LETTER XLVI
MR. BELFORD, TO ROBERT LOVELACE, ESQ.[IN ANSWER TO LETTERS XXIX. XXXII. OF THIS VOLUME.]EDGWARE, MONDAY, JULY 24.
What pains thou takest to persuade thyself, that the lady's ill healthis owing to the vile arrest, and to the implacableness of her friends.Both primarily (if they were) to be laid at thy door. What poor excuseswill good hearts make for the evils they are put upon by bad hearts!--But'tis no wonder that he who can sit down premeditatedly to do a badaction, will content himself with a bad excuse: and yet what fools musthe suppose the rest of the world to be, if he imagines them as easy to beimposed upon as he can impose upon himself?
In vain dost thou impute to pride or wilfulness the necessity to whichthou hast reduced this lady of parting with her clothes; For can she dootherwise, and be the noble-minded creature she is?
Her implacable friends have refused her the current cash she left behindher; and wished, as her sister wrote to her, to see her reduced to want:probably therefore they will not be sorry that she is reduced to suchstraights; and will take it for a justification from Heaven of theirwicked hard heartedness. Thou canst not suppose she would take suppliesfrom thee: to take them from me would, in her opinion, be taking themfrom thee. Miss Howe's mother is an avaricious woman; and, perhaps, thedaughter can do nothing of that sort unknown to her; and, if she could,is too noble a girl to deny it, if charged. And then Miss Harlowe isfirmly of opinion, that she shall never want nor wear the think shedisposes of.
Having heard nothing from town that obliges me to go thither, I shallgratify poor Belton with my company till to-morrow, or perhaps tillWednesday. For the unhappy man is more and more loth to part with me.I shall soon set out for Epsom, to endeavour to serve him there, andre-instate him in his own house. Poor fellow! he is most horribly lowspirited; mopes about; and nothing diverts him. I pity him at my heart;but can do him no good.--What consolation can I give him, either from hispast life, or from his future prospects?
Our friendships and intimacies, Lovelace, are only calculated for stronglife and health. When sickness comes, we look round us, and upon oneanother, like frighted birds, at the sight of a kite ready to souse uponthem. Then, with all our bravery, what miserable wretches are we!
Thou tallest me that thou seest reformation is coming swiftly upon me. Ihope it is. I see so much difference in the behaviour of this admirablewoman in her illness, and that of poor Belton in his, that it is plain tome the sinner is the real coward, and the saint the true hero; and,sooner or later, we shall all find it to be so, if we are not cut offsuddenly.
The lady shut herself up at six o'clock yesterday afternoon; and intendsnot to see company till seven or eight this; not even her nurse--imposingupon herself a severe fast. And why? It is her BIRTH-DAY!--Everybirth-day till this, no doubt, happy!--What must be her reflections!--What ought to be thine!
What sport dost thou make with my aspirations, and my prostrations, asthou callest them; and with my dropping of the banknote behind her chair!I had too much awe of her at the time, to make it with the grace thatwould better have become my intention. But the action, if awkward, wasmodest. Indeed, the fitter subject for ridicule with thee; who canst nomore taste the beauty and delicacy of modest obligingness than of modestlove. For the same may be said of inviolable respect, that the poet saysof unfeigned affection,
I speak! I know not what!-- Speak ever so: and if I answer you I know not what, it shows the more of love. Love is a child that talks in broken language; Yet then it speaks most plain.
The like may be pleaded in behalf of that modest respect which made thehumble offerer afraid to invade the awful eye, or the revered hand; butawkwardly to drop its incense behind the altar it should have been laidupon. But how should that soul, which could treat delicacy itselfbrutally, know any thing of this!
But I am still more amazed at thy courage, to think of throwing thyselfin the way of Miss Howe, and Miss Arabella Harlowe!--Thou wilt not dare,surely, to carry this thought into execution!
As to my dress, and thy dress, I have only to say, that the sum total ofthy observation is this: that my outside is the worst of me; and thinethe best of thee: and what gettest thou by the comparison? Do thoureform the one, I'll try to mend the other. I challenge thee to begin.
Mrs. Lovick gave me, at my request, the copy of a meditation she showedme, which was extracted by the lady from the scriptures, while underarrest at Rowland's, as appears by the date. The lady is not to knowthat I have taken a copy.
You and I always admired the noble simplicity, and natural ease anddignity of style, which are the distinguishing characteristics of thesebooks, whenever any passages from them, by way of quotation in the worksof other authors, popt upon us. And once I remember you, even you,observed, that those passages always appeared to you like a rich vein ofgolden ore, which runs through baser metals; embellishing the work theywere brought to authenticate.
