by Maria Boyd
He ran straight after me, jumping over the various music stands and cases that were lying all over the pit.
Come on, mate, that’s what families do.
And with that he grabbed me in a headlock and wrestled me to the ground. Then he proceeded to move through the repertoire of nipple cripples, the typewriter and other Holden favorites.
Get off, you—
Chris had my shoulders pinned back and was just about to inflict more pain when …
Here I was thinking that something had happened to you and you’re male bonding!
It was Elizabeth. Chris and I froze like we’d been busted by our mums. She might have looked hot but she sounded angry.
You left me with your mum so you could wrestle with Chris?
Chris winked, unpinned me and said very loudly that he was going over to the library.
I called from where I was still trying to get up, Chris, could you tell Mum to go home without me? I can’t do the library meet and greet tonight.
Sure, mate, I’ll tell her you’re very busy being responsible Will and that I’ll make sure you get home safely.
Chris said goodbye to Elizabeth and mouthed Good luck to me.
I suppose Elizabeth did have a right to be pissed off. I just wasn’t sure how I could tell her about what happened. But I knew if I didn’t come up with something soon I could add her to the list of people who thought I was a drop-kick.
Look, Elizabeth, I’m really sorry, but I have to clean up this mess, otherwise Brother Pat will …
This time she looked more disappointed than pissed off. I tried another tack.
But how about once I’ve done that we go to the pizza place and I’ll tell you why everything’s been such a stuff-up tonight? I mean, why I’ve been such a stuff-up tonight.
She took a deliberately long time to answer.
Well, Mum and Dad have already gone home after finally saying I could hang out with you guys, but then Mark went and piked it, so I suppose you’ll have to do.
Her tone shifted slightly. It was less angry and more teasing.
And if it were anyone else I’d offer some assistance but since it’s you, consider it payback.
A cup of Italian coffee
About fifteen minutes later, Chris and Elizabeth walked in together, Chris jangling his keys and Elizabeth pointing to her watch. I was just locking the cupboard with the instruments in it.
All right, I’m ready, let’s get out of here, I said as I started switching off the main lights.
Chris, being a true gentleman, has offered to give us a lift to the pizza place, but I said I’d only accept if he came too.
I liked how she went out of her way to include Chris. I’m not sure he was feeling entirely comfortable with it, though. He went a faint tinge of pink and shook his head.
Nah, I’ve got stuff to do when I get home.
What, on a Friday night? There’s no game tomorrow, I challenged. I’ll shout you a cup of Italian coffee to say thanks for everything.
But Chris remained unmovable.
Nah, maybe next time. He grinned at both of us. Besides, don’t you want some time on your own?
The comment had the desired affect. Elizabeth and I looked at each other. The telltale redness began to glow. Why did I keep doing that? It was so uncool.
Elizabeth wasn’t playing as smoothly as she had been earlier either, I noticed.
That shut you both up. Chris grinned. Come on, it’s bloody freezing in here.
Oh yeah, Chris continued, I told your mum you were heading out with Elizabeth and you’d be home late.
What was all that about brotherly love? The bastard knew giving that piece of information to Patricia Armstrong meant certain all-day harassment and interrogation for me tomorrow. But I couldn’t say any of that and he knew it.
She said to remind you that you haven’t been well and not to be home too late because you have another big night tomorrow.
He said it the way he would talk to Jess and cracked himself up. Elizabeth followed. I pegged the program at Chris’s head.
Thanks for that, you wanker.
Alone
Chris dropped us off at the pizzeria and for about two minutes Elizabeth and I were strange around each other. It felt like a date, but the thing was I hadn’t had time to prepare for a date. I had barely had time to recover from my freak-out. And then I just shut up that really annoying voice in my head. Just grab her hand and get over it!
And I did. Come on, let’s go in, it’s freezing out here.
After we’d placed our order, I knew for about the tenth time tonight that it was up to me to speak first and apologize.
Elizabeth, I’m really sorry for not ringing and for walking off tonight. It’s just that—
It’s all right, Will. Chris let me know you’ve had a pretty big night.
She put her hands over one of mine.
Are you all right?
Yeah, I think I am. I don’t know what Chris said …
No, he didn’t say much, Will, he just said not to be too hard on you. She smiled at me. He’s a really nice guy.
Yeah, he is.
Your mum seems really nice too.
Thanks.
She was talking about your dad and how proud he would have been of you. She must have missed him tonight.
I looked at her in surprise. I hadn’t even thought about how Mum would feel.
Yeah, I reckon she would have.
Did you miss him?
Yeah.
I looked up, not saying anything. I knew I had to take a risk. I knew I could trust her, I just wasn’t sure I could go through it all again tonight. But then I figured it had to get a little bit easier every time.
Will, we can talk about something else. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—
No, it’s just that I had kind of a meltdown about Dad tonight. The first one I’ve had since he died.
I found myself telling her all about the practice in front of the school, dogging Mark, the music room, seeing Dad and tearing up the Freak. I must have talked for over an hour and she just listened and held my hand and it honestly all felt OK.
