by Sienna Parks
“You’re part of the family. I’m the one who’s out of place here.” He leans in, his voice a low whisper.
“You and I both know, you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be, A.B.” With a wry smile, he grabs the bowl of popcorn and heads for the living room. I follow closely behind, marveling at the bonds they have formed in my absence. Watching them interact, I realize how Jax has become a part of the family. We were all close growing up, but seeing them now, he and Mad are brothers in every way. And Rae loves him so much. He finds the most shocking pink polish and gives it a shake.
“Okay, sunshine… you paintin’ my nails, or what?”
“Yay. Daddy, you do Docor A.B.’s nails.” Mad is already browsing colors, a shy grin on his face, as he shrugs his shoulders at me.
“I’m pretty good, I’m not gonna lie.” I drop onto the couch next to Jax, who is already sporting a bright pink thumbnail.
“Do your worst, cowboy.”
We laugh, eat, and I paint Rae’s nails with as much glitter and color as I can manage on her tiny little nails. When we’re done, she climbs into my lap to watch the movie, and the elation I feel as she falls asleep in my arms, is overwhelming. I never anticipated the warmth that spreads throughout my body and straight to my heart.
It’s amazing how finality breeds clarity. I used to swing between wanting a family and wanting the most out of my career. But, the moment I learned I would never have a biological child of my own, it became crystal clear. I want to be a mother—it’s something I crave. Looking at Rae, nestled in my lap, I can’t understand how or why her mom would leave. I know it has no bearing on the situation I find myself in, but I can’t help feeling angry.
There are so many women in the world, who never wanted to be moms, or aren’t fit to be one. Nature doesn’t discriminate, and no amount of wishing can change where I find myself. Ironically, it stung less when I thought I’d blown any chance of finding happiness with Maddox. I’m so happy to have another shot with him, but it makes this so much harder for me. I know it hasn’t been long, but I’m already certain he’s the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I would love more than anything to be able to have a child with him.
Maddox, Jax, and I end up watching the rest of the movie, and when the credits roll, Rae starts squirming. “I’m going to put her to bed. You guys can pick the next movie.” Mad lifts her into his arms, rubbing circles on her back with a gentleness that betrays his imposing, masculine frame. There is nothing more beautiful than the sight of them together. “I’ll be right back, darlin’.”
“I’m going to head off and let you two lovebirds have some time.” Jax quickly removes the polish that Rae so excitedly applied.
“You don’t need to leave on my account.”
“I’m not. I have a lady friend I need to go meet with.” Wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, I determine it’s best not to ask questions. As we chat back and forth, Mad’s phone starts ringing on the table. When Jax sees it’s Kirby, he answers with a lewd comment and a chuckle to himself, before quickly sobering. My heart begins to race. In my experience, an expression like that never heralds good news.
“Is everything okay, Jax? Are Lottie and the kids okay?” He nods in reassurance, placing his hand over the receiver.
“All good. Kirby wants us all to go to Cardinals for drinks. You in? I’m sure Pops won’t mind. Rae’s already out for the count.” I don’t want to go out to a bar, but I tell him I’ll go and ask Maddox. As I make my way down the hall, I hear Jax whisper as he heads outside.
I was talking to A.B. She’s here right now… yes, I’m going to try. When did you find this out? Why the fuck didn’t you call sooner? Leave it with me… I’m on it.
I don’t want him to know I’ve been listening, so I quickly creep to the restroom and close the door until I can just see through the smallest crack. He cusses under his breath a few times before slinking past Rae’s room, his entire demeanor shifty as he raps on Pops’ door and enters before Maddox sees him.
After a few minutes, he reappears and attempts to catch Mad’s attention without waking Rae. I make a point of letting my presence be known, causing Jax to jump in surprise. “What the hell, A.B.? Where did you come from?” His eyes flicker between me and the door to Pops’ room. What the hell is he up to?
“I needed to use the restroom. Is that okay with you?” My accusatory tone unsettles him. A nervous laugh escapes him.
“Of course. Did you talk to Mad? Let’s go get our drink on.” He virtually manhandles me back into the living room, grabbing my boots, keys and purse before thrusting them at my chest.
