“No, I suppose not,” she conceded with a shrug, feeling a bit confused by his seemingly annoyed answer. She clamped her mouth shut so as not to rile him further and lifted Benito onto her saddle. She climbed up behind him while she waited for Travis to tie the body on Diego’s horse and nod his silent command to move forward.
They traveled in silence the rest of the evening and into the night, taking their meals in the saddle. While Savannah chatted with Benito, reacquainting herself with him, Travis rode wordlessly staring at the darkening horizon while reflections of turmoil churned in his mind. The memory of Melody’s withering body lying on her deathbed and the blinding rage that had overtaken him caused Travis to recognize that he had been saturated with the driving vengeance that had compelled him for so long. Now that his mission was complete, he suddenly felt empty, like a canteen drained of its life-giving contents. For all those miserable years, that same anger had kept him motivated and had provided him with a reason to exist instead of crawling into a hole and waiting for death to take him too.
Now, it was all over. It was truly over. All he had known was hatred for so long and now, now there was nothing. Like the barren dessert, his heart and soul, even his weary body was hollow, devoid of feeling as if the termination of El Diablo was the catalyst for the cyclone of whirling emotions, which had built up over the years, to be suddenly sucked away. Only stagnant emptiness lay in its wake. A distasteful alternative to rage, to say the least.
He tried to rearrange his mind with something more pleasant. He moved his gaze from the sinking sun to the woman who rode beside him, exuding vibrancy and vivacity as if her life had just begun. She cuddled the boy that she had single-handedly rescued from her husband’s mistress, a smile that echoed her jubilation and triumph was visible on her beautiful face. Like a rising star, she shined, bright and radiant with the energy derived by her son’s vital presence.
Who could use her like El Diablo had, abuse her and then leave her to parish in the desert? Who could hate her that much? Who could not love that woman? These perplexing questions swirled in his mind, while other questions seemed to take their place. Questions like: Did he, himself, love her? Was he even capable of love after so much hatred had tainted his heart?
A vision of Hannah flashed before him like a lightning-bolt of pure heart-cleansing affection. Yes, he was definitely capable of love, for his daughter had unearthed that long-buried emotion from deep within his lifeless heart. But, he also recalled another female who, years ago, had caused his heart to learn to find the fervor that had evaded him for so long.
The tiny butterfly of a woman, who had captured his heart that night in the storm after he had rescued her, glanced back at him when she discovered that he had been staring at her through the dim evening light. Savannah’s demure smile brought him quickly back to the present. Averting her eyes, she appeared as if she was afraid of him, like the bunny that she had evolved into in his mind.
Suddenly, he felt remorse for the way that he had talked to her earlier. Suddenly, he felt a new emotion building in his heart, an emotion that he had felt before but had pushed aside in favor of his ceaseless need for vengeance. Suddenly, an obvious realization replaced the emptiness that had briefly taken residence there, causing his heart to swell inside his chest.
He did love Savannah. He loved her more than he had ever thought possible, especially after losing his beloved wife. But he was not ready to admit that to her, much less to himself. There was still so much to work through in his mind before he was ready to reveal his true feelings. So, he kept them a secret while he rode beside her, ignoring the urge to pluck her from the saddle of that lumbering Appaloosa, to show her what his heart was experiencing and to repeat the intimacy that they had shared before, with more passion than he had ever shown her.
So, into the night, they traveled, speechless and without passing glances until the moon took over the night sky. Then they rolled out a blanket and all three lay across it to keep warm against the night air, for they had not bothered to build a fire.
The next day was much like the last one, and the day after that was a monotonous reflection of the day before. They rode as if each were in his or her own world, keeping their thoughts to themselves. It was as if they rode alone in the desert, for neither even looked at the other while they plodded the days away.
Many times, Savannah opened her mouth to break the silence, but closed it again, feeling that if Travis did not speak to her, he must be lost in his own mind-eclipsing thoughts. He must still be angry at her for suddenly putting an end to his urgent need to avenge the murder of his wife. He must still be fuming about the fact that she had killed the object of that vengeance, her murdering husband, the Devil incarnate. He must still begrudge her for taking that satisfaction from him. He must hate her so much.
She was afraid to find out for sure by starting a dialogue that might take away any doubt, so she whispered to her son and she listened intently as the boy whispered back, a conversation that she had craved for so long and was finally living in reality.
She stole a look at Travis, who stared intently into yet another sunset, and she wished that he would, at least, start an argument with her, would yell at her, anything that would indicate that he possessed any kind of emotion toward her. Even if it was hatred.
Chapter Twenty-One
Three days after she had killed her husband, they crossed the Rio Grande and found their way to the little town that Savannah called home. Her heart rejoiced when she saw the hotel porch that she had sat on many times. She spurred her mount toward that porch and then pulled back on the reins when the Appaloosa neared the plank steps. She lifted her son down and then jumped down beside him. Picking him up, she ran into the hotel and called for her friends.
She longed for conversation with them, with anyone older than a toddler. Travis had not spoken to her for days, except to give her directions or to announce that they were going too slow. Many times, she wondered if he was really angry at her for killing Diego, taking from him the principle of bringing justice to the man who had killed his wife and so many more innocent people. Even when she stepped out of the saddle to go into the hotel, he only said a few words to her and those were curt.
