by Mary Larkin
‘Do you not think that Graham is a bit too settled for Alison?’
‘It has never crossed my mind. Although, mind you, Rachel has her doubts about them.’
‘Has she indeed?’
‘She has, but she won’t interfere.’
‘What if she’s right and Alison changes her mind?’
‘I don’t think she will, son. Graham is a good catch and Alison will want for nothing. She knows a good thing when she sees it.’
She would want for nothing except excitement and passion, Donald acknowledged to himself.
The evening passed uneventfully. Donald, not wanting to call attention to them, eluded all Alison’s attempts to get him alone. It would cause too much speculation and he must talk to Susan first; square things with her. He owed her that much. He was annoyed when Alison, tired of his antics, took matters into her own hands.
‘I don’t think I’ll stay the night after all. I may as well see Graham tonight and come back in the morning.’
‘But I’ve made up the bed in the spare room for you,’ Rachel objected.
‘I know, Mam.’ She flicked a quick glance in Donald’s direction and was pleased to see the perturbed look on his face. ‘But I’m sure Graham will be glad of my company for a few hours. I’ll come back early in the morning.’
‘If you’re determined to go, I’ll run you over,’ Trevor offered.
‘Let me, Trevor. It will save you getting your car out of the garage.’ Donald rose to his feet and reached for his car keys.
Pleased that her ploy had paid dividends, Alison headed for the stairs. ‘I’ll fetch my bag. I won’t be a minute.’
However, when she returned to the hall, Susan was also waiting. ‘I’m coming along for the ride. I need to get out for a bit,’ her sister informed her.
Donald was afraid to meet Alison’s eye and they trooped out to the car in silence, Susan taking her usual place in the front beside Donald and leaving a disgruntled Alison to climb into the back.
At Graham’s house, with an abrupt ‘Good night’, she left the car and entered the house without so much as a backward glance.
Susan gazed after her in amazement. ‘What on earth’s got into her? Is it my imagination, or is everyone acting strange this evening?’ Donald had turned the car and was heading back. Now she turned to him. ‘Well, say something. Why are you all acting so strange?’
Drawing the car into a lay-by, he reached for her hand. ‘Susan, I’ve some explaining to do.’
‘Well, thank God for that! I was beginning to think I was going round the bend or something.’
‘Do you love me?’
‘Huh?’
‘Do you love me enough to marry me right away?’
‘Ah now, wait a minute. I thought we had decided to take things easy. One step at a time?’
He was roughly caressing her hand and she pulled it away from him. ‘Look, whatever’s wrong, spit it out.’
‘I don’t want to hurt you, but things have changed for me. And I wouldn’t for the world let you down if I thought you loved me.’
‘But you were so sure we could make a go of it. Why the change of heart? You mean you no longer care for me?’
‘I care very dearly for you. I hope we can always remain close friends. But you see, I’ve fallen in love with someone else.’
Her mind went blank for some seconds, then ran amok as she tried to make sense of his words; tried to make a connection. ‘You met someone at the dance last night! That’s why you were acting so strange!’ She shook her head as if to clear it. ‘Still . . . I never saw you with anyone in particular.’ She laughed derisively. ‘So, some girl looked at you and you fell in love with her. Just like that. Is that what you’re saying? Well, I don’t believe you! It can’t just happen like that.’
‘Not quite like that. But as far as I’m concerned, a look was all it took,’ he contradicted her. ‘At first she wouldn’t admit to feeling the same as me. Now she does.’
‘You spent the day with her!’ she accused. ‘That’s why you took off! Huh, so much for looking after me.’
‘I’ll keep my word, if that’s what you want.’
‘So second best is good enough for me?’
‘Isn’t that what you’d be offering me?’
She sat silent for a long time. He spoke the truth. He was her second choice. Suddenly the truth dawned on her and she swung round in her seat in amazement. ‘My God, it’s our Alison, isn’t it?’
He nodded, shamefaced. ‘I’m sorry it had to happen this way.’
