“Please, if you ever feel that way, come to me.” I nod my head at him, not trusting my voice at the moment.
“Look at me. He’s not worth it.”
“I know.” His eyes hold mine for a moment, assessing me for the truth.
“I would never do anything like that, really. I’ve got my work now that I love. I’ve got my family. They have already been through enough.”
“You should talk with Aurora. She’s really good. I talk with her myself at times.” He doesn’t hide the fact that he needs someone to help him.
“I just started to. I think it’s going to be good for me.”
“It will, trust me.” I still have his forearm in my hand. I can feel the heat his skin is giving off. His hand goes over mine with a little squeeze before he pulls himself away from my grasp. Putting his glasses back on, he stands, holding his hand out for me to take.
My chest almost brushes against him as he helps me stand. I can sense a shiver go through him. His eyes are hidden by his glasses. “We should go.” That’s all he says as he turns around, heading toward the canoe.
“So I invited some friends over. They should be there when we get back, if you don’t mind. I thought, maybe, have a little get together, nothing formal. A bonfire, get the guitars out, some singing to the moon. Would you be interested in staying?”
“Yes, I would love to.” Now it’s my turn to smile. I feel slightly giddy; I always wanted to sit by a fire and listen to music.
The midday gets pushed to afternoon, and several wolves are here. The party becomes bigger and bigger with new additions coming every few minutes. This is so nice, I think, sipping on a drink.
“You’re smiling. Are you having a good time?” Dallas has taken a break from hosting to talk with me.
“Actually, I am. This is the first time I have ever been to a party that wasn’t a big pack get together. This is exactly how I pictured it would be. Thank you for the invite.”
“First time at a party! That’s really sad in a way, but at the same time I’m happy I could provide you with a first.” He bows slightly to me. I bow back, taking another sip from the plastic cup.
“Rya!” Cora, with her young in her arms, waves to me.
“Hi, Cora. How are you?” She comes to stand with us.
“Dr. Valentine, thank you for inviting us out. I just love it here.” She’s looking out at the lake, taking in the beauty of the water.
“I made some burgers. I put them in your fridge. I couldn’t find you.” She eyes us but looks back to the lake.
“Thanks for doing that, but I told you just bring yourselves. I had everything taken care of.”
She walks toward a shade tree. “I couldn’t come empty handed. That’s rude.” Dropping the diaper bag on the grass, she’s trying to spread out a blanket with one hand.
“Here, let me help you.” Taking the blanket, I spread it out for her. The leaves of the big maple tree provides shelter from the burning sun on the delicate skin of the newborn.
She sits down cross-legged, putting her infant in her lap. She’s sleeping contentedly, no idea she’s at a party. We are sharing something in this minute, the baby and I, our first lake party.
“Well, I better get back to hosting. If you females need anything, just ask. I’m at your beck and call.” He retreats back on the deck, where most of the crowd has gathered. Everyone is drinking their drinks, music is up, and voices are loud. Laughter, lots of laughing is going on. Some wolves are in the water, splashing around or using the toys that Dallas has spread out on the shore.
“This is so nice. I love it when Dr. Valentine throws these parties.” She’s scanning the crowd, looking at everyone here, then back to the lake.
“Maybe one day I might get a place out here.” She has a longing in her voice, a want for a future she can picture in her mind.
Her mate comes to lay down beside her, kissing his little female’s head, then his mate’s neck. Taking in her scent, my stomach clenches slightly at my want for the future that can’t happen.
“Hi, Rya,” her male calls out.
“Hello, Mark, how are you?”
“Good.” He really doesn’t pay me any mind; his concentration is all in front of him. I watch as Cora’s fingers play in his hair.
“Well, I should go. If you two want to go in the water or canoe, I could watch her for you, if you want.”
Cora gets a giant smile on her face. “Really? That would be great! I’ll take you up on that offer, thanks.”
“No problem.” Turning from them, I watch as Dallas lights the fire in the pit at the lake’s edge. The music is turned up; the wolves are in a party mood.