Try, Lovelace, if thou canst relish a Divine beauty. I think it muststrike transient (if not permanent) remorse into thy heart. Thouboastest of thy ingenuousness: let this be the test of it; and whetherthou canst be serious on a subject too deep, the occasion of it resultingfrom thyself.
MEDITATIONSaturday, July 15.
O that my grief were thoroughly weighed, and my calamity laid in thebalance together!
For now it would be heavier than the sand of the sea: therefore my wordsare swallowed up!
For the arrows of the Almighty are within me; the poison whereof drinkethup my spirit. The terrors of God do set themselves in array against me.
When I lie down, I say, When shall I arise? When will the night be gone?And I am full of tossings to and fro, unto the dawning of the day.
My days are swifter than a weaver's shuttle, and are spent without hope--mine eye shall no more see good.
Wherefore is light given to her that is in misery; and life unto thebitter in soul?
Who longeth for death; but it cometh not; and diggeth for it more thanfor hid treasures?
Why is light given to one whose way is hid; and whom God hath hedged in?
For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me!
I was not in safety; neither had I rest; neither was I quiet; yet troublecame.
But behold God is mighty, and despiseth not any.
He giveth right to the poor--and if they be found in fetters, and holdenin cords of affliction, then he showeth them their works and theirtransgressions.
I have a little leisure, and am in a scribbing vein: indulge me,Lovelace, a few reflections on these sacred books.
We are taught to read the Bible, when children, as a rudiment only; and,as far as I know, this may be the reason why we think ourselves above itwhen at a maturer age. For you know that our parents, as well as we,wisely rate our proficiency by the books we are advanced to, and not byour understanding of those we have passed through. But, in my uncle'sillness, I had the curiosity, in some of my dull hours, (lighting uponone in his closet,) to dip into it: and then I found, wherever I turned,that there were admirable things in it. I have borrowed one, onreceiving from Mrs. Lovick the above meditation; for I had a mind tocompare the passages contained in it by the book, hardly believing theycould be so exceedingly apposite as I find they are. And one time oranother, it is very likely, that I shall make a resolution to give thewhole Bible a perusal, by way of course, as I may say.
This, meantime, I will venture to repeat, is certain, that the style isthat truly easy, simple, and natural one, which we should admire in eachother authors excessively. Then all the world join in an opinion of theantiquity, and authenticity too, of the book; and the learned are fond ofstrengthening their different arguments by its sanctions. Indeed, I wasso much taken with it at my uncle's, that I was half ashamed that itappeared so new to me. And yet, I cannot but say, that I have some ofthe Old Testament history, as it is called, in my head: but, perhaps, ammore obliged for it to Josephus than to the Bible itself.
But man is a pragmatical, foolish creature; and the more we look intohim, the more we must despise him--Lords of the creation!--Who canforbear indignant laughter! When we see not one of the individuals ofthat creation (his perpetually-eccentric self excepted) but acts withinits own natural and original appointment: is of fancied andself-dependent excellence, he is obliged not only for the ornaments, butfor the necessaries of life, (that is to say, for food as well asraiment,) to all the other creatures; strutting with their blood andspirits in his veins, and with their plumage on his back: for what has heof his own, but a very mischievous, monkey-like, bad nature! Yet thinkshimself at liberty to kick, and cuff, and elbow out every worthiercreature: and when he has none of the animal creation to hunt down andabuse, will make use of his power, his strength, or his wealth, tooppress the less powerful and weaker of his own species!
When you and I meet next, let us enter more largely into this subject:and, I dare say, we shall take it by turns, in imitation of the two sagesof antiquity, to laugh and to weep at the thoughts of what miserable, yetconceited beings, men in general, but we libertines in particular, are.
I fell upon a piece at Dorrell's, this very evening, intituled, TheSacred Classics, written by one Blackwell.
I took it home with me, and had not read a dozen pages, when I wasconvinced that I ought to be ashamed of myself to think how greatly Ihave admired less noble and less natural beauties in Pagan authors; whileI have known nothing of this all-exciting collection of beauties, theBible! By my faith, Lovelace, I shall for the future have a betteropinion of the good sense and taste of half a score of parsons, whom Ihave fallen in with in my time, and despised for magnifying, as I thoughtthey did, the language and the sentiments to be found in it, inpreference to all the ancient poets and philosophers. And this is now aconvincing proof to me, and shames as much an infidel's presumption ashis ignorance, that those who know least are the greatest scoffers. Apretty pack of would-be wits of us, who censure without knowledge, laughwithout reason, and are most noisy and loud against things we know leastof!
Clarissa Harlowe; or the history of a young lady — Volume 7 Page 45