by M. V. Kasi
He loved her. There was no doubt about it.
But he couldn’t tell her that. Yet. Especially because there was still something that gnawed painfully in his heart.
It was a fear. The kind that was not totally unwarranted.
The next month would pass quickly and his child would be born. And he desperately hoped that there would be more time together with her.
He kissed her forehead and her lips.
“You look tired, baby. Do you still want to go to the party tonight?” he asked her.
Her eyes were closed, but she nodded her head.
“Yes. I can be ready in a couple of hours,” she said.
He held her close, while she rested. But he couldn’t relax as his heart still remained heavy with dread. Clearly sensing an impending storm.
CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN
THEY WERE HEADING towards a party, which was actually a charity cause being thrown by one of Ajay’s friends who was also a business associate. And since Sia hadn’t socialized much with any of his friends or acquaintances since their marriage, both of them had mutually decided that it was high time, she mingled with the rest of the civilization.
Their entrance was definitely going to cause a commotion, considering Sia would be re-introduced to his friends with her prominent pregnancy. He didn’t care that people might possibly speculate about their hasty marriage. Because he couldn’t wait to show her off to people who had been his friends and close acquaintances over the years.
As soon as they arrived in front of a large hotel building, he handed over the car to a valet. He held her hand as they headed towards the elevators on the ground floor of a really tall building. They were probably the last ones to arrive for the party because the elevator was empty.
He stepped into the elevator, and pressed the button to the top most floor before turning towards Sia to say something naughty.
But he stilled when he saw her face.
She stood frozen with widened eyes, watching the lit elevator panel.
“Are you okay, Sia?” he asked, worried that she wasn’t well because he had exhausted her that evening.
She didn’t answer. She just jerked her head slightly, not taking her eyes off the panel.
He, then recalled how she had stood frozen in a similar manner when they rode the elevator together to his penthouse, after they had just gotten their blood tests done. He also recalled the times when she had made them take the stairs instead of the elevator.
Shit. She was definitely nervous about taking the elevators.
“Give me your hand, Sia,” he said, holding out one of his hands.
She swayed slightly, and he could see that she was trembling a little too.
“Sia, look at me, and give me your hand,” he said in a soft, but commanding voice.
She looked towards him blankly. Her pupils were completely dilated in fear.
“It’s okay, baby. You are safe. I’m here with you. Just give me your hand,” he repeated.
She stared at his hand like it was a vile thing that would attack her.
“No. Don’t touch me right now. I-I’m fine. It’s only t-twenty more floors,” she said as her voice wobbled slightly.
“I know you are not comfortable taking the elevators, Sia,” he said.
She shrank further back into the wall. “I’m fine,” she mumbled.
“Just give me your hand, and I promise you that I’ll deal with whatever you might find threatening,” he repeated.
With her heart thudding frantically, she slowly placed a clammy hand into his. He immediately entwined their fingers, and pulled her close in a full body hug.
Her body shuddered once again, and she stared into his eyes. “I’m sorry. You must be thinking that I’m a coward and a freak. I-I just have so many issues. I’m such a huge mess,” she said.
He looked at her agonized face. “You are right. You are a huge mess,” he said.
She looked shocked and then disappointed.
He held her even closer and smiled at her. “You might be a huge mess. But I don’t think I’ll ever find anyone more perfect for me,” he stated.
She smiled uncertainly at him.
“Everyone is scared of something or the other, Sia. You might be shocked to know that a manly guy like me is terrified of heights. I don’t sit next to a window during the flights or stare down from very tall buildings. They make me dizzy,” he confessed.
Her smile remained on her face and he felt her fingers relax around his.
“And besides, you are one of the most fearless women I’ve ever known,” he declared.
She was shocked at his statement. “What? How can you ever call me as fearless?”
“Quite easily. Because you are,” he said. She looked skeptical, but he continued with his reasoning. “You hate confined spaces, yet you take elevators sometimes. You hate running, yet you go on daily runs. It’s very hard for you to trust anyone, especially when you are the most vulnerable, yet you have slept next to me over the past few months.”
He ran his finger along her cheek. “You are fearless, because even though you are terrified of certain things, you still take the plunge and do them. Not many people have the courage to do that,” he said.
She looked into his eyes, and placed her free hand on his chest, where his heart was beating.
“Sometimes, you scare me,” she confessed.
His heart pumped faster in frustration at her words.
“What’s so scary about me?” he asked her.
She sighed. “The way you seem to smash and crumble the walls around me…It’s quite scary,” she said.
He cupped her cheek gently. “Why do you want walls between us?” he asked
She shook her head. “I can’t afford to let anyone in right now, Ajay. There is so much going on that I’m scared I’ll hurt you, or get hurt in return.”
He exhaled loudly, upset at her admission. Letting go of her cheek, he laid a hand on her stomach, watching her with heated eyes.