I think it was Zach’s dad that sent me over the edge. He told me how proud Dad would be of me and I just lost it.
And you haven’t ever cried before now?
Nah. That’s what I was saying to Chris, it was too hard to even think about. So I just blocked it out. But the last months I started to crack. I didn’t have a choice about being involved with the musical. Andrews made sure of that, and then Zach attached himself to my leg, and you walked out onstage and I started to think you and Mark were together and that, well, that drove me nuts, then I met Mark and you …
I looked up to find her smiling at me. Man, I didn’t have a chance of keeping it together if she smiled at me like that.
So what was he like? She asked this really softly, really carefully, like she was worried the question would wound me.
I don’t know really. He was a good guy. The type of guy that people admired, looked up to. He was always on about things being fair and justice being done. He was really big on treating people with respect and making sure everyone was treated equally. But at the same time he could take a joke and lighten up.
I grinned. He was a really good soccer player, or he thought he was. I don’t know … I finally said the one thing I didn’t want to say, the thing that made me realize how much I wasn’t like him. What I liked about him most was that, well, he was who he was and it didn’t matter who he was speaking to.
He loved Chris coming around. I reckon Dad respected him because he was always who he was without any bullshit. Like you and Mark and the Freak. He would have respected Mark and probably given him heaps about being gay, once he knew him. And you. Well, he would have loved you. He always went on about how Mum was smart and feisty and beautiful….
The tablecloth blurred for a second or two. I felt a strange combination of embarrassment and sadness.
She sq
ueezed my hand really tightly. You obviously take after him then.
Me? Nah. I think I missed out on all of the Armstrong genes.
Oh, come on, Will. That’s exactly what you’re like. Look at how you stopped those little guys picking on Zach, and how you looked after him. And Mark.
I started to say that she had it completely wrong but she got in before I could.
Yeah, OK, so you stuffed up, but he’ll get over it. Look, you made him feel accepted and liked because you liked him. Some guys would have kept well away. That was important to him. He acts all together but he’s not.
She stopped talking and played with the pizza that had been sitting untouched on the table all evening.
I looked up to find her staring at me. The kind of stare that said she wasn’t afraid, that she was ready for anything. I stared back, not as fierce but I tried. To be honest, I found her stare a little bit scary. I thought I was the one who was meant to be in control. We kept staring, silent. My heart thudded. I was certain its pulsating could be seen through my jacket. My face became red hot as usual but this time it was not due to embarrassment. I knew I had to do something! But maybe she didn’t want to. Maybe she was sitting there wondering what was wrong with me. My head was moving closer and closer to hers.
Our lips touched. They were gentle, soft kisses, as if we were shyly introducing ourselves for the first time. Slowly our bodies gravitated toward each other. She reached her hand to my face, I reached my hand around her back. The more relaxed we were, the greater the intensity of our kisses. I was blown away by her presence, by her smell, by her taste … by her. We stopped. We smiled at one another and said nothing.
Thanks. I mean, thanks for everything you just said and for what just happened….
What a pinhead!
You’re welcome, Will. I meant it. All of it.
I felt myself becoming all uptight again and then I made myself relax. What had just happened was the best thing that had happened to me in the past decade and I wasn’t going to stuff it up. She’d taken the risk and I knew that it was my turn now.
I reached over and grabbed her hand.
You know, I was gone on you the first time I saw you. You came out onstage and I became a blubbering idiot.
She looked up at me playfully.
Yeah, well, I can do better than that. From the very first moment I saw your backside, I knew that you were worth investigating.
More bloody talking!
Even though I had been asleep for most of last week, last night was the first night I’d really slept.
I didn’t wake up until my phone rang.
Chris’s number flashed.
Chris, not everyone has a Jessie alarm clock, I grumbled.
What’s your problem, lover boy, it’s midday.
It is not!
It bloody is.
What! I’d planned to make an effort to go over to the Freak’s. But it looked like I’d run out of time. I’d have to give him a ring and ask him to meet me at the show early.
The boys are going down to kick the footy around, are you in?
Nah, I can’t, I’ve got to get ready and head up to school.
Excuse me, is this Will Armstrong?
Shut up, you tosser. I said to Brother Pat I’d make sure everything was set up again and I’ve got to clear stuff with the Freak.
And Elizabeth? Chris teased.
Yeah, well, since she’s one of the stars of the show, I suppose she’ll be there too.
You weren’t so bloody sure of yourself last night when I drove you to the pizza place. So what happened?
Nothing. We went out for pizza.
And?
And we … I don’t know, we spoke about everything. And it was easy, and she’s fantastic.
Chris laughed.
So you’re gone! Have you spoken to your mum?
No. But thanks to you I’ll cop twenty questions as soon as I walk out the bedroom door.
You’re welcome!
I paused.
Chris, thanks again for dealing with the meltdown and smoothing things over with Elizabeth.
