LETTER LXV
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.TUESDAY, AUG. 1.
I am most confoundedly chagrined and disappointed: for here, on Saturday,arrived a messenger from Miss Howe, with a letter to my cousins;* which Iknew nothing of till yesterday; when Lady Sarah and Lady Betty wereprocured to be here, to sit in judgment upon it with the old Peer, and mytwo kinswomen. And never was bear so miserably baited as thy poorfriend!--And for what?--why for the cruelty of Miss Harlowe: For have Icommitted any new offence? and would I not have re-instated myself in herfavour upon her own terms, if I could? And is it fair to punish me forwhat is my misfortune, and not my fault? Such event-judging fools as Ihave for my relations! I am ashamed of them all.
* See Letter LV. of this volume.
In that of Miss Howe was enclosed one to her from Miss Harlowe,* to betransmitted to my cousins, containing a final rejection of me; and thatin very vehement and positive terms; yet she pretends that, in thisrejection, she is governed more by principle than passion--[D----d lie,as ever was told!] and, as a proof that she is, says, that she canforgive me, and does, on this one condition, that I will never molest hermore--the whole letter so written as to make herself more admired, memore detested.
* See Letter XLI. of this volume.
What we have been told of the agitations and workings, and sighings andsobbings, of the French prophets among us formerly, was nothing at all tothe scene exhibited by these maudlin souls, at the reading of theseletters; and of some affecting passages extracted from another of my fairimplacable's to Miss Howe--such lamentations for the loss of so charminga relation! such applaudings of her virtue, of her exaltedness of souland sentiment! such menaces of disinherisons! I, not needing theirreproaches to be stung to the heart with my own reflections, and with therage of disappointment; and as sincerely as any of them admiring her--'What the devil,' cried I, 'is all this for? Is it not enough to bedespised and rejected? Can I help her implacable spirit? Would I notrepair the evils I have made her suffer?'--Then was I ready to curse themall, herself and Miss Howe for company: and heartily swore that sheshould yet be mine.
I now swear it over again to thee--'Were her death to follow in a weekafter the knot is tied, by the Lord of Heaven, it shall be tied, and sheshall die a Lovelace!'--Tell her so, if thou wilt: but, at the same time,tell her that I have no view to her fortune; and that I will solemnlyresign that, and all pretensions to it, in whose favour she pleases, ifshe resign life issueless.--I am not so low-minded a wretch, as to beguilty of any sordid views to her fortune.--Let her judge for herself,then, whether it be not for her honour rather to leave this world aLovelace than a Harlowe.
But do not think I will entirely rest a cause so near my heart upon anadvocate who so much more admires his client's adversary than his client.I will go to town, in a few days, in order to throw myself at her feet:and I will carry with me, or have at hand, a resolute, well-preparedparson; and the ceremony shall be performed, let what will be theconsequence.
But if she will permit me to attend her for this purpose at either of thechurches mentioned in the license, (which she has by her, and, thankHeaven! has not returned me with my letters,) then will I not disturbher; but meet her at the altar in either church, and will engage to bringmy two cousins to attend her, and even Lady Sarah and Lady Betty; and myLord M. in person shall give her to me.
Or, if it be still more agreeable to her, I will undertake that eitherLady Sarah or Lady Betty, or both, shall go to town and attend her down;and the marriage shall be celebrated in their presence, and in that ofLord M., either here or elsewhere, at her own choice.
Do not play me booty, Belford; but sincerely and warmly use all theeloquence thou art master of, to prevail upon her to choose one of thesethree methods. One of them she must choose--by my soul, she must.
Here is Charlotte tapping at my closet-door for admittance. What a devilwants Charlotte?--I will hear no more reproaches!--Come in, girl!
***
My cousin Charlotte, finding me writing on with too much earnestness tohave any regard for politeness to her, and guessing at my subject,besought me to let her see what I had written.
I obliged her. And she was so highly pleased on seeing me so much inearnest, that she offered, and I accepted her offer, to write a letter toMiss Harlowe; with permission to treat me in it as she thought fit.
I shall enclose a copy of her letter.
When she had written it, she brought it to me, with apologies for thefreedom taken with me in it: but I excused it; and she was ready to giveme a kiss for it; telling her I had hopes of success from it; and that Ithought she had luckily hit it off.
Every one approves of it, as well as I; and is pleased with me for sopatiently submitting to be abused, and undertaken for.--If it do notsucceed, all the blame will be thrown upon the dear creature'sperverseness: her charitable or forgiving disposition, about which shemakes such a parade, will be justly questioned; and the piety, of whichshe is now in full possession, will be transferred to me.
Putting, therefore, my whole confidence in this letter, I postpone all myother alternatives, as also my going to town, till my empress send ananswer to my cousin Montague.
But if she persist, and will not promise to take time to consider of thematter, thou mayest communicate to her what I had written, as above,before my cousin entered; and, if she be still perverse, assure her, thatI must and will see her--but this with all honour, all humility: and, ifI cannot move her in my favour, I will then go abroad, and perhaps nevermore return to England.
I am sorry thou art, at this critical time, so busily employed, as thouinformest me thou art, in thy Watford affairs, and in preparing to doBelton justice. If thou wantest my assistance in the latter, command me.Though engrossed by this perverse beauty, and plagued as I am, I willobey thy first summons.
I have great dependence upon thy zeal and thy friendship: hasten back toher, therefore, and resume a task so interesting to me, that it isequally the subject of my dreams, as of my waking hours.
Clarissa Harlowe; or the history of a young lady — Volume 7 Page 64