Opening the door, I wave in her mate, who puts an arm around Cora. His lips brush the base of her marked neck before pulling way, smiling. A small curl of jealousy licks at my mind before I shove that thought away.
“So it should be very soon. Have you thought where you want to deliver, home or here?”
“Here. I think I would be more comfortable here,” she says, her mate holding her hand in support.
“Perfect, I’ll have everything ready for you. Just think, within the next few days, you will be holding your female.” This time my smile reaches my eyes. There’s nothing better than ushering new life into the world. I love what I do.
Her hands go to her belly again, rubbing it.
This is a new transition for the pack females, having a new midwife taking over. The first thing I need to build is trust…with all the females.
“I’m excited for you, Cora. This is going to be so wonderful. Trust me to help you through this.” Helping her off the table, I give her a hug, putting my cheek against hers. I swallow down all those painful memories to give new, better memories a chance to be made.
The morning is spent filing and organizing how I want things to be. The birth room is ready; I run through the supplies to be sure that I have everything. I look through all the files of the females I know. The midwife has information on all the female wolves of the pack. Her handwriting is legible in its own scratchy way.
The next pregnant female comes to see me, repeating the process. She leaves me with a smile on my face once she is gone. Two births in the next week should keep me busy for a few weeks with all the teaching that is needed with these new mothers-to-be.
It’s surreal to think that I will be helping the females who turned their backs on me in my youth. I wonder if they feel any regret now, or do they even realize what an impact they have had on my life?
The call comes in the deep of night, when all things are still and sleeping, except for a pup that needs to give birth to a new mother.
I make it there before them, turning on the lights. Dallas strolls in with tired eyes. He has dark blue scrub bottoms on with a matching top; my outfit is the same. My hair is tied away from my face.
“Coffee?” he questions.
“No, I’m fine. Thank you.”
“I’ll let you lead this. If you need my help, just ask. Otherwise, you’re on your own. I’m just an observer, okay, Rya?”
“All right.”
Cora enters, walking slowly, stopping for a minute while a contraction rolls through her. She grits her teeth, holding her breath in.
“Cora, breathe out. Let your breath out. Don’t hold it in.” Her mate supports her body with his. He looks more frightened than her.
“Let’s get you into a gown and check you out.” The contraction ends.
She doesn’t get far when the next heavy contraction makes her abdomen hard and taut. She’s shaking with the force. A muffled cry goes up to the moon in agony. He tries to make her walk forward.
“Stop touching me!” she hisses at him. Her mate looks hurt with the cutting words.
Getting her undressed and into the birthing bed is a monumental task. She is not laboring well; her groans and grunts are turning into screams and pleas for help. She’s begging the moon to help her. I smile to myself. All females have different thresholds of pain; obviously, this one has no threshold.
My job is to support her, to help guide her through this.
The hours roll by. Dallas is on his laptop doing work. He’s really not paying any attention to the birth, letting me head this ship. The male in the room eyes him every so often, growls, and steps his way.
“If you can’t behave, you need to leave.” My voice is very stern with her mate. He needs to control himself. I look at Dallas; he seems like he could take care of himself in a fight. He looks like he trains every day, even though he’s a doctor.
Dallas pays no mind to the male that’s posturing his unhappiness that another male is in the room with his mate at such a vulnerable time.
Cora’s head swings from side to side, tears streaming down her face, her breathing coming out ragged.
“Not another one!” she cries out, holding my hand.
“Breathe with me, Cora. Breathe in and a long breath out. We’re almost there, not much longer. This won’t last. Breathe in and a long breath out. Good job, you’re doing so well.” Her eyes meet mine, sweat saturating the sheets.
“I’m going to check you again, okay?” She’s starting to crown. It’s time to push.
“The next contraction, we need to start pushing her out, okay?” The bed is shifted into a sitting position, rails going up to help her bear down and push the pup out.
Eyes closed, she tenses up with the oncoming contraction.
“Breathe, Cora. Big breath in, that’s it. Now push down. That’s it, push her out.” Her face is red, the vein in her face popping out with the exertion.
Her mate has her hand, rubbing her shoulder, encouraging her to push. Kissing her cheek.
For the next thirty minutes, this female pushes with all her strength.
With the sunrise, a pup slips out of its mother’s nest. The tiny first cry of the newborn brings smiles to all our faces. The mother no longer hurts my ears with her screams. Her mate beams proudly as a new father does.
He gets to cut the cord, then hands the infant off to Dallas to look over. She delivers the placenta, and I inspect her to make sure she didn’t suffer any damage from the birth. She looks good; she should heal up quickly.
Covering her with a light blanket, I walk toward Dallas, who is writing down weight and length in this female’s chart.
“Good job, Rya.” He steps aside for me to clean the pup. Swaddling the young in a blanket, I then bring her to her mother, whose open arms are waiting.
These next twenty-four hours are busy: the health teaching on how to breastfeed properly, how to change a diaper, how to clean the tiny pup. Making sure Mom is doing well, no more bleeding. Once I think they’ve gotten the hang of it, I let the male take his mate and newborn home. I’ll see them every day for the next week, just to make sure both mother and pup are doing well.