More and more wolves are showing up, and deep afternoon sets in, yet the wall of heat doesn’t leave. Even in shorts and a tank top, my neck is sticky with sweat, fly away hairs sticking to my face.
The smell of barbecue wraps around the grounds, drifting hungrily in the air.
Dallas is entertaining the gathered, weaving in and out of the crowd. He’s very social. In a way, I envy how easy it is for him to mingle.
Most of the females are in their bikinis in half stages of dryness. The lake is filling with people using it for their enjoyment. I contemplate taking off my clothes to take advantage of the cool water. Dallas is shirtless now, toned and tight. The clothes he wears at the office do not do justice to that male wolf.
Some of the lawn chairs are starting to make it to the fire pit. Guitars are starting to come out, being tuned slightly before variations of songs start to play out. I can’t help but take it all in. Dallas comes over, holding a plate of food.
“Here, I brought you a plate. You haven’t eaten yet.” A variety of food, all in small portions, are spread neatly, nothing touching. He must not like his food touching.
“Thanks, I was going to make myself something soon. I was just waiting for everyone else to get something.”
“You don’t have to be last anymore. You should be eating first.” He hands me the plate as well as the drink in his hand. It’s homemade lemonade spiked with vodka, filled to the top with ice. In this heat, it won’t take long for the ice to completely melt.
“Thanks, Dallas.”
“Rya, are you still willing to watch her for us? We won’t be long. I just fed her, and she should be out for a while,” Cora says. She’s dressed in a bikini, looking hopeful that I will say yes.
“Sure, you guys go. Take your time. I’ll watch her.” The little female is wrapped up in a blanket, laying on the blanket. Putting my plate and drink down, I cross my legs so she fits securely on my lap. I watch as they run toward the canoes. He grabs onto her ass, giving it a squeeze before her hand slaps his away. They’re laughing together. I want that.
Taking a sip of my drink, I lean against the tree trunk. It’s scratchy against my back. The little one is nestled against me, sleeping her day away. I feel him before I smell him. Hot eyes on me, caressing my skin with his stare. Putting my drink down so I don’t drop it, I take in some calming breaths before I look his way.
What I see is him and Kennedy. She has her hand tracing his hipbone as she smiles at everyone. She waves happily to her friends. I want to pull my eyes away from the sight, but I can’t.
I’m looking on hungrily, wanting to bite into their love. Her fingertips now trace the back of his neck. I look at her neck; it’s no longer red or inflamed. It looks exactly like mine, unmarked.
He just stares at me. The tiny female in my lap wiggles for just a moment before settling back into dreams. I feel everywhere his eyes roam. Every single inch of skin he’s looking at. I meet his eyes, then look away. His gaze falls off my body; the coolness that creeps in from the warmth I felt makes a shiver go through me. I look toward the lake. They are way out there, with no hope of them coming back soon. I prepare myself mentally. I need to get through this. I need to just start being able to be around them. I can’t live my life hiding in fear that I bump into them. They are the future leaders of this pack, an
d it’s inevitable that we will mingle together every now and then.
“I never invited them. Do you want me to ask them to leave?” Dallas is standing to the side of me, looking enraged. His face is red, and the veins in his arms are dilating, filling with blood.
“No, it’s okay. I need to get used to this. Really, it’s okay.” Taking another sip of my drink, I don’t think I can eat anymore, but maybe I can drink.
Dallas turns, walking toward them. Kennedy smiles at him, her bikini top overflowing with her female assets. I look down at my chest; it’s just adequate compared to hers. She’s tanned, toned, her nails a light pink, matching her lipstick. How one female can be so utterly beautiful is beyond me. Her face drops slightly while Dallas has a soft conversation with them, both nodding their heads his way.
Dallas walks away, then turns back around for a few more words. I see a twitch in Clayton’s jaw, his lips tight. Kennedy has her hand still on his hip, thumb feeling flesh that belongs to me.
