by Tia Siren
Brea had cried when they’d brought Elle over to us and we both looked her over slowly. She had a lot of dark blond hair and was tiny, but beautiful. Brea had tenderly counted her toes and fingers as she’d whispered how much she already loved her. I got her a large private room with a couch so I could stay with her and help when Elle was in the room. Since she was healthy, that would be often. I loved watching Brea nurture our daughter already. I had also asked for a room once Brea could check out so she could be available to nurse and bond with Elle.
I hugged my dad good-bye when he excused himself to return home, thanking him for coming by with a large bouquet of pink flowers and a teddy bear for Elle. The baby was fussing, and I passed her to Brea to nurse again and then held her while Brea took a nap. I stared into her face, seeing my future. I had never thought I wanted this until I’d met Brea and gotten the crazy idea to have a family with the initial intent of getting my inheritance. It wasn’t about that anymore, though I was grateful to my gram for setting something aside for me.
I wished she could see Elle now. She’d passed away too long ago to even know that I wanted a baby. I thought about my parents. I had expected us to be separate families when Elle was born. It had made me sad when I’d thought about it, but things had changed for the better. I would always hate the fight I’d had with my mom, but it had made Dad see something he hadn’t before. He knew things needed to change and he finally told Mom that. He defended me and my family, giving me real hope for our future.
I leaned back as my daughter yawned and snuggled closer to me. I was already in love with her and wanted to do everything I could to protect her. I wanted to take care of her and wrap her in a safe blanket so nothing could ever hurt her. I wanted her to stay away from boys like me when she got older. If she looked anything like her mother, that was going to start early. I looked at Brea, sleeping against the pillow with her hands folded over her stomach as she breathed evenly.
It made me think back to the first morning I’d woken up beside her. I’d never felt like that about a woman before, no matter how much I had tried to deny it. I had chalked it up to good sex, but there was a feeling of comfort that came from being with her. I smiled as I wondered if marrying her had been a part of my plan the entire time, and it was just a matter of time. I shook my head as I leaned down to kiss Elle’s soft head and breathe her in.
They came in to check on the baby a few times throughout the afternoon as Brea chatted with her coworkers on the phone. They were surprised by the early birth and thrilled for us both. Brea promised she’d come to see everyone as soon as she could. We also Skyped with her mom. When she saw Elle, both women cried as I held her in my arms and rocked her gently. Elle seemed to be affected by the tears, and I smiled at Brea as she wiped a tear from her face.
Her mom promised she’d come once we were out of the hospital, and they hung up as Brea sniffled. “I actually feel closer to her now. Is that what happens when you become a mom?”
“Maybe the priorities shift. You let things go and look for a different life. I know I’m glad that Dad came around and Mom is getting the help she needs,” I said slowly as I thought it through. Brea nodded. “Maybe we’re just growing up. I think that’s better than freaking out, right?”
“I’m doing that as well. I wonder how I’m supposed to care for her the right away and make her happy. What if I fail?” she asked softly. I looked down at Elle. She was wiggling, and I pulled the blanket from her body and handed her over to Brea, who pressed her against her bare chest and stroked her gently.
“You already know what to do. She knows that she wants you. It’s chemistry,” I said. “I’ll be here to help when you need it. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I always knew that, even when you first brought this up. I always trusted you and I never understood why, but now this just feels so right. It feels like it was always meant to be.” She looked down at Elle, who was rooting around, and slowly guided her to latch on. “There you go, sweet girl. Take everything I have to give.”
Elle did and would keep doing so. She knew how much her mother loved her already, and I cleared my throat watching them. God, I felt emotions surging through me that I had never known existed. I wanted forever with this woman. It was more than an arrangement. It was more than sex. It was everything.
Lucy arrived to see Elle a short while later, bringing with her food from Brea’s favorite burger joint, pink balloons, and flowers. She stumbled through the door as I moved to help her, chiding her for not calling me for help. I got the flowers set up beside my dad’s and the ones that Brea’s mom had sent over and put the balloons in the corner so Brea could see them floating there.
