by Tegan Maher
Table of Contents
© 2018 Tegan Maher
Author’s Note
Moonshine Valentine
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Note From Tegan
Connect with Me
Books by Tegan
© 2018 Tegan Maher
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this book may be reproduced, in any form, by any means electronic or mechanical, including but not limited to photocopying, recording, or any information storage or retrieval system currently in use or yet to be devised.
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual people, places, or institutions is entirely coincidental.
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Author’s Note
BEFORE YOU START READING a little clarification may be in order because I’ve gotten a few emails wondering about the linguistics and grammar.
First, thank you for giving me your time!
I use local dialect both in dialogue and in narrative. Noelle, Rae, Hunter, and crew are smart and/or educated, but still drop back to default dialect sometimes, as do most of us when we’re in casual situations.
Grammatical errors and use of slang are likely intentional (me and you vs. you and I, we was going vs. we were going etc.) You’ll even find some words that look flat-out made up, unless, of course, you’re from the South. ☺
That being said, typos are never intentional and if I’ve missed any, I apologize!
So please, I ask for a little latitude for the good folks of Keyhole Lake, especially Skeeter, Earl, and Bobbie Sue. I hope you enjoy the book—I’d love to hear what you think!
-Tegan
Moonshine Valentine
IT’S VALENTINE’S DAY, and Noelle has no idea what to get for Hunter. While she’s getting her hair cut and tossing around gift ideas, Coralee’s long-term boyfriend pops in and declares his undying love via a marriage proposal, breaking rule numero uno of their relationship clause.
He’s only the first to fall, though. When the men of Keyhole Lake start acting like lovesick lunatics, Noelle and Rae have to put their heads together to figure out what happened before the whole town goes loopy in love, or someone ends up in jail.
This story falls in between book 4, Murder and Mayhem, and Book 5, Murder and Marinade, in the Witches of Keyhole Lake Mystery Series.
Chapter One
“SO WHAT DID YOU GET Hunter for Valentine’s Day?” Coralee, my hairdresser and the owner of the local beauty parlor/gossip mill, asked as she tilted me back to put my head in the sink.
I’d been fretting about that very issue when I’d made the impromptu stop to get my hair cut. I’d managed to push it to the back of my mind, sort of, but her question brought the stress crashing back. I sighed. “Nothing yet. He already has everything that I would think to buy him. I’m horrible at coming up with good gifts.” Valentine’s Day, Christmas, birthdays ... they gave me hives because I always ended up buying something lame at the last minute because I can’t ever think of anything cool.
True to form, it was Valentine’s Day, and though I’d been agonizing over what to get him for a month, I still didn’t have a clue. It was our first one together and I wanted it to be perfect. Not mushy though, because that just wasn’t us. Unfortunately, that ruled out the easy stuff like froo-froo cards and candy hearts and crap like that.
As Coralee’s fake acrylics massaged my scalp, the worry faded partly away again. It was impossible for me to stay stressed when she was doing that. Way too soon, she finished rinsing my hair and was putting a towel around my head. “Sugar, you better think of somethin’. Today’s the day.”
I huffed out a breath. “You don’t have to tell me. I was hoping inspiration would strike while you were washing my hair, but no such luck. What did you get Buddy?”
She shrugged a shoulder. “We don’t do much of that stuff anymore. Shoot, we been together fifteen years. We figure he’s caught me and I’ve caught him. Besides that, we keep the romance goin’ every day, if you know what I mean.” She grinned and waggled her eyebrows at me in the mirror. “Why, just last night, he took me up to truck pull over in Eagle Gap, then to the Golden Corral afterwards. Nothin’ says I love you like all-you-can-eat steak.”
“Fifteen years.” I shook my head. “What’s the trick to keeping it fresh?”
Belle, the previous owner and resident ghost, popped in before Coralee could answer. “The secret to keepin’ it fresh,” she said, “is to trade ’em in every ten years.”
Coralee scowled at her. “Just because you were married six times doesn’t mean the rest of us have an aversion to a lifetime commitment.” She nudged me on the shoulder. “Ain’t that right, Noelle?”
Before I could reply, Belle humphed. “Says the woman who’s been dating the same man for a decade and a half and still lives in her own house.” She made a show of looking at Coralee’s ring finger. “Either that thing’s bare, or he bought you the world’s tiniest diamond.”
Coralee furrowed her brow and swatted at her mentor, for all the good it did; her hand passed right through her. “You know good and well we decided right up front not to get hitched. He has his place, I have my place, and we both agree it works. ’Sides, most of the time we’re at one house or the other together anyway. Ain’t no need for the state to stick their nose in our bedroom.”
I’d heard that sentiment a hundred times, but it just didn’t feel right to me. “I don’t know.” I said, wrinkling my brow. “I kinda like the idea of settling down with one man, sharing a house and growing old with him. That includes sharing names and finances and, well, everything. Dating is so much work. Besides, it’s hard to find a good man; it’s not like they grow on trees around here.”