“I’m going to the sheriff’s office to unload this body,” he said before he steered his horse away from her. His voice was gruff, almost grouchy and his shoulders displayed his stiff composure as if he harbored a hidden agenda, a clandestine plan to rid himself of Diego’s body and then slyly rid himself of the woman who had killed the man.
She did not let his mannerism deter her from the joy of hugging her friends once again. Instead, she raised her chin into the air before turning her head toward the screened door that led to the kitchen. She put her son down on the porch and guided him into the kitchen where she found Jake sipping on a steaming cup of coffee. Her glee overwhelmed her as she let her son’s hand drop and then ran into Jake’s opened arms.
“Holy Smokes!” Jake yelled when he looked up from his cup and saw her running toward him. As he pulled her into a constricting hug, he breathed in her ear, “Thank God you’re alright. We’ve been worried sick about you.”
“I’m back, Jake,” she said excitedly as she pulled away to look at his face. “And, I’ve got someone with me. Jake, meet my son Benito. Benny, come and shake Mr. Olsen’s hand.”
Timidly, the boy stepped forward and stuck out his tiny hand. Jake took the hand into his massive fist and then enveloped the child in a hug that gave him reason to believe that this man would be someone to cherish, for Jake’s eyes welled up with tears and his mouth quivered as he kissed the boy’s cheek and then hugged him again, saying to Benny, “I’m so glad to meet you. I’ve been saving something very special for you, my boy.”
Benny’s eyes widened as Jake carried him toward the cupboard and pulled out a jar of peppermint sticks.
“Go ahead,” Jake coaxed him as he leaned toward the jar for the little one to open. Gingerly, Benny lifted the g
lass lid and eased his free hand into the forest of red and white swirling sticks. Taking only one, he beamed with joy as he stuck the end of it into his rosebud mouth and nodded with appreciation.
Jake jiggled the boy’s body in his arms and told him, “That’s right, Benny my boy. They’re all for you. All you have to do is ask any of us and we’ll get it for you. Anything here that you want is yours for the asking. You know why?”
Benny shrugged his shoulders as he popped the stick out of his mouth and stared lovingly at it. Then his black eyes looked at Jake and waited for the answer.
“Because we love you,” he announced, his face filled with the truth of his feelings, “and because we love your mama. And your mama loves you. Do you know that?”
The boy nodded, then looked at Savannah as if seeing her for the first time and realizing at that very moment that she was his true mother. He wriggled from Jake’s arms and ran to hers as she bent to pick him up and hug him generously as she whispered a reiterating statement of her love for him.
At that time, Margaret entered the room and saw her standing with her baby boy in her arms and she ran toward Savannah with sobbing delight. She threw her arms around both of them as she blubbered with happiness at seeing her friend and the boy safely returned home again. She pulled away from them and held her palms on Savannah’s arms as she declared, “I am so glad you two are safe. And you’re home now. Come on. Let’s get you two settled in.”
She shook Benito’s shoulder and said, “Well I see Uncle Jake has shown you where the treats are! I was hoping to be the one to do that. Oh well, I have other surprises for you, little man. Just you wait!”
Benny smiled with excitement as she pinched his cheek between her thumb and forefinger and then leaned in to kiss his forehead. For the first time since Savannah had found him, he spoke English as he uttered, “Thank you.”
Surprised and amazed that he could not only understand the language, but he spoke it also, Savannah squeezed her son with love and pride and nuzzled her nose to his as she told him, “I am so proud of you, Benny. You are the most important person to me.”
Suddenly seeing the face of Travis in her mind, she realized that he, too, was important to her. But, having him ignore her the way he had these past few days made her think that she was not as important to him as she deemed him in her own heart. She chased away that thought with a smile to her son as she carried him up the stairs to the room where she had lived before.
There, she found her bed and all of her things just the way she had left them. Inside, she felt a warmth, as if this room held a magnetic energy which would draw her back if she ever left it again. She twirled around it, taking in every inch of the room and remembering her life here. Now, she would share that life with her son, for next to her bed was a tiny replica for him. She smiled at Margaret, who nodded and told her that Jake had made it while she was away finding the boy who would sleep in that miniature bed.
As if on cue, Benny yawned and stretched in his mother’s arms and she let him slip to the floor where he toddled to the bed and plunged into it, falling asleep almost instantly. Savannah smiled at Margaret and they hugged each other and then watched the child sleep in wondrous slumber.
Later that evening, as they sat on the porch reliving old times, Savannah, Margaret and Jake laughed happily as they rocked in the chairs and swung on the swing, the soft southern breeze filling the air with the fragrance of cactus flowers. When Benito awoke from his nap and followed the voices of the people outside, he climbed into Jake’s lap and curled into a ball with Jake’s ample arms warming him.
For the first time since they arrived back into town, Travis ambled onto the porch and took a chair beside Savannah. He leaned back in the chair on two legs and stretched out his long legs, catching his boot heels on the porch railing as if this home was his and he was making himself comfortable.
