LETTER LXXIX
MR. LOVELACE TO MISS CLARISSA HARLOWEMONDAY, AUG. 7.
Little as I have reason to expect either your patient ear, or forgivingheart, yet cannot I forbear to write to you once more, (as a morepardonable intrusion, perhaps, than a visit would be,) to beg of you toput it in my power to atone, as far as it is possible to atone, for theinjuries I have done you.
Your angelic purity, and my awakened conscience, are standing records ofyour exalted merit, and of my detestable baseness: but your forgivenesswill lay me under an eternal obligation to you.--Forgive me then, mydearest life, my earthly good, the visible anchor of my future hope!--Asyou, (who believe you have something to be forgiven for,) hope for pardonyourself, forgive me, and consent to meet me, upon your own conditions,and in whose company you please, at the holy altar, and to give yourselfa title to the most repentant and affectionate heart that ever beat in ahuman bosom.
But, perhaps, a time of probation may be required. It may be impossiblefor you, as well from indisposition as doubt, so soon to receive me toabsolute favour as my heart wishes to be received. In this case, I willsubmit to your pleasure; and there shall be no penance which you canimpose that I will not cheerfully undergo, if you will be pleased to giveme hope that, after an expiation, suppose of months, wherein theregularity of my future life and actions shall convince you of myreformation, you will at last be mine.
Let me beg then the favour of a few lines, encouraging me in thisconditional hope, if it must not be a still nearer hope, and a moregenerous encouragement.
If you refuse me this, you will make me desperate. But even then I must,at all events, throw myself at your feet, that I may not charge myselfwith the omission of any earnest, any humble effort, to move you in myfavour: for in YOU, Madam, in YOUR forgiveness, are centred my hopes asto both worlds: since to be reprobated finally by you, will leave mewithout expectation of mercy from above! For I am now awakened enough tothink that to be forgiven by injured innocents is necessary to the Divinepardon; the Almighty putting into the power of such, (as is reasonable tobelieve,) the wretch who causelessly and capitally offends them. And whocan be entitled to this power, if YOU are not?
Your cause, Madam, in a word, I look upon to be the cause of virtue, and,as such, the cause of God. And may I not expect that He will assert itin the perdition of a man, who has acted by a person of the most spotlesspurity as I have done, if you, by rejecting me, show that I have offendedbeyond the possibility of forgiveness.
I do most solemnly assure you that no temporal or worldly views induce meto this earnest address. I deserve not forgiveness from you. Nor do myLord M. and his sisters from me. I despise them from my heart forpresuming to imagine that I will be controuled by the prospect of anybenefits in their power to confer. There is not a person breathing, butyourself, who shall prescribe to me. Your whole conduct, Madam, has beenso nobly principled, and your resentments are so admirably just, that youappear to me even in a divine light; and in an infinitely more amiableone at the same time than you could have appeared in, had you notsuffered the barbarous wrongs, that now fill my mind with anguish andhorror at my own recollected villany to the most excellent of women.
I repeat, that all I beg for the present is a few lines to guide mydoubtful steps; and, if possible for you so far to condescend, toencourage me to hope that, if I can justify my present vows by my futureconduct, I may be permitted the honour to style myself,
Eternally your's,R. LOVELACE.
Clarissa Harlowe; or the history of a young lady — Volume 7 Page 78