by Martha Woods
So when things get too loud inside my head, I know exactly what to do.
Bella and I jog along, completely in sync, the only sounds my shoes and her claws against the pavement, her collar jingling, and the both of us panting. We’re pretty fast, passing other joggers, even tall men, with ease. It is a point of pride for me. I may not be very tall or particularly strong, but I’m in good shape, and I’ll admit that I have a competitive streak. I like to win, especially against men. I think that mindset comes with being a woman in my line of work. The guys I work with aren’t sexist or anything, but the job itself can illicit it. It often comes across as male officers being overprotective of me.
Rick can get away with that, but I pity anyone else who tries it. Even though they’re not around to see me and Bella running like pros, I still get a sense of satisfaction and empowerment from it.
Today, we run until I’m drenched in sweat. Bella looks like she could go another several miles, but she’s got twice as many legs as I do.
She whines as we enter my apartment building.
“Cut me some slack,” I tell her as we head to the elevators. “I know you wish you’d been adopted by an Olympic runner or something, but at least I share my food with you.”
She wags her tail.
“Plus, I’m an awesome cuddler.”
After I’ve showered and grabbed a bite to eat, I settle down at my computer. I log on to Netflix and key in the search word “vampire.” I may not be able to work, but at least I can do something productive. Watching vampire movies and television shows counts, I rationalize to myself. It’s research. I’ll just steer clear of the ones that intersect with the teen romance category.
Chapter 3
I pull my front door closed and make triple sure I’ve locked it. It’s been a couple days since I found my balcony door open, and nothing suspicious has happened since. I haven’t heard anything new about the case, but I didn’t expect to. Rick is extraordinarily by the book. He’d never share details about an ongoing investigation with me while I’m on leave. Especially since he put me there. I’m still not speaking to him.
I’ve been spending most of my time alternating between taking Bella on runs and watching vampire flicks. We are getting very in shape, and I’m getting much better informed. I’ve already marathoned the entire first season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (in my defense, it’s a pretty short season), and I have made a list of vampire characteristics, complete with check marks to denote how many different pieces of media those traits show up in. Sunlight fatal: 3 checks. Sleep in coffins: 1 check. Require invitation to private property: 2 checks. No garlic: 1 check. Drink blood: all the checks.
It’s a start, and my Netflix queue is full.
I head for the elevator. As I wait impatiently for it to arrive, watching the numbers grow larger and larger on the screen above the doors, I suddenly laugh out loud. As if anyone could have gotten into my apartment through the balcony door. I live in a high rise apartment complex, for god’s sake. I’ve been spending so much of my mental energy envisioning horror film-esque scenarios of a stalker living in my walls or a slasher waiting to stab me through my shower curtain, I didn’t even stop to think about how improbable the whole thing was. The thought that someone could have gotten all the way up to my balcony is absurd. It’s not as if there’s someone out there suctioning themselves to the face of my building or firing grappling hooks and scaling the walls. It’s a good thing I held off on buying that heavy duty lock.
It still could have been—
No. I cut that thought off. In the light of day, all thoughts of vampires sneaking into my house and biting women in alleyways are ridiculous. I may be making lists about them, but I’m not going to start imagining them turning into bats and flying up to my bedroom. Besides, I’m still playing a mental tug-of-war with myself about the whole prospect of vampires. The list is just…my way of covering all my bases. That’s what I keep telling myself, anyway.
The elevator arrives. I can even sympathize with Rick. I left him no choice but to put me on leave. And maybe it’s for the best. I have been stressed out lately. And I couldn’t have seen what I thought I saw. It must have been like the woman said. She fell and hit her head. And the man? Well, maybe he wasn’t that into her, so he left.
I need to get my head on straight. I need to throw away that ridiculous list, put some good old fashioned action flicks in my Netflix queue, and join a kickboxing class or something. Maybe I need to get my vision checked. Could I be going night blind? That’s a thing, right? Maybe it’s from all the hours I spend staring at computer and television screens. Even if I didn’t see what I thought I saw, that doesn’t make me crazy. Just slightly blind. That’s a much better prospect. I could look good in glasses.
