“Who will be Malachi’s mate, Captain?” Boca asked.
“Glad you mentioned him. My plans for taking Malachi along have changed. He is now remaining on the ship to monitor both our invited and uninvited guests while the mission team is planet-side. If we need his special skills, we’ll have Zade bring him down later.”
The com on the table lit seconds before Gwen’s voice echoed in the room. “Captain Synar, we’re getting an urgent summons from Norblade. It was set to repeat once we got into shuttle range, but the Guardian 13’s exceptional com system picked it up early. We’ll be within shuttle distance in six point three Earth hours. This ship is amazing. I hope we can keep it.”
“Yes, I know you like the new ship, Commander. You tell me this repeatedly. Who on Norblade is that anxious to speak with us?”
“Not us, sir. Just you,” Gwen clarified.
Synar could hear the laughter in her tone. “Spit it out, Gwen.”
“It’s your mother, Synar. She’s asking you to contact her the exact moment you land on planet,” Gwen recited, her laughter echoing through the com.
“I guess I should never have told Zella that I was on the way, but it seemed rude not to give her warning. My birth parent has no patience and no understanding of space travel,” Synar said. “See if you can send the arrival time to her, Gwen. Add a couple Earth hours so she’ll cease the nagging communication.”
“Sir? You want me to lie to your mother?” Gwen asked.
Synar looked up to see four of his crew members suddenly working hard to cover their smiles. He glared at them as he answered. “You want me to invite Cahir for another visit? Better yet, why don’t I just offer your father a contract? With the Guardian 13’s complex programming, we could use a good Thelorian.”
“Threat understood, Captain. I am no longer amused by your request,” Gwen promised. “Sending your fake arrival time now, sir.”
“Thank you, Commander. Carry on,” Synar said. He glanced at those in the room. “I guess I’m done with you all as well. Get out of here and get packed.”
When the four of them had exited, Synar shook his head at the laughter in the hall.
***
“Explain the constraining power again,” Malachi demanded.
Ania sighed, rose, and paced. “The power of the Khalsa words of containment is in their ability to constrain forceful energy. The release of that constraint is simply a removal of the words from the energy space of the being. I’m sorry I studied theology instead of physics. Ask Dorian to explain his theory of Khalsa mechanics. His studies were more broad than mine.”
Malachi shook his head. “I can’t read the Siren well, but I can almost instantly see everything you describe. If I can’t glean an understanding from you, it is doubtful Zade can help.”
“Your Khalsa questions take me back to the early days of my training. For a long time I failed to control any of the words. Worse, I lacked the ability to understand my errors. My teacher kept insisting I work on clearing myself of my own intentions. He would say my own will was working against me. He would tell me that my desires were trying to force the energy to choose my path rather than its own,” Ania said.
“By ‘its own’ path, do you think he meant the energy had to follow the will of the person who created it originally? Is it possible that your constraint was merely inserting an interruption for a time?” Malachi asked.
He thought about it as he watched Ania pace and shrug.
Was it possible to simply stop the urge to exert power over another? Or was it about not being invested in the outcome of the power you were exerting?
Both were old teaching for those with pacifist leanings, but the practice was elusive to almost all because beings could not thwart their own will. Clinical depression suspended will, but it tended to prevent action of any sort. He never allowed his hosts to maintain that setting.
But what did surrender feel like? He knew Ania had no clue. She had none of that in her cellular memories at all.
“What would the energy’s own path be in the case of the emissaries?” Malachi asked.
“I’m not sure. Perhaps their intentions really are to serve the higher purposes of the Creators. If true, their practice of carrying it out could be vastly improved,” Ania said, shrugging her shoulders against believing it.
Malachi nodded. “Yes. It would make sense for that to be true. They effectively exert their power to serve themselves and their will, but they profess to serve the Creators in doing so. Perhaps their blocks only work when they are in perfect alignment. The words of constraint temporarily block an entity from being able to serve itself, which is why the moment it ceases trying to do so, release comes. I think I get it, but first I must test my theory.”