Some of the mated females make their way over to me, sitting down on the blanket, their backs turned toward the party looking at the lake. It’s as if they are making a living wall of flesh to shelter me from the view of Clayton and Kennedy. Their voices are drowning out all the other voices in the crowd. Talking about nothing really, just trivial conversation to make noise.
I really don’t know what to stay to these females who shunned me so badly in high school. It’s like trying to swallow down bitterness. My smile is just not right. They are trying to be nice to me; I just can’t forget what they have done to me.
“Rya, we need to say that we’re sorry for the way we treated you. We never really knew what you had to go through until we found our mates. We want you to know that we’re ashamed for what we put you through, and we’re ashamed for what they are putting you through,” one of the more vocal females of the group says. They give a disgusted look Kennedy’s way; it’s how I wish I could look at her, at them…but I don’t.
“It’s all right, we were all young. It’s in the past, and I have moved on with my life. I can’t say it’s not difficult, because it is, but I’m going to be just fine. I have my work now, and I love what I’m doing.” The half-truth spills out of my mouth for these females to drink up greedily.
All their shoulders relax with my words. I forgive them their youthful mistakes; I won’t forget, but I can maybe forgive them. My resolve is switching back and forth, forgiveness or bitterness, a choice to make.
A hand goes on my shoulder, a hand on my leg, a hand on my other shoulder, light squeezes. A nuzzle to my cheek, they all take turns brushing against me slightly…the skin on skin contact that I have never had with a group of females before. It’s slightly overwhelming, the acceptance they are showing me as if I’m part of the pack, a part of them.
His presence is getting closer. It’s just a feeling, a sixth sense that I can feel without having to look at him. As they pass by us, he keeps his face staring straight ahead. Her fingers are in the band of his shorts, dipping down slightly.
Kennedy smiles toward us. “Hello, ladies,” she says as she passes by. No words are returned her way. Her smile falters for just a second before she looks straight ahead at the lake without another word, passing the rest of the way in silence.
I watch them get into a paddle boat. They start making their way toward the little island that I was at earlier. I wonder if they are going to make love in the deep moss. I just can’t help the picture my mind conjures.
Once they are far enough away on the lake, the females start getting up, walking away from me toward their own mates. They must be so thankful at this moment for what they have.
I’m glad when Cora finally gets back, relieving me of my babysitting duties.
“Thanks, Rya.” She looks so beautiful at the moment, her hair still wet from a swim. I can smell love on her skin.
“No problem. If you ever need to get out, I can always watch her if I’m not busy.” I press a small little kiss to the pup’s forehead before handing her back to her mother. Walking away, I catch Dallas staring before he quickly looks away.
I refill my drink from the pitcher that sits on the table in the shade. The ice cubes are almost melted.
They still aren’t back yet. The light is fading in the sky, and the fire lighting the beach area up. Guitar music is playing, and wolves are swaying in their chairs. Dallas has his guitar in his hands as he motions for me to come and sit at the fire. I take an empty seat just a few seats down from him. Noticing the way the fireflies start to flicker on and off, I try to predict when I might see where they might pop out next.
Rhythmic pedaling getting closer to the shore alerts me to steel my nerves for their approach. Putting my hands underneath my thighs, I hold myself down. The blue base is just above the water. She gets out, dressed only in her wet bikini and slightly damp hair. I avoid looking at him in fear that he can feel my gaze on his body. They take a seat at the fire with all of us.
“Clay, did you bring your guitar?” one of the wolves questions him.
“No.” That’s all he says, his gaze on my body again. I try to angle away from him.
It takes everything I have not to look at them. Instead, I watch Dallas start to strum his guitar. He smiles softly at me. Fingers running along the steel strands, mournful music coming out the wooden belly. He makes the guitar sing. I just can’t help but be hypnotized by the poetry. Firelight dances in his eyes. It’s a moment we’re sharing before a very low growl tumbles into the night. The music of the guitars barely covers it up.