I step out of the elevator and cross the lobby, then set off to walk to the coffee shop to meet Cara. I haven’t seen her in far too long. She works normal person hours, so we usually miss each other. I’m looking forward to catching up with her, hearing about her job, her love life – even if it is usually a lot of drama. In fact, I could use a little run of the mill guy drama right about now. And I’m hoping that talking through the past few days with her will give me some perspective as well. She’s hopeless in the guy department, but her advice in other areas is always sound. Maybe her take on all of this will be of help. Besides, the fresh air will do me some good. I may or may not have been holed up in my apartment since my run yesterday morning, except for a quick trip out with Bella for her evening potty break.
But I haven’t taken more than two or three steps out of the building when I collide with a man as he turns the corner.
“I’m sorry,” I say automatically, taking a step back.
“I’m not,” he replies. I know that voice well now. Damon. What is he doing here?
“Are you stalking me or something?” I blurt out, feeling defensive. I immediately kick myself mentally. I may be on edge, but that’s no reason to be rude to the poor guy. He has kind of a puppy dog look about him and for a second a hurt look crosses his face. Why do I always do that? Why can’t I engage my brain before my mouth?
This is why I’m so painfully single. If I’m not embarrassing myself in front of a guy, I’m making him feel like crap. It’s not a great way to start a relationship, and even though I’m not looking for anything like the farfetched concept of true love, I wouldn’t be averse to having a boyfriend, at least for a while. It would get Cara off my back. And companionship is nice. I have needs, after all. Plus, I like to cuddle. Damon looks very cuddle-able. And I’ve just accused him of being a stalker. Brilliant work, Amy. As usual.
Damon smiles his charming smile and takes my comment in stride. “That’s a nice thought, isn’t it? But no, sorry to disappoint you, but I’ve just moved in here.” I have to say, I’m impressed. Anyone who can hold their own with my special brand of conversation is someone who has my attention. And Damon would have it anyway, with that face.
Wait. Did he just say –? “Why would you move into a shitty place like …” I trail off. Great, now I’m insulting his taste, and probably his income too. Not to mention my own. I don’t mind living in a cruddy building that’s seen much better days. But for some people, their home is a point of pride. I can understand that.
Damon smiles. “Are we friends now?” he jokingly asks. “Here I was thinking you just a cop and I was just a potential witness.”
I feel my face redden from the roots of my hair all the way down to my chin. It doesn’t stop there. It covers my neck and chest. I think it might never end. Another perk of my awkwardness, it’s painfully obvious even when I keep my mouth shut. I clear my throat.
“Joking,” I manage to squeeze out.
“Sure,” Damon says. “Me too. I was stalking you, actually.”
I don’t have a response for that. I’ve exhausted my banter abilities for the time being, which, I know, isn’t saying much. They were minimal to begin with. But it’s more than that. There’s something about
the way he says that about stalking me that makes me almost believe it. What’s even more unsettling, though, is that the prospect of him stalking me doesn’t make me afraid at all. I know that sounds pretty twisted, but I have this instinct about him that tells me I should trust him. That I need to trust him. And although he doesn’t scare me, these intense thoughts do. I feel my stomach drop and suddenly wish I were literally anywhere but here. A Siberian prison, for example, seems nice right about now.
So, I do what any sane, reasonable girl would do. I blurt, “Well, have a good day,” in a voice so high pitched perhaps only dogs can hear it, and literally bolt away from him.
His low laughter follows me. His laugh is consistently good natured. I don’t feel like he’s laughing at me as such, but I do feel like he plays on my obvious discomfort. I want to take offense at that, and at the joke about stalking, which doesn’t quite sit right given the week I’m having, but I can’t seem to make the indignation stick. Not when he’s so playful and so damn attractive.