Before Ania could utter the resistance he felt building in her, Malachi lifted from his body and left to find Rena Trax. He found her in Zade’s meditation room again, eyes closed and chanting. He waited for her to become aware of him.
When her gaze lifted to his form, she sighed.
“Your intentions are all but shouting at me. I take it you want to try again?”
“Yes,” Malachi said, sparing energy to form only the single word.
“I . . . sure. Go ahead then,” Rena said, swallowing hard as the cloud descended around her. A whisper of cold drifted over her entire body, then words of a unique beseechment rose in her mind. Moments after, her body felt like it had stepped from shadows into light. She closed her eyes as the intensity of the light inside her grew until something exploded gently. When she opened her eyes again, the black mist hovered outside her once more.
“Do you remember?” Malachi asked, his voice barely legible in his excited state.
Rena searched within her spirit. “I have recollection, but little emotional pain. This is almost unbelievable. Thank you, Malachi.”
“Peace then,” he said, rushing out of the room and back to his body.
Firmly within it once more, his first awareness was of Ania glaring at him, arms crossed in disappointment.
“Well?” she demanded. “Did you enjoy your little trip?”
“Yes. I believe I have figured it out—well, at least it worked once,” he said, his smile growing as he thought about it.
“Great. Now get inside me and scare the emissary out,” Ania ordered.
Malachi laughed at the request. If his emissary was inside Ania, he would likely want to stay there with her. He would love nothing more than to merge with her under any conditions.
“Even if I could do that, which I don’t think I can, I don’t want to scare the emissary out of you yet.”
“What do you mean?” Ania demanded.
“I was able to help Rena Trax, but only after I informed her spirit that I was doing the Creator’s will. It could have gone either way, but I believe I was allowed to pass by the block because my intentions were aligned with those of the energy that put the block in her. However, I think any attempt to rid you of the emissary would not have the same result. My intentions toward that entity are not as noble and they are definitely self-serving. If Kefira is correct, I also would not be helping you to chase her out.”
“And if I commanded you to try to get rid of her?” Ania asked.
“You cannot command me to go against the Creator’s will, Ania Looren. Though I favor you over all others, you know I would have to refuse,” Malachi said, standing and hugging the frustrated female. “Besides, I know you don’t really mean that. You’re always preaching to me about being good, remember?”
“Of all creatures, you should realize how invasive it is to not be alone in your own form. I have three entities in me. I’ll deal with two of them, but one needs to go,” Ania exclaimed.
“Kefira said the emissary was almost finished with her task. I’m sure she will exit on her own afterwards. From our interactions, I can tell you that she’s a non-committal sort of being. She’s not in you to stay.”
Ania groaned. “But I want her out now. It was bad
enough when you were doing this to me.”
Malachi laughed, hugged tighter, and then kissed Ania’s forehead. The small action was something he had seen many males on the ship do with females to soothe them. He knew it would not make Ania feel better to hear she was living a destiny they were both powerless to change.
“I find your emotional state to be highly distressing. What are you doing to me, Ania Looren? You’re making me feel remorse about how I’ve treated my hosts. I hereby apologize if you ever worried that much about what I was doing inside you. Now—don’t you feel better?” he asked.
“Don’t be ridiculous. How can I feel better? Because of her, I am reduced to being a whining, complaining, helpless female once more in my life,” Ania said.
Malachi fought valiantly to keep his mouth twitching and his laughter to a minimum. “Whatever happened to the stoic Pleiadian I used to have to force into feeling her emotions?”
Ania pulled out of his arms to leave. There was no reason to linger if Malachi was refusing to help her.
“Some sneaky Norblade male put his children in me without my permission. Did you know that Liam plans to hide them from his birth parent? She is his last living relative. I’m at least planning to tell my parents about the children, even though they likely won’t want anything to do with them given my situation.”