“This is mine,” he stated, and then he slowly slid his hand up towards her chest.
Her nipple hardened under his touch, but he wasn’t after a quick grope. Pressing his hand firmly on her breast, he could feel her heart thumping forcefully under his palm.
“I want this to be mine too,” he said in a guttural voice.
Her eyes widened, probably seeing the fierce possessive look on his face.
“Ajay…”
“Do you want me?” he asked her with raw emotion that he couldn’t hide anymore.
“Yes,” she said softly.
“Do you want to be with me?” he asked her again.
She looked torn, and didn’t reply for several seconds.
And then, she took a deep breath. “Yes, I want to be with you. In fact quite desperately,” she confessed.
“Then give me your heart. You and our child have already stolen mine, a while ago,” he said.
She looked at him with trembling lips as though she was about to break down at his confession. He pulled her closer, and hugged her, with their child nestled in between them.
“Sia, you need to trust me with whatever is bothering you. I’ll protect you. Always.”
She have him the barest of nods.
“Do you trust me?” he asked.
She nodded again.
“Give me the words. Tell me,” he ordered gruffly.
“I trust you, Ajay.”
He knew she was lying about trusting him. But so far, this was the best he could get from her, and he was happy to take it.
For now.
Soon they heard the ping of the elevator door as they arrived on the top floor, where a party was going on in full swing.
***
As soon as a few people spotted Ajay and her, they rushed towards them.
“Ajay! Nice to see you man.”
“We don’t see you much these days, Ajay. Too busy?”
“Oh yes. Someone had been r-e-eally busy,” teased a wom
an good-naturedly, eying Sia’s obviously pregnant stomach.
“Finally he’s decided to bring you out from the hiding, huh?” a man smiled at her.
Ajay was still holding her hand while smiling at his friends.
“Guys, guys, don’t scare my wife too much. She might go back into hiding again,” he said, winking at her.
Over the next hour, Ajay introduced her to his friends and acquaintances, some of whom she had recognized from the wedding.
A woman, who apparently knew what Sia did for a living, struck a conversation with her. “I simply love using Blush products. Especially the lip balms. I was quite addicted to them when I studied in the States for a couple of years. I’m so glad you decided to expand to India,” she said.
Sia felt herself relax as she mingled with the guests at the party. She felt the warmth and friendliness extended towards her because of Ajay.
Ajay was just about to accompany her towards the food when a familiar man’s voice called out to Ajay from behind her.
“Ajay! What a pleasant surprise to see you.”
She turned to look at the man who had spoken, and froze as she met his eyes.
And then, her heart began to thud loudly in panic and illogical terror.
She almost felt faint, but she collected herself quickly, and tried to appear much calmer on the outside.
Ajay greeted the man. “Hi Dr. Naidu. How are you?” he asked.
The man smiled. “I’m doing good, Ajay. Congratulations. I’m sorry I couldn’t attend your wedding. I was campaigning for my father during that time,” he said.
“That’s okay. I understand,” Ajay turned towards her. “This is my wife, Sia.” Ajay was watching her with a slightly guarded look. Maybe he could sense the tension in her or he must have seen her reaction to that man.
“Sia, Dr. Naidu is a friend of mine. He runs a children’s hospital and several charitable organizations along with his family. Manthena Corp provides security to some of those places.”
A frown crossed over the handsome doctor’s face. “You seem very familiar. Have we met before, Sia?” he asked.
She looked at the man who was from her past in the eye. “No. I don’t believe I’ve seen you or met you before,” she lied.
She looked at Ajay. “Excuse me for a few minutes. I need to use the powder room for a few minutes. I’ll be right back,” she said.
“Let me come along with you,” said Ajay.
“No. I’m fine. You should—” she broke off as looked at Dr. Naidu, her cousin, “—catch up with your friends. I’ll join you in a few minutes,” she said and began to walk away.
She walked rapidly towards the other end of the huge party hall.
She had no freaking idea where she was heading to. She just needed to get away from there.
From her past.
CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT
A YEAR AGO
Sia flew to Hyderabad, two days after she had discovered that she had been abused during her early childhood. She was completely filled with rage and pain. And like an animal that had been wronged, she wanted to immediately attack. She wanted her abuser gone. Wiped from the face of the earth.
And before even she could re-analyze her actions and implications, she set out to do just that. She purchased an illegal weapon for a very high price from a dealer in Hyderabad.
Concealing the weapon inside her handbag, she marched purposefully towards the front desk of the Naidu’s Children’s Specialty Hospital, and asked to meet the well-liked and well-loved Dr. Naidu.
She had to wait because he was currently seeing a patient.
She began pacing restlessly in the lobby, still burning with the need to lash back violently at the monster that had destroyed her life.
