Now she could see Shane standing at the foot of the stairs looking up at her. She caught her breath. He was so handsome! The gray formal attire set off his dark good looks and he could have been a prince in this fairy tale setting. Her knees shook as she took the stairs slowly, bringing him ever closer. His deep brown eyes never left her, and if she hadn't known better she would have been sure that they were the eyes of a man looking at the woman he loved.
Mark, also dressed in gray, stepped forward and offered his arm to Janice as she reached the floor. Karen's green eyes held Shane's, and even through her mistiness she could see the open admiration he made no attempt to conceal. When she reached the last step he stopped her for a moment, took her pale face in his hands, and his lips touched hers with a brief tenderness.
She wished she could cling to him, but the moment was gone almost before it began, and he offered her his arm as they followed Mark and Janice into the crowded, flower-banked living room, where the judge waited behind the improvised altar.
The ceremony was short and with surprising suddenness the vows were said, the rings exchanged, and she was in Shane's arms. This time the kiss was mainly for the audience, warm and gentle but with little depth.
She stood in the receiving line for what seemed like hours. Shane introduced her to each of his two hundred guests and her hand hurt from being shaken, her body felt battered from being hugged, and her feet were aching in her new white satin shoes. The bar was doing a great business and the buffet tables were loaded with food. Tables and chairs had been set up all over the house, since the air corning off the ocean was a little nippy for outdoor eating, and the roar of conversation and merriment almost drowned out the orchestra.
At first Shane kept Karen with him as they roamed from table to table accepting toasts and being proper hosts. Except for Karen's wedding gown, they could have been hosting almost any type of party. As the afternoon lengthened into evening Shane got caught up in business discussions and let her wander off alone. She found a seat in the corner of the living room, half hidden by stands of flowers, and collapsed into it. All these people seemed to be having a marvelous time at her wedding—she wondered why she wasn't. She was exhausted, her head ached, and the only person she knew in this mob besides Shane and the servants was Mark, and Mark was avoiding her.
She wished now that she had agreed to the European honeymoon Shane had suggested. At least they would be alone by now even if only on a plane. She'd had the quaint idea that it would be more romantic to stay here in Shane's luxurious home, where they could have privacy and get to know each other. Ha! Shane was as elusive as the fog that so often shrouded the coastline in the evenings and early mornings. Just when she thought she could reach out and grab hold of him he wasn't really there at all.
She'd married a man that she didn't even know—a rich, handsome, generous stranger. Now what was she going to do? In a few hours, when he remembered he'd married her, he would take her upstairs and do his best to get her pregnant. Is that all their wedding night would mean to him? The making of a baby? He knew she was a virgin, but would he remember and be gentle, considerate, or would he think of nothing but his own satisfaction? He'd seldom even kissed her in the past two weeks—maybe he would ignore her tonight, too. Was he having such a good time with his guests that he'd forget his duties as a husband?
Karen jumped to her feet and moved around, trying to outdistance her thoughts. What was the matter with her? She loved Shane, she wanted to go to bed with him, so why did the very thought of his lovemaking make her break out in a cold panic?
She stood in front of the glass wall looking out into the lighted gardens. There were people wandering around out there as well as in the house. Would they never give up and go away? She glanced at her watch. Ten o'clock. Eight hours since she and Shane had repeated their wedding vows. She hadn't seen Shane for several hours, but it did seem as if the crowd was thinning out a little. She'd caught snatches of conversation all evening and knew some of the guests were going on to nightclubs on the peninsula while others would return to the Bay Area.
She leaned wearily against the glass but jumped to attention as a hand on her shoulder startled her. She turned and looked into Shane's smiling face. "I think you've had enough for one day, Mrs. McKittrick." he said. "Besides, I can't wait any longer to have you all to myself."
