“No, and I thank you for reminding me,” I snipped sarcastically.
“Anytime, dear. I always have your back.”
“Yes, even if it’s just to brutally offer me the truth. I appreciate it, though. As I do you spending hours with me on the phone this afternoon. Might as well say thanks in advance, too, for your spending hours with me this weekend.”
“Not like I had the luxury of any dates recently to use as an excuse,” she half-teased.
“Sorry about that. Could be worse: you could hook up with the love-them-and-leave-them type.”
“Are you kidding me? After the night you described, I’d take it even if I were given in advance the knowledge that I’d never see the guy again! Not saying that’s how it’s going to go down for you,” she quickly added,” but seriously, sex like that, a connection like you just had, it doesn’t happen very often even if you sleep around. Hold onto that to get through this week, and more if needed.”
“I will. I’ll get through. I have my wonderful job to distract me,” I stated, almost not getting the lie out without laughing.
“You call if you need me any time this week. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll pick you up at seven o’clock Friday night. That way you can drink all you want, no matter what mood you find yourself in,” she offered.
“You are the best!”
“I know.”
~~~
So, in true friend fashion, Chloe sat with me Friday and Saturday, back in the club with me hoping to run into Lex.
“This is getting stalker-ish,” Chloe teased, but with a slight edge to her voice that I recognized as boredom.
The band that had played last night hadn’t been bad, but I thought that Lex’s band, The Pragmatics, had ruined me for any other. Never thought I’d have a favorite band any more than I could pick a favorite book, but now I did. The band that played tonight, however... well, they simply sucked.
Still alternative rock, as it seemed to be what this club was primarily known for, but this group’s lyrics rarely made sense. Actually, I preferred it that way considering how bad the music itself was. When they did make sense, they’d proven disturbing so far. I’d read, by way of review, that this club had fallen out of people’s places to be for a few years until an overhaul last year. Apparently, now it had been rated a wild card that was all too often overlooked according to one reviewer whose bio claimed her as in the know about nightlife here in the city.
Last night, the band had played a much more dance-beat kind of rock. Their followers had given a blatant disregard for the fact that the place had no dance floor. Seeing them dance between the tables in clothes that could be considered costumes had had an appeal all of its own. The real show had been on the floor of the club, rather than from the band itself. They could have been a jukebox for all the people seemed to care.
Tonight, no one moved from their chairs except to get booze and snacks. The roar of the crowd outdid the volume of the band. Rude, but, after a few minutes of noise pollution, anyone would see why. Every once in a while their guitarist’s hand would slip or something, and the electric guitar would screech or make some awful noise like that, making themselves known again. Sad, really. I actually felt bad for them. To look at their faces, they appeared scared and humiliated. I could identify.
“This band is horrible. I’m well aware, as is my last nerve ending. Can you please just stick it out with me a little longer? If he doesn’t come in by ten, I’ll give up and wait out another excruciating week with just my obsessive thoughts to haunt me,” I overdramatized.
“You owe me, girl. Big time!” she spat back, though I knew she didn’t mean it so much as she’d forced it to sound.
Chloe remained the queen of overdramatization. She should have tried her hand at acting, but she’d never been interested in being in the limelight. She wanted the practical in life, the whole husband, family, and picket fence fantasy. I loved that about her, on top of a thousand other things.
“I know. Start asking any time,” I mused.
I went back to my merciless staring at the door. I did at least like the ambiance of this place. It had more wood and brick, with a bit of old metal, than all the chrome and black with neon lights other clubs had. By the time I went home from them, I saw purple and blue spots in my line of vision. This place looked more like a loft apartment, one I’d give my right hand for. I could only dream of owning such a place, of course, thinking of paying for it only out of royalties for my stories. I’d never have to leave it. I could order in my groceries and write on a large desk overlooking the city. Ah, dreams. I currently had a lot of them. Daydreaming remained my favorite hobby. I’d been over-indulging all week, too.
“You know,” I continued, picking back up from Chloe’s stalking comment since she’d given me a roll of her eyes yet again, “it can’t be considered stalking unless we actually follow him where he is, right?” I half-teased, half-inquired. I’d never gathered myself a stalker. Never thought I’d have someone in my life worthy of stalking. My avoidance techniques had been perfected until I’d thrown them all out the window last weekend. Even guys I’d dated a few times, even slept with, I’d never let get as close to me as I had Lex.
“Oh, sure it can. The intention is there. Only thing holding you back is the lack of knowledge of where the poor sap is,” she laughed.
“Right. Although, if he breaks my heart, I can’t imagine trying to see him again. In fact, I’d never return to this place again,” I admitted, my heart already thumping in my chest despite the weight I felt it had on it.
“He might just break your heart, hon. Some guys are idiots. Anything feels right, or too good to be true, and they bail. They just can’t handle the idea of real feelings or commitments.”
