by Wendi Wilson
“Maybe some poison remains on your lips,” I said, leaning over him. “One last kiss to kill me, too.”
I touched my mouth to his, slipping my tongue out to brush against his lips. His whispered words of love rang through my head, making me second-guess what I was about to do.
“Your lips are warm,” I said aloud, continuing the scene while my thoughts ran rampant.
I jerked my head up and to the left, pausing for a moment before looking back down at Mason.
“Someone is coming. I need to be quick.”
I reached down to pick up the gag knife I’d placed on the floor while I was setting up. It was one of those plastic toys where the blade retreated into the handle to look like the stabbing was real. I studied it for a moment as Mason’s words played again in my head.
The other words joined them there. Ugly words, asking me to be his dirty little secret while he still openly dated Charlotte.
Mason Bellamy didn’t love me. He had no idea what love was.
“Oh good, a knife,” I said, my voice turning somewhat animalistic. “Make my body your sheath, where you will remain, forever.”
I lifted the knife over my gut, blade pointed down, and ready to stab myself in what was supposed to be a final act of true love. As I held it aloft, frozen in time, Mason cleared his throat quietly, urging me to get on with it.
“On second thought,” I said, prompting Mason’s eyes to fly open, “my life will be so much better without you in it.”
“What are you doing?” Mason hissed, his eyes wide with confusion as I climbed to my feet.
“I played you, Romeo,” I spat, the name coming out more like a snarl.
“Chaz, don’t do this,” he muttered for my ears alone.
“Do what?” I shouted, my anger smothering any remorse I might have felt. “Pretend to want you, make you think I’m yours, then destroy you the second your defenses are down? Is that what you mean, Mason? Any of that sound familiar?”
You could’ve heard a pin drop as the class sat in silence, riveted by my performance. Even Jasper remained still, waiting to see how this would play out.
“I know why you’re doing this,” Mason said, not seeming to care that we had an audience, “and I know you think I deserve it. But please, you have to forgive me. For real, this time. I never wanted any of that to happen. I tried to stop it. I really do love you.”
A collective gasp echoed around us as Mason shouted those last words. Everyone heard. It was out in the open and Mason wasn’t trying to hide anymore.
It was like the tear-jerker ending of a classic teen movie, where the douche-bag guy finally realizes what he really wants and makes a spectacle of himself to prove it to the socially awkward, yet pretty-underneath-it-all girl.
Maybe if I wasn’t bursting at the seams with righteous indignation, I’d have softened toward him, promising forgiveness and the chance at a happy future together before sealing it with a kiss.
But this was no movie, and I wasn’t that girl.
“Fuck you, Mason. It’s too late. I fucking hate you, and I always will.”
I spun on a heel and stalked toward the door. I’d purposefully left my bag on the floor near it, and I reached down to swipe it up as I walked out into the hall. I went straight to the parking lot, jumped in my car, and peeled out of the lot in a haze of squealing tires and burnt rubber.
I’d done it. I made Mason Bellamy love me, then crushed his heart in the most public manner.
But where was that satisfaction I was so sure I would feel? The sense of vindication was noticeably absent. The pride, nonexistent.
All I felt was…empty.
25
When I’d imagined the completion of my revenge scheme, I pictured a joyous celebration where Josh, Simone, and I would party it up, retelling the best parts while chugging some pilfered booze and stuffing our faces with junk food. We’d laugh and laugh while we danced in our pajamas to music that was blaring way too loud.
Instead, I spent the weekend sequestered in my room, only sneaking out to snatch some food from the kitchen when I was sure no one else was home. I even avoided our butler Gerald, who was my favorite person in the house. I knew his faded blue eyes would see right through me, and he’d use his ancient wisdom to pull the whole sordid story from my lips.
And I didn’t want him to know what I’d done.
I hadn’t heard a peep from Josh. I picked up my phone to text him dozens of times, but forced myself to put it back down and give him the space he asked for. I needed him, but I kept telling myself his needs were more important than mine. He’d be in touch when he was ready.
Simone called to make sure I was okay, and I pretended everything was hunky-dory. She congratulated me on my success, and rushed to end the call because she was due to meet Cooper. She sounded excited and a little bit love-struck, and I didn’t have it in me to ruin it for her by hashing out my own dark feelings.
Seth stayed gone the whole weekend. I assumed he was with Mason and the others, probably planning their eventual rise from the ashes of the destruction I’d wreaked. It didn’t matter what they did, or how they planned to get back at me.
I was done.
The semester was more than halfway over, which meant I only had this summer and one more year of school before I could escape this place and the terrible things that had been done, both to and by me. I could keep my head down and my grades up, then drive my Chevelle into the sunset as I headed for college, preferably someplace far, far away from here.
Somehow, I’d let those rich assholes turn me into someone I didn’t recognize—someone I didn’t even like. I couldn’t wait to move on, to become the person I wanted to be. Maybe I’d go to California, where the sun shone down on people with no fear of being exactly who they were. I made a mental note to research universities in the Golden State when I was feeling better.
For the time being, I just wanted to wallow. In a fit of self-flagellation, I picked up my phone and texted Stella.
