by Loren, Roni
She leaned back and smiled up at him. “Oh, we’re moving into unspeakable now, huh? Maybe I should skip the wine and drink a Red Bull.”
“Good thinking.”
She pushed up on her toes and touched her lips to his, happy to be distracted from the stressful day for a few moments. But they weren’t good at keeping things at a peck. Wes cupped her jaw, she parted her lips, and he kissed her until her insides steamed like the sauce bubbling behind him. She slid her hands up his chest and let herself get lost for a moment. God, the things the man could do with his mouth.
When he finally released her, he stared down at her, something tender in his eyes. “If I haven’t said it enough already, thank you for making this project happen with the kids and for jumping in to help. I haven’t had happy days like this in years.”
Pleasure diffused through her, the simple words making her belly dip. “Wes…”
“I’m serious,” he said softly, his thumb tracing over her cheekbone. “I’ve been trying to be cool about it because I don’t want to freak you out, but everything about this afternoon felt…perfect. Working on the bus, seeing the kids so jazzed, and you…there with me, looking messy and cute and into it all. This summer is going to be a blast.”
Her throat tightened, the words seeping into a guilty place and making her heart beat fast.
“I loved every part of it,” he continued. “And it wouldn’t have been anywhere near what it was if you hadn’t been there to share it with me.”
She searched for her voice. “I enjoyed it, too.”
And that was the truth. Her conversation with Steven had dominated her thoughts, but the afternoon with the kids had felt oddly natural. Working with the group. Being with Wes. Having a project she cared about.
She hated like hell that she was going to have to let it go.
“I wanted to talk to you about something.” He gave her a tentative smile, as if sensing he was treading into waters they could both drown in.
“Okay,” she said carefully.
“You’ve told me from the beginning I’m not your type.”
“I—”
He pressed his fingers over her lips. “I know I’m not. It’s okay. I also know that I have a truckload of baggage I’m dragging behind me.” He lowered his hand. “I’m starting over in my life and have all the trappings that come along with climbing up from the bottom again. On paper, I’m high-risk. But today I couldn’t stop myself from thinking it anyway.”
She eyed him warily. “Thinking what?”
He pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear. “That maybe we’re capable of more than distracting each other.”
Her blood rushed loud in her ears. “What are you saying?”
His gaze traced over her face. “I’m saying that I like being here and cooking you dinner. I liked helping you pick up your new dog. I like that tonight we’ll hang out and share a meal and get naked and all the stuff in between.” He lifted a shoulder. “I guess I’m saying that I’d like to make this more official. A relationship. The commitment thing. Which, frankly, is kind of terrifying to say out loud because I swore I would never have one of those again. But…there it is. This feels different. You feel different.”
Her heart was thump-thump-thumping. He was saying things that prodded at that long lost romantic teen she used to be, that girl who believed in fate and finding “the one” and happily-ever-afters. Wes was offering himself without caveats. Taking a risk he’d decided he wouldn’t take again. Telling her she was worth that risk.
But she couldn’t let herself fully revel in it or taste the sweetness of it. With this type of declaration came pressure, obligation. Not to mess it up. Not to damage things on Wes’s first try out of the gate after his disastrous marriage. And she couldn’t help hearing that voice in her head telling her she wasn’t worth that bet.
She was the high-risk one here. Her therapist was advising her to drop commitments, not add them. Plus, she’d worked in divorce law long enough to know that the number one relationship killer was dishonesty. Right now, she was keeping so many things from him, trying to protect this precious new connection, that she hadn’t even given him a chance to know the real person.
She’d shown him the idealized version because this thing with him existed in a temporary, fantasy-like space for her. So she’d shown him the woman who took off work on a whim and who helped animals and children. The woman who surprised him with a food truck and gave to charity. The woman who seemed to have it all together.