“I can’t imagine Lex is that way. You heard his songs. I told you what he said. Why would he talk like that at all if real feelings scared him?” I asked, honestly not buying that horrific situation.
“I don’t know. I can’t come up with any other reasonable explanation. The guy did a complete flip. After hours of being too good to be true, he turns into mute and stupid. He just up and splits without so much as a word.”
“Yeah, I remember it well.”
I blinked back tears as I had done numerous times this week. The attack no longer kept me up. Lex had, though. I didn’t dream about him or my wolf. In fact, I hadn’t dreamed all week. What I had done was lay awake for hours either reliving my one night with him, or dreaming of seeing him again. Either way, I’d cried at some point nearly every night. Masturbation had become quite a regular event as well. I’d changed.
The door opened, and I stared. This time, the third guy in had dark waves like Lex. I jumped up, my heart racing a hundred beats a minute before it plummeted into my stomach once I’d gotten a good look at the guy’s face. Chloe’s hand on my arm startled me.
“I’m sorry, lady,” she offered. “Do you even know what you are going to say if he does walk in? Or, are you planning on winging it?”
“No, I’ve rehearsed it in my head a million times,” I answered, sitting back down, looking away from her face to avoid the reflected knowledge of how pitiful I was being.
The tiny ache that had been throbbing at my temple became a sharp, shooting pain. I closed my eyes to block out the for light a second or two before glancing at Chloe and then looking back at the door.
“Do you want to bounce it off me?” she offered.
Not really wanting too, I gave her a vague summary, “I just want him to look me in the eye and tell me why he left that way. Why he never came back except to leave this note. I want to know what the note means. I mean, vague much? I think I deserve that. I plan on demanding it. I just hope to do so without these damned eyes of mine watering. Stupid things need an off button.”
“You do deserve that. It’s not unreasonable at all. I would just work on keeping that hurt anger in your voice down a bit in volume. Let him know he hurt you. The guilt should work in your favor, but
don’t let the whole place know, okay?” she said with a consoling hand on my arm again.
“Okay,” I agreed.
I looked around then, to see if anyone had heard me this time. No one looked our way. So, I scanned the room for him again. Surely, he hadn’t gotten past my hawk eyes on the door, but just in case, I did my scan.
“Guys in here must think you’re really on the make the way you’re checking them out every fifteen minutes,” she warned with a shake of her head in scolding.
“Yeah, I’m sure they do the way they’re flocking to our table offering to buy us drinks,” I rebutted.
“Well, honestly, chic, you look like a crazy woman. Your glassy eyes are wild, and kind of terrifying. You seem like a girl who would turn into a stalker. I’m blaming you that I haven’t been hit on all night, either.”
“I can bear the weight of it. Why not? Pile it on. I don’t even know what to blame myself for with Lex. At least with you I know. Unlike him, you have no problem telling me like it is,” I stated with my eyes squinted into an exaggerated glare.
“Then I should tell you that it is time to go home. As hard as it is, you are just going to have to wait until next week to try to get answers from the guy.”
“Great, another week of playing the events over and over in my mind while listening for footsteps in the hall and wondering with each one if it could be him having had a change of heart. That of course lead me to that daydream. The one where he knocks on my door. I throw it open, and with the look of regret on his face, I throw myself into his arms. He kisses me in between his apologies before scooping me up and carrying off to bed!”
“Wow, you have it bad. I almost wish I’d had a guy who could make me so desperate after just one night with him. I can’t imagine what the sex was like, and you’re not giving me any good, juicy details.”
I gave her a crooked grimace before replying, “That’s just it. I felt like I knew him. I can’t explain it because I know I didn’t. Maybe it was some spell of his music. But, I got this glimpse of him that made me want to bare my soul to the man, and so I did. He didn’t just see my body naked, I let him inside—“
“Hey, ladies,” John, the owner of the bar, said, having come up beside our table. “Glad to see you here again. Sorry no Lex, pretty lady. And, I apologize for the band. Being the kind hearted sap I am, I agreed to let a friend of my wife’s grandkid’s band have a test tonight. They suck. I know!”
“Well,” I stammered. “They’re no Pragmatics.”
“That is being beyond kind,” Chloe interjected.
“Yeah, I know,” John sighed. “Took me so long to build this place back up. I’ll be lucky to pull anyone back in that was here tonight unless they’ve been here in the past. Hope they don’t tell their friends.”
“Maybe you should put that on a card and pass it out as they leave,” Chloe offered with a snarky tone and a smile so you couldn’t tell if she were serious or not.
I was more than aware that she was more than serious, and more than sick of this place.
“Well, you know I will be back next week, and so will anyone else who was here before tonight, I’m sure,” I comforted.
“Thanks. See ya then. You ladies enjoy the rest of your night,” he offered with a wave, and was off.
I couldn’t go on. Exhausted, I finally took the last gulp of my drink and nodded at Chloe.
“Take me home,” I sighed. “He’s not going to show tonight. I can’t take another minute in public,” I confessed.
