by Sienna Parks
“No. You’re the first person I’ve told. You deserve to know I didn’t cheat on Sam, and you’re not the other woman.”
“Thank you for telling me. I know it couldn’t have been easy. And it’s about time I tell you why I left.” Before I can protest, she continues. “I didn’t leave because I didn’t love you, Mad. I left because I loved you.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“Please, let me speak. I was young and scared. What I felt for you… it terrified me. I knew how badly you wanted to be a bronc rider, and how amazing you were. But, I knew if we stayed together, and I went to Yale, you would’ve given up your dreams to follow me there.”
“Would that have been so bad? For us to build a life together? You never gave me a say in it.”
“Because I knew what you would do. I couldn’t let you give up your dreams for me, Maddox. I loved you too much for that.” I pull my hands from her grasp.
“Is that what you tell yourself to ease the guilt? I know what we had, A.B. I was there. I felt it, too. But the difference between you and me, is I loved you so much, I would never have been able to leave you. I wouldn’t have taken your choice away from you. I didn’t have the right to make decisions for you.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing. That my sacrifice would be better for you in the long run.”
“So, you left and never looked back?”
“No! I followed every step of your career for years. It broke my heart every time I saw a picture of you with some hot girl, or watch you lift a trophy. It killed me I wasn’t there to share your success. I came to the rodeo in Houston about five years ago, intent on talking to you. I wanted to tell you how proud I was, and how I’d missed you every second of every day since I left.”
“It was you?”
“You saw me?”
“I thought I did, but when I couldn’t find you after the show, I figured it was wishful thinking on my part.”
“I couldn’t do it. You looked so happy, and I couldn’t bring myself to talk to you. I was so afraid you hated me.”
“I did hate you, for a really long time. I still want to hate you, A.B., but as hard as I try, there’s a part of me that is always going to love you.” Her lips gently kiss the scruff of my jaw, slowly working her way to my mouth asking the permission I can’t bring myself to give. “Why didn’t you know I had quit, or that I’d moved back with a wife and daughter?”
“When I left the stadium that night, I vowed never to look you up again. It was too painful, and I couldn’t move on watching your life from the outside looking in.”
“So, you got over me, and then decided to move back to Kingsbury Falls? Why did you come back?”
“I never got over you, Mad. I’m still not over you.” I want to believe her, but I know I’m not the reason she came back here.
“Why did you come back?”
“I lost a patient.” Her eyes fill with tears. “She was nine years old, and I’d been treating her for a congenital heart defect for two years. She was waiting for a transplant, and I’d done everything I could for her, and for her family. But, in the end, she died before a heart became available. She was like family to me, and I couldn’t save her. I tried to get past it. As a doctor, you can’t save everyone, but as hard as I worked, trying to heal the pain, I just got to a point where I couldn’t do it anymore. I was working all the time, wasting my life in a city that never felt like home, living with a man…” She stops dead in her tracks, realizing what she just said.
“You were living with someone?”
“Yes.” Her head drops in defeat, and I know I have to ask the next question, as much as I don’t want to hear the answer.
“Did you tell him you were leaving?” Silence seems to span an eternity. “Answer me, Annabeth. Did you tell him you were leaving?” She begins to sob, uncontrollable tears.
“No. I wrote him a letter.” Anger fills my veins.
“How long did you live together?”
“Two years.”
“Did you love him?”
“Not the way I love you.” I don’t need to hear anymore. My worst fears are confirmed, and I know I have to leave before I say something I’ll regret.
“I gotta go.”
“Please, Maddox. You don’t know the whole story.”
“I don’t need to.” I make my way to the door, unable to hear anymore. “I can’t do this again. I shouldn’t have let last night happen. I’m sorry.” She grabs my arm, but as I turn to meet her gaze, she loosens her grip—the tears in my eyes, enough for her to let me go.
“I’m so sorry, Mad. I’m so sorry. I love you.”