When he’d seen a glimpse of the real Rebecca at the brunch speech—the Rebecca with demons from the past, the one with a tense relationship with her father, the one who couldn’t get a speech out without seeing ghosts—she’d shut him out. Put on the everything’s-fine mask. Lied. Because the truth was scary and ugly. He didn’t know it, but he wasn’t seeing the real Rebecca. He was seeing who she wished she was but could never really be.
“Wes, I—”
He pressed a kiss to her lips. “Don’t say anything now. I know this is fast, and we said we weren’t going to label things. I’m not putting any pressure on you. I just felt it was important to be honest with you.”
Honesty. At least one of them had gotten the hang of that.
“So think about it,” Wes said. “I wasn’t telling you to get an answer out of you. We can eat our dinner and enjoy our night. Just know that the desire to make this a more official situation does exist on my end if you’re interested. Okay?”
She nodded, her breath catching in her throat. “Okay.”
He smiled and released her. “Good. Now let’s eat because you’re going to need all your strength for what I plan to do to you tonight.”
She managed to return his smile, but she didn’t know how she was going to eat a single bite.
chapter
TWENTY-FOUR
Wes kissed Rebecca, walking her back toward the bedroom after they’d finished dinner, wanting nothing more than to fall into bed with her and show her exactly how he was feeling. But even though Rebecca was kissing him back and responding, he sensed something was off. She’d been quiet during dinner and distracted. At first, he’d thought it was because he’d dumped the let’s-try-a-relationship bomb on her with no warning. He’d been on the other side of that kind of conversation in the past. That had usually been the point where he’d pull the rip cord on whoever it was. Nice knowing you, thanks, buh-bye now.
He’d braced for that from Rebecca, had wondered if he’d messed the whole thing up by being so honest. But he’d seen the change in her expression at his words, the yearning there. That had offered salve for the worries. Maybe she wasn’t totally ready yet, but at least some part of her wanted a relationship with him, too. So he’d decided to chalk up her quiet mood to their long day.
But now that off feeling was poking at him again. When Rebecca leaned back against her bedroom door and slid her hands up his chest, he could feel the tremble in her hands. He stopped kissing her and eased back, gazing down at her. “Hey.”
She gave him a small smile. “Hey.”
He pushed her hair away from her face. “What’s going on?”
Her brows lifted. “Uh, I’m making out with Wesley Garrett, last I checked.”
He examined her expression. Normally, when they kissed, it was like a combustion engine. Instant explosive desire, her leading as much as he did. Right now, he felt like she was only half there, going through the motions, and there was worry hovering in her eyes. “Bec, talk to me.”
She let out a breath and sagged against the door, her head tipping back. “I’m sorry. I thought I could block it out. I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to ruin tonight.”
He frowned. “Say anything about what?”
She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I had to call and report Steven’s dad.”
Her answer took a second for him to process. “Wait, what?”
She sighed and looked at him, weariness there. �
�Come on, let’s sit down for a minute.”
She opened her bedroom door and took his hand, leading him to her bed. Unlike the first night he’d been in here, nothing was out of place. The bed was made, the bedside books stacked neatly, the floor clear except for a stuffed rooster toy she’d bought for Knight. He walked past the spot where she’d jumped into his arms and panicked. That had been weeks ago, but it already seemed like those were two different people, just a movie he’d seen about strangers. So much had changed in such a short span of time.
Rebecca guided him to sit next to her and rubbed her hands on her thighs, as if bracing herself for what she had to say.
“Bec, talk to me. Is Steven okay?”
“Not yet, but I hope he will be,” she said with an expelled breath. “Earlier today, you did walk in on a conversation when you stepped into the bus. Steven and I had a pretty serious talk. Some… A lot of things came out. Your instinct was right.” She looked over at him, tense lines around her mouth. “His father is abusive. The asshole’s managed to avoid getting in trouble because he uses his respected status as a cop to make Steven look like the problem.”
Wes’s stomach clenched.