‘I think you’re in for a big disappointment, Donald. Our Alison knows which side her bread is buttered. Graham can give her everything she wants, whereas you . . .’ She spread her hands wide to show what she thought of his prospects. ‘Sorry to be so blunt, but there it is.’
‘She’s willing to throw in her lot with me.’
‘I don’t believe you.’
‘It’s the truth! She said so.’
She waved her hands about in distress. ‘I need to think. Let’s go home.’
As he drew the car to a standstill in the drive, he said, ‘You understand I can’t go to Donegal with you now? It wouldn’t be fair on Alison. That’s why she was so upset and stormed off like that.’
‘Oh, let’s on no account upset our Alison. What about me? Don’t I deserve some consideration, some sympathy? ’
He put a hand on her arm. ‘Of course . . .’
She threw his hand off. ‘Give over! I don’t want to hear any more excuses.’
‘What are you going to do?’
‘I don’t know,’ she hissed. ‘I need time to think! I’ll see you in the lounge after Mam and Dad have gone to bed.’
Throwing herself on top of the bed, Susan beat on her pillows with clenched fists. ‘Hell roast the two of them!’ she muttered. She didn’t deserve to be treated like this. That Donald, of all people, should let her down devastated her. And what about poor Graham? How would he take it? Very well, an inner voice assured her. In fact, she thought he might even be relieved. She felt calmer thinking of Graham. He alone would be composed in this crazy state of affairs. She lay for a long time thinking and at last reached a decision.
She heard her mother and father retiring for the night. Giving them fifteen minutes to get settled, she looked in on William and then quietly descended the stairs. Donald rose to his feet when she entered the lounge.
‘Sit down,’ she ordered. ‘I’ve a proposition to make.’
He sank down on to the settee again, while she remained standing. ‘This shouldn’t take too long. As you know, I intend returning to work in a couple of weeks’ time. Tomorrow morning I’ll pretend to get a phone call asking me to go and see my boss. I’ll insist that Alison accompanies you to Donegal to show you around.’
‘Are you sure about this?’
‘No! But can you come up with anything better?’
‘Can’t we just tell the truth?’
‘That wouldn’t suit me at all. I insist we do it my way.’
Thinking that she wanted to save face, he went on, ‘What about Graham? Shouldn’t he be told the truth?’
‘I’ll explain to him. When he comes tomorrow night to see Alison, I’ll tell him the truth. All of it. Do you agree?’ He nodded and she continued, ‘Tell Alison to let Graham come here as planned. As if nothing has changed. Okay?’
‘Will you be all right breaking the bad news to him?’
She laughed abruptly. ‘Do you know something, Donald? I don’t think he’ll be exactly heartbroken. Good night.’
Getting quickly to his feet, he crossed to her and made to take her in his arms.
‘Don’t! There is only one man I’ll ever let touch me again. I only hope I haven’t left it too late. Me and my worrying about other people. That’s why I got into this situation in the first place! What do other people matter when your own future is at stake? No one worried how I might feel!’
He gazed at her, uncomprehending. ‘I wis
h I could be more helpful. I feel such a heel.’
‘And well you may! I wouldn’t have believed you’d act this way. Some mentor you turned out to be.’
‘I couldn’t help myself, honestly. I fell in love. It happens,’ he said abjectly.
‘Tell me, Donald, if Alison hadn’t returned your love, would you still have pursued me?’
He shrugged. ‘How do I know what I’d have done?’
She cried in frustration, ‘Agh, away to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.’
The realisation of how stupid she’d been ate away at her mind, keeping sleep at bay. She had kept her true feelings under wraps all these months. Had ignored all the signs that she loved Graham. And this was the outcome; everyone suiting themselves. Doing what they wanted. What if Graham had changed his mind where she was concerned and really believed now that William was not his son? God knows she had denied it often enough. The very idea sent her into a spasm of tears and she sobbed herself into a fitful sleep.
Heavy-eyed, she was passing through the hall next morning just as the phone rang. It was Alison. Not wanting to ask outright if Donald had put her sister in the picture, she dithered.
‘I was wondering what time you’re leaving for Donegal?’