What I really couldn’t take was holding back my tears any longer. Disappointment had finally taken me out. My entire body felt weighted, like I’d climbed a mountain today. I took a deep breath and led the way to the door. Chloe followed not far behind. Thankfully, she’d insisted on picking me up and driving each night so I could not only consume a good amount of liquid courage, but also so I could derail my roller coaster of emotions.
Tonight, so far, I’d had two beers and two shots of whiskey, along with two bowlfuls of pretzels. The motion of crunching them hard between my teeth had calmed me a touch, at times. So I’d tried the process over and over again. Regardless, by the time I stood up, my legs felt only a tad shaky. Still, I concentrated to walk a straight line without a single wobble. Didn’t want the owner to tell Lex I’d been in here night after night getting wasted while waiting for him.
As we walked out into the parking lot, I found myself scanning our surroundings all over again, but for another reason entirely. I still hadn’t told Chloe about the attack two weeks ago. Maybe I just needed to stay home more. Even with someone beside me, I still felt uncomfortable being out at night. Each of my sore-for-no-good-reason muscles tightened. My mouth went dry as I squinted into the shadows. I even found myself craning my neck to look around cars.
“Give up. You’re not going to see him tonight,” Chloe lectured.
A few steps ahead, I’d figured she wouldn’t have seen me. She’d been so focused on getting out of here, I’d thought she’d have eyes only for her car. She stepped forward, though, put her arm on my back, and guided me forward. I couldn’t help but think of last weekend, and Lex’s hand on my back. She walked me to her car, some small red hybrid thing. Chloe had a good job in advertising, being unbelievable at knowing what people wanted. I considered it a gift of hers, one I often benefitted from. I had to wonder sometimes what exactly it was that she got from me, from this friendship. She was too all-together to need anything from anyone, always had been.
My stomach knotted with need. I looked up at that moon, now exactly half a grayish orb. A thin wisp of clouds floated over it. A real horror show type scene. Maybe I did need to move onto another genre of books. In fact, I’d gone for horror all week just to avoid romance altogether.
In that moment, I sensed someone watching us. I focused on the car, placing my hands against it for balance even as I reached to open the door. Gripping the handle, I paused. A shiver, one born of danger, sent my instincts into overdrive. Adrenaline rushed through me, quickening my heart, putting my muscles at the ready. With an abrupt turn, I saw the eyes. My wolf. The two golden orbs peered at me from around the corner of the building. All sense of danger vanished into thin air.
“You haven’t abandoned me,” I spoke the words out loud.
The mixture of relief with my original flight or fight response left me weak and dizzy. I trembled as heat washed through my core. My breaths erratic, I gulped for air, the crispness and coolness of it burning my lungs and working like caffeine for my overwrought brain. I shook my head in an attempt to fully clear the cotton there, preventing me from making a rational, best move here.
Stepping toward the animal with great care, I heard a long sigh, one us humans would think exasperation. The sound had a deep mournful tone of sadness that hung in the air around me as if I could feel each and every emotion the animal felt. That had never happened before. To my addled emotions was added confusion, the internal fight with one’s self to stay or to go, to interact or to run away. Hints of anger like punches to the gut encompassed a full love, one that overrode everything.
None of it made any sense, yet I felt it, my body and my brain reacting to each feeling so foreign to my own, yet easily understood as if we shared a bond I couldn’t possibly comprehend. I needed to catch the unseen culprit who had punched me in the gut and tried to strangle me. I fought for clarity, blinking, gripping my hands into fists, taking deep breaths. None of it helped. The only thing clear to me was the overriding drive to reach out and touch this beast, my wolf who could also be deemed a fierce savior.
As I quickened just a bit my slow pace, to come out from the shelter of the car, Chloe asked, “Where the hell are you going? You think you are going to find him around the corner, in the alley? Shit, Christina. This is bordering on psychotic. I’m done being nice. I’m getting down right worried.”
I couldn’t respond. I felt drawn to my wolf, my guide. As I inched closer, the eyes, those familiar eyes, they flashed between
the memories of my spirit guide and my savior from two weeks ago. They had to be one and the same. I was almost sure of it now. Maybe my mind, in a state of stress-induced insanity, just hadn’t been able to handle the sum of the equation. I didn’t know what to do with it now, if I should be afraid and run away or if I should be grateful and throw my arms around his neck. The third option was to go back to denying it altogether.
Would he even let me get that close? Would he let me touch him, or would he maul me too? Instinct said he’d save me, protect me, whatever the situation. He couldn’t help his nature, the way he knew to help. Animal trainers sometimes learned that animal instincts could prevail no matter what relationship they had with the animal. The story of that lion trainer who’d died when his animal had tried to save him came to mind. The beast had snapped the guy’s neck trying to move him away from perceived danger with his powerful jaw.
Curves & Alphas: A Paranormal Box Set: (BBW Paranormal Shape Shifter Romance) Page 9