The look in his eyes told her that he had definitely not forgotten his duties as a husband. Suddenly she didn't want to be alone with him. She felt safe down here among all these people. When he got her upstairs there was no telling what he might demand of her. She looked around and cleared her throat as she said, "But our guests. We can't—"
Shane's hand on her arm was propelling her toward the stairway. "Mark and Janice are taking over as host and hostess. We'll slip quietly away and nobody will miss us."
She gripped the railing as his hand at her waist ushered her up the stairs. She wondered what he would do if she hung back, but she couldn't think of a good excuse and he was capable of picking her up and taking her to his bedroom by force even if she did.
She hadn't been in Shane's bedroom since that night with little Danny, but now she saw that all her things had been transferred from across the hall at some time during the afternoon and the new snowy white sheer nightie and peignoir that Julie had insisted she order as part of her trousseau were laid across the turned-back bed. The lights were low and the soft strains of the music filtered up from below.
Shane took her in his arms and kissed her. She was stiff in his embrace and she turned her head slightly. Shane drew back a little and said, "What's the matter?"
"I—I'd like to take a shower if you don't mind," she stammered.
His fingers under her chin lifted her face and his lips clung to hers. "All right, but don't be long."
She gathered up her nightclothes and rushed into the bathroom, locking the door behind her.
The warm shower helped to relax her as the stinging needles of water brought life back to her tired body. She wished she could stand there forever and let the splashing liquid drive away all her tormenting thoughts, but she couldn't afford to anger Shane. She was completely at his mercy now and she shuddered at the thought of what he might do if she tried to deny him anything.
She dried herself quickly with the big soft bath towel and slipped into the nightie and peignoir. They billowed around her like a cloud, concealing everything from her neck to the soles of her feet as long as she didn't take off the peignoir. The nightie, however, was low-cut and sexy. She brushed out the complicated coiffure and let her hair swirl naturally around her shoulders.
Shane wasn't in the bedroom when she opened the door and relief swept through her. Then she noticed that the French door was partially open and knew he was on the balcony. She headed toward it and saw him in the moonlight, leaning against the wrought-iron railing smoking a cigarette. He must have heard her because he turned and said, "Don't come out here—it's chilly."
He snuffed out his cigarette and came back into the room, his eyes cloudy with desire as he looked at her. He reached out his hand and she involuntarily took a step backward. He quirked one eyebrow and grinned. "Now that you're all fresh and clean I can't very well climb into bed with you till I shower, too, can I?"
She gave him a weak smile and he headed toward the bathroom.
Karen looked at the king-size bed. She'd never seen one quite so big. The sheets and pillow cases were yellow and when she ran her hand across them she found they were satin. Imagine her, Karen Muir, sleeping between satin sheets with a stranger. But she was Karen McKittrick now and Shane was no stranger—he was her husband. Then why did she feel this urgent desire to run, hide, get as far away as possible? Had she made a monstrous mistake?
She crawled in on the far side of the bed without bothering to remove her peignoir. Maybe Shane wouldn't notice. She lay down and pulled the covers around her shoulders. The mattress was soft and shaped itself to her curves, but she couldn't relax.
&n
bsp; The bathroom door opened and she stiffened. It was too late now—there would be no more stalling, no turning back. In a few minutes she would belong to Shane, permanently and irrevocably, whether he wanted her or not!
He was wearing only a towel draped around his hips and he removed it before he got into bed beside her. He turned toward her and took her in his arms. He ran his hand across her shoulder, down her arm, and cupped it around her breast. Her heart was pounding but not with passion— with fear! Did she really want to give herself to this man who could arouse her so easily but whose only purpose in doing so was to get her pregnant—and then to leave her?
He nuzzled her neck and murmured, "Do you always wear so many clothes to bed? Don't you think we could do without four or five layers?"
She swallowed. "I—I didn't want to get cold."
His long fingers were undoing the tiny buttons of the filmy peignoir. "I promise I won't let you be cold. Sit up a minute and slip your arms out of these sleeves."