Keeping her voice low, Susan said, ‘You can stop pretending. Donald told me everything last night.’
‘Susan, I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself. It just happened.’
‘Huh!’ Susan gave a disgusted grunt, then sighed. ‘I suppose these things do happen. Listen, here’s what you must do. You will take my place and go to Donegal with Donald.’
‘I can’t do that! What will Mam and Dad think?’
‘I’ll pretend this call is from my boss asking me to go in and see him today. Since he has held my job open so long, they’ll understand that I must go.’
‘What do I tell Graham?’
‘Nothing!’ Her voice was sharp. ‘You’ll tell him nothing. Is that clear? I’ll explain to him when he comes round tonight expecting to see you here.’
‘That wouldn’t be fair, leaving you to do all the dirty work.’
‘I want to. I’ve a lot of explaining to do and I may as well clear the air once and for all. Look, just in case you’re tempted to let the cat out of the bag, I’ll send Donald over for you now. Tell Graham you’ll see him tonight as usual, all right?’
‘Are you sure, Susan? I feel guilty as hell about all this.’
‘Just do as I say and everything will work out fine. I hope,’ she muttered under her breath.
‘I didn’t catch that last wee bit, Susan.’
‘You weren’t meant to. See you soon.’
Later that morning Susan and her mother waved Donald and Alison off and returned to the house. William was letting them know he was awake and Susan took the stairs in a rush. Deep in thought, Rachel went into the kitchen to prepare the child’s bottle. There was something going on here, but she couldn’t put her finger on just what.
Climbing the stairs, she stood in silence at the door of the nursery and watched her daughter bath and dress her grandson. ‘Susan, is anything wrong?’
‘Not really.’ Seeing that her mother was about to argue, she looked appealingly at her. ‘Mam, bear with me. No more questions now, and soon I’ll be able to tell you all my secrets - everything.’
‘What time are you going to the office?’
Deciding to be truthful, Susan said, ‘I’m not.’ Rachel’s mouth opened, but her daughter forestalled her. ‘Please, Mam? Remember, no questions. I would like to go into town this afternoon and get my hair cut and set. Will that be all right with you?’
Her mother nodded dumbly. She would never understand this oldest daughter of hers. She was an enigma.
The morning dragged, but the afternoon flew in. Trevor was surprised when he returned from work and discovered Susan still in the house.
‘What happened?’ he asked in bewilderment. ‘I thought you were all set to go to Donegal today.’
Avoiding her mother’s eye, Susan lied convincingly. ‘Mr Kennedy rang this morning, about me coming back to work, so I had to go into the office for a short time today to discuss it with him. Alison went with Donald to show him around. Act as courier, as it were.’
‘Oh.’ Trevor’s eyebrows rose as he turned this news over in his mind for a few moments. Susan could practically hear his thoughts ticking over. ‘Can I assume they’ll be back tonight, then?’ he asked.
‘No, they’ll stay the three days.’
A frown gathered on her father’s brow. ‘What has Graham to say about that?’
‘He doesn’t know yet. He’s coming over here after tea tonight. I’ll explain everything to him then.’
‘That should be interesting!’ Trevor remarked, tight-lipped.
Trembling like a leaf, for the third time Susan tried on the ruby dress and fearfully eyed her reflection in the mirror. She felt every bit as glamorous as she looked. The dress hugged her slim figure and the warm colour reflected in her cheeks. Her new hairdo played a big part in her transformation. Cut short and shaped close to the head, it emphasised the delicate planes of her face and her long, slender neck.
She recalled her friend Ruth Vernon’s words of praise in the boutique. ‘You look absolutely gorgeous in it. You’ll never look so lovely again.’ Susan smiled to herself in the mirror as she ran her hands over the dress, smoothing invisible creases, glad that Ruth had persuaded her - even bullied her - into buying it. She prayed it would win back Graham’s affection.
She stepped into navy court shoes just as the doorbell rang. Quickly leaving the bedroom, she hurried downstairs. The lounge door opened and, before she could stop him, her father was opening the front door.
‘Hello, Graham. Come into the lounge. I’m afraid Alison . . .’