“What the fuck are you doing, Jax?” Mad looks to me for answers I don’t have.
“Everything okay, A.B.? Why are you leaving?” I drop my stuff on the floor, turning to Jax with my hands on my hips.
“I’m not.”
“Kirby called. He wants us to go for a drink. Come on, Mad. It’ll be fun. I was just helping A.B. get organized.” I can see the same disgruntled confusion in the furrow of Maddox’s brow.
“I just put Rae down. I can’t leave Pops with her again. He’s still not himself.”
“I already talked to him. He says it’s fine.”
“Why the fuck would you disturb him before talking to me. You go. A.B. and I are just going to chill.” He looks to me for confirmation.
“Unless you really want to go?”
“I’m not really in the mood, Mad. If you guys want to go, I’m happy to sit here and keep an ear out for Rae. I really don’t mind.” Mad strides over to me, wrapping his arm around my waist, he pulls me firmly against him. Tension evident in every taut muscle.
“I want to be here with you. I have zero desire to go and sit in a bar with a bunch of drunks tonight.” He plants a soft kiss on my head before turning his attention back to Jax.
“You go. What’s the big deal? You’re never exactly lonely. I’m sure there are plenty of willing ladies with questionable judgement, who will be more than happy to keep you company. Besides, if Kirby called, he obviously has cover at the bar, and is planning to hang with you anyway.”
“Don’t be that couple.”
“What… the kind who are happy to hang out together? I thought you above anyone else would understand how different my life is… and how important it is for me to give Rae the stability she needs right now. She’s still missing my dad.” Jax’s face drops at the mention of Bobby. He knows he’s being irrational, and a little erratic. Ten minutes ago, he was half asleep, content to watch Disney movies and hang with his oldest friends. Now… he’s being a dick to Mad. I don’t get it.
“Fine, but Mad, I need to talk to you before I go. It’s important.”
“Can’t it wait until tomorrow?”
“No. It can’t.” His eyes widen as he grabs his keys, wallet, and phone. He gives me a tight hug and slaps Maddox on the arm, gesturing for him to follow outside. Mad rolls his eyes, giving me a reassuring squeeze before pulling his boots on and heading out after Jax.
“I’ll be back in a minute, darlin’. Goin’ to see what’s got his ox in a ditch.”
I peek out the window a few minutes later to see Maddox and Jax deep in conversation. Mad is pacing the driveway, throwing his hands in the air. He’s yelling, but I can’t make out what he’s saying. It doesn’t seem like he’s shouting at Jax, but he’s definitely upset about something.
I hear Rae making noises, and go to check on her, leaving Mad and Jax to their top-secret conversation. “Hey, sweetheart. You okay?”
“I had a bad dweam.”
“Do you want me to get Daddy for you?”
“Don’t leave. Pwease stay with me.” I crouch at her bedside and begin to stroke her hair, softly singing her favorite song from Tangled, humming the parts I can’t remember the words to. She clutches my arm tight to her chest, melting my heart with her innocent trust. I don’t know how long I sit, watching as her small breaths even out in quiet slumber. It’s not until a crack of l
ight streams in from the door, that I notice Maddox standing, leaning against the doorjamb.
“I am so in love with you, Annabeth. You know that, don’t you?” My eyes fill with tears. I’ve never been happier. I scramble to my feet and rush into his arms.
“I love you, too.” He leads me back to the living room, before gently removing my boots and pulling me onto the couch. We watch a movie, but I can feel the tension pouring off him in waves. He looks at his phone every few minutes, his leg bouncing restlessly.
“Is everything okay?” With a tight smile, be pulls me closer, tracing circles on my skin.
“I’m fine. Nothing for you to worry about.” Maddox has always been quiet when he’s working through something, but it’s tough for me to let him be. I try my best to focus on the movie, resting my hand on his leg in some small show of comfort. An hour or so later, the doorbell rings. From his reaction, Mad isn’t expecting company.
