by Loren
That was true. Even during the honeymoon phase, she had had doubts. She could remember waking up the first morning after their wedding, rolling over and looking at Arnold with horror, thinking, What have I done?
She had so many doubts and worries, and she called her friends in a panic wondering if she made a mistake. She was too young, still in school and immature. What did she know about being a wife or making a home? She had met Arnold when she was a sophomore in university. Junior year he proposed. Her wedding was her college graduation gift from her parents, and she drove from college to the home she and Arnold would share.
Charlotte told her she was being silly. Arnold was perfect for her. He had money and good looks. Sheila told her to give it some time. She had just said “I do” in front of hundreds of people. Ginger, of course, told her if she really wasn’t happy to leave. “But,” she added, “you did just get married.”
In the end, she believed them and stayed.
But she had been right. She hadn’t known what she was doing. She didn’t know how to make a house a home. She was really immature, and so was Arnold, in so many ways. He thought she would be his arm candy, even though she told him she would never be just a housewife. In his mind, he believed she would change. She believed he would be the man he was in college, the doting boyfriend who encouraged her to get her degree and for the most part left her alone. She was wrong. They were both wrong.
Immaturity and youth was a visceral combination that neither one of them seemed to be able to stand. He supported her as best he could by giving her what he knew, which wasn’t much. His father treated his mother like his personal doorknob, arm candy, and a trophy. Someone to be handled, flaunted, and moved around without regard for her feelings. The few times Gene was required to be in their presence, she wanted to gag watching the way they communicated. Arnold’s mother looked at her husband like he was her air, and in a lot of ways he was. She didn’t have a job, a degree, or any hobbies. Arnold was her only child, and she doted on him like he was her prized possession.
That should have been a red flag, but you never know what you don’t know.
She didn’t say anything, and Liam took her silence for what it was, a small admission. “You shouldn’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault,” he said, hugging her closer.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” she mumbled, and he nodded with understanding.
“I know you’re pushing me away, and I get it ... I do. But when you’re ready, I will be here for you. In any way that you’ll let me.”
She wasn’t sure what that meant or what she was supposed to say to that. It didn’t matter since she yawned, her mouth opening so wide she covered it to not be rude.
“I should let you go to bed, huh?”
She glanced at the clock. It was already after midnight. “Yeah. I need some sleep.”
He pulled her tight to him and kissed her nose. “Goodnight you.”
“Good morning,” she said before drifting off.
A few hours later, Gene’s alarm went off and she groaned, groggy and in need of more than five hours of sleep.
Liam leaned over her to turn it off and she immediately missed his heat.. “What do you have planned for the day?” His morning voice sent shivers down her spine.
“It’s Saturday, right?” she said double-checking. Usually, she was acutely aware of dates and plans, but he threw her off kilter. The lack of sleep and abundance of sex didn’t help.
“Yep.”
“Then, I have to get to work. We’re open every day except Sunday.”
He chuckled. “I get it. Can I see you after work?”
Had he ever heard of too much of a good thing? “Next Sunday,” she said. It wasn’t what he wanted, but it was more than she would have normally given. A week would give her plenty of time to get herself together and process. She needed to breathe and it wasn’t like he wouldn’t see her at all. They lived next door for God’s sake.
“Great.” He leaned in, planting a kiss on her nose. “I’ll see you then.”
He climbed out of her bed, a vision of a broad back, pale unmarred skin, and a perfectly round ass. What a prick. No man should look that good. But she couldn’t make herself turn away, watching him dress, ogling the way his pulled-up pants molded to his legs as he yanked his shirt over his head.
“Enjoy the show?” he winked at her as he turned.
“Was that a show? Maybe next time you can shake a little bit,” she said indifferently, and he laughed loudly.
“You are something else.”
“Something else?” she repeated, in a questioning tone.
He walked back to the bed edge and leaned down. “Mhm. Something else good.”
Damn her face for flushing pink. “Next Sunday, Gene,” he confirmed and pulled her to him unexpectedly but she resisted.
“Morning breath,” she complained but he pulled her again.
“I don’t care about that,” he said before plunging his hands in her thick hair, keeping her close until he could taste her lips. He sucked her tongue for good measure before pulling away. “See you in one long week,” he said and walked out her bedroom door. She listened to the stairs creak, counting in her head until she heard the door close.
She collapsed back onto the bed with a heavy sigh and laughed. She was giddy and wanted to tell someone. Her mind was going in so many directions. He said he wanted to be there for her. Did he really mean it? She felt like he did and that by itself was a big deal. She pressed a number on her speed dial, listened to the phone ring with a cheesy smile and grew frustrated as the phone continued to ring and went to voicemail.
“Hey, it’s Charlotte, leave me a message at the beep.”
“Hey, girl. It’s me. I was just calling to check in. Give me a call back,” Gene said before hanging up.
She immediately dialed Ginger, who answered on the first ring.
“Gin boo!” Gene said a little too cheerful.
“Well somebody’s in a good mood,” Ginger said. “Want to tell me why?”
“Um ... no reason,” she said, not wanting to jump right in, even though that was the sole reason for her call. “I was just calling to check on you.”