Friday has me knocking on Cora’s door for my routine visit. Kennedy is the one who opens the door, holding the young pup in her arms. Not looking directly at her, I keep my head down slightly. It’s easier for me this way. I don’t want to look at someone I’m jealous of.
Sitting on the couch next to Cora is the Luna. I can do this. I need to just start getting used to this. They will always visit new mothers. This is just how it is.
“Good afternoon, Luna Catherine, Kennedy.” I nod in both of their directions, and my voice doesn’t crack. It stays solid and comfortable, even to my ears.
“Cora, I brought you some chicken soup and bread.” This helps a female in the first week, not having to make food. It’s good on their stomachs to not have anything too heavy to digest.
“Thank you, Rya. Your soups are so good.” Cora gets up off the couch, pressing her cheek to mine in greeting.
“How are you feeling?”
“Good. I feel so much better.”
“How’s the breastfeeding going? Any issues?”
“No, I think I’m getting the hang of it.” I assess this female in front of me for any hidden lies. She just has very tired eyes that stare back, but nothing else.
“Well, I’ll just weigh her and let you get on with your day.”
I put my bag on the table and take out the weight. Kennedy hands me the female. I have to try not to shake, because all I can smell is him. He’s all over her. A quick glance at her neck and it’s all red and irritated. It looks as if it hurts. Males, they love to bite.
I have to get used to this, just another hurdle to get over.
“Rya, how are you? Do you have everything you need at the clinic?” The Luna’s now standing beside me with gentle eyes. I look away, concentrating on stripping the female pup from her clothes and diaper.
“Yes, thank you.” Weighing the infant, I write the information down in my notebook. I wrap her back up nice and warm. I give her a little smell. I love the scent of newborns.
“Cora, she’s doing perfectly fine. Dr. Valentine wants you to bring her in next week. I’ll be done with the both of you unless you need me for anything. Just call.”
“Rya, thank you so much for everything. I don’t know what I would have done without you. Thank you.” She’s the one who wraps her arms around me with tears in her eyes in gratitude.
“You did all the work. I just helped guide Mother Nature along. I mean it. Call if you need anything.”
“Goodbye, Luna, Kennedy.” Bowing slightly in a show of respect, I ease out of the house that holds his scent.
My legs are shaking so bad that I almost have a hard time walking away. Why does this have to be so hard? I’m trying to compose myself when the door opens again. It’s the Luna.
She closes the door behind her, making her way to me. I’m trying with everything I have to control my emotions.
Turning my back on her, I close my eyes, focusing on breathing. I just can’t control myself at the moment.
“Rya.”
“Yes, Luna.” I stop walking with my back to her, hands squeezing the material of my bag, waiting for what she has to say.
“I just needed to say good job. Dr. Valentine said that you’re a natural, that you have been moon-blessed with your gift.” Dallas is just trying to smooth all the females’ fur down, placing his trust in me.
“Thank you, Luna.” I can’t turn around to meet her eyes. My voice is so shaky, it cracks with emotion.
“Rya, if you ever need to talk—”
“No, I’m fine, Luna Catherine. Sometimes I just have a moment, but I’m fine. Thank you for your concern.”
“Cathy, are you ready to go?” Kennedy asks. I say no more, walking in the opposite direction from where they are going.
“Rya, barbecue on Sunday. I expect you there,” she commands. I don’t acknowledge the invitation. Instead, I just keep walking without turning back.
Making my way back to the cottage is a half hour walk, but the breeze feels good in the heat of the day. I left my windows and door open to try and rid the house of the old wolf’s scent that still lingers in some corners.
She died over a month ago. It feels weird to occupy something that belonged to another for so long.
She planted a garden in the spring that’s been overrun with weeds. My goal is to return it to the way she intended it to be, a harvest of nature.
The soil is rich and black; it clings underneath my nails. Pulling weeds is no joke. It’s tedious, and my back hurts from being bent over for so long.
Slowly, this garden is taking shape. Already there is an abundant yield. I can give away so much, canning the rest. I’m excited about this prospect.
All the work this represents will keep my mind busy so it doesn’t float to things that can’t be changed.
Chapter Four
Sunday
A nervous feeling bubbles in my stomach at the thought of actually seeing him again. Sitting once again in my car, I give myself a stern talking to. My parents will be there; my sisters will be there. I will not embarrass the people I love again. It was so much easier out of sight, out of mind.
Opening the car door, I end up closing it again. Every time I open it, all I can smell is him. It’s a drowning feeling, and I am unable to catch my breath. My eyes fill with water. It’s such a struggle not to break down.
Why me? Why can’t I just feel numb to him? Why does he affect me so much? How do I not affect him? How can he fight this so easily? I pound on the steering wheel. I feel as if someone is pushing on my chest. The pressure gets heavier and heavier until I really start to feel lightheaded.
With my head down, I just sit there, unable to really find the motivation to move. Knuckles tapping on the window draw my eyes up. Dallas is looking at me, our eyes meet, and he doesn’t look away. Opening the door for me to get out, he still holds my gaze.