“Your parents care for you. They’re just dealing with the whole Pleiadian legal death thing. As for Liam’s mother, I agree about hiding them from Zella Synar. The last time Liam saw her, it was when the exile was being carried out. Zella accused him of being jealous of her compassion for Conor. She had convinced herself that Conor’s murderous act was to avenge her abduction. She wanted it all forgiven and forgotten. Liam refused of course.”
Ania expelled a breath and hung her head. “That sort of delusion does make the female sound too unbalanced to be in any of our lives. Fine. I will guard the secret of their existence. These beings I carry deserve a better family than Liam or I will ever be able to give them.”
Malachi shook his head as he walked to the door with her. “You and Liam will make fine parents. You can trust me to help you where the children are concerned. My motives toward the beings inside you are more pure than even the ones I have toward you or Liam. It is not just the Synar legacy you carry. You carry a part of my energy that will know corporeality once more. This is a first for all of us, but it is harder on us than Liam. We’re a lot older, a lot wiser, and we have seen too much pain to be hopeful.”
“Thinking of these children as partly yours is too strange to contemplate in my current mood. And thanks for reminding me that I’m almost a thousand years old,” Ania said with a snort.
“That’s only a number because I rewound your biological clock by many centuries. I meant what I said only in the best of ways. Despite what Liam thinks, the three of us are family—or at least I consider us so,” Malachi said.
Ania nodded and sighed with resignation. “I consider us family as well. Otherwise, I would knock that ridiculous grin right off your host body’s face.”
“Well, you’re welcome to try if it would make you feel better, but I would rather keep this face as attractive as possible for when the emissary returns.”
“Shades of Kellnor, your taste in females is as pathetic as Conor’s.” Listening to Malachi’s laughter, Ania rolled her eyes as she closed the door
***
“Chiang has forbidden me to physically fight until we know the condition of the children. I decided that didn’t mean you and I couldn’t continue your Khalsa training,” Ania said.
Focusing on her body as she listened to Ania, Gwen moved through the warm-up exercises Jurek had taught her during her cadet training. They were still the best and fastest way to loosen her muscles for a workout.
“Great. Teach me another magic word.”
Ania swore under her breath and fought not to lose her temper. “The words are not magic, at least not in the Earth sense you mean. They are the resonances of sound that energy hears and obeys.”
“Sounds like magic to me,” Gwen teased, continuing her movements.
Ania blew out a frustrated breath and started off the mat. “I can’t deal with your attitude today. It would be too tempting to hurt you. Plus I’m fed up with being mocked by everyone I interact with.”
“Wait,” Gwen called, laughing as she chased Ania down. “I’m sorry. I know the words are serious. I was just teasing you to get you to lighten up. You’ve been so damn intense lately.”
“Intense? Yes, I am intense. Why wouldn’t I be? You might be as well if you were carrying two unwanted children and a blasted emissary had taken up residence inside you. Why does no one seem to understand that my situation is not normal? When Malachi possessed my body, everyone was scared of that, yet no one seems scared of her invasion. I fear the being of light inside me far more than I ever did the demon. At least with Malachi, I knew what to expect.”
Gwen frowned, her hand on Ania’s arm. Then she was compelled to do something she almost never did voluntarily. She put her arms around the smaller female and hugged as tightly as she could while she rubbed Ania’s back briskly.
“There. There. You poor baby. Those damn energy bastards need their asses kicked,” Gwen cooed.
Unprepared for the fierce hug, Ania felt the breath leave her lungs. Both the hug and the sympathy were surprising, but the incredulous laughter bubbling up and out of her felt positively liberating. It was the best she had felt in days.
“Shades of Kellnor, Gwen! Turn loose of me. Where in the raging fires of Helios did you learn to do that?”