“Uh okay,” Ginger said, clearly not buying it. “I’m great. Just wrapping up a project and looking over some blueprints for my next build. What are you doing?”
“Just lying in bed,” Gene said.
“In bed? I’m sorry but today is a workday. Are you sick or something?”
“No,” Gene sang, “Guess again.”
“You had a man over, didn’t you?” Ginger said, jumping right to it.
“Yes,” Gene said with a big smile.
“Was it the man you mentioned at brunch?” Ginger asked.
“Yes,” Gene said, trying not to squeal.
“Well, somebody has been a busy bee. I can tell from your voice you enjoyed it, so I’m happy for you.”
She more than enjoyed it.
“I did,” she said calmly.
“Then you should have more to tell me because, girl, you were giving us peanuts at brunch. I’m ready for the full meal!” she joked. Ginger wasn’t a girlie girl, but she loved gossip as much as the rest of them.
Gene giggled. “Well his name is Liam, and he’s nice.”
“Okay. You literally just repeated exactly what you said at brunch,” Ginger said in a huff. “I want more!”
“Ok. He’s in construction. He used to be a company director though, so newly reformed blue collar,” Gene joked, “and he’s funny. He sent a gift-wrapped toolkit instead of flowers after our first date.”
Ginger gasped loudly. “He did not.”
“Yes,” Gene said laughing. “He did.”
“It’s like he knows you.”
Gene giggled again. “I know.”
Ginger was quiet a moment. “Oh my god.”
“What?” Gene said concerned.
“You really like him.”
Gene blushed
and, even though her friend couldn’t see her, she nodded. “I do. I really do, Gin.”
“I can’t say I’m not shocked because I am, but I’m also really happy for you. You deserve a little happiness. You haven’t been yourself since the divorce.”
“Sheila told you, didn’t she?” She wanted to say she was shocked but she wasn’t.
“You know she did.”
Immediately after Gene signed papers in court, her girls took her home with ice cream and movies, hoping to cheer her up. Gene put up a good front, but after everyone fell asleep, she snuck away to the bathroom and had a breakdown. Sheila found her in the bathroom, sobbing with her hand covering her mouth in an attempt to be quiet. Sheila hadn’t said anything. She sat on the toilet, peed, washed her hands, and then crawled into the tub behind Gene, held her and rubbed her back until she was done. Together they made their way back out to where their friends were and fell back asleep. Gene thought when no one mentioned it in the morning that Sheila hadn’t said anything.
Gene wasn’t sure what to say.
“She told me you looked like you’d never believe in love again.”
Of course, she looked like that. The man she had given her heart to had done more than throw it away. He had paraded the shattered thing in her face, broadcasting she was no longer what he wanted, and made her feel at fault for it. Worse, listening to him in court, you would have thought she was trash, fit to be thrown away and no longer good enough for Arnold or any man for that matter. She couldn’t have felt smaller if she tried.
“I was committed to doing just that,” Gene admitted. “But ... there’s something about Liam,” she said quietly. Something that made Gene want to try again. It made her feel like maybe there were good men out there after all. “He won’t let me stay hopeless.”
“Good. Sounds like my kind of guy,” Ginger said laughing. “You know it’s okay to try to love again.”
Is that what this was? Love? She was so unfamiliar with the word, the feeling, the action. The one example she thought she had was flawed. She now saw it through a cracked glass and even though she could see what she felt for Liam was nothing like Arnold, she was still unsure.
“Is it?”
“Yes, Gene!” Ginger almost yelled passionately. “You deserve love as much as the rest of us, especially after that asshole Arnold. He’s no better than you. Don’t let him get inside your head. Don’t let him spoil whatever this is. If it’s love, let it be love. And if it’s just fun, have fun,” she said, ending her tirade.
“Okay,” Gene said softly.
“So, which is it?”
“Huh?” Gene was still trying to process all that her friend said.
“Is it love,” she paused to let Gene process it, “or fun?”
A long silence passed between them, Ginger stayed strong, making it clear she would wait for an answer and Gene trying to sort through her feelings to see what she felt.
“I think I’m falling in love,” she whispered in shock.
Ginger whooped loudly into the phone. Gene would have smiled if she wasn’t still shocked from her own admission. She thought she had protected herself from anything like that. Apparently, she wasn’t as strong as she thought.
“Gene?”
Paralyzing fear clutched her throat, and she found herself gasping, panting to breathe.
“Gene? G!”
“I can’t breathe,” Gene gasped, clutching her chest. It felt like an anvil had landed on her.
“You have to breathe!” Ginger said.
Darkness shrouded the edges of Gene’s vision, and she wondered if she was going to pass out. Knowing what was happening didn’t make it any easier to process or deal with.
“You need to breathe!” Ginger yelled, finally loud enough to break through the fading darkness of her consciousness. Gene took a loud gasp for breath. “And keep doing it. That’s right. Breathe in,” Ginger said, waiting to hear Gene comply. “Now out.”
They repeated this until Gene was no longer light-headed and Ginger was sure Gene would breathe on her own.