“I love you, too, but I love my daughter more…” The sound of her crying, echoes down the hallway as I force myself to walk away. Rae’s already had too much loss in her life, I can’t risk A.B. leaving again and breaking both our hearts. And, as much as it kills me to say it—I can’t trust her.
It was a week after the funeral before Pops came out of his room for breakfast. Slowly, he’s coming back to us. I don’t think he’ll ever truly be the same, but Rae is so happy to have him around the house. She’s good for him—they’re good for each other. I haven’t let either of them out of my sight. Between the ranch, the house, and sorting out all the legal stuff that comes with someone’s death—I haven’t had a minute to let myself grieve. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. Everywhere I turn, there’s something to remind me of him.
Moving the baler was harder than I thought it would be. It’s just a machine… just a field. But, the moment I turned the key in the ignition, I was flooded with memories of him. Of the fight we had that day, and of holding him as he took his final breath. I don’t know what I would’ve done if A.B. hadn’t been there with me. I haven’t spoken to her since the day after the funeral. I’m not avoiding her, I’m just not ready to deal with how I feel.
I thought there was a chance for us, and if I only had myself to think about, then maybe I’d be more willing to risk it. But, knowing she just walked away from a life she’d built in New York, the same way she did when she left me—I don’t think I can take that leap of faith… as much as I want to.
Jax convinced me I need a break from the ranch. Pops has reassured me he’ll be fine with Rae, but I’m still uneasy about the whole thing. I’m going to go out for an hour with Jax, and then make my excuses and duck out early. It’s not like he won’t find a willing female to keep him company.
As we walk through the doors of Cardinals, I’m struck by the silence. There’s no music, no low hum of conversation, and no one behind the bar. Instead, there’s a sign propped up on the counter: COME ON OVER TO LLOYD’S BARN—DANCING, DRINKS, AND LIVE MUSIC!
“Let’s go.” Jax slaps me on the back. He knows exactly how I’m going to react. “You need a night off. Come on… a few drinks and some live music. I promise I’ll dance with all of the single women who try to accost you!”
“I just wanted a few quiet drinks, man. Hanging with the entire town isn’t exactly my idea of relaxing.”
“I’m not taking no for an answer. Give me an hour. If you still want to go after that, I’ll drive you home myself!” I know that’s bullshit. He’ll be lost in a corner with some random girl within thirty minutes.
“An hour, then I’m out.”
We stroll through the quiet streets, toward the barn. This is small town living in its simplest form. As we approach, the distant sound of music and laughter travels on the wind. Jax leaves me for dust the minute we step through the open doors. I hold back, leaning against the hardwood walls, taking in the sights and sounds. Since A.B. left all those years ago, I’ve shunned anything this place had to offer. But, as I stand on the outside looking in, I realize I’m a part of this town whether I want to be or not. Everyone in this room turned up to pay their respects to my dad, and there’s not a soul in this room who wouldn’t help me, Pops, or Rae—no questions asked.
Why fight fate? This is where I want to be, and where I w
ant my daughter to enjoy the safety and family that comes with Kingsbury Falls. For the first time since I came back, I feel like I’m home.
I wander through the crowds, nodding hello, avoiding the dance floor at all costs. As I make my way to the bar, three girls run my way—they can’t be more than sixteen. “You’re Maddox Hale! Can we get a picture with you?” It’s been a long time since I’ve been asked to pose for pictures. I thought everyone had forgotten about my glory days.
“Sure.” They practically glue themselves to my side, being a little overfriendly with the roaming hands on my abs. I smile and wait while they take turns groping me and using their phones to snap pictures. As I pose for the final picture, I see A.B. on the dance floor. Her eyes find mine, a tight smile, pulling at the corners of her lips as she dances with some guy I don’t know. The pit of my stomach sinks to my boots, seeing another man wrap his arms around her. I head to the bar in search of Kirby, and a stiff drink.
“Hey, brother! Didn’t expect to see you here. What’s your poison tonight?” I can always rely on Kirby not to overanalyze me, or expect to be my bartender psychologist.