“Well,” he said to Savannah, who looked oddly at his behavior but ignoring her expression altogether. “That’s all taken care of. The sheriff said that there’s a hefty reward for him. I hope you don’t mind but I told him to distribute it among the people who lost loved ones because of El Diablo.”
Savannah shook her head and said, “No, not at all. I hope it will help them.”
“Well, it won’t be much since there were so many of them, but it will be something,” he said as he lowered his legs and set the chair down on all fours again. He leaned his elbow on his knee and cupped his chin in his hand as he looked at Savannah and asked, “What are your plans now?”
“Right now? Right this very moment, or for the future?” she asked, both surprised by his question and surprising him with her own query.
“Well, right this moment would be a start,” he drawled with a twinkle in his eye, causing her to blink twice and duck her head, blushing.
“I was getting a little hungry,” she said with a shrug of her shoulders.
At that, Benny perked up and licked his lips, rubbing his tummy with his palm and saying, “Me too!”
Travis looked amazed at the boy who had only spoken Spanish since he’d met him and he said with a boisterous voice, “Well, look who talks like a Texan!”
They all laughed and the boy squirmed deeper into Jake’s arms, suddenly, seemingly afraid of the man whose booming voice sounded quite intimidating.
“Look,” Margaret scolded Travis. “You scared him.”
“Naw,” Travis argued amiably as he stood up and went to Jake to take the boy into his arms. He tickled the child’s tiny belly and chuckled at his reaction as Benny giggled and wrestled his large hand with both of his as he declared, “Why, Benny and me are old friends, right kid?”
Benny nodded with a shy smile, his black eyes reflecting the growing love for this giant of a man who had pulled him aside several times during their journey from Mexico and had slipped him a cube of sugar or had spoken to him in his native Spanish with endearing words of encouragement. With each interaction while on the trail, Benny had become more attached to Travis, looking up to him as his defender, his mentor and his protector. All the while, the child had pushed aside his fondness for the man who had been his father, the man who had only given him snippets of time which had been strained and suspiciously insincere, obvious even to a trusting two-year-old. Benito saw in this new man’s eyes, in the way that he winked at him or tousled is hair in affectionate jest, that he was genuine, caring and kind.
Travis hugged Benny, who clung to him as if he was the only person who could protect him from the nightmares that had plagued him his entire diminutive life. There, between them, silent and unspoken, was a bond that no one, not even his mother, could understand, much less comprehend. This was a connection that only son could establish with father, whether blood existed between them or not.
Peace, serene peace bourgeoned on the porch while all present witnessed the interaction between the hulk of a man and the tiny boy who swelled with pride that Travis obviously adored him before someone finally, albeit hesitantly, broke the spell.
“Well, I suppose I should get started on supper,” Margaret announced as she stood to go into the kitchen.
“I’ll help you,” Savannah said as she, too, rose to her feet.
“Wait a minute,” Travis told her as he took her elbow into his hand and held her back. “I thought we’d stay out here and talk.”
Margaret took Benny’s hand and said, “That will be fine. I’ll make something very special for a special little man. What’s your favorite thing to eat, Benny?”
“Sugar!” he announced excitedly and then ducked his chin to his chest when they all laughed and agreed wholeheartedly with him.
“I think I can find something a little more nutritious that you would like,” Margaret told him as she led him into the kitchen, followed by Jake, who clapped the boy affectionately on his rear-end.
When they were alone, Travis paused a moment before he stepped closer to Savannah. Inside, he wrestled with the torment of that one little word, which
had just been uttered by Benito but a word that reminded him of his Hannah, whose anguished face still haunted him. A sweet little word, which had described his daughter’s favorite treat, had also been spoken by the boy whom he thought of as a son. A moment of reflection suspended his intention, taking him back to that dreadful day when he had parted with Hannah, to face his future and, ultimately, his true destiny.
He wondered, in his tormented mind, how he could break his daughter’s adoring heart in order to chase a manifestation of festering vengeance while finding a love that could increase beyond his wildest dreams.
He took Savannah’s shoulders into his palms and turned her to face him as he looked deeply into her eyes and said, “I hope you don’t mind…”
“No, not at all,” she repeated the same statement as before, shaking her head. “It seems like we haven’t talked in days.”
Travis lowered his eyes and appeared to be overtaken by sudden sadness when he said without looking at her, “I know. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.”
Feeling that this was his way of admitting that he was indeed angry at her for killing her husband, she pulled from his grip and stepped away from him, and walking to the rail to lean on the column, she almost whispered, “I told you I was sorry about killing Diego.”
Travis strode purposefully to her and pulled her back into his chest with such force that she feared that she would stumble over his large boots. He whispered almost angrily into her ear, “And I told you that it didn’t matter. I thought we had settled that matter.”
“I thought so too,” she agreed, but sighed heavily before she continued while staring at the moon that seemed so out of place in a blue sky, “But you have been so aloof.”
“I told you that I’ve been doing some thinking,” he said more calmly.
“What about?” she asked as she turned to face him, her eyes welling up with tears, thinking now that he was about to tell her that he was finished with her, that he would leave her forever.
Catch a Shooting Star jd edit 03 12 2012 html Page 29