“When’s the last time that happened, Gene? I thought you left anxiety attacks behind in college.”
Ginger was no stranger to helping Gene breathe, holding her while she cried, lost in the mental pressure only she could feel and it was true, she hadn’t had one of those in years. Not that Ginger knew. “I had a setback after the divorce,” Gene mumbled.
“How many?”
“A few,” she said vaguely, and Ginger didn’t press.
“It doesn’t change what I said. It’s ok to be in love.”
Gene’s body disagreed. Her mind was inclined to argue also. Men were not to be trusted. That much had been proven to Gene over and over. The risk was never worth it. Falling in love against all the odds was dangerous. She was certain she had only set herself up for failure. She had read this book a few times before, and the ending was never good.
“Yeah okay,” Gene said. Ginger was a perpetual optimist, which is why she didn’t understand.
“I know you. I can hear it in your voice. Would you for once not overthink this or assume the worst?”
“Yeah, sure,” Gene said, faking a cheerful disposition. “So, what’s up with you?” It seemed better to change the subject than to harp on something that wouldn’t change.
Ginger seemed uncertain. “I’m good.”
“Yeah? Tell me about that guy you mentioned at brunch.”
With some shaking and prodding, Gene got the spotlight off her and talked to Ginger until it seemed natural for them to say ‘bye and go their separate ways. Even though she shouldn’t be, with Ginger’s parting words of encouragement she was cautiously optimistic. Maybe it was all about having a positive mindset.
13
“So, is coming to work late going to be your thing now?” Rick said as Gene walked in. She had been late coming in Saturday and late this morning but that wasn’t for Rick to point out.
“Rick,” she said, stopping. She usually didn’t have time for his backtalk but she did today.
“’Sup, Boss?”
“Say that again,” she said with a smile.
“’Sup. Boss.”
“Exactly. Boss. Why don’t you try to remember who signs your checks before your mouth writes one you can’t cash? When I come into work is my business. I come in at all hours and I stay later than anyone in here. You making it your business what I’m doing means we have a problem. Do you want a problem with me?”
Rick smirked as if a problem meant having sex. “Nope,” he said, despite his face.
“Good,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Now get back to work.”
The rest of the workday was normal, filled with customers and broken cars, and when it came to a close Gene was grateful. She didn’t leave out the front door. Instead, she locked it from the inside and walked towards the back.
Having a good day? Liam texted.
Yup. About to leave now, she texted back as she locked her front door. Earlier he had asked her when she thought she’d get off and she told him 8 p.m. Mondays were her administrative days. After the customers left and all the staff cleaned up, they left her to deal with all the tiny tasks that could drive her crazy if she tried to do it throughout the week.
Gene double checked the door was locked by yanking it twice. She turned to find Liam leaning against her 1999 Honda Accord and she laughed instead of feeling stifled. “What are you doing here?”
“Waiting for you of course,” he said, opening her car door for her.
She stopped in front of him. “You say of course like we didn’t agree to wait a few days to see each other the other day.”
His eyebrows crinkled and he stepped away from the car into her space. “I’m sorry. I know we did … but I wanted to see you I thought I could surprise you. I didn’t mean to overstep. I just didn’t think I could wait a whole week.”
“It’s only been two days Liam.”
“I know but I never really see you. Eve
n if just briefly. You come home most times after I’m already in the house and unless you’re tip toeing intentionally, you’re as quiet as a mouse. I don’t even get a glimpse of your face.”
She smiled. Did a glimpse of her really mean that much to him?
He sighed. “But I get it. I don’t want to crowd your space.”
She could see he really meant it. “It’s ok … for today.”
“Great.” He said rewarding her with a beautiful smile. “Want to go on a magic carpet ride?”
She had no idea what that meant. “Sure.”
“Follow me,” he said as she slid into her driver’s seat and he closed her car door. He jumped into his car and glanced back to make sure she was watching him before he pulled away.
He drove slowly, making sure she didn’t get lost in the traffic or the cars weaving in between them until they were out of the city, to a place she’d never been. She parked beside him in the field, looking at him with a raised brow.
“What are we doing out here?” It looked like an abandoned field, and she wondered if she should joke about him bringing her out there to bury her.
“You’ll see,” he said, popping his trunk and pulled a blanket and thermos out. With the blanket tucked under his arm and the thermos in one hand, he held out the other. Gene took it, happy to hold his hand, and walked through the empty field.
“Right ... here,” he said and let go to lay the blanket down.
Once the blanket was smoothed out, he laid down and crossed his legs. “You coming?”
With his hands behind his head, he looked like a model, and she wanted to look at him a while. “I don’t know. I’m still enjoying the show.”
He shook his head and reached for her. “Woman, lay down.”
She laid down beside him, surprised the grass was so cool under the blanket and sidled up to Liam’s body heat. “So, what are we looking at?”
“Look up.”
She looked up, and for the first time in a while, she could see the stars without the city lights dimming their shine. “They’re beautiful.” Living in the city, she didn’t notice them as much, but with Liam, laying down in God knows where on a blanket, they could see past the black curtain of night to the brightness of the night sky. It was like a fairy tale.