Lucy dropped the bag on the table and rushed over, tears streaming down her cheeks. Elle was still sleeping on Brea, and Lucy gave her a pleading gaze as Brea giggled. “Want to hold her?”
“Yes!” Lucy squealed. Brea sat up slowly and wrapped Elle up in a soft blanket before handing her to Lucy. Elle snuggled into her, and Lucy dropped slowly into a chair, staring at the baby with misty eyes.
“So, that’s what it takes to quiet her down,” I noted as I went for the bag of food. I was starving, and I knew Brea was not a big fan of hospital food. I set her lunch up on a bed tray and she dug in, her eyes sparkling with joy. I sat on the right side of the bed and used the same table while Lucy spoke softly to Elle, promising her the world. She told her that she would tell her everything she needed to know and take her to the places she loved the most.
Lucy told us she was going to paint Elle as often as she could and take a trillion pictures of her. I told her she’d have to stand in line, and Brea laughed as she took a drink of the chocolate shake Lucy had brought her. Lucy handed the baby back to Brea for a snuggle and a quick feed since we were trying to get her as comfortable as possible with nursing early on. Then I took her and gave her back to Lucy.
We hung out together for a few hours, talking about Elle and life as Brea let Elle sleep on her chest with a soft smile on her face. I couldn’t help but think that life was nearly perfect right now. I rested my hand on Elle’s back and Lucy took some candid shots of our new family.
CHAPTER 20
Brea
I held Elle while Ryan got my things together. We’d been in the hospital for a week now, in the smaller room he’d asked for once I was officially released. He stayed with me almost all the time, leaving only to get fresh air or make a phone call. He was a great father and I loved watching him with Elle. He was gentle with her and everything that a daughter needed from a father. I knew he would make sure that she had everything she needed and guide her as she grew older. I fell in love with the way he looked at her, though I was reluctant to say that to him yet. I didn’t know if he felt the same way.
The doctor came in to talk to us, assuring us that Elle was healthy and should have no lingering health problems from being premature. She was eating well, and we were both ready to go home and start our new lives. I dressed her in the outfit Ryan had given me with her name on it. We took several pictures in the process, never wanting to forget this moment.
Lucy brought us a car seat, and we secured Elle in it after they did all the security checks for us to leave. I felt scared when a nurse wheeled me to the car as Ryan carried the car seat in his hand, unsure of what to do next. We’d had nurses and doctors to help us with everything for the last week, and now I would be responsible for her. A nurse who had gotten close to us pushed a cart with all our flowers and balloons, and I blinked as we emerged into the sunlight. I had gone outside a few times but hadn’t wanted to leave Elle for too long.
Ryan told me he would go get the car and set Elle next to me as he jogged off, leaving me with the nurses. I looked around and thought about taking a shower when we got home, wherever that might be. I still had no idea if he wanted me to go to his apartment or start over somewhere new.
His car pulled up and he loaded up the back with the flowers and balloons, along with the bag Lucy had ende
d up bringing me. Ryan looked at me, taking in my face with a gentle expression as he picked up the car seat. Elle was sleeping, and I felt a tug of nervousness as I thought about her being in the car. Ryan assured me the base was properly installed in the back seat and that the nurses had checked. They laughed as they told me Elle was going to be perfectly safe in the car. He got her situated, and I stood as I looked from the front seat to the back. I knew she was fed and would more than likely be fine for a little while, so I scooted into the front seat, giving the nurses each a long hug good-bye.
Ryan closed my door gently, and I looked back to see a mirror positioned just in front of Elle since she was facing the back. It gave me a perfect view of her beautiful face, and as I looked in the rearview mirror, I realized that anyone driving could check on her whenever they needed to. I smiled, thinking how perfect Ryan was as he got into the driver’s seat and buckled his seat belt. We pulled out of the parking lot and I looked back to check on her.
