
‘Your lodger gave you this?’
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘He . . . he’s been looking at me funny. He’s been telling me about men he’s had sex with. And today . . . he didn’t go to work and he . . . he followed me.’
‘He what!?’
‘I was at the kid’s museum. I saw him. I wanted to get away. I walked home
as fast as I could. But he followed me all the way home. He . . . he came into my bedroom. I told him to get out. But he wouldn’t.’
‘The bastard!’ Dagger said. ‘The queer bastard!’ He ran out of the room and down the stairs.
Lloyd looked at me. ‘Come on, mate! We’re going to teach the queer a lesson!’
Lloyd ran out of the house.
I followed him and –
‘YOU!’ a voice called.
It was Mack.
He was crossing the road towards us.
Zoe was with him. It looked like she’d been crying.
Mack pointed at Lloyd. ‘You stand my sister up! You swear at her on the fucking phone! Your life is over!’
‘Mate!’ Lloyd said. ‘It’s not like that!’
‘Oh, it is like that!’
‘No, no. I can explain. We’ve got a problem!’
‘Not “we”! You!’ Mack was getting closer.
Dagger was knocking at the front door of my house.
‘Open up!’ yelled Dagger.
Lloyd said to Mack, ‘A queer tried to rape him!’ He pointed at me.
‘Jesus!’ Mack said. He looked at me. ‘When? Where?’
‘Just now.’ Lloyd told him. ‘The queer forced his way into his bedroom!’
‘The bastard!’ Mack said. ‘Let’s get him.’
‘Get him!’ Zoe said.
Mum had opened the front door.
She said, ‘Now, Dagger, Val’s just talking to me and – ’
‘It’s not about Val! It’s about your fucking lodger!’
‘Wh-what?’
Dagger pushed past Mum.
He went into the house.
Lloyd yelled at Mack and Zoe, ‘COME ON!’
Lloyd ran into my house.
Mack ran into my house.
Zoe ran into my house.
I followed, slower.
I could hear raised voices.
The sun was shining, the sky so blue. I wondered if I should make use of the fine weather and finish clearing the shed. Who knows how long the sunny days will last.
I was at the front door now.
Mum was standing in the living room.
She was clutching hold of Val, crying.
‘No . . .’ Mum was saying over and over. ‘No . . .’
Val said, ‘I warned you, didn’t I? I warned you!’
Dagger was upstairs now. He was dragging Mr Kass out of his room.
‘What’s going on?’ Mr Kass said. ‘What’s happening?’
Dagger dragged Mr Kass down the stairs.
Lloyd, Mack and Zoe were on the stairs too.
They were all kicking and punching and spitting at Mr Kass.
Mum screamed. ‘No! Oh, no!’
I noticed Mr Kass was wearing a cravat I hadn’t seen before. It was yellow with black dots. It matched the pale lemon of his shirt.
Dagger yelled at Mr Kass. ‘You give a child queer porn!’ He punched him! ‘You talk to him about sex!’ Punch! ‘You follow him!’
Lloyd yelled. ‘You try to rape him!’ Punch!
‘I didn’t!’ Mr Kass said. ‘I didn’t!’
‘Liar!’ Dagger said. Punch!
‘Liar!’ Lloyd said. Punch!
‘Not in the house!’ Mum cried.
‘Outside, Dag!’ Val said.
Dagger and Mack dragged Mr Kass out to the street.
It was a wise decision not to continue with proceedings inside. The wallpaper had already got horribly scuffed by Mr Kass falling against it.
I walked to the front door and watched as –
‘You fucking pervert!’ Dagger said, punching Mr Kass.
‘Queer!’ Mack said, kicking Mr Kass.
‘Poof!’ Lloyd said, hitting Mr Kass.
‘You’re filth!’ Zoe said, slapping Mr Kass.
‘You’re sick!’ Val said, spitting at Mr Kass.
‘I trusted you!’ Mum yelled, spitting at Mr Kass.
I wondered how Mr Kass would ever get rid of the bloodstains on his shirt. And his cravat had come off and was being trampled in the gutter. Surely both items were beyond repair.
‘Pervert!’
‘Queer!’
‘Poof!’
‘You’re filth!’
‘You’re sick!’
‘I trusted you!’
I decided not to watch any more. There was nothing I could contribute. Besides, I still had Great Expectations to finish.
I went up to my bedroom, closed the door, and sat on my bed.
I heard Dagger say, ‘Okay, okay, that’s enough!’
I heard Dagger and Val and Mum come up the stairs.
They went into Mr Kass’s room.
‘Put everything in here!’ Dagger said.
He was probably referring to the suitcase. Yes, of course. They were throwing all Mr Kass’s possessions into his (very polished) leather suitcase.
I heard Dagger and Val and Mum go back downstairs.
I heard Dagger say, ‘If I ever see your face again, I’ll kill you!’
A thump! That must be the suitcase being thrown at Mr Kass.