She sat up and took off the peignoir and Shane pulled her back down and buried his face in the exposed valley between her small firm breasts. It took real effort not to pull away as his lips took liberties that had never been taken with her before. Her hands tightened into fists as he raised his head and smiled.
"Is that nightgown stapled to you or can it be removed?"
Her voice wavered as she replied with a question. "Aren't you going to turn off the light?"
"No, I want to look at you." He was slowly drawing the nightie up around her legs.
She pulled away and snapped. "Please, don't do that! I—I'd rather leave it on."
Shane propped himself up on his elbow and his brown eyes searched her face. "Karen, what's wrong? You're trembling. Are you afraid of me?"
Afraid! How could she tell him she was terrified! Maybe if she did he would leave her alone. The hope died immediately as his hand resumed its exploration. How could she be so stupid? Shane wasn't a boy who could be put off with a promise of "later". He was thirty-two years old and he'd married her for only one reason—to give him a child. He'd have no patience with her if she pleaded for mercy.
She unclenched her fist and put her hand on the mat of dark hair that covered his muscular chest. "No, Shane, I'm not afraid of you." She tried to keep her voice steady. "It's just—well, I've never done this before."
He kissed the pulse at the base of her throat and murmured, "I know, sweetheart. I won't hurt you. Try to relax and let me teach you what a marvelous experience it can be."
She tried. She really wanted to please Shane but the more aggressive he became the more tense she became until he could no longer be patient and her nerves snapped and she began to fight. She pounded him with her fists and cried, "No! No! Leave me alone! I hate you!" and burst into deep, wrenching sobs.
Shane hesitated, then swore viciously as he rolled off the bed, snatched up his robe, and slammed out of the room.
Chapter Six
Karen's pillow was wet with tears when she finally fell asleep from sheer exhaustion shortly before daybreak, but she was awake again at eight with burning eyes and the heavy sluggish feeling of despair. She dragged herself out of bed and into the bathroom, where she washed her face and brushed her teeth. It didn't help and the image that looked back at her from the mirror was drawn and haggard with white cheeks, pale lips, and red bloodshot eyes ringed with puffy deep blue shadows.
How could she ever face Shane? She'd driven him from her bed and now he'd send her away. He was her husband and she loved him, but he had been right—she was too immature to be his wife, the mother of his child. She'd taken everything and given nothing. She hadn't seen him since he stormed out of their room last night, his patience at an end, his disgust unmistakable.
Karen dressed in a skirt and blouse, one of the outfits she'd worn to school last year. It didn't matter anymore if she looked like a little girl— that's what she was—too much of a baby to grow up and act like a wife. She didn't bother to repair her tear-ravaged face; there was nothing she could do to it anyway.
The cleaning crew was busy removing all traces of the wedding and Karen finally found Shane in the den, which had already been cleaned. He looked up from the newspaper he was reading as she opened the door and there wasn't a bit of warmth in his face. His icy glance returned to the paper as she came in and shut the door. He wasn't going to make this easy for her, but she hadn't expected that he would.
She walked over and stood in front of the fire that had been set in the fireplace. She was cold. The damp fog, absent yesterday, was back, but it was a chill deep inside her that caused her to shiver. She hadn't been warm since Shane walked away from her.
Shane rustled his paper and she noticed the silver coffee service on the redwood burl table She poured herself a cup of the strong black liquid, more to have something to do than because she wanted it. She noticed Shane's half-empty cup and asked, "Would you like me to warm your coffee?"
"No." His answer was curt.
She took her cup to the fireplace and sat down on the raised hearth where Shane had sat the night he agreed to make her his wife. What could she say to him? How could she possibly make him understand when she didn't understand herself? She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she said, "Shane, I'm sorry."
He was hidden behind the paper and there was no response. Was he going to shut her out completely? Not even listen?