“I can’t believe we’re taking her home,” I said softly as I took a deep breath. I watched as Ryan turned right onto the street, expecting him to drive to his house. We didn’t have a crib or anything yet, but we could make do for a night or two. I could have everything delivered if need be. I closed my eyes as we drove, still tired from everything, and I heard him turn on the radio at a low volume.
I dozed, and when I came to, I realized we were still in the car. I opened my eyes and looked around to see that we were on the freeway. I glanced at the clock to see that we’d been driving for forty-five minutes. I looked at Ryan in confusion.
“Where are we going?”
He merely smiled and kept driving as I gazed around some more. The scenery was beautiful, with trees and water ahead. I gasped as I recognized the location. He laughed and glanced at me. I stared back at him in disbelief.
“What did you do?” I demanded as I stared at the familiar surroundings I had fallen in love with the last time we’d been here. I remained silent as we drove, anticipation bubbling over in my stomach as I looked from the road to Elle. An abundance of nervous energy was coursing through my veins. Ryan pulled off the highway and turned down a few side streets before parking in the long driveway of a house. He shut the engine off but still didn’t explain himself.
“Ryan?” I asked as he looked over at me. The house was a two-story brick house that was spread out and gorgeous with a spacious front yard. “Are you renting this?”
He got out and walked around to my side of the car, letting me out. I looked all around again, seeing the ocean toward the back. I smiled.
“This is our home, Brea,” Ryan said softly. I hugged him tightly as he spun me around, laughing.
“How? When? Oh, God,” I said as I started to cry. We heard the baby through the open passenger door, and he kissed my hair as he set me down to get her out.
“Come on. I want you to see it,” he called out. I grabbed my purse and scrambled to the front door with him. There was a wraparound porch that already had a couple of swing chairs and a small bistro table set up. I squealed as I looked at it, tearing up slightly. There were beautiful flowers set in pots around the furniture, and I imagined sitting there with a book on a pretty day, just breathing in the ocean air.
Ryan unlocked the door and opened it as I took in the heavy white wooden door with the pretty stained glass in various shades of blue. He allowed me to walk in first, following with Elle. He set the seat down and unbuckled her. I looked around the open living room that had a wall of windows offering a beautiful view of the ocean behind us. Tears slid down my face as Ryan smiled at me. He offered me our daughter with shimmering eyes. I moved to an oversized blue chair that looked out over the water and lifted my shirt to loosen my bra. I stared as I acted on instinct and latched Elle. I took a slow, deep breath.
I looked around at the large kitchen to my right. Everything looked new, the thick gray marble counters and white cabinets, the shiny appliances and island. It was as bright as the living room, and I knew I’d be able to see most of the first floor from the beautiful room. I looked at the furniture, all new and matching and in shades of gray and blue with light coffee tables scattered about. There was a large fireplace made of light gray stones that faced both sides of the room, offering us a smaller living room to the left.
“How?” I asked. Ryan cleared his throat and sat down.
“I started looking as soon as you mentioned raising Elle here. I have a friend in real estate and told him what I was looking for. This house came up the same day, and I came to look at it the day you went into labor. I signed the paperwork and paid the earnest money before I headed back into the city to Dad’s. He handled the rest once we knew you were in labor.” He smiled at me. “It’s five bedrooms, four of them on the second floor. There’s one down that hallway that we can set up as a guest room or an office. The master is upstairs, and it’s so big with a great balcony overlooking the ocean. Elle’s room is right across from us. It’s beautiful.”
I stared at him in shock. “Her room?”
“Dad and Lucy teamed up. She got the things from the shower and set everything up. We decided to go with a housewarming celebration for Elle instead in a few weeks. You have everything you’ll need right away and Lucy handled the nursery. I think she did a good job, but we can change anything you don’t like. Nothing is final.” He smiled at me as I moved Elle to the other breast and breathed out.
