‘That’s right.’
‘But now you have to. Don’t you see? I saw you. I heard what you said. I hear it every day, every hour, all the time. Two more years. That’s what you said.’ His voice broke. ‘Two more years. Why, Ashley, why did you have to say that?’
I sat next to him. I had a sudden, very sharp pain in my belly. I touched his hand, but he pulled it away from me. I realized that he hadn’t touched me once since he’d woken up. I closed my eyes. I couldn’t bear seeing the desolation in his gaze.
‘Tell me,’ he said. ‘What should I do? Should I name an heir? Who will rule when I’m gone?’ A muscle jumped in his jaw.
I shook my head mutely.
‘Answer me, by Zeus!’ His hand shot out and he hit me, knocking me off the bed. For a wounded guy, he still had a mean jab.
I sat on the floor, stunned. He’d never lost his temper with me before. I put my hand to my face. My nose was bleeding, but that wasn’t his fault. He’d hit my shoulder. I didn’t dare speak. I thought I’d probably vomit.
‘I’m sorry.’ He crawled off the bed.
‘Get back in bed, Usse will kill you.’
‘No. I don’t die for another twenty-four months.’ His voice was strangely calm.
‘Do you think I’m happy about that?’
He shrugged. ‘Maybe now you are.’
‘How can you say that?’ I cried.
‘I don’t know. I had a shock. First, I thought I’d die when the arrow struck me, then I was sure it was all over when Usse pulled it out. Now, I know I’ll recover. It doesn’t make me feel any better. In some perverse way, I almost feel like killing myself right now, just to spit in Atropos’s eye.’
‘The Fate who cuts the thread of life,’ I recited hollowly, remembering Callisthenes’s lessons.
‘I see you paid attention to your tutor,’ he said dryly.
‘Well, now it’s your chance to remember what yours said. What would Aristotle say if he knew you had decided to give up?’
‘Give up?’ he said. ‘Who’s giving up?’
‘You are. But I have a new tactic for you.’
‘A tactic?’ His mouth quirked. ‘How interesting.’
‘Pay attention, you might learn something.’
‘You’re not the only one with a good memory,’ said Alexander.
‘But I’m the only one who can save you.’ I drew a deep breath. ‘This is what we’re going to do. You’re going to pretend you never heard me say what you think I said. And I will do everything in my power, when the time comes, to save your life.’
‘You’ll have changed time,’ he warned. ‘You’ll be destroyed by your Time Gods.’
‘But you will die. Or rather, you’ll give the impression you died. Do you think you can do that? Will your pride and ego let you walk away from your empire in the prime of your life?’
‘My pride and ego? Do you think all I care about is myself?’
‘No. That’s exactly the opposite of what I meant.’ I took a deep breath. ‘Let me start over again. I want to give you a chance to cheat fate, but I want you to understand what it means. You must walk away from everything, and I am afraid to ask you to do that. You’ve worked so hard to do something so extraordinary. It’s not fair.’
He looked at me through narrowed eyes. ‘If I understand you correctly, my death is something that could be avoided.’
‘I’m not sure,’ I said. ‘Nobody knows exactly what you died of.’
‘That does complicate things. What about the date?’
‘The date is known, yes.’ I hesitated.
‘Go on.’
‘I don’t want to hurt you any more,’ I said. ‘Don’t look at me like that. I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have heard. It’s as if the gods have been playing puppet games with us.’
‘I want to know something,’ he said. ‘What happens to my empire when I die? Who do I name as a successor?’
‘Nobody,’ I whispered.
‘Nobody?’ He gave a startled jerk then cried out in pain as his wound hurt him. He gasped for a moment then drew a shaky breath. ‘Fine. So my generals fight it out between themselves.’
It was a statement, not a question. I frowned. ‘What happens after your death must not concern you. If you want me to save you, you have to disappear from the timeline. You must spend the rest of your life invisible.’
‘Or else we are destroyed?’ he laughed hollowly.
‘That’s right. Or else we will both be destroyed. You, our children, and me.’
‘What exactly do you suggest I do?’ he asked, wincing.
