by DeSalvo, Kim
“I’m sorry; I know it isn’t what you want to hear, but I haven’t got anything else. They were making them strong; and Dozer and I tossed back a few; but I know my limits, Jessa, and you know I rarely pass them. It’s been a hell of a long time since I was shitfaced at a public gathering. It just kind of hit me all of a sudden, and I must have blacked out. I swear to you on my sister’s grave, Jessa, that I am telling you the truth. I. Don’t. Know.”
Jessa inhaled deeply and let the breath out on a long, sad sigh. That was a game changer. She’d known Dylan for a long time, and she knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that he would never ever swear on Shelby’s grave unless he meant it. He really had no memory of cheating on Tia with a couple of porn stars. Fanfuckingtabulous.
Would his word be enough? Would the fact that he didn’t remember fondling some Swedish sluts be enough to make up for the pain and suffering that Tia was probably already dealing with? How about the additional pain and embarrassment that was still to come? Should she even tell him that the tabloids already had the pictures and that they’d hit both the airwaves and the covers within hours?
She loved Dylan and Tia, and she loved them even more as a couple, but she had some serious doubts. After all, she hadn’t been able to believe Derek when he told her the same thing seven years ago, and she hadn’t been able to trust a man with her heart ever since. This was bad. Really bad.
She could hear the tears in Dylan’s voice. “What do I do, Jess?” he asked weakly.
“I don’t know, Dyl. I don’t know.”
Chapter 40
When Tia awoke, she could see her breath in the room. She reached down to the floor where she’d left her sweatpants and hoodie and pulled them under the relative warmth of the covers, letting them get at least to her body temperature before pulling them on.
“Whoo whee!” Lilly shivered as she came running out of her own room wrapped in a thick robe and wearing fuzzy duck slippers on her feet. “Marcus, you got one minute to get that fire blazing, or I’m kicking you to the curb!”
“Yes, your majesty,” he said with chattering teeth.
“I can’t believe the power’s still out,” Lilly said, handing Tia a flashlight. “Come on and hold that for me. I knew there was a reason I kept that old coffee percolator. Marcus kept telling me to throw it away, said it was an old piece of junk…we’ll see what he has to say about it when he has hot coffee in his belly this morning!” As usual, she said it plenty loud for her husband to hear every word.
By the time they got back up the stairs the fire was roaring and the candles were flickering again.
“And this is why I’ll never own an electric stove,” Lilly said, turning the switch, striking a match, and putting the pot of water over the flame. “You can’t live in Chicago and not expect your power to go out a few times a year.”
They huddled around the fire and drank their coffee, Marcus praising Lilly with overzealous adulation about the incredible intelligence she must have to keep the old fashioned coffee pot. Tia loved watching them interact—they teased each other constantly, but they both knew each other so well that they saw it for what it was—an expression of love.
When they finally warmed up, and the sun peeked out from behind the clouds, they decided to venture outside to check out the snow and shovel the driveway. For once the weatherman was right—the storm had dumped about eight inches, and the wind had sculpted it into drifts that were in some places well over a foot deep. Marcus fired up the snow blower while Tia and Lilly grabbed shovels and started in on the front porch. Tia was glad for the mental distraction and the physical demand on her muscles—it took her mind off her troubles for a little while. She’d come to no conclusions; in fact, she’d been working really hard to push it way to the back of her mind, and she knew that she wouldn’t have been able to do that anywhere else but here; wrapped up in the warm embrace of a loving family that didn’t question her motives for running away.
Marcus dug out a crank powered radio from the basement and they listened to it as they sipped hot chocolate and warmed their frozen toes and fingers by the fire. They learned that the storm had done some major damage, and that there were a lot of trees that had fallen, which was the primary reason for downed power lines. Clean-up crews were working 24/7, they said, but it still might be a couple days before the power was restored to all customers. People were urged to stay inside and to check up on their elderly neighbors—roads weren’t being plowed because the plows couldn’t reach them and stores and restaurants were closed. They were already announcing school closings for the next day, fully aware that busses wouldn’t be able to get through. Lilly did a little victory dance when they announced that Jefferson was on the list. “Hooray, snow day!” she sang.