“I’m in shock. I didn’t know that all of this was happening when I was in the hospital. I was wondering where we were going to live.” I blinked as more tears fell, and he leaned forward to wipe my cheek with his thumb.
“I was on the phone a lot at the hospital. Everyone else did this for us. I knew what we’d like and Lucy ran with it, using all of her connections.” I looked around at the soft cream walls of the house, at the high ceiling where a fan was spinning. I looked at the perfect crown molding and lines, then again at the sea. I could tell there was a deck area outside. It looked like there was already a grill out there and a picnic table with some other furniture.
I felt Elle slip off and looked down to see her eyes closing. Ryan took her and burped her gently, bouncing her in his arms just the way she liked. I fixed my clothes and stood to walk over to the window to look out. There was a deck and a beautiful backyard with green grass and what looked like a garden. There was a fence in the back, and I smiled as I shook my head.
“That goes to the private beach. We share it with the neighbors, but it’s private to us. It’s a great place for a walk or a family day once Elle is a little older.” He came to stand beside me and I looked over, unable to speak. Elle was asleep on his shoulder, and he glanced at the staircase. “Want to see her room?”
I nodded and he led the way. I looked over at the windows, seeing more of the beautiful waves through them as I held on to the railing. There was a hallway upstairs, and he walked to a window at the end before turning left. The entire house was a soft hardwood with rugs placed around for color. I stood in the doorway as Ryan walked over to a white crib.
My mouth dropped open as I looked around at the soft pink walls and cream lace curtains. Elle’s name was spelled out in cream-colored cursive letters hanging near the crib. There was a beautiful mural of trees against the back wall where a soft green glider chair sat, waiting for a nighttime feeding. It was near one of the windows. I looked over to see a view of the side yard and the water. I smiled brightly.
Ryan placed Elle in her crib, and I walked over to peer down at her. She looked so small against the cream sheet with a light green wedge that kept her on her back. Ryan and I stared at her for a moment while he stroked my back gently.
“Come on. I want you to see the rest.” He took my hand and led me from the room. I stared back over my shoulder at Elle, moving slowly. He walked into another room, the master bedroom judging by its size. It had a king-sized bed against the left wall that overlooked windows and another balcony. There was another high ceiling with a fan, and I n
oticed a few doors off the room, so I walked toward them.
There were two large walk-in closets that already held our clothes and a big bathroom that took my breath away. It had a big bathtub as well as a shower with high windows that let the light in but were frosted for privacy. There were two sinks and a soft gray counter as well as a door that led to the room with a toilet.
I dropped to the floor and cried happy tears. I had never expected this of Ryan. He walked in and looked at me on the floor with a worried expression.
“Are you okay?”
I started to sob softly as he knelt before me. “This is so much. You gave me what I wanted and I don’t know how to thank you. Everything is so beautiful.”
“This is where we need to be. I knew it the weekend we came here, and now that we’re going to be set financially, why not settle down?” Ryan pulled me to him as I cried, stroking my hair and murmuring soothing words to me before I managed to calm down. “I’m glad you like the house.”
“I love it,” I assured him as I stared into his eyes, wanting to say so much more.
“Good. I think it will be a great place to raise Elle,” he murmured before kissing my hair. I got back to my feet and walked over to the balcony to see a beautiful beach. I imagined Elle walking and us holding her hands down there in the future. I smiled, leaning over the edge of the railing.
Ryan took me into the other bedrooms, which were good sized, and I looked around. We’d been sleeping together before Elle’s birth, but what now? Were we just here as parents? The fact that he’d bought us a house in the place I loved so much spoke volumes to me, but I wondered if I was reading it wrong.
I knew I wouldn’t go back to work now, not living here. I also knew I didn’t have to with the money in the bank. I could pay off my loans and figure it out from there. Staying home with my baby sounded wonderful right now with her being so little. I walked over to the window that looked over the other houses as I played back everything that had happened today.