It’s over. I’m done.
Her reply came quicker than I expected.
Do you feel better?
Not really, I typed back. Do you hate me now, too?
No, Chaz, I don’t hate you. Do I wish you’d listened to me? Yes. Am I disappointed in your methods? Definitely. But I don’t hate you.
Thanks, Stella, I sent back, not knowing what else to say.
I was relieved she didn’t put me on blast for everything I’d done, but I was frankly surprised she wasn’t angrier. It was her brother and his friends that I’d gunned down, even after she begged me not to. She had a right to be mad at me, and the fact that she wasn’t showed what a kind and forgiving person she was.
She didn’t like what I did, but she understood why I did it.
On Sunday night, my phone rang. My heart just about leapt from my chest when I saw Josh’s name flash on the screen. I fumbled the phone and dropped it before quickly swiping it up and answering with a breathless greeting.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” Josh said, his voice sounding forlorn.
“Josh, are you okay?” I asked, the words spilling from my mouth in a rush.
“I’m fine,” he assured me, followed quickly by a self-deprecating laugh. “Fucked up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional…yep, that about sums it up.”
“Tell me,” I said, ignoring his dark joke. “Tell me everything.”
“He’s not answering my calls or texts, Chaz. I’ve tried going to his house, but I can’t get past the gates. I have no clue if Theo is even alive or dead.”
“Don’t say that,” I cut in, an edge of panic in my voice.
“I’m sorry,” Josh replied quietly. “I didn’t mean to imply that he’d…done something to himself because of what happened.”
My eyes burned with emotion as he said the words I’d been too afraid to even think. What if Theo felt he had no other way out? What if the chain of events I’d set into motion with my obsessive desire for revenge led t
o him hurting himself? Or worse?
“Stop, Chaz,” Josh ordered, his voice filled with authority. “I can hear the gears turning in your head. Theo is strong and confident. No way is he going to let a little embarrassment over his actions take him down. It’s actually his parents I’m most worried about.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, pulling myself back from the brink of total panic.
“They’re awful people who expect him to fit perfectly into the mold they created for him. If they heard about what happened that day—and I’m sure they did—they might have sent him away.”
“Sent him away? Like a mental hospital or something?”
“Possibly. Or to one of those church camps where they try to pray the gay out of you.”
“You’re not serious,” I said. “Those don’t really exist anymore, do they?”
“I don’t know,” he replied, “but wherever Theo is, he either can’t or won’t answer me. I’m scared for him, Chaz.”
“I can ask Stella, if you want,” I offered.
“No,” he said, “don’t do that. You should stay away from all of them for a while. It’s safer that way.”
“Can I see you?” I asked. “Please, Josh. I miss you.”
“I’ll be back at school tomorrow,” he promised. “I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”
“Okay. I love you.”
“I know you do, Chaz,” he said, then hung up.
He didn’t say the words back, and he didn’t call me Queen. But his even talking to me was a start. Eventually, I would make things right between us. I didn’t know, nor did I care, how long it would take or how much work I’d have to put in.
If I could get things back to the way they were before with Josh, I’d do anything. Anything at all.
When I showed up at Everly Prep on Monday morning, I basically got three reactions. Some people smiled and shot me hand signals with their thumbs pointed up or shooting me with finger guns. Some people snarled at me with pinched faces and angry eyes. The rest ignored me much the same way they always had.
I didn’t care about any of them. I got no pleasure from the students who’d been tortured by the Rogues and Roguettes and were overjoyed by the self-proclaimed royalty finally getting their comeuppance. Those people had always been treated like I was, but never stood up for themselves or had someone intervene.
I should have been walking in on cloud nine, strutting with pride at the havoc I’d created. Instead, every smile, every frown, and every disinterested glance in between made my teeth grind together as a pain started to throb at the base of my skull.
I didn’t know any of these people, nor did I care about them in the least.
My eyes searched for Josh in the crowded hallway, but I didn’t see him anywhere. Simone was missing, too. Where were my friends? I needed to see their faces. If I could see them, talk to them, I know everything would be okay.
I was searching the sea of faces when my eyes locked with a set of brown orbs spewing fire and hatred. I cursed under my breath as Charlotte Rutherford stomped toward me, her mottled face looking like it was about to burst.
“You fucking bitch,” she ground out between clenched teeth.
“Oh, looks like I’ve finally graduated from trash-whore. Yippee,” I deadpanned.
“You think you’re funny? You think all this is funny? You have no idea what you’ve done.”
“I don’t really give a shit. Get out of my face, Charlotte.”
“You’ve ruined everything!” she screeched, her voice echoing around us as the other students quieted down to listen to our exchange.
“Oh, relax, psycho,” I said, losing patience. “I’m sure you, Isla, and Amelia will be back together, thick as thieves by summer.”
“You think I give a shit about those whores? Isla is an air-headed bimbo and I’ll scratch Amelia’s eyes out if she so much as looks at me ever again. Fuck them. I’m talking about me. My life is ruined because of you, you stupid slut.”
“Oh,” I said, drawing out the word as I nodded in an exaggerated fashion, “so you’re talking about Mason, then. Am I right?”