Coralee’s scissors were flying around my head, hopefully trimming my unruly red curls into something I wouldn’t need a whip and chair to tame. “Yeah? What happens when you just want some alone time?” She shuddered. “I can’t imagine living with somebody—even Buddy, bless his heart—full time. I’d be battin’ an eye and twitchin’ in less than a week, and he feels the same way.” She shook her head, and I was amazed as always that her huge 80s hairstyle didn’t so much as wobble. The power of Aqua Net. “No siree, Bob. Ain’t happenin’.”
We chatted on for a bit, mostly about possible ideas for Hunter’s gift. They’d throw out a suggestion and I’d discard it just as fast. Too mushy. Already has it. Hates it. Wouldn’t use it. Not original. Of course, I had no doubt I’d end up going with one of the suggestions that fell into the latter category in a last-ditch effort to at least get him something.
Coralee was scrunching my hair in her hands as she blow-dried it when the front door swung open, letting in a draft of chilly air. I blew the hair out of my face to see who it was. Buddy, the very man we’d just been talking about, came rushing through the door, stomping the snow off his beat-up work boots.
“Well hey, Buddy!” I said. “How you been doin’? I haven’t seen you in forever.”
; “Yeah, hey Noelle,” he muttered, but his gaze was glued to Coralee. He rushed over and took the blow dryer from her hands and handed it to me along with his Earnhardt ball cap, then took both of her hands in his, kissed her on the cheek, and dropped to one knee. His eyes were all moony and he was looking at her like she was a brand-new pick-up truck, season Bulldog tickets, and a deluxe pizza from Duck’s—the best pizza place in town—all rolled into one.
Coralee looked just as confused as I felt and Belle hovered beside her, unwilling to miss a single second of whatever was happening.
“Coralee, we’ve been together fifteen years, four months, and sixteen days”—if it weren’t so weird that he knew that, I would have been impressed—“and this has been a long time comin’.” He cleared his throat and scooted a little closer to her. “Will you do me the honor of marryin’ me?”
I thought her eyes were going to pop out of her head, then her face broke out in a grin and she started to laugh. “Lordy,” she said, waving a hand at him. “You almost had me there for a minute. I thought you were serious ...” her words trailed off when she realized he was still on one knee, and hadn’t so much as cracked a smile.
Her expression shifted back and forth between a few emotions, then settled on something between panic and horror. “Oh, no, no, no. For the love of god, Buddy, get up! Have you lost your everlovin’ mind?”
“No, Coralee! For the first time since I met you, I’m in my right mind. You’re beautiful and sexy and you make the best fried catfish I’ve ever tasted. And that little thing you do with your—”
Thank the stars, Coralee slapped her hand over his mouth before he could finish that sentence. There are just some things you don’t want to know about your friends. Or anybody.
“Anyways,” he continued, “I ain’t got no fancy ring, but I can get one. The important part is that you say yes!”
She kept staring at him and blinked a couple times as if the train wreck in front of her would fade away. When it didn’t, and he was still on one knee staring at her all calf-eyed, she swatted him on the shoulder and tried to haul all six feet, four inches of him to a standing position. He allowed her to, and she nudged him backward ’til he plopped down in her second barber’s chair.
I studied his enraptured expression and glazed eyes, then sucked in a breath when I realized what was going on: he’d been hit with a love spell.
Chapter Two
“CORALEE, YOU MAY WANNA close up shop for a bit. You’re gonna have to babysit him awhile.”
“What? Why? I can’t just close up shop. I’ve got a full book this afternoon!” She lowered her brows and glared at Buddy.
“Boy, you sure are purdy when you’re mad, Coralee. Your eyes are all glittery and your cheeks are rosy. You just go ahead and work, and I’ll sit here and drink in your beauty.”
Coralee’s drawn-on brows shot straight up into her hairline. “What the hell’s the matter with him, Noelle?” She waved a hand his direction. “He’s a drooling idiot.”
Sam turned to me. “Ain’t she just an angel when she’s fired up?”
“I’m not fired up, you nimrod. I’m startin’ to wonder if I need to take you to the ER.” She narrowed her eyes and looked at him closer. “Did you hit your head on something? Is that it?”
I took her by the arm and pulled her to the back. “Buddy, wait right here. We’ll be right back.”
“I’ll be countin’ the minutes,” he said dreamily.
I rolled my eyes. Good lord, this was gonna be a whopper to fix. As I pushed through the door to the storage room, Coralee in tow, my phone buzzed with an incoming text. Then another. And another. “Oh, good grief!” I snatched it out of my pocket and swiped the screen to see what the big emergency was. Oddly enough, they were all from Hunter. When I pulled up his messages, I groaned.
He’d made a picture message in little hearts for the letters and flowers for the background that read I ♡ U. That was actually kind of sweet. Annoying because his ringtone was the Doppler Effect with a motorcycle sound, but sweet.
I stuffed it back in my pocket and turned to Coralee. “Buddy’s been hit with some kind of love spell. Where’s he been?”
Whatever she’d been about to say died on her lips. “A love spell?”