I walk around the block a few times to slow my racing heart and get my flushed skin to return to its normal pallor. I’m early for my date with Cara anyway. That’s one of my more redeeming qualities, I guess. I’m never late. I’d like to say it’s a facet of my cop diligence, but I know plenty of officers who are physically incapable of being on time, which drives me up the wall. So it’s probably less a diligence thing and more an anal retentive thing. Whatever. It suits me well, and makes Rick happy. At least, it would if I didn’t have to go and ruin things by talking about mysterious blood sucking men.
I’m so lost in my thoughts about Damon, and Mr. Muscles, and balcony doors, and my stupid list of vampire traits, that I don’t notice I’ve passed the coffee shop and walked a good twenty minutes further towards downtown. Okay, now I’m late. I turn on my heel and power walk back to where Cara is probably already waiting for me.
At the coffee shop, I throw myself into the seat across from Cara, reaching for the coffee cup that is already sitting before me, steaming pleasantly. Good, it’s still hot. She hasn’t been waiting too long.
“Thanks.” I smile as I take a sip. She knows exactly how I like my coffee. She knows pretty much everything about me, really. “Sorry I’m late. But you’ll never guess what just happened to me.”
“What?” Cara asks. She’s leaning forward, excited for gossip. I can’t help but smile. It feels good to just sit with my best friend, drinking a normal cup of coffee, and telling her about a cute, normal guy. Never mind the fact that I met him at the scene of a murder. That’s an occupational hazard, after all.
“Well the other night, I was out on a case and I interviewed this potential witness.” I refrain from telling her all that happened. I don’t want to ruin the moment by having her think I’ve gone nuts, or by telling her I’ve been forced to take a leave of absence. I decide I’ll tell her that I’ve put some holiday allowance in. “He was hot. Like boiling. And I did my usual trick and got all tongue tied. Anyway, I just ran into him in the street and accused him of stalking me.”
Cara throws her head back and laughs out loud. Her laugh is joyous, an infectious giggle, and I find myself joining in.
“Only you, Amy,” she says through her laughter. “What did he say?”
“He denied it, of course. But then he seemed to notice me blushing, you know, because it’s so subtle and all, and then he said actually he was stalking me. So I told him to have a good day, and I ran away. Literally ran away.”
Cara’s laughter grows. She shakes her head in mock frustration. “You are impossible. Considering your job involves talking to the public, you are amazingly bad at talking to people.”
“My job doesn’t involve the public. Not really. I leave that to Rick. That’s what I love about corpses. They’re so easy to talk to.”
“Ew. But see, why couldn’t you be like that when you talked to this guy? Just imagine he’s a corpse or something!”
“Exactly. Maybe I should,” I sigh.
“Is something wrong, Amy?” Cara asks, the laughter gone from her voice.
I should have known she’d see through me. I start to lie; to tell her everything’s fine. Instead, I feel the whole story pour out of me. How I thought I saw a man vanish into thin air, how Rick put me on leave when I wouldn’t even begin to consider that I had been mistaken, and of course, the dream. I feel a little sick to my stomach as I tell her all of it. I’m so afraid she’ll think I’m crazy too. It’s not that I don’t trust her. But given the situation, it would be hard for her not to think I’m crazy. I don’t think I could take hearing that from her, though. Not after everything else. It’s bad enough that Rick doesn’t believe me, even though I can totally understand why he doesn’t. I can’t bear to think that there’s no one on my side.
“Jeez,” Cara says when I finish. “I’m sorry, Amy. I can’t believe they did that to you.”
“Can you blame them?”
Cara shrugs. She doesn’t want to say it, which I’m grateful for, but it’s obvious now that Rick did the right thing. I make a mental note to text him later and apologize for resisting his orders. Maybe even thank him for seeing that perhaps I do need a break.
“Tell me more about this creepy man,” Cara says.
“There’s not much to tell. Without the vanishing and the blood, he was normal. Ok, maybe not run of the mill average. He was tall, well-built, lean. Very pale. His eyes were so dark they looked almost black.”
“Oh my God,” Cara bursts in. I look at her with a questioning frown. “You were into him, weren’t you?”