‘You said you wanted to go all around the world,’ I said quietly. ‘Would you travel with me? Would you like to go to Africa and see the wild elephants? To the great north to see the reindeer pulling the sleighs through the eternal snow? We can go to China and see the dragon festivals. We can go north, south, east, and west. Wherever you wish, we can go. Only this time, instead of fighting and conquering, you can simply go to see and wonder. And I will go with you.’
‘You alone would still love me if I were not king,’ he said softly. ‘I always said that, didn’t I?’
‘Me, and Plexis, and Usse, and Axiom, and Brazza.’ I smiled through my tears. ‘And Chiron and Paul. Before we go, could we first go to the sacred valley and get Paul? I would take him with us.’
‘I didn’t say I would go,’ he said slowly.
I blinked, sending more tears down my cheeks.
‘Please say yes,’ I whispered.
‘Why?’
‘Because I can’t live without you, and knowing when you will die is killing me as surely as it hurts you. I dread each day that ends. Every time the sun sets a part of me dies. Every month that passes is a door closing behind me. Each minute is like sand falling through a sieve.’
‘To me as well,’ he said. ‘Come here, Ashley.’ He opened his arms to me. ‘Help me back in the bed. I’m still weak as a worm.’
‘Weak as a worm?’ I smiled. ‘A Macedonian saying, no doubt?’
‘Yes, why? What do your people say?’
‘Weak as a kitten.’
‘Well, I don’t know why you laugh. A kitten is stronger than a worm any day.’ He sounded cross, but he smiled suddenly. ‘I will think about it. And I will think about what you’re saying. But first I have to know three things.’
‘Ask, I’ll try and answer,’ I said cautiously.
‘First, does my kingdom collapse entirely?’
‘No. It splits into three major parts. Egypt, all of Persia and Greece, and then Macedonia, which keeps its independence.’
‘All right. I won’t ask who rules the pieces, I will find out soon enough. So, what happens to my son Heracles?’
I shook my head. ‘Nobody knows. I think his family, seeing the conflicts and the power of the generals, decided to keep him far from the throne. His death is not recorded.’
‘Neither is his life, though,’ said Alexander sadly.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said inanely.
‘Third question.’ He drew a deep breath. ‘Why did you decide to tell me the truth? You could have denied ever saying what you did. You could have told me I was delirious, that it was just a result of the pain or the wound. Why did you admit it? Why?’
‘Can’t you guess?’
‘I think so, but I want to hear it from you.’
‘Because I’m tired of being a puppet for the gods,’ I said. I held his gaze. ‘It is my turn to spit in Atropos’s eye. And I’m going to do it with the most famous person on earth.’
There was a long silence. Alexander’s breathing was remarkably clear.
‘You have thought about this for a long time.’
Another statement.
I barely smiled. ‘Since we left the Sacred Valley.’
‘Did you know I could hear you?’
Our eyes were locked together. I felt savage ice in my veins. I was doing something that could bring the gates of time crashing down. ‘I hoped you coul
d hear me. I thought you were dying. I had to bring you back. I told you that I would lie to you even if you were on your deathbed. I had to say something that you would believe. I had to tell the truth. I’m sorry; sorry for your dreams and sorry for your empire. But I’m not sorry for you, Alex. You will always be Alexander, no matter if you’re king of the world or simply someone living in a tent. Like the tiger. No matter what anyone calls him, he’s still a tiger.’
‘The tiger?’ he said, with a smile. His eyes were full of tears. They hesitated on the edge of his lashes, then spilled down his cheeks. He brushed them away. ‘Perhaps I will come with you,’ he said. ‘If I do, we will both laugh at the Fates as they tangle their threads and scream in frustration.’
‘I hope that’s what will happen,’ I said. ‘There’s always the chance I won’t be able to save you.’
‘Let me think about this. It’s all very strange.’ His voice had almost found its old timbre.
‘While you’re thinking, can I get you something to eat? I’m worried about you. You’re much too thin.’
His mouth twitched. His eyes, the blue and the brown, were perfectly candid. ‘I know what I’d like to have.’
‘Oh? And what’s that?
‘Chiron’s dinner.’ His voice was bland.