“The bruise on Steven’s head was because he got in trouble for setting off the smoke alarms with that burned recipe. His father shoved him, and Steven hit his head on the cabinet. But he’s had worse. A broken rib. And when he reported it, his father gave away or trashed all of Steven’s things, including sentimental items like pictures of his mom, as punishment and threatened him.”
Anger surged in Wes, making his teeth clench. “That fucking piece of shit. I knew he was slimy.” His fists curled. “God, poor Steven. He lost his mom and gets stuck with that man.”
“I know,” Rebecca said, shaking her head. “Steven wants out, but he’s been terrified to report anything else. He doesn’t trust the system anymore.”
“Hell, who could blame him?” Wes said, hot all over with anger. “But you reported it, right? It has to be reported.”
“Yes. While I was on my walk.”
Wes let out a breath. “Why didn’t you tell me? We have a procedure at the program. I have contacts at CPS. I could’ve handled it as soon as he told you.”
She looked down. “That’s why I haven’t been able to focus tonight. Steven asked me to wait, to give him a few hours head start so he could get what little stuff he had left and go to a friend’s house. He didn’t want CPS coming to the program. He said kids at his school made some awful comments to him the last time this happened, which ended up in a lot of fistfights. He wanted to be out of the house when the report was made. He doesn’t trust that anything’s going to change. If this report falls through like the other one, he’ll probably try to run away.”
Wes pinched his temples, his thoughts whirling. “We can’t let him run away.”
“I know. I don’t think he will yet. I told him to give me a chance to help.” She wet her lips. “But I couldn’t tell you because I knew you wouldn’t have a choice but to report immediately. I wanted to give him that time.”
Wes felt hot all over, his anger still simmering but not at Rebecca. Whether it was the right decision to delay or not, her intentions had been good. She was trying to protect Steven and also protect Wes at the same time. He reached out and gave her knee a squeeze. “Thank you for telling me. I’m glad Steven opened up to you. We’ll get him some help.”
“I hope so.” Rebecca looked up from under her lashes, her gaze wary. “But that’s not all. Steven was the guy.”
Wes blinked, the words not making sense. “The guy?”
Rebecca rubbed her lips together. “The mugger. The one with the gun. He admitted it to me today. That’s how we got into the other conversation. I saw the look on his face when I mentioned I was helping a dog who’d been shot.”
Reality crashed into Wes at that, sirens going off in his head. Steven was the mugger. Steven, the kid he’d grown close to, had robbed Rebecca at gunpoint. He turned to fully face her. “He—”
“And I’m not telling the police.”
Wes’s thoughts rammed into one another like an interstate pileup. “Hold up, what?”
Her eyes pleaded with him. “I’m not reporting it. I can’t do that to him, Wes. If I tell, he’s done. Any shot he has of getting out of his current situation, of going to college or culinary school or whatever goal he has will be gone. I can’t help him with his dad and then turn around and push him into juvenile detention. Or jail.”
“I get that,” Wes said, trying to process it all. “But, Rebecca, he had a gun. He shot a dog. He could’ve shot you. That’s a really big line to cross. Teaching him that he gets a do-over is… I don’t know if that’s the best thing.”
She slipped her hands into his, her gaze earnest. “I know. Believe me. My father is running on a tough-on-crime platform, so I’ve heard all the reasons why second chances can be bad ideas. I know Steven crossed a huge line. An epically dangerous one. But in your gut, do you think he’s a violent kid? Or is he a kid in a terrible situation who made a really bad decision?”
“Bec, you know I care about Steven, but…”
“One thing can change the whole trajectory of a life. One. Thing. I’ve seen it happen. Imagine if when you were going through your bad time you’d have hit someone with your car while you were drinking.”
He winced. He had, in fact, gotten a DUI. But no one had been hurt and no one else had been in the car, so he’d gotten off with a misdemeanor. But it could’ve easily gone the other way. He still woke up in a sweat sometimes thinking about all the could’ve beens. He could’ve killed someone. “I’d be in jail.”