Gwen laughed, hugged once more, and then finally turned loose. “Alicia Jet wasn’t there much to tuck me in at night, or see that I ate, or to check that I did my studies. But when it came down to a fight between me and anyone else, my mother always took my side. When she did, she would hug me really tight and be completely sympathetic. It was amazing how much it helped me and it worked every time. Since you’re swearing as much as I do these days, I figured you must really need to know that I have your back on this one. I don’t blame you for being mad about the children or the emissary. I would think it was strange if you weren’t totally pissed.”
Ania hung her head. Emotion choked her. Throat tight, she nodded at the floor.
“Thank you for your compassion.”
“Oh no, don’t even go there. Absolutely no bawling allowed,” Gwen said, rubbing arm across her own nose to stifle her own urges. “Because if you start, then I’ll start, and I seriously hate crying.”
“I hate crying as well.” To avoid doing so, Ania sniffed, swallowed, and took several deep breaths. “The emissary’s behavior brings out the warrior in me, but I am also still in shock over the children. Being a gestation vessel hadn’t crossed my mind in centuries. The demon fixed me and Synar got carried away. Both of these occurred without my knowledge. I have a right to be angry.”
“I agree with that. So whose ass do we need to kick? I’m feeling cocky these days, but I can’t do much damage to Malachi. Synar outranks me, so we’ll have to get creative about torturing him. And my name can never be used,” Gwen joked, rubbing the top of her head and the short hair sticking up there.
Ania shook her head. “Why bother? There is no one to blame for what I suffer except myself. Malachi, Kefira, and Synar insist I must wait and do nothing. But by the Creators, I detest feeling helplessness.”
Gwen paced as she thought. “In all the time I’ve known you, you’ve sought your truth and lived your purpose. The last time I saw you this upset, you were determined to kill yourself to get rid of the demon. You are a person willing to do whatever it takes to get things done. I would have said you would go to any extreme. Now you’re pulling back on your actions. Tell me what’s different about this problem?”
Ania lifted her face until she could hold Gwen’s gaze. “Because this time the others could be right. My intuition is not clear. What’s happening now may very well be the life
the Creators intend for me to live. If so, I would at least like to be told and not just . . . taken over.”
“Yeah? Well, I would say even being forced to do what’s right sucks a big one,” Gwen said, her gaze never wavering.
“Indeed it does,” Ania agreed. She had no idea what the reference was for Gwen’s statement, but she appreciated the fierce empathy in the words. “Why can’t I just accept my fate and stop being angry every two seconds?”
“When Zade lost his memories, he was still himself underneath, controlling and condescending. He was also still the most compassionate male that ever touched me. His identity crisis didn’t change the fundamentals. I would guess that even if you lost your identity to the emissary, underneath her interference you’d still be you. And the same goes for being a mother. You may be the mother of those two future Synars, but you’ll keep on being Ania Looren while you bring them into existence. I don’t blame you for being afraid of the emissary’s interference. That’s makes you smart, not weak.”
“Your words are very comforting,” Ania said, fighting more sniffles.
Gwen nodded. “Good. Let me offer a little more advice. Stop blaming yourself for not being in complete control all the time. Zade explained to me about the Creators and their emissaries. They’re energy beings and we are corporeal. They trump us physically. The best we can hope to do is outsmart them if or when we find out they mean to do us harm.”
“Your clear vision of my suffering is the best support I could get right now. I hope Dorian realizes what an amazing female you are,” Ania said.
“Oh, Zade knows he’s lucky. I remind him about it all the time,”
Gwen grinned as laughter bubbled up again and flowed out of Ania.
“Thank you for making me laugh.”
“You’re welcome,” Gwen said. “Now teach me another magic word. First though, tell me why the hell I get sick when I use the one to unlock locks. Dorian said he gets sick too, but that you don’t and never have. What’s your secret?”
“I don’t care if the word works or not, so I don’t feel the risk of failure. I put the resonance outside my physical form and leave it there. Most pull the risk into themselves, perhaps because they are worrying having power available for next time. I don’t think of next time. I only think of the moment and what I want done.”
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