“If Jax has brought the party to us, I’m going to be pissed.” He plants a soft kiss on my lips before answering the door. I hear a female voice before seeing the look of horror on Mad’s face. His pleading gaze finds mine, begging for understanding of what is about to transpire in his living room.
“Hello, Maddox…”
MADDOX
I’m dumbstruck at the sight of Sam standing before me. Jax told me Lottie thought she’d seen her in town today, but deep down, I didn’t really believe it. She’s thinner than I remember, her eyes sunken deep in their sockets, dark circles beneath—ravaging her youth.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?”
“I’m Sally Rae’s mother.”
“The hell you are. You gave up that right two years ago, when you walked out the door and didn’t look back. You literally signed away any rights you had to my daughter, so get the hell off my porch and go back to wherever you came from.” I move to slam the door in her face, but she pushes back with what little strength she has.
“I need to see her, Maddox.”
“And she needed a mother.” She looks past me to the couch where A.B. sits in silence.
“So, you replaced me with this whore? I’ve heard the rumors. She’s that bitch, Annabeth Clark.” She practically spits her name. “Your high school sweetheart. The one you never got over. I never had a chance because of her.” My blood boils at her vitriol.
“Leave her out of this. This was all you.”
“So, what? You give her a second chance, but I don’t get one?”
“I’m warning you, Sam. Leave A.B. out of this. This isn’t even about you and me. This is about Rae. You left her. What kind of mother does that?”
“Yours. She wanted out of this one-horse town, same as me. Same as her.” She points to A.B. “Ever think maybe it’s you, Maddox? The women in your life just keep leaving you.” A.B. grabs her keys and heads for the back door.
“I’m going to let you two talk in private. I shouldn’t be here. I’ll call you tomorrow, Mad.”
“She will not drive you out of here, A.B. Sit down.”
“No, Mad. Me being here isn’t going to help matters. I trust you. We’ll talk tomorrow.” She disappears through the door with a smile and a plea for understanding in her eyes. Just when I feel like one aspect of my life is falling into place, something has to come along to derail it.
“Are you going to make me stand on the doorstep all night?”
“You’re not stepping foot inside my house. Wait there.” I grab my boots and head to Pops’ room to let him know I’m stepping out for a while, before slipping quietly into Rae’s room. She’s sound asleep, exhausted from a fun night with Jax, A.B., and me. I gently stroke her face, scared for what this sudden arrival on my doorstep means for her. With a kiss on her cheek, I reassure her, and myself, that I will do whatever is necessary to keep her safe.
Sam is still on the doorstep when I return to the living room, pacing up and down like a bloodsucking vampire, waiting to be invited inside.
“I see you’ve lost your small-town manners while I’ve been gone.”
“Funny… that’s what happens when your wife just walks out on you and your child.” I pick up my keys and close the door behind us—shutting Rae in the safety of our home. “Come on. You’re not setting foot inside my house. We can talk in the stables.”
“Are you fucking serious? I’m not an animal, Maddox.”
“You’re right. At least animals have an inbuilt instinct to protect their young.”
“Fuck you!” I’m trying to keep my cool, but I am astounded by her brazen attitude. So much so it makes me laugh.
“Wow. Fuck me? You’ve just turned up on my doorstep after two years, Sam. Two years! I never got an explanation… only a set of divorce papers. And if you remember, you signed away all rights to your daughter.”
“I remember, Maddox. All of it. I made a huge mistake, and I’ve been regretting it ever since. I never should have left.” She reaches her hand out to touch my arm, and it makes my skin crawl. I can’t believe I ever found anything about this woman attractive. Her selfishness seeps from every pore. “We were so good together.” She takes a step closer, and I know what she’s trying to do. Bile rises to the back of my throat. She disgusts me.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Sam?”
“I made a mistake. But, we’re family… we can be a family again, baby.” I hold her at arm’s length, and step back. Putting as much distance between us as possible.
“Holy fuck! You are delusional. You need to go. Now!”
“I want to see Sally Rae.”
“She’s not your fucking daughter. What did you really come here for? You want something.” I know her. There is no way she’s come crawling back here without an angle. Her eyes shift quickly to her feet.
“I… want you back. Is that so hard to believe?”