“Yeah. Though I have no idea how.” Rumors had floated around town for decades about my family, but only a select few knew for sure we were witches. Coralee was one of them, which was a good thing for us all today because I could work with her rather than around her to fix her overly amorous beau, and do whatever was necessary to keep him occupied until we could figure out how to unflick his love switch.
I peeked out the door to make sure he hadn’t wandered off in search of that big fancy ring and was relieved to see him sitting there, though the longing look on his face as he tried to look past me for a glimpse of Coralee wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for.
Coralee grabbed my arm. “What are we gonna do?” she hissed. “He ain’t gonna be like that forever is he? I mean ... we have an agreement!”
Shifting my weight, I tried to loosen her grip on my arms; those fake nails hurt. “You know as much as I do right now,” I said, rubbing away the half-moon imprints she’d left in my hide. “I was sitting here same as you when he came in that way. What was he supposed to do this morning?”
She shrugged. “No idea. I mean, I know he was goin’ out to Sam McCauley’s to work on that airboat they’ve been buildin’. Can’t imagine he coulda gotten into anything there.”
I sighed. “I was hoping you were going to say he was at least within sight of a woman who may have her sights set on him, but that would have been too easy, I reckon. The only way we’re gonna find out is to ask him. Let’s go. And we should probably get Raeann here, too. She’s the herbalist in the family and knows a whole lot more than I do about potions. Unless I miss my guess, that’s what we’re dealing with.”
She pushed back into the front of the store and Buddy grinned at her like a love-struck teenager while I sent Rae a 911 text. She was at her coffee shop, Brew4U, which was just down the street. I’d barely read her return text before she rushed through the front door, huffing a little. Neither one of us is fat, but that’s due to high-ish metabolisms rather than regular exercise.
“Where is he? I gotta see this!” She pushed past me and went straight to Buddy, sliding to a halt when she saw the burly equipment operator holding his heart and grinning like a dope.
“Oh lordy. He’s got it bad.” She puckered her lips and put her hand on her chin, her expression clinical. “He’s not sweating and his complexion’s good. No frothing at the mouth. He’s not been poisoned.”
“Course I ain’t been poisoned,” he said as if it we were being ridiculous. “What’s all the hullabaloo? I just came to beg the most wonderful girl on the planet to be my wife. It is Valentine’s Day, ya know.”
Coralee frowned, but concern was etched on her face now, too. “That’s real sweet, Buddy. Just let Raeann take a closer gander at ya. There’s a bug goin’ around.”
Rae stepped closer. “I just need to check a couple things, Buddy. That okay?”
He shrugged. “Sure, I reckon. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with me though.”
She put her head on his forehead and her thumb on his eyebrow, lifting his lid a little, then checked the bottom lid, too. “Eyes are dilated, but the tissue’s nice and pink. His skin’s a little warm.”
Buddy was starting to fidget. “What’s this all about? Is somebody gonna watch the shop so we can go pack and head to Vegas? I don’t wanna wait another minute.”
Coralee shifted her weight and made a point to look anywhere but at him.
“Buddy,” I asked, “where have you been today? What have you had to eat and drink?”
“Why?” he asked.
“Just humor me.”
“I had the lumberjack breakfast and coffee out at the diner, then grabbed a couple power drinks and headed out to Sam’s to help with the boat. On the way, I reali
zed what I needed to do, and made my excuses to Sam. He didn’t seem too disappointed though; he was concentratin’ on Callie.”
“That’s it? Who did you talk to?” He had to have gotten into it somewhere, and I knew for a fact Ray and Jeanie, the owners of the Starlite diner, were working that morning. That meant nobody had touched that food besides people who were trustworthy beyond a shadow of a doubt.
He shook his head. “I talked to Ray for a spell, then the guys and I shot the breeze outside the diner, but that’s it. Oh, and Lorraine was working at the QuikStop where I bought the drinks.”
Lorraine, huh? She was single and about his age.
Before I could say anything else, my phone chimed with another incoming text from Hunter. I couldn’t think of anything else to say anyway, so I glanced at Raeann and pulled my phone from my pocket. He’d sent five of those little heart-eyed emojis, a middle-school-style poem and a message.
H: Roses are red, violets are blue, if love was a sickness, I’d have a fever for you. I stopped and picked you some flowers and am on my way. Can’t wait to see you.
Then, not ten seconds later, he blew my phone up with three more messages that combined to make a picture. This time, it was of a heart made, again, out of emojis. The heart itself was made of red hearts and the background was made of pink ones.
I rolled my eyes, then did a double-take. He never sent gooey tripe like that, and he wasn’t a wild-flower-picking kind of guy. I could count how many times he’d sent emojis on one hand and have fingers left. My palms started to sweat and my heartrate doubled. “Buddy, did you see Hunter this morning?”
“Yeah, at the diner. So what? Listen, is somebody gonna watch this place so me and Coralee can go get hitched or not?”
“No,” she snapped. “They’re not. Not today, not tomorrow, not when kingdom comes. Not ever. We ain’t getting hitched, so you may as well get that through your thick skull now.” She slammed her hands across her chest and scowled at him.