Tia helped Lilly move all the food from the fridge and freezer to the garage or the back porch, where she filled a bucket with snow and dumped things in. They decided to make a huge pot of beef stew and share it with some of the neighbors who might be unable to cook. Smooth jazz played on the radio as they chopped carrots, onions, celery, and beef by candlelight, filling a huge pot and setting it on a slow simmer. While it cooked, Marcus worked his way down the street with the snow blower, clearing other driveways and meeting up with neighbors who were doing the same. While Lilly and Marcus made the rounds with containers full of hot stew stacked on a sled, Tia made some phone calls.
“Dylan’s pissed, and Jessa wants you to call her,” Lexi said without emotion. “Of course, they don’t believe me when I tell them that I don’t know where you are. Thanks to you, they think I’m the world’s best liar.”
“Sorry about that, Lex, I don’t mean for you to be in the middle. I just know that Jessa will give me the third degree and I’m afraid I’ll crack under her interrogation.”
“Wait, are you saying that you’re more afraid of Jessa than you are of me?”
“Unequivocally.”
“But she’s like, four foot nine, or something. I could squash her like a bug.”
“Five foot one, and you wouldn’t stand a chance.”
“OK. Seriously. Something’s going on, and I think I’m the only one who doesn’t know about it. Jessa’s frantic when she calls me, and Dylan’s downright unhinged.”
“Dylan called you?”
“Like four times already today. He says to tell you that, ‘appearances can be deceiving, and that he loves you more than anything.’ What does that mean, Tia? It’s all cryptic, and I don’t like to be caught in the middle but out of the loop. What’s going…” her voice cut out, and then she was back on the line. “That’s Dylan on the other line. Again.” Tia’s heart started pounding. “Hold on a sec.” Tia pulled the phone from her ear and hovered her finger over the end button, but couldn’t bring herself to hit it. She heard Lexi’s voice again, and put the phone back to her ear. “He says he needs to talk to you. I don’t know what’s going on, but I don’t like it. If you two are fighting, let him apologize and be done with it. You know that you’re going to make up eventually, and all the two of you are doing is irritating me and Jessa. I gave him your number. I love you, goodbye—work this out with Dylan.”
The phone was already beeping when she hit the button to end her call to Lexi. Her hands were sweating, her heart was thumping like a jackhammer, and she was shaking all over. She was fighting a battle with herself, and neither side was going to win. Part of her desperately wanted to hear Dylan’s voice, to hear him say that it was all a horrible mistake and that none of it actually happened, but she knew it wasn’t true. The phone rang six times before it cut off mid-ring and fifteen seconds later, it started ringing again. Tears fell from her eyes as she held it in her hand until finally she punched the pillow on the guest bed, jammed her finger onto the power button on the phone, and tossed it onto the comforter, backing away from it as if it were alive.
She knew it would only be a matter of time before he got the number, which was the main reason she didn’t set up the voice mail. The phone would only
be turned on when she needed to use it, and he wouldn’t be able to leave her any messages that she’d probably be too weak to ignore. Lies, all of it, anyway; although looking back on her last few conversations, especially the one with her mother where she told her everything was fine, Tia was starting to think that maybe she was the best liar in the world.
The power came back on about an hour later, just as Tia was handing over an obnoxious amount of Monopoly money to Marcus for landing on the Electric Company. “Well, how about that?” he mused. “I think maybe I need to charge you double.”
They cheered as the heat kicked on and the first blasts of warm air pumped out of the vents. They ran around and blew out the candles, and then reset clocks around the house. Layers of clothing were shed as the house warmed up, and the television was turned on. Marcus wanted to watch Sunday night football, but Lilly insisted that they watch the news. “We’ve missed out on almost two days of news, Marcus. The world could have ended, and we wouldn’t know a thing about it.” He rolled his eyes at her. “Besides, we should see about any damage that’s been done from the storm. Go watch football in the bedroom.”