I gave a shocked laugh. ‘You can’t be serious?’
‘Why not? I have no appetite and don’t feel like eating anything. The only thing I want is your milk. Will you, please?’ He was serious.
I sighed, took off my tunic and crawled onto the bed next to Alexander. ‘I’m going to wean him soon,’ I warned him.
‘Not until I get better,’ he said as he burrowed his face in my breast.
He fell asleep just like a baby, his mouth still on my breast, his long lashes lying on his cheeks, a faint smile tugging the corners of his mouth. I kissed him tenderly. I had almost told the truth. Nobody knew exactly what he died of, but nearly everyone said it was malaria. It had killed Coenus. If Alexander fell ill, chances were he’d die, no matter what I did.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Further down river was the kingdom of King Musicanus. Alexander was too weak to fight any battles, but his army was strong. Plexis and Perdiccas led the cavalry. King Musicanus fought several half-hearted skirmishes with us, but they were more like jousts with no losses on either side. He sent ambassadors and diplomats to Alexander, and we sent our men. Soon we received an invitation to his court.
Alexander was bored. He couldn’t ride, he’d read the few books we had a hundred times, TV wasn’t invented so he couldn’t watch the sports channel, and I had my hands full with Chiron. I couldn’t tell him stories or cater to him all day.
‘Let nature take its course,’ Usse said each day when Alexander grew impatient.
So Alexander was glad to visit the king, and we sent word saying we would meet him in his court in three days, giving Alexander time to plan for treason.
Nassar, our scribe and translator, was very sceptical. ‘I don’t like the idea of your going to his palace,’ he told me. ‘I’ve heard things on the river.’
‘What things?’ I asked, ‘I mean, besides the songs the soldiers sing as they row, the cries of the vendors paddling around us, the clamour of the people lined up on the river banks, and the complaints of Onesicrite?’
‘Onesicrite is bored because Alexander won’t talk to him for more than five minutes at a time,’ said Nassar with a grin.
‘Well, he should go back to Roxanne’s court, he’ll feel right at home with the chattering monkeys, the screeching parrots, and the shrieking women.’
‘He thinks he’s needed to record Alexander’s journal.’
I sighed. ‘I wish he would fall overboard. Why don’t I like that fellow? He’s never actually done anything bad to me.’
Nassar pursed his lips. ‘Maybe because he’s always complaining, he’s insufferable, asks a thousand questions, and never listens for a single answer?’
‘So, what did you hear on the river?’ I asked.
Nassar frowned. ‘It’s vague, but people say that King Musicanus is in dire danger from his own Brahmins. They are the warrior caste, and they wish to fight Iskander in order to die valiantly. They believe that King Musicanus is taking away their glory by making peace with Iskander. It’s getting tense in the area.’
‘Perhaps you should tell Iskander,’ I said. ‘Shall we go find him?’
‘Onesicrite went below. He must be with your husband.’
‘Honestly,’ I said. ‘We would be stuck with him now. Why did Bulos have to break his hand?’
I was referring to Aristobulus, Alexander’s personal historian, who had followed the army since the beginning. He wrote a neat, concise military journal and didn’t plague us with silly questions. Or complain. We called him ‘Bulos’ because the Greeks loved nicknames, and hardly anyone went by their own name. Nassar’s name was really Nebuchadnezzar. Even Alexander had different names. People called him Iskander, Sikander, Ekeisander, or the ‘King of Heaven and Earth’, if they were feeling poetic.
Onesicrite was feeling poetic. ‘O King of Heaven and Earth,’ he intoned, ‘Will you take this humble servant with you to the marvellous court of King Musicanus so that I may write a full report back to my brother Athenians?’
Alexander raised a tired face to the journalist and frowned. ‘Why not? I’ll let anyone come who really wishes to.’
‘Anyone?’ Onesicrite asked.
‘Why yes, of course.’ Alexander looked over at me and shrugged. ‘Why do you ask?’
‘It’s your lady wife, sire, Queen Roxanne. She wishes to accompany her husband to see the wonders of Indus before we leave this enchanted place.’
I flinched at this wonderful piece of news.