“Don’t you say his name, whore. Don’t speak to him. Don’t look at him. Don’t even think about it.”
“Or what?” I snapped, getting sick and tired of her name-calling and her imperious attitude.
She leaned in closer, and it was all I could do not to flinch back. I couldn’t show any weakness, or she’d attack like a wild animal. When her lips were so close I could feel her hot breath on my ear, I clenched my fists at my sides and gritted my teeth.
“Or I’ll fucking kill you.”
Her body bumped into mine, pushing me back as she strode away. I watched her go, an involuntary shiver running down my spine.
I was pretty sure she wasn’t throwing out idle threats. I’d pushed her to the edge, and one more nudge would send her spiraling into a vortex of murderous insanity.
I was going to have to watch my back.
26
I failed to find my friends in the hall all morning, so by lunchtime, I was a hot mess. I picked up my pace and hurried to the dining hall. As I walked in, a sigh of relief escaped me when I saw Josh and Simone sitting at our table with their backs to me.
“Finally.” I murmured. A little normalcy.
My relief evaporated when I made it to the table and got a look at their faces. Josh looked as depressed as he had the last time I saw him, and Simone’s eyes were puffy as if she’d been crying.
“What’s happened?” I asked without preamble as I slid into a seat across from them.
“Theo is still not here,” Josh mumbled, looking forlorn. “He still hasn’t contacted me and I have no clue where he is or how he’s doing. I’m just…worried.”
“I know. I’m sorry, Josh. I never meant for that to happen. I thought he’d come around and sweep you off your feet like you deserve.”
“We all thought that,” Simone chimed in, her voice cracking.
Josh nodded, muttering, “I know. That’s why I feel so terrible. We manipulated his feelings and things went bad. Really bad.”
I swallowed thickly against the emotion welling in my chest and looked at Simone.
“What happened?” I asked her. “Why are you so upset?”
“Cooper dumped me,” she moaned.
“What? Why?”
Before the second word left my mouth, I already knew the answer. It was because of me, of course. Me and my damned life-ruining revenge.
“He accused me of only showing interest in him to help you with your plans. I couldn’t deny it. I didn’t want to lie to him. But before I could explain, before I could tell him I really like him and that I’d pulled out of the revenge business, he ordered me to never speak to him again and left. He hates me now.”
Oh, God. I tilted my head toward the ceiling and scrubbed a palm down my face. I’d done it again. I only had two real friends and I’d hurt them both.
I took a deep breath and met Simone’s dark eyes. “Do you want me to talk to him?” I asked.
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “He’d only think it was some new scheme to hurt him and his friends. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”
There was that word again. Fine. God, how I hated that fucking word.
“I have to go,” Josh said, standing up and grabbing his stuff.
“What? Where are you going?” I asked, panic lacing my voice.
“I just need some air,” he said. “I’ll see you in Lit.”
“I’m going, too,” Simone said as soon as he walked away. “I need to hit the ladies’, wash my face, and try to pull it together before my next class. I’ll see you later, okay?”
She hurried off before I could answer, and I slumped back in my chair. They’d deserted me, leaving me alone and isolated once again. I rubbed the heel of my hand against my chest, trying to soothe the knot of pain that had formed there.
I could feel eyes on me, so I stood and, with head held high, walked
to the buffet line to get some food. I wasn’t hungry in the least and had no desire to force-feed myself, but I needed to do something or I was going to go insane. Picking at the food on my tray would give my shaking hands something to do for the rest of the lunch period.
And then, for some reason even I couldn’t fathom, I looked over at the Rogues’ table. Seth, Mason, and Cooper sat huddled at one end, ignoring everyone else in the room. Stella sat by Seth, but her chair was pushed over to leave a large gap between them. Isla was perched at the other end, effectively sitting alone. I had no idea where Amelia and Charlotte were, and I honestly didn’t give a shit.
My eyes moved back to the boys. They appeared to be eating with careless boredom, but a closer look told me another story.
Seth’s back was rigid and his lips tight as he drummed his fingers on the table. Cooper’s eyes were blinking rapidly as he stared at his phone, and one hand was clenched into a fist on the table beside him. A tendon in Mason’s jaw ticked as he ground his teeth, his eyes boring a hole in the table in front of him.
They were all upset about something. And I was pretty sure that something had to do with me.
I should’ve felt pride in a job well done. I set out to destroy them, and destroy them, I did. At the very least, I should have experienced some modicum of satisfaction. An ounce of pleasure. A smidgeon of gratification.
But as I watched them pretend everything was fine, I felt nothing but a guilt-tinged emptiness that threatened to consume me. I pushed my tray away in disgust.
This was not going how I’d expected.
Jasper stood just inside the door to his classroom, handing out slips of paper to each student as they entered. I scanned the sheet as I walked to my desk, seeing a big B-minus scrawled across the top with a hand-written note underneath.
This would have been an A had you not used my assignment to embarrass your partner. I’m disappointed in you, Chaz.
My first reaction was shame, which flooded through me like the Mississippi River. But that emotion quickly morphed into anger.