“Exactly. In jail. Not living your life, helping kids. Not contributing to the world. Not…” She squeezed his hand. “Being this amazing person.”
His chest tightened.
“Knight is going to be okay,” she said. “I wasn’t hurt. Giving Steven one more chance to take the right turn instead of the wrong one could make all the difference for him. I believe he’s a good kid who wants to do the right thing. I think that night terrified him. He knows it was a mistake and wants to do better, to be more than that. In fact, if he works really hard, I think he could one day be as wonderful as his mentor.”
Wes closed his eyes. The unadulterated belief in her voice undid him. Just unraveled every damn logical argument he had. “I don’t deserve to be looked up to like that. He better become more than a recovering alcoholic who let his dream slip through his fingers.”
Rebecca reached up and gripped the front of his shirt, getting his attention. “Hey, none of that. Hopefully he’ll have an easier path, but he’d be beyond lucky to be like you. You don’t see how fantastic you are. You’re a talented chef, Wes. But with those kids, you’re…magic.” She pressed her palm to his chest, the gentle heat stirring something tender and bone deep in him. “You’re doing exactly what you were put on this earth to do, and the world is better for it.”
The back of his throat was burning, her words seeping into him and waking up places that had long gone dark. He wanted to refute her compliments, to cast them off as being kind or trying to give him a boost. But Rebecca wasn’t a bullshitter, and he could see it in her face. She meant every word of it. When she looked at him, that was who she saw. A good man. A teacher. Someone his students could look up to. And of all the things people had said to him in his life, he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt their impact quite as much.
On top of that, today, she’d put his student first. A boy who had terrified her with a gun and put her through a traumatizing robbery. Wes had managed not to go down the same criminal path as his parents because of people like her. Ed and Carolina had looked at him and seen the potential, the good. They’d given him another chance when he hadn’t done anything to earn it. Now Rebecca was affording Steven the same.
In that moment, a terrifying, rattle-him-to-the-marrow realization hit him. He wasn’t obsessed with Rebecca. He was falling in love with this woman.
For real.
For keeps.
A tight fear gripped him. He thought he knew what falling for someone felt like, but he’d never felt this particular type of feeling for Brittany. He’d been drawn to her wildness and the excitement. He’d labeled that “falling in love,” but it hadn’t felt like this. This was picturing the start of a new life and watching it grow with someone else, wondering how much richer this connection could become with time, seeing the future roll out ahead. It was also like stepping off the side of a cliff, not knowing if there was water to land in below—your stomach jumping into your throat and your eyes blind to the outcome.
Falling for Rebecca had not been the plan. He wasn’t sure what to do with that particular feeling. She hadn’t even said yes to a dating relationship yet. She might never. He was falling for someone who had straight up told him she didn’t believe in the gamble of long-term relationships and marriage.
Wes swallowed hard, trying to choke back the panic that wanted to erupt. “Thank you for being there for Steven. You’re an incredible woman, Rebecca.” He grabbed her wrist and tugged her closer, needing to shut down his brain and not overthink this. “And now I’m going to kiss you, so you better tell me to stop if you want to keep talking.”
She smiled a smile that reached right into him and twisted every part of him. “No more talking. I’m all yours.”
*
Rebecca’s brain was whirling, her thoughts and emotions all over the place, but she accepted the invitation for oblivion that Wes was offering. No more thinking. No more worrying. Right now, there was just this.
She let Wes guide her closer, and she straddled his lap as he took her face in his hands and kissed her. His mouth was gentle at first, sweet, but when she slid her hands into his hair, his lips parted on a groan and all semblance of tenderness drained out of them both.
She needed to get lost, and he was going to take her there. His tongue tangled with hers, and his big hands gripped her waist, holding her against him as they kissed and kissed. Soon, she found her hips rocking into him, the feel of his erection growing hard against her deliciously erotic.