‘Fine,’ he said shortly. ‘Tell her to prepare herself. I will bring her to the court.’
Onesicrite bowed very low, then bowed to me and left with a smirk.
I stopped thinking about how much I’d like to see him fall off the boat. It did no good to dream about things like that. I would have to push him.
I sat down next to Alexander and touched his forehead. It was just a reflex; he was always hot. ‘Would you mind if I came too?’ I asked him.
‘I was already counting on you.’ He sounded surprised.
‘If I come with you, you’re going to have to listen to me,’ I said sternly. ‘You are to be carried in a litter – no riding your horse to the palace. You will drink only what Usse gives you, explaining to King Musicanus that your doctor has prescribed a special diet. You will eat only what can be peeled and eaten, like fresh fruit, or what has been well boiled, like plain rice. You will eat little, drink less, and retire as soon as I look at you like this,’ and I widened my eyes.
‘Yes.’ He sounded suspiciously meek.
‘Yes? That’s all the protesting I’m going to hear?’
‘Who’s protesting? I said “yes”! Don’t tell me you’re not happy with that?’
‘Why the sudden excess of good sense? It’s not like you.’
‘Ha, ha. Very funny. Now that you’ve managed to ruin my first outing in three months, will you please help me up? I’d like to go to the bathroom, then I want to go up on deck to get some fresh air this morning. Where’s Chiron?’
‘On deck with Brazza.’
‘Brazza should have been a father with twelve children,’ said Alexander as I carefully helped him up and walked with him to the chamber pot in the corner of the room.
‘He’s a eunuch,’ I remarked dryly. I helped him sit on the large, earthenware pot. In the back of my mind, I wondered if the pot was in a museum somewhere. Blue and green hippos chased themselves around it.
Alexander frowned. ‘I know he’s a eunuch. I didn’t say he could be a father, I said he should have been. I’m not happy about his being a eunuch, but he never complains and I will not insult him with pity.’
‘It’s a rotten society that castrates its boys,’ I said with feeling.
&
nbsp; ‘Didn’t you tell me stories of women in your time who were mutilated sexually?’ he asked pointedly.
‘I think that’s horrible too,’ I answered.
‘Well, at least Brazza can still have pleasure and make love,’ said Alexander. ‘The women with their genitals mutilated are denied that. It’s cruel and vindictive.’
‘But Brazza can never have children,’ I insisted. I hated arguing with Alexander. He never let me win.
‘In some places that is considered a blessing.’
‘Are you finished?’ I asked. ‘I’ll take you on deck now.’
‘Thank you,’ he said, when I finished straightening him up. His cheeks had a faint flush. I knew he hated being helpless. It had nothing to do with bodily functions. They had stopped bothering me around the time I discovered that they bothered no one. It was considered the same thing as eating food or scratching your lice. It was something you had to do. But Alexander hated being assisted. He was embarrassed not to be able to walk, to ride, or to make love. Usse had been quite firm about it.
‘No, absolutely not,’ he’d said. I slept in a hammock near Alexander’s bed.
The day was lovely. As usual, the river was full of fishing boats and traders. Children ran shouting, waving, and laughing along the river banks. Women washed clothing and hung them to dry. Men ploughed their fields and fished. White egrets and singing birds filled the trees. Blue and red kingfishers swooped down to spear little fish.
Chiron had a toy boat. It was tied to a long string and floated alongside our boat. Chiron was securely tied too. Brazza never let him out of his sight. He was so attached to the little boy that sometimes I thought that they breathed in unison. Chiron adored Brazza. He adored everyone, really. He was a funny child. He had an impish look to him, his eyes were tilted up at the corners and they were bright hazel. The sun had turned his curly hair pale gold. His skin was darker than Alexander’s or mine. He was as tan as a nut. Right now the little nut was trying to crawl, but he’d wound his leash around the mast and was stuck.
Brazza was motioning to him with his hands, telling him to go back the other way and unwind it, but Chiron was determined to go only one way around. He was not crying yet. But his face had taken on that mutinous cast that said, ‘I’m right and you’re wrong and I’m going to do it my way!’
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