She drew her knees up under her chin and clasped her hands around her legs. There was still no sound from Shane and the silence was unbearable. If only he would yell at her, swear, hit her—anything but this cold, stony withdrawal.
Maybe if she told him the truth about her feelings for him it would help. There was no reason not to—she'd already lost him. She raised her head and saw that he had put down his paper and was looking at her. For just a second, before he could hide it, she saw the pain that looked out of his dark eyes.
She licked her dry lips and her voice was almost a whisper as she said, "I love you, Shane."
She wasn't prepared for the rage that replaced the indifference on his face. He crushed the newspaper and threw it across the room as he shouted, "You'll go to any lengths for a little financial security won't you? Last night you couldn't bear to have me touch you but now that you've had time to realize that you can easily be replaced you tell me you love me. Well, get your act together, little girl, because it's an amateur production that will never hit the boards, and, please, spare me your lies!"
Karen cringed and her arms tightened around her legs. He didn't believe her! But then why should he? Her actions were more convincing than her words. She'd never make him understand but she had to try. She couldn't bear to have him think she only wanted his money!
She shook her head and said, "It's not like that, Shane. I want to make love with you. I have from the beginning, although I didn't realize it until that afternoon we picnicked in the arbor and slept in each other's arms. If you'd made love to me then, or the night I agreed to marry you, I might have been shy and frightened but I would have come to you eagerly."
He looked at her in amazement as she continued. "It's just that you changed so after we decided to get married."
He was calmer now. "Changed? How did I change?"
"You got all involved in premarital agreements and wedding plans and none of it seemed to have anything to do with me, Karen Muir. I got the feeling that any girl would have done— and it's true, any girl would have. You didn't want me, you wanted a mother for your child!"
Shane opened his mouth to speak but she hurried on. "I know, you told me in the beginning that's all you wanted, but these last two weeks you've just ignored me. I've hardly seen you. You haven't kissed me, or held me. You've seldom even spoken to me except to ask questions concerning our wedding plans."
Once more he tried to speak and again she stopped him. "The wedding was beautiful but it was too big and impersonal. There were hundreds of people and I didn't know any of them. Then we got separated, and b
y the time you came for me it was like going to bed with a stranger. I—I didn't know you anymore."
With a little sob she put her face back down on her knees and sat there, curled tightly into a ball. For several minutes the silence in the room was total. Finally she raised her head slightly and saw Shane slumped back against the couch with his hands over his face. He looked almost as tired as she felt. Was there any way they could salvage this disaster?
He took his hands away from his face and looked at her, his eyes filled with tenderness and remorse. His voice was gentle as he said, "Karen, come here."
She got up obediently and went to him and he pulled her down on the couch and cuddled her close against him. Her heart leaped at his nearness and she sighed with relief. At least he wasn't mad at her anymore! He tipped her white, pinched face up and studied it before he kissed her puffy eyelids and said, "You look awful."
Her finger traced the lines around his mouth and at the corner of his eyes as she answered. "You don't look so good either."
"Did you sleep at all?"
"A little, just before daylight. Did you?"
"No, nor did I deserve to." He brushed her hair back and pressed her head into the hollow of his shoulder. "I've treated you shamefully, little one, though it was never my intention. I wanted to take care of you but I should have adopted you instead of marrying you. You need a father not a husband."
"No, Shane!" She jerked her head up and looked at him. "I'm your wife and I want to stay your wife!"
He kissed her trembling lips lightly and murmured, "We'll see. Right now we're going to catch up on our sleep."
He stood and pulled her up with him. When they got to the door of his room, he turned to her and said, "Don't be afraid, I'm not going to make any demands. I just want you with me. Do you mind?"
She squeezed his hand. "I want to be with you."
They removed their shoes and lay down on the bed fully dressed. Karen turned toward Shane and he took her in his arms and held her, close and warm but without passion. She snuggled against him and he whispered, "Go to sleep, baby, and, please, try not to wiggle!"
Temporary Bride Page 8