The sun was beginning to set now. I could see its russet flare at my window. If I went to my parents’ bedroom I could look down at the street. I would be able to see Mr Kass as he walked away. I wasn’t sure if watching him was the right thing to do. What if he looked back and saw me? His face would no doubt be bloodied and bruised. His lip might even be split. Did I want to remember him that way? Not really.
I could hear Mum and everyone downstairs. They were all chatting. They were all friends again. It sounded like a party.
Mum came up and knocked my door.
I said, ‘Yeah?’
She came in, kissed me, hugged me.
‘Oh, why didn’t you tell me all this has been going on?’ she said. ‘I had no idea. He seemed such a gentleman. So polite. You said so yourself. How was I to know? How was any of us to know?’ She stroked my hair. ‘I could tell there was a bad atmosphere earlier. I asked Mr Kass about it. He said he’d come home early because he had a migraine coming on. He said you were playing your music too loud and he asked you to turn it down. He said you got irritated and you and him “had words”, but everything was fine now. But . . . it wasn’t about that at all, was it?’
‘No, Mum.’
‘He never actually . . . touched you, did he?’
‘No.’
She kissed me again. ‘Dagger says you’ve been really brave. Everyone thinks that. Why don’t you come down and join us. Lloyd wants to see you. His girlfriend’s nice. Dagger said we should all go out for the day tomorrow. A trip to the coast or something. That would be lovely, wouldn’t it?’
‘Yes, Mum.’
‘Come on!’ she said. ‘Come down!’
‘Not yet, Mum. I need some . . . time. You know?’
‘Oh, of course, of course.’ Another hug and kiss. ‘No more lodgers for us. We don’t need anyone else in the house. We can survive just fine as we are. I’ll do some extra hours at work. And we’ve got so much to be grateful for. Just look at the wonderful friends we’ve got. We’re lucky. We’re so – ’ And, suddenly, she was crying, sobbing so hard the bed shook.
‘Mum?’
She cried and cried.
‘Mum? . . . Mum?’
She managed to get her sobbing under control, then looked at me with bloodshot eyes. ‘It all happened, didn’t it?’ she asked. ‘Everything you said about Mr Kass. Him giving you the magazine? Him following you? Him coming into you room. It’s all true?’
‘Of course,’ I said. ‘Why would I lie?’
PINS
I was having dinner at my parents’.
Dad spat something into his hand.
Mum rolled her eyes. ‘Here we go!’
Three months ago I’d left the family home (in Bow, in the East End of London), to study English and Creative Writing at Leeds Trinity University – nearly two hundred miles away – and this was my first weekend back since then
.
Nearly every phone call I’d had with Mum since leaving had been about Dad becoming obsessed with finding pins in his food. Mum had always done a lot of sewing, but recently she’d joined a sewing circle. They made quilts for charity. She’d shown me two she was working on as soon as I walked through the front door. She was obviously very proud of them.
Dad – having spat whatever it was into his hand – was now staring at it.
‘Well?’ Mum said.
‘A bone,’ he said.
‘We’re eating fish. You get bones. You’re supposed to be careful.’
‘Am I saying anything? What’re you getting yourself into a state for, woman?’
‘Because I know what you’re thinking.’
Dad looked at me. ‘Well, it could have been a pin. Remember that day your mum made me a corned beef sandwich? Something got stuck in my throat. It nearly killed me.’
‘It didn’t nearly kill you,’ Mum said.
‘I was on the floor gasping for breath. I was turning blue.’
‘Turning blue!?’ She turned to me. ‘Do you remember him “turning blue”?’
‘I think he was turning a bit blue, Mum,’ I said.
‘Oh, what do you know? You were only three. I can’t remember anything from when I was three. No one can!’
‘Well, obviously, he can!’ Dad said, pointing at me. ‘Because he remembers me turning blue.’ He grabbed my hand. ‘Do you remember what I coughed up? I showed it to you.’
‘I . . . don’t – ’
‘A pin!’
‘It was not a bloody pin!’ Mum said.
‘What was it then?’
‘It was nothing! You choked because you were wolfing down your food. Without chewing properly. Like you still do!’ She started clearing away the dinner plates. She glanced at me. ‘I’ve been married to your dad for twenty-five years. I’ve cooked him three meals a day, every day. Christ knows how many that is. Millions, I shouldn’t wonder. And has he ever found one single pin? No!’
‘You’ve never been part of a sewing club before!’
‘It’s a sewing circle,’ Mum said. ‘Circle!’
‘Circle! Coven! What does it matter? It’s still hundreds of women in the house sewing! Using pins!’
‘There’s not hundreds of them! There’s seven! Seven! And they’re all very experienced sewers. Like me! We’re careful with everything! Needles. Scissors. Pins. No one has ever left anything here.’ She tapped my shoulder. ‘Everything I try to do just for myself – everything that’s just mine – he tries to ruin it.’ She took a deep breath. Then, ‘Who’s for some dessert?’
Flamingoes in Orbit Page 7