Holding the handbag closer, she felt the gun inside. And at that point, she didn’t quite care if she would be arrested and thrown into prison for murder. All she wanted was justice for that nine year old girl who had been betrayed in the worst possible way.
“Miss Anand, Dr. Naidu will be with you shortly. Would you like to wait inside? There is better air-conditioning available along with a few snacks and beverages,” the receptionist offered with a smile.
She had given the receptionist a wrong name, and also fed her with some bull-shit about being an interested donor. She would definitely leave some money after she killed the monster who ran the place, and announced to the world that their dear Dr. Kranthi Naidu who loved children was actually a child molester.
She was almost certain that with his unholy urges, he was possibly destroying many children’s lives, using the facade of his job and various charities.
“Will I be okay, Dr. Naidu?” a child’s voice yanked her out from her thoughts.
“You’ll be fine. Nikhil. Just promise me that there will be no more balancing on high walls for fun,” a man’s laughing voice said.
“I promise, Dr. Naidu” a small boy replied back.
Heart thudding, she slowly turned to look at the doctor.
It was him.
Her abuser.
Her rapist.
The monster who had stolen her soul.
He was talking to a little boy whose hand was tied in a plaster. He was kneeling down, and handing a lollipop to a boy who was smiling innocently.
‘Don’t. Get away from that monster!’ She wanted to shout and warn that boy and his parents.
But she couldn’t breathe, let alone shout.
It physically hurt to breathe while looking into the doctor’s smiling light brown eyes and his handsome face.
And instead of pulling out the gun to blow the monster’s head, her entire body froze in terror. A sick knot began to form in her stomach that was a combination of affection and despair, causing her to almost gag and sway.
How on earth could she ever feel affection towards him?
He had betrayed her trust. He broke her spirit.
She had spent the past couple of days, reliving every moment of terror, over and over again. And during her planning, she had always thought that she would be immune to facing her rapist.
She even thought that she’d have enough rage to go through with the murder. But now, the unexpected surge of affection towards that man blew her mind.
Childhood memories of how he had spent time playing with her, and how he took her to various places with him, and then how he had read her bedtime stories, rushed through her mind.
She had loved him.
God, she actually had real affection towards that monster at some time when she was a child.
Her head began to throb. And she held it in agony as conflicted emotions tore through her.
“It’s too painful to believe that someone you loved can do such a thing. So your brain fragments those memories into several pieces, leaving only the acceptable memories in your conscience mind. And even though the knowledge, sensation and feelings in your brain are shattered, they are not completely forgotten. They intrude in the most unexpected ways.”
Dr. Patel had warned her about it. But instead of the bad memories, the good ones were pouring into her brain.
She stood rooted to the spot in daze, even as her stomach cramped in anxiousness and confusion. Soon the overwhelming feelings took over, and she ran inside a restroom to throw up.
When she was done, she rinsed her mouth, and washed her face with cool water, all the while staring into the mirror, as another memory and a realization took over.
“When I grow up, I’m going to marry you,” said the little girl.
“That’s very sweet Little Princess,” he said, laughing and ruffling her hair.
“Where would I go?” asked an amused voice of a woman.
“You can live with us too, Aunty. Kranthi, you, Uncle and me, we’ll all live together in the same house,” the little girl replied.
Aunty? What the hell?
She closed her eyes and braced herself to think hard.
Her mind had played tricks when it came to resurrecting her chil
dhood memories. She knew what had happened to her during the night was real. But her mind had associated the abuse with the events that were fed to the outside world.
She had never been weirdly obsessed with her cousin. It was a pure fabrication. Her cousin was older than her. He had been a thin, bony, teenager who wasn’t interested to spend time with a little girl.
The man who had abused her was an adult.
And as a little girl, she had been more attached to him. She had even told him that she wanted to marry him.
Her cousin wasn’t the one who had molested and raped her repeatedly when she was a child.
It was his father.
Her uncle.
The upcoming politician, the great champion of humanity and compassion was the abuser of his own niece. And he had trivialized and distorted the facts to the outside world.
As she came into that realization, she aborted the murder plan completely.
That same evening, she flew back to Boston. Not because she thought she was a coward to exact her revenge on her uncle. But because she knew she wasn’t ready yet.
She was too driven by rage and pain. What she needed was a calm and rational mind.
A complete absence of emotion.
So she could plan. She needed to come up with a plan which wouldn’t offer her target a quick death. She wanted her abuser to suffer for a very long time. She wanted him to lose everything he held dear. She wanted him to beg for his death.
She wanted to destroy his soul.
CHAPTER THIRTY NINE
PRESENT
Sia was breathing heavily as she stared at herself in the restroom mirror.
Despite knowing that her uncle was her abuser, she still couldn’t digest or bear her cousin’s face. Because, he had close resemblance to his father.
And not only that, Ajay knew her cousin.