“I just need a minute, Dallas.” I try to close the door again, and he stops me from doing that.
“I’ve been watching you for the last hour in your car, talking to yourself. I think you were even answering back.” He opens the door wider for me to get out.
“I’m sorry, this is so silly.” I still can’t get out of the car.
“I don’t think it is. I think it’s really sad for you. I think that you are the strongest person I know.” His hand reaches for mine, the one that is still clenching the steering wheel.
“I don’t feel strong,” I whisper, barely audible, even to my ears.
“You are.” He lets me sit a moment more before he pulls me out.
“All right, I’m ready. I have some stuff for the pack in the trunk. Can you help me carry it in?” I step away from him.
“Sure.” Opening the trunk of the car, I have boxes of veggies from the garden. All fresh without the smell of pesticides, sun-ripened…so healthy.
Carrying the boxes of produce in front of me, I try to have the cardboard act as a shield from his stare. It doesn’t work; I feel it instantly as soon as Dallas and I round the corner of the house into the backyard. I don’t even have to look to see where he’s at. My body just knows. My soul is trying to touch his. It’s as if it’s leaning out a window with its arms out, fingertips stretched completely straight, trying to get closer to him.
I turn my body away from his, and my bare arm brushes against the doctor’s skin. We both look down at the spot where our flesh touched, aware of the contact we just made.
“Sorry about that,” I say, taking a step away from him.
“No, that’s okay. Let’s put these down and maybe get us both a drink?” His voice is gentle, yet at the same time he gives me direction on what to do next.
“Good idea.” My back burns with his eyes against my skin.
I put them on a table with a sign that says please take. The wolves should love this, especially the ones who don’t have a garden. Nothing like fresh veggies.
The wind lifts the hem of my skirt slightly, exposing my bare thighs. I can see Dallas out of the corner of my eyes, looking at me. He doesn’t linger for too long.
“I brought some beer. Would you like one?” He’s going to a cooler, opening it up.
“Are you sure? If you have enough, I would like one.”
“I have more than enough for you.” He hands the open bottle to me, and I take the first drink. The liquid is cold against my throat.
“Thanks.” With my back to my mate, I take in the gathering. The whole pack is out enjoying themselves, laughing and carrying on, the adults playing bean bag toss, lawn darts. There is a game of volleyball to the side in a pit of sand that replaced grass; it looks very official.
“Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?” Now, this is extremely embarrassing.
“I can’t eat until everyone else does. I can’t even sit with the pack.” I look at a solitary table slightly away from the main group…my place.
“What are you talking about?” That’s the loudest I have ever heard his voice go.
“When I was punished, I had to eat last, and I couldn’t eat with the pack anymore. I’m still last.”
“Come with me, now.” He walks us toward the Alpha and Luna while I start to backpedal. He’s muttering something under his breath that I can’t make out.
“Rya, how are you?” Luna Catherine and the Alpha call out. My head instantly goes down, my breath coming out a little harsher.
“Good, thank you for asking.” I just give them the generic line everyone gets.
“How’s she doing at the clinic?” the Alpha asks Dr. Valentine.
“She’s fitting in really well with the team. She’s an extremely wonderful asset to the pack, and we are all very lucky to have someone like her.” The gentle pressure of fingertips touch my lower back; this is the first time I have ever been touched there by a male. I cring
e slightly. He withdraws his hand, letting it rest at his side. Warm molten lava slowly slides down from the tip of my head, caressing my shoulders; heat burns so pleasurably into my hips that I have to stifle a moan. My ass heats up, the exposed skin of my thighs tingling with his stare. I have to catch myself; my head wants to roll back, and my legs become liquid jelly.
“Good, glad to hear that.” I don’t even look at the Alpha when he’s talking, preferring to just keep silent. It’s just better not to talk. I wonder if my cheeks are flushed.
“Rya, you look very pretty.” I still don’t meet their eyes.
“Thank you, Luna Catherine.” I don’t say anything else.
“I just have one question. Why is Rya eating last? Why is she not allowed to sit with her own family?” The doc is seething mad, shaking inside his skin.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Dr. Valentine.”
“Rya was just telling me that she has to eat last!” Wolves turn their gazes our way with the doc’s raised voice.
“Rya, what’s he talking about?” I can hear the confusion in the Alpha’s voice.
“You never removed your punishment from me,” I say quietly.
“What are you talking about?” Luna Catherine’s voice questions her mate, not in a nice way.
“He never removed my punishment.”
“Rya, that was years ago. I only meant that to be a week.”
Now it’s my turn to gasp.
“A week. You meant it to last just a week? You never told me that. All those years of eating last, not being able to eat with my family at pack functions. You just forgot to tell me that my punishment was done?”
“Unbelievable,” Dallas hisses out.
“Rya, I am so sorry. I thought I told you.” He takes my hand in his, getting on his knees in front of the entire eyes of the pack. “I thought I told you. I thought…Please forgive me. It was a mistake.” I can see the top of his head as he bows to me.
“I can’t believe you did that to this poor female. How could you have forgotten to take her off of punishment?” The Luna’s face is inflamed with her fury. I can see canines descending in her rage.
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