“Yes! So, spit it out, Sam. Why are you here?”
“Fine. I need a kidney transplant, and Rae is my best chance at a match. I’ve been on the donor list for over a year, but my condition is deteriorating fast.” I don’t believe my ears. She wants to cut into my daughter and remove one of her kidneys.
“Am I being Punk’d right now? This has got to be a fucking joke! You walk out on us… with no word of whether you’re alive or dead for months. The only communication I get is through an attorney, and then you turn up out of the blue and try to seduce me into putting my daughter through major surgery to help you? You’re a piece of work.”
“It doesn’t change anything. We can still have a fresh start. Rae needs a momma.”
“You need to leave before I do something I’ll regret.”
“What? You gonna hit me? Go for it. You’re pathetic and weak. You gave up being a champion… just because we had a kid.”
“And I’d do it again. Rae means more to me than any of that ever did.”
“Ugh. This is exactly why I left. I thought you were a real man. You tamed wild horses for God’s sake. It was a rush. I liked that life. Then you go and move us back to this Podunk town, and go crawling back to your daddy. And now I see you’ve gone begging back to that bitch who fucked you up in high school… really? Could you be any more of a tragic cliché?” Rage radiates from every fiber of my being.
“It’s funny to me you think I’m weak. I stepped up and did the right thing by my daughter. When you left, I stayed! I’m the one who takes care of her when she’s sick, who chases nightmares away, and who makes her feel like she’s enough. Her momma walked out on her. I know how that feels, and I’ll be damned if I let your shitty actions affect how she feels about herself. The truth is you never deserved her. And you certainly don’t deserve her help now. If you set foot on my property again, I’ll have you arrested.”
“So, what? Are you going to explain to her when she’s older and wants to find me, that you let me die?”
“What makes you think she’ll want anything to do with you? You abandoned her. And if it comes down to it, then yes, I’ll tell her
I wasn’t willing to risk her life for yours. You haven’t even thought about what it would mean for her if she were to go through with this surgery, have you? Because you only think about yourself.”
“I don’t want to die. She’ll be fine.”
“She’s not even four-years-old yet, and you want her to go under the knife. She’d only have one kidney, and God forbid anything ever happened to it, because she wouldn’t have another to compensate. She’d be the one dependent on a transplant to save her life. That’s not a risk I’m willing to take.”
“She’s my daughter!” I can’t contain my anger. I stride toward her, nothing but hatred in my eyes. When I’m an inch from her face, I unleash my rage.
“Not in the eyes of the law. I have sole rights to Sally Rae, and I would die before I would let you or anyone else touch a hair on her head. If you so much as look at her in the street, I will come after you. If I hear you breathe so much as a word about needing her as a donor, to anyone in this town, I won’t hold back, Samantha. You will wish you were dead. Do I make myself clear?”
She doesn’t speak. Her expression is blank—the mark of a true sociopath. A slow nod is the only evidence she heard a word I said.
“Now, get the fuck out of here! Off my property and out of my life for good! Don’t try to contact me or Rae, ever again!” She tries to stare me down, but thinks better of it when she sees the unashamed hatred in my eyes. I watch as she storms off into the black of night, my fists trembling in an attempt to subdue my parental instinct to eradicate any threat to my child—man, woman, or beast.
As her car peels out of the driveway at high speed, I let loose the anger I’ve been holding inside… probably since the night she walked out on us two years ago. I punch the closest surface to me—obliterating the door to Artemis’s stable. He rears up in fear at the sound it makes when my fist snaps through the wooden panels. “Fuck!”
I drop to the floor, my head in my hands. I’ve been trying to hold everything together, but I’m exhausted. I haven’t felt like myself since I gave up riding, and with every passing day, I feel the weight of my responsibilities heavy on my shoulders. For just a moment, I let myself feel all of it. A.B., my dad, Rae, Pops, and Sam. I know I’m flawed, but I’ve always endeavored to be a good man. And yet, the hard facts are overwhelming—my mom left, A.B. left, and Sam left. No matter how hard I tried, I wanted to be enough for them, and I don’t know if I’m enough for A.B. this time around.