“Double shot of bourbon.”
“You here alone?”
“Jax dropped me for the first girl he saw. Nothing new there. Lottie here?”
“Yeah. She’s been dancing all night. Haven’t gotten a moment with her.”
“Why don’t you let me serve this rabble for a while? Go dance with your wife.”
“I’m not going to leave you to deal with all this.” His protest is half-assed at best.
“Go. I was on the circuit for ten years… I know how to pour shots. Better than sitting by myself. Go.” He jumps over the bar. A man intent on getting his girl in his arms. I admire them. They knew what they wanted, and they made it happen. Simple and to the point. No messy complications.
“Thanks, bro!”
I wave him off and slide behind the bar. There’s something comforting about putting a physical barrier between me and everyone else—especially A.B. The moment I set foot in here tonight, I could pinpoint her location without looking. I feel her eyes on me, and it’s taking every ounce of strength I have, not to cave immediately and go to her. All I can think about is making love to her, feeling her fall apart beneath me. Behind this bar, I can fool myself for a little while longer. I can pretend the outcome isn’t inevitable. Tonight, I decide who I want to be. “Okay, ladies, who wants to do a shot with this thirsty rider?” Women crowd around the bar, twenty dollar bills waving in their hands.
Now this is familiar territory.
ANNABETH
My heartbeat doubled the moment he walked in the door. It’s as if I knew he was there before I saw him—his presence causing a physical reaction I can’t contain. I’ve been doing my best to give him space over the past few weeks. He has more important things to worry about than me. I’ve checked in with Jax to see if Pops was doing okay and to remind him Rae’s cast needs to come off soon. Every day it gets harder not to go to Maddox and make him listen to what I have to say. I want to show him I understand his responsibilities—Rae will always be his number one priority, and I respect that.
I didn’t expect to see him tonight, but I know I need to talk to him. I don’t want things to go back to the way they were when I first arrived. If he doesn’t want us to be together, I hope he will at least give me a chance to be a friend to him, even though it would break my heart every day. I owe him that. I’ve been trying to pluck up the courage to go over and speak to him for an hour now. He’s been mixing drinks like Tom Cruise in Cocktail, and the women of Kingsbury Falls are lapping it up. Literally, the bar needs mopping from all their drooling. He seems happy, and as much as I hate the attention he’s getting, it’s lovely to see him smile—showing those panty-melting dimples that are impossible to deny.
“You gonna go over there, or just sit here staring all night?” Kirby and Lottie appear at my side.
“I’m thinking the latter. Creepy stalker is all the rage right now.” Neither of them cracks a smile, arms folded over their chests like security guards in a nightclub. “Not in the mood for jokes tonight?”
“Not when it comes to this.” Lottie sits signaling Kirby to go and get some drinks. “You mean a lot to me, A.B. You know that, right?”
“You mean a lot to me, too.”
“And Maddox and Rae mean a lot to me. I want to see them happy more than anything.”
“I don’t want to hurt him.”
“I know you don’t. But, the longer you wait and the more space you give him, the more it’s going to hurt. You and I both know you should have come back here long ago. You love him, and if you want him to trust you enough to love you back and let you in Rae’s life, then you gotta start earning his trust… and hers.” I glance in Maddox’s direction, to find him staring back. My lungs constrict and drop into my stomach. His eyes burn into my soul from across the room, and I find myself walking toward him, cutting through the crowd like a knife through butter.
My entire body sparks to life when he jumps up and over the bar, parting the cluster of adoring women, his focus solely on me. The thrill of excitement running through my veins is similar to the feeling you would get as a kid going to bed on Christmas Eve, knowing Santa was on his way. When Maddox and I were young, I loved him more than I’d ever loved anyone. He was my world, and I still remember our first kiss as if it were yesterday. But, this feeling… surpasses that tenfold. My reaction to him as a man is so much more intense. Just the thought of his lips on my skin makes me flush with the spark that gets ignited every time he looks at me.