“The news doesn’t look better on the big screen,” he pouted, but he grabbed a bowl of chips from the table and headed down the hall.
Com Ed says that it still has around 130,000 customers without power; most of those are in the southwest suburbs where the wind speeds gusted to seventy miles an hour and knocked down a lot of trees, which in turn fell on power lines, the news anchor said. They hope to have power restored to those customers by the early morning hours, but urge customers to be patient and to check in on their elderly neighbors. They switched over to a reporter who was out in the field standing on a dark street interviewing people who still didn’t have power. Then they switched to a segment called ‘Hometown Heroes,’ and highlighted the police and firefighters who were going door to door to check in on residents in low income areas and delivering hot soup to families with children. Tia wanted to smash the TV when she heard the start of the next segment but she sat there frozen, instead.
In entertainment news, Kendra Kirby is back in rehab after a judge sentenced her to no fewer than ninety days after her third arrest for DUI in as many months. The star of “Midnight Express” gave a statement through her lawyer that she would ‘use this time to regain my focus so I can shine my light on the world again.’ That comment has prompted a social media buzz and a Twitter hashtag #lightsoutforkirby. Social media is also buzzing about a series of photos that allegedly show the recently engaged Dylan Miller engaged in some less than wholesome acts with a pair of Swedish adult film stars. Sonja and Melena—that’s right, they don’t use last names—had the pictures on their website with the title, “Our Menage-a-trois with Dylan Miller,” but were required to take them down or else face legal action from Miller’s camp. The pictures have been removed from the actual website, but they are still all over the internet and will likely be appearing on a tabloid near you. Neither Miller nor his fiancé, Tia Hastings, could be reached for comment, but Sonja and Melena are talking to our own William Brody tomorrow morning, so don’t miss it.
Tia turned to Lilly with tears in her eyes. Lilly simply opened her arms and Tia slid over the couch and into them, pressing her face into Lilly’s shoulder and letting the tears come. She’d been here before but had hoped to never need that kind of support again. When Nick died, no one knew quite how to handle her. Sometimes she got so much pity from people that she couldn’t stand it, and she looked for ways to be alone rather than deal with it. Lilly was different. She’d lost two sons; one in a car wreck and one in a random shooting at his school; and she knew that pity wasn’t the answer.
Lilly helped Tia to come to terms with what happened and to move on, and her quiet strength and strong faith had given Tia a component that no one else had been able to give her. Tia hoped that the strength would carry her through her life and help her face any adversity that came her way. Apparently, adversity had a way of breaking down even the most reinforced walls.
“Oh sugar,” she said, her voice vibrating against Tia’s skull. “I’m so sad for you. I can’t imagine how you must feel. I take it you knew about this?”
“I knew, but I didn’t know that anyone else did. I should have, though. That’s the worst thing about this kind of life—everything you do has the potential to be a news story, and everyone thinks they have the right to judge you. What are they going to think of me now?”
Lilly stroked her hair and let her cry. What could she say? That people would mind their own business, or even that they would feel bad for her and give her space and support? It wasn’t going to go down that way, and trying to sugar-coat it wouldn’t make anything better. The majority of the public seemed to support Tia and Dylan as a couple, and to cheer for Tia’s transformation from average Joe to a celebrity in her own rite. She’d handled herself with class, stood tall in the face of adversity, and didn’t let the pressure break her. Lilly could only imagine how hard it would be to deal with everything that had been piled on Tia’s plate, and she was proud of the way Tia maintained her quiet dignity and didn’t let things go to her head.
But like most things in life, there was a flip side to that coin, and it was considerably less shiny. Tia had already paid a price for her new life; she’d had to give up her career, her house, and her ability to be normal; Lilly knew that the reason she’d begged out of helping to deliver the stew to the neighbors last night was the fear that she’d be recognized. She knew now that Tia had come to her because she could remain anonymous, and no one would think to look for her here. The pressure cooker was over full heat, and she felt like she was about to blow.