“I should go. Thanks for today, Dallas. I appreciate it so much. You have no idea.” Giving everyone at the fire a little wave goodbye, I turn, walking away.
“Wait, I’ll walk you to your car.” We stroll side by side in silence until we reach the car.
“Really, Dallas, thank you for today. It’s the most fun I’ve had in a really long time.” He steps slightly closer to me as I fumble with my keys.
“Anytime. You’re welcome here anytime.” He’s not looking away this time. He’s holding his ground. A fingertip touches the side of my face. It slides against my jawline. I lean into it slightly, and his other hand goes on the curve of my hip, pulling me toward him. Our bodies are flush; everything is touching. Slowly, he inches closer to me, giving me time to pull away if I want to. His lips are so close to mine, so close, before I pull away from him. Feeling heat against my back, I can feel him watching this moment, this first moment I almost had.
“That was…I’m sorry, Rya.” His hand runs over his shaved head.
“I have to go.” I’m flustered, red-faced, breathing hard, heart hammering in my chest.
“That was stupid of me.”
“It’s okay. I need to go.” I close the door. I need to leave now.
He’s looking down at the ground, upset with himself. All I can feel are eyes burning into me as I drive away. They don’t leave me, not until I’m far away from his sight.
Chapter Eight
Imposters
Summer is now falling into autumn. I like how my dad’s in his flannel shirt, a rake in his hand, burning the dry leaves in my fire pit by the lake that he helped me build. White smoke curls around in the wind, shrouding the nearby woods with its opaque veil.
My mother helps with all the canning, collecting the harvest that another wolf left in the earth for me to reap in mason jars that line my counter, all warm and cooling. Such a bounty, I think. Mother Nature has so much to offer as I drink my warm pumpkin tea. That old wolf’s smell is almost gone from my home, just the faintest trace that she was ever here before me. I just like the thought of something just belonging to me.
A kiss to my shoulder has me smiling at my mother. She presses her cheek to my face, smelling me into her before pulling away.
“Thanks again, Mom, for helping me. I appreciate it so much. I couldn’t have done it myself.” So much work, it took all afternoon yesterday just to pick and wash all the tomatoes.
&
nbsp; “I think that I’m enjoying it more than you, Rya.” My whole family is becoming closer, healing slowly from the poison that so ruined us.
“Dad, you should start the barbecue. They should be here soon.” My sisters and their mates are coming to celebrate my birthday. This will be my first family dinner at my home.
I clean up the kitchen, making sure that everything is tidy, and put out some wine like grownups do. We are all grown wolves now.
Throughout the day, I can feel eyes on me. I can feel him watching me with my family at times then leaving, coming back…I can’t smell him, the wind is the wrong direction, but I can feel him. The hair on my arms stand on end at times.
I don’t acknowledge his eyes, refusing to let him know that I feel him on me.
My older sister arrives with her mate, a homemade birthday cake in her hands, vanilla with cherry chip icing.
My middle sister arrives next with bags of presents that her mate carries in his hands. All greet me with cheek pressed against cheek. Their smells mingle with the steaks that are now grilling.
They all take places at my table, filling it with their smiling faces, pouring wine into the glasses. Everyone is in good spirits. I can’t stop the happiness from pouring out of me. I wonder if they can smell it.
The old wooden table holds the summer bounty full of grilled vegetables my garden provided.
As we take our seats, I hear a car pull into my driveway, footsteps crushing on the gravel, getting closer, then gradually getting further away, as if someone changed their minds. Getting up, I go to the front door and look out. Dallas is just opening his car door, getting in.
“Dallas,” I call to him. He looks my way.
“I saw the smoke from my side of the lake. I thought you might want some company. I didn’t want to disturb you. I’ll see you Monday,” he calls out from his car.
“No, you’re not disturbing anything. We were just going to eat. I have so much food. Come eat with us.” He hesitates, teeter tottering on a decision.
“Come on, we have steak,” I say, trying to entice him to stay.
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