‘Dad, if I could have a minute alone with Graham, please?’ Susan interrupted, her voice slightly louder than usual.
At the sound of her voice both men turned and looked at her. Graham’s breath caught in his throat at the sight of her. She was a vision to behold. This beauty should be his wife, he lamented inwardly. He couldn’t just stand aside and let her walk off with someone else. What kind of man was he? No! To hell with the promises he had made. He was going to fight tooth and nail to win this beautiful woman over.
Trevor’s gaze slowly travelled from head to toe. Why, he thought belatedly, had he always imagined Alison the beauty of the family? Here before his very eyes was a different kind of beauty. ‘You’re looking well, girl. If I may say so. Is that a new dress?’ he blurted out. It was the best he could come up with on the spur of the moment.
‘Yes, Dad.’ Susan’s eyes were fastened on Graham’s, ‘I bought it for a very special occasion. Now, could I have a quiet word alone with Graham, Dad?’
With a final appraising glance, Trevor nodded at Graham and, entering the lounge, closed the door behind him.
There was still a distance between her and Graham. He was still standing by the front door, she on the bottom stair tread. It felt like a chasm. He stood as if galvanised to the spot. At last she forced her feet into action. Heading for the dining room, she said, ‘Can I have a word with you in here, Graham?’
He came to with a start and followed her into the room. Except for the evening light filtering in through the nets on the window, the room was in deep shadow. He reached for the light switch but her voice stopped him.
‘Leave it for a moment, Graham. I’ve a lot of explaining to do and it’ll be easier for me in the dark. To be truthful, I’m terribly ashamed of myself.’
Slowly his arm dropped to his side. She was remembering the times she’d had difficulty keeping him at arm’s length; practically fighting him off. Now, when she longed for the comfort of his arms, he was standing like a statue. Had she left it too late? Had his love for her finally died after all her rejections of him?
As for Graham, he couldn’t make head nor tail of what was going on. Susan had never looked lovelier, but he w
asn’t daft enough to think she was all dressed up for his benefit. Had she decided to marry Donald and wanted to break the news to him personally? Didn’t she realise that, no matter who was the harbinger or what way the news was delivered, it would only break his heart?
‘Graham, I don’t know where to start. I’m so afraid,’ she stuttered.
‘If it’s bad news, Susan, just get it over with. I’m getting used to hearing bad news from you.’
Big, haunted eyes full of pity gazed at him. Pity was something he didn’t want from her. ‘Have you decided to marry Donald after all?’ he asked abruptly.
‘No! What made you think that?’
‘Well, it looks like Jim’s out of the picture now, so I thought marriage to Donald would be the next obvious thing on your agenda. To be truthful, I don’t know what to think any more where you’re concerned. It’s one big hurt after another. I just can’t take any more.’
Her heart sank. Had she really been as fickle as that? How could he possibly have any deep feelings left for her, the way she had treated him? ‘I’ve been an awful fool,’ she admitted. He remained silent and she continued, ‘I worried about what other people would think. Who might get hurt. I was afraid of a scandal and as a result . . .’ She paused and licked her lips, suddenly parched ‘. . . I deprived you of the right to acknowledge William as your own son.’
He abruptly straightened to his full height, his chin jutting out as he absorbed these words. ‘Are . . . are you admitting William is mine?’
‘Yes.’
‘Why the sudden change of heart? Are you saying I can have him? Is that it? Does Donald not want to rear him after all? Was it all one big show to let people see what a great fellow he was?’
Exasperated, she cried, ‘This has nothing to do with Donald! You’re not listening to me.’
‘Forgive me, Susan, I’m all at sea here. I don’t know what to think. You’ve lost me completely.’
‘Look!’ She spoke deliberately. ‘Donald and Alison have fallen in love.’ Her voice had gone flat. This was not going as she had hoped. And she didn’t blame him in the slightest. After the way she had treated him? After all the rejections and denials? She had said some terrible things to him and now she expected him to sweep her into his arms and utter declarations of love, saying that everything would be hunky-dory.