“No!”
Cara looks at me, an eyebrow raised.
“Ok. Yes. I admit it. He had a certain charm about him. An aura almost.”
“It’s a good thing you didn’t get more of a chance to talk to him,” Cara says, a wicked twinkle in her eye.
I nod. “I know, right?”
We both laugh. It’s too absurd not to. A hot, murderous disappearing man. It’s either laugh or admit that I’m probably insane. We are still laughing when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I glance up and force my smile to stay in place when I see Tommy looking back at me.
Tommy. My most recent ex.
“Amy. Sorry to barge in. I just noticed you sitting over here. How are you?” he asks.
“I’m good, thanks. How are you doing? How’s the new job?” I make small talk without even thinking about it.
“Oh, you know. A job’s a job, right? This is Julia, by the way.”
A woman I didn’t notice before steps forward. “Hi,” she says, giving a small wave.
“Hi,” I answer.
“Julia, this is Amy and Cara.”
I feel a twinge of jealousy as I take Julia in. She’s younger than me, so by extension, she’s a lot younger than Tommy. Her face is clear and she is young enough to not need much make-up to get that natural glow. She is taller than me and thinner than me. I hate her. No, that’s not fair. I don’t hate her. I don’t care one way or the other about her, the same as I don’t care one way or the other about any of the girls Tommy dates.
I just wish, for once, he’d find someone older and fatter than me. Everyone said Tommy and I were meant for each other. At first, I thought so too. I even began to think that maybe the fairy tale was possible after all. Of course, I was wrong.
It was the same old story. After a couple of months, the novelty just wore off. Tommy’s bad habits, which I had seen as cute quirks in the beginning soon became pet peeves. I hated the way he studied the wine list in restaurants, even though he always ordered the house wine. I hated the way he tucked his t-shirt into his jeans. I hated the way he paired socks up when he took them off. And I hated the way he always did the exact same thing in bed.
I began to feel like I was expending all my energy on keeping that “spark” alive. In reality, I was just struggling to not rip his head off every time he cut a sandwich up into bite-sized pieces in a restaurant. I just felt trapped. At first, my heart had felt fu
ll any time I looked at him. Of course it seemed like magic; that’s what brain chemicals do when you’re attracted to someone. Looking back on it, I can’t believe I fell for that prospect of love just because a cute guy was holding my hand. Although honestly, maybe if the sex had been better I would have stuck it out longer. I’m probably a terrible person.
After six months, I could bear it no longer, and I called it off. We were never going to work long term, but although I knew I could never love him, I did like him. I liked him enough to end the relationship before we reached the stage of yelling and screaming at each other. Before I nagged him incessantly and he became downtrodden. Before we ended up hating each other.
I ended it at just the right time for us to remain friends. And we did. He often came out for drinks with us. And I didn’t get jealous at all when he brought a new trophy girlfriend out to join us. Not one little bit, I told myself.
“I’m sorry to dash,” Julia said, “but I have a meeting to get to.”
I hadn’t noticed the takeaway cup in her hand.
“Nice meeting you.” I smile at her.
“You too,” she says. She turns to Tommy. “You stay if you want. See you tonight.”
She doesn’t wait for a reply. She kisses him and dashes out the door.
“Mind if I join you?” Tommy asks. I glance at Cara. She shrugs, so I indicate the seat between us.
“Sure. Sit down.”
Tommy tells us a bit more about his new job. He tells us how he met Julia and I don’t have to fake my smile as he tells us how great, successful, attractive and how damn perfect she is. It’s a little disgusting, sure. But it’s cute, too, and now that I’ve gotten over the initial shock and envy, I’m happy to see him happy.
Cara tells Tommy about Josh, a guy she has just started dating. And then it’s my turn to share. I should tell him I’m being stalked by a crazy guy and witnessing vampires murdering women. Let everyone know how much of a basket case I’m becoming.
Instead, I tell him I’ve decided to take some vacation time from work and concentrate on just having fun for a while.