There were those who envied Tia’s new life, and even those who took pleasure in talking about how she didn’t deserve it. That horrible Penelope woman seemed to be recruiting them, and they’d verbally and even physically attacked Tia for nothing more than falling in love with a particular man. They were going to be all over this, and they would definitely make it news.
“Oh honey, what can I tell you? I wish I could say that they will feel sorry for you and that most of them will understand that you’re hurting over it, but you know as well as I do that some them will judge you, and that a few will even take pleasure from your pain. I know it’s futile to tell you that it doesn’t matter what they think; that it only matters what you think and how you handle it with Dylan; but you and I both know the truth.”
“I honestly don’t know what to think,” Tia sobbed. “It hurts so bad that I can’t think past it; not right now, anyway.”
“Is that why you’re here? To avoid dealing with it?”
“Partly. Mostly. I just needed to get away from it for a while, to think things through I guess.”
“And what conclusions have you come to?”
“None.”
“Look Tia. You know I love you and that you are welcome to stay with us as long as you need to…but you can’t hide away from the whole world forever. Take a little bit of time, but at some point, you are going to have to deal with it. What does Dylan have to say?”
“I haven’t talked to him. I just can’t right now.”
“He doesn’t know where you are, does he?”
“No.”
Lilly pulled back and took Tia’s face in her hands, forcing her to meet her gaze. “I don’t know anything about this situation, but I do know that man loves you and that it has to be killing him not to be able to explain himself. You need to at least let him tell his side of the story.”
“How can he explain it? What can he possible say that’s going to make this go away?”
“It isn’t going to go away, honey, but you know from past experience that there are two sides to every story, and things aren’t always what they seem.”
“I know I’m going to have to deal with it eventually, but I’m not ready to do it right now. I just need some time to figure things out for myself, to see if there is any way I can go forward. I’ve
given up so much, Lilly—my dignity is one of the few things I have left; and even that’s taken a big hit. I just don’t know how I can face him—or anyone—right now. Not until I get my own head straight. It’s just been so nice being here; feeling normal again.”
“So be it, then. If he did this thing willingly, he deserves to stew in it for a while. Maybe he even needs to wonder where you are and what you’re doing and feel what it’s like to lose you. We’ll kick Marcus out of the house tomorrow and have a girl day. We can bake some cookies and watch some TV and drink wine for lunch and forget about the rest of the world for a bit.”
“Thanks, Lilly. You really are the best.”
*****
“This is fucked up sixty ways from Sunday, mate. I really need to know what the hell happened last night.” After he got off the phone with Jessa, Dylan scoured his phone for anything that would help him fill in the gaps. He went backward through all the texts he’d sent to Tia, and found the pictures that had been sent to her from his phone. Did he do that? He couldn’t think of a possible scenario in which he’d put himself in that situation, and he sure as hell would never send pictures like that to the woman he loved more than anything in the world. She was obviously devastated, and had no intention of talking to him. He couldn’t blame her, but he needed desperately to find out what really happened. It was almost a blessing that she wouldn’t talk to him—he had nothing that he could tell her that would come close to explaining his disgusting and disrespectful behavior. He waited for the nausea to pass, and called Bo to come to his room.
“Shit brother, I hoped it wouldn’t come to this,” he said, hanging his head sadly.
“Bo, did you know about this?” Bo just nodded, never taking his eyes from the ground. “What the hell, mate?”
“I had no idea what was going on dude. I saw this waitress coming out of the back room looking all guilty, and she said something like she couldn’t be a part of it and that you didn’t know what you were doing. When I got back there, those chicks were all over you like flies on shit. They asked me to join in, and I kicked them out. It was obvious to me that you didn’t know what the hell was going on—you were so smashed that you could barely open your eyes to acknowledge me. I got rid of them and deleted the pictures off your phone and brought you back here to sleep it off—when you didn’t remember it the next day, I hoped that would be the end of it. All I could do was pray that they didn’t have pictures of their own and that it would never go any further than that room. I sure as hell wasn’t going to dump it in your lap the next morning.”