“Hi.”
“Hey, darlin’.” His familiar drawl is a delight to my senses.
“Can we talk?”
“Only if you dance with me first.” He slips his hand into mine and leads me to the dance floor.
“Have you been drinking, Mad? Because I don’t want to talk to you drunk.” He pulls me into his arms, wrapping his arm tight around my waist.
“No. Just shut up and dance with me. There’s plenty of time for talking later. I just want five minutes to enjoy the feel of you in my arms. Is that so bad?” The dimples come out, and I am powerless to resist him.
“One dance.”
“Yes, ma’am.” The smell of his cologne is intoxicating, the feel of his broad chest pressed against my body—sublime.
One dance becomes two, and before I know it, I’ve lost track of how many songs the band has played. Whether slow or fast, Maddox held me firm, our movements unhurried. Neither one of us wants to break our connection. When the band finally takes a break, and the dance floor is empty, I can’t ignore the elephant in the room any longer. “Do you have to get home to Rae? Or do you have a little time to talk?”
“I’ve got time.” He takes my hand and heads for the exit. “I’m sorry I walked out last time we talked. It was all just… there was a lot going on, and I didn’t want to fight with you. I should have called, or come by, but I wasn’t ready to have my heart broken again.”
As we step out into the moonlight, I look to the sky. Maybe for strength, or answers, or just to delay this conversation. “I don’t want to break your heart, Mad. I love you.” He doesn’t move, his eyes firmly fixed on the stars above.
“Don’t say that, A.B. Not unless you mean it.”
“I do mean it. Please, Mad, look at me.”
“I can’t. I have to say this, and if I look at you, I won’t be able to. I’ll kiss you, and then I’ll find somewhere to take you where I can make love to you, and listen to the fucking amazing little noises you make when you come.”
“Maddox.”
“I’ve loved you since the first moment I saw you. Even when I was five years old, I knew you were the only girl for me. When you left… I was… broken. Not just my heart, but who I was as a person. I never recovered. I never trusted anyone, never gave them a chance to really love me. Before you came back, I thought I was happy with my lot in life. I have Rae, and the ranch. Bu
t now? You make me want it all. Everything we ever dreamed about when we were young. I’m never going to stop loving you, A.B., but I don’t trust you.”
My mind goes blank—the conversation I’ve been having with him in my head for two weeks now, vanishing without a trace. I believe him when he says he still loves me, and that makes my heart soar in ways it never has before. But, hearing him say I can’t be trusted hurts more than words can express. And, the worst part about it is he has every right to say those words to me. I broke his trust in the worst way possible, and if I want him back, I need to earn it.
“I understand. It can’t have been easy for you to hear how I came back, but if you’ll let me, I want to tell you the full story, and maybe I can make a start on earning back your trust?”
He leads me to a bench at the far side of the barn, before gesturing for me to sit. “I’m listening, A.B. I’m not going anywhere.” My eyes begin to fill with tears.
“Goddammit. I didn’t want to cry.” He takes my hand in his, offering me the courage I need to go on.
“Take your time.” The warm night air fills my lungs as I breathe deeply, struggling to find my center.
“Okay… firstly, I’m not going to excuse any of my behavior, but I do want to explain my reasons. I’m not the same girl who left here all those years ago thinking I knew what was best for us. I can’t speak for you, but if I could go back, I would do it all differently. I would give it all up to be with you.
“I would never have asked that of you.”
“I know. And that’s one of the reasons I love you.” His hand squeezes mine tight. “I love you, Maddox. It took me a long time to realize the way I feel about you is never going to change. That’s why I shut out any trace of you all those years ago. It’s why I got so wrapped up in my patients it broke me when I lost that little girl. Her name was Jennifer. She was smart, and funny, and she had so many dreams for her life. My ability to ignore my life, died with her.” I can’t hold back the emotion that’s been crushing my chest for months.