Sweet. Just make sure you pass on to some of her friends what a nice guy I am. I’d better go, I told the boys I’d see them down there five minutes ago.
Hey, Chris? Don’t say anything to any of the boys about Elizabeth.
Chris’s laughter filled my right eardrum.
I don’t have to, mate. Tim’s already rung me this morning. Costa saw you at the pizza shop and said there was a bit of passion going on!
Shit!
Oh yeah, I nearly forgot, I mentioned to the boys I saw the show last night and they’re all keen to come tonight. To show some school spirit and obviously to offer you and Mark some support. The sentence dripped with Chris Holden sarcasm. It’s got nothing to do with checking out the girls or your new girlfriend.
He hung up before I could tell him to get stuffed. Great, so the boys were turning up and they already knew about Elizabeth. I could just imagine the amount of hassle I was going to get.
The kitchen
I ventured out to the kitchen, where Mum was reading the book section of the paper. She had her reading glasses on and she looked up and squinted.
Well, I was wondering when you’d surface. Have a good night?
She smiled at me, the type of smile that said she knew something and she wanted to find out more.
Yeah. I opened the fridge for something to do.
Elizabeth seems very nice.
She looked at me sideways and there was a semi-knowing smile hovering on her lips.
So I suppose I’ll be seeing her a little bit more often from now on?
Yeah, I suppose you might. I grinned at her.
She returned the grin. Good.
Then she put her glasses back on and started to read her paper again. That was it? That was all she was going to say? Not possible! Ripped off. I wanted an excuse to talk about Elizabeth, considering she’d been in my head all night. And now my mother chose to shut up?
Something that Elizabeth said last night came into my mind—maybe that was how Mum felt about Dad. Maybe that was why she wanted to talk about him all the time, because it made her feel like he was around. It was like Chris said—he wouldn’t speak about Dad because he knew I’d spin out. Pretty bloody selfish of me.
I put the orange juice back in the fridge and talked to Mum from the bench. I figured if I could expose my insides to Chris and then again with Elizabeth, I could manage to ask Mum something about Dad. I felt the familiar clenching in my stomach, but this time I knew it wasn’t going to kill me.
Mum?
Yes, love? She had her head down, reading.
Mum, did you miss Dad last night?
Mum flicked her head up and forgot to hide her look of absolute shock. It would have been pretty funny if I hadn’t been so nervous.
Yes, Will, I did. I missed him very much.
That wasn’t so hard. I forced myself to keep going.
It’s just that Elizabeth said you were talking about him.
She took off her glasses and carefully put them into their case.
Actually, I was telling her how much you reminded me of him.
She waited for a response. Normally by now I would have run screaming out of the room; well, I wouldn’t have bothered with the screaming part, I would have just turned around and walked straight out.
That’s what Elizabeth said, but … I stopped to get the words out. I’m not like him, am I?
This time there was no hesitation.
Will, you are more like him than you realize.
She paused, allowing me to digest what she’d said. She was moving cautiously, like someone who was helping a hurt animal. My gut clamped down hard like I’d been winded in a tackle. I wasn’t walking out this time, though, and I wanted to know. I think I needed to know.
How?
Because you’re funny, you get on well with all sorts of different people. You go out of your way to
help people, and you have a very quiet, sensitive side that you don’t like to admit to and only show to a handful of people.
She said it like it was no big deal I was asking and I liked that. But what I couldn’t tell her was that I didn’t believe it. I mean, I’m not that much of a victim that I think I’m a complete write-off—well, not today anyway. But it didn’t take away how I’d treated Mark or Zach or Mum even. I couldn’t get rid of this feeling that I’d let Dad down somehow and he was disappointed in me. But I didn’t know how to tell Mum that. If I ended up telling Mum then she’d be disappointed too.
Yeah, but Dad stood up for what he believed in, didn’t he? On the work sites he always made sure that everyone was treated fairly and he never acted better than anybody else. He wasn’t afraid of what people thought of him.
No, you’re right, but he wasn’t perfect, Will. He’d hate it if you remembered him as being perfect. God, that’s the last thing he’d want. He prided himself on how much he could act like an idiot. Something else you also inherited from him.
She threw this comment over arched eyebrows. She paused again and then slowly straightened the paper in front of her.
Look, Will, he was a man, a human being who was decent, loving, compassionate, just, but who could also be a pain in the backside, broody, quiet, an idiot and angry, just like all of us.
We’re all human, Will. We all muck things up and hurt and fall in love and make idiots of ourselves and do the wrong things. I can’t tell you the amount of times I was furious with your father about something he did or said or didn’t say, but the thing was I knew he never meant to hurt me. And as soon as he figured out what was going on he’d apologize. In fact he was far better than me when it came to giving and receiving apologies. I always tended to hang on to being cranky for a while …
She trailed off, smiling. It felt as though she had gone somewhere else for a minute. I turned away from her, trying to brush aside some of the tears that had landed on the bench. She stood up from the chair and hugged me for a moment, then stood beside me. Both of us stared out at the veggie patch.