She swiped away the tears, felt for the chair and sat. She placed her hand on the edge of the casket and lowered her head to the wood.
Several hours passed. Friends and family came and went. Susannah refused to leave the room except to give other viewers privacy. Even then, she stood just outside the curtain. She declined offers of food and water, staying beside Mark’s body.
At five o’clock, the attendant entered the chamber. “Mrs. Carlson. The funeral home is closing.”
Susannah nodded. “Okay.”
After he withdrew, she stood, kissed Mark’s forehead and smoothed his hair. “I will never stop loving you.”
With one last look, she turned and left the room.
***
The bitter cold, augmented by heavy winds, pushed the small group of mourners into a huddle beside the grave. Susannah stared at the dark clouds and the bare branches. How fitting, a somber, miserable day.
Her pastor gave a beautiful eulogy, which did little to comfort Susannah. His glowing remarks regarding Mark only emphasized her loss. Mark was a good man. He had a few faults, as everyone did, but at his core, he was kind, caring, loving. She would never know that kind of love again. That part of her life was now over.
She looked back up at the gray sky. A patch of blue appeared. She glimpsed a flock of birds and a meadowlark sang from a nearby fence. She remembered the words to her favorite song. Yes, why couldn’t she fly over the rainbow and away from all the pain? Because the lead weight in her heart wouldn’t let her leave the ground.
***
Susannah and her folks stood in her driveway beside Frank and Rachel’s car. Sunlight, absent from the day before during the funeral, now engulfing the world in light. If only it would illuminate the dark places in her heart. The old cliché stated that time would heal all wounds. How much time would it take for her heart to heal, a lifetime?
Ethan patted her arm. “Susie, we can’t think of going back south and leaving you here alone.”
“Dad, I love you, love all of you, but there has been a continuous stream of bodies through this house since the accident, and I’m tired. I need to sleep ― and I need to be alone.”
“Are you sure? You know, since you’ve taken a leave of absence from your job, you could come with us for a while. Just get a way for a bit.”
“No, I really do need some alone time. You and Mom go on back to your Arizona sunshine. Frank and Rachel are just a short walk, or phone call away. When I feel ready to travel, I’ll hop a plane and join you.”
“We’ll come back north by April, sooner if you need us.”
“Okay, but I’ll be fine. Go and enjoy.” She turned to Frank. “Thank you for driving them to the airport.”
“My pleasure, Susannah. Anything I can do to help.”
She waved goodbye as Frank backed out of the driveway, turned, and went into the house. Silence met her at the door. The deep, encompassing silence she had craved for the last week. She needed time to think ― and to rest. All the visitors meant well, but the constant company drained her.
A gust of wind rattled the window and she shivered. So much for a day of sunshine and warm spring rains. The weather, just like life, seemed to change with every breath.
She went into the kitchen, made a cup of hot tea, and carried it into the den. She snuggled into her chair. Buddy didn’t wait for an invitation. He jumped into her lap and molded his body around her.
Susannah sipped her tea, her mind roaming through her memories, reliving the joys and trying to forget the pain. Sorrow wouldn’t leave, but Peace joined her, dulling the ache and giving birth to Acceptance. Somewhere there were blue birds, blue sky, and rainbows, and if she looked hard enough, she’d get a glimpse. Someday that brief sighting would expand until she would once again walk in sunshine with Joy.
***
Brian set the last of the boxes in the van and closed the door. With the other vehicles loaded, the other members climbed in and pulled out. Brian closed the big doors. He didn’t mind staying behind. In fact, he preferred it, except for Charlie. The man had no self-control. It wouldn’t be long before he tested the upper limits of this organization’s tolerance, which he had no doubt was limited, and once reached, would result in deadly consequences.
He’d heard the rumors of horrific murders committed during some kind of religious ceremony, and planned to stay well away from such doings. Charlie seemed determined to be an unhappy participant. Charlie was a fool.
Brian walked back to the small room he used as his sleeping quarters and flopped down on the cot. The single bulb hanging from the low ceiling shed a weak light. That didn’t matter. He used the room only for sleep and a place to store his few possessions. He kept his duffel bag packed with a couple sets of clothes and a growing stash of money ― his emergency fund. By the time that was large enough to facilitate moving on, he’d bolt, staying well out of reach of both the cops and the mob, or whatever they called themselves.
Charlie had offered his apartment, but Brian quickly refused. He’d seen decay, but Charlie took that to a level even he couldn’t tolerate. He may have what others called perversions, but he wasn’t a slob. In fact, he had expensive tastes. If he could be certain this organization wouldn’t destroy him, it could prove to be a very lucrative association. Could he walk a fine enough line to be included in the pay offs, but not in any of the deeper levels of their so-called religion? Maybe ― if he kept away from Charlie.
The other unsettled issue was the interfering witch. The media had blasted his and her name across the entire country after his failed attempt to silence her. Well, he’d have another chance before he moved on. He’d make certain of that.
***
Drawing in a deep breath, Susannah rolled over, three in the morning. Well, so much for extra sleep. Susannah looked down at Buddy.
“I think I’ll have some coffee. Would you like a doggie cookie?”
Buddy’s stub of a tail wriggled back and forth.
She slipped on her robe and slippers, and went downstairs with Buddy tight on her heels. Velcro Dog took on a completely new meaning since Mark’s death. It seemed Buddy missed Mark as much as she did, perhaps even more, if it was possible.
With a sigh, she fought with the cranky brewer until she had a full cup. Guess it was time to replace the thing, but that meant a shopping trip. She turned away and stared out the window. The weather had cleared, and although still cool, the days were sunny. Buds formed on the trees and crocus and daffodils bravely pushed up into the sunlight. They were brave. Spring in the High Desert rarely stuck around until at least May, giving way here and there to a few late season snowstorms. It wasn’t unusual to see them encased in white.
She poured her coffee and settled into the breakfast nook. With Buddy asleep at her feet, she opened her first devotional.
Refuse to hate back.
Refuse to hate? Those monsters had taken Mark and so many other lives. Then add the fact Brian Falun was still out there, destroying lives and getting away with it, and she wasn’t to hate back? Wasn’t to want justice?
Shaking her head, she continued reading. Forgiveness wasn’t the same as forgetting. It was the act of releasing the hate and bitterness festering in the soul. Once released, the heart would once again find peace.
Peace? Just how did one go about finding peace with all the horrible things going on in the world and in her personal life? That would take miracle.
She turned to the next listed scripture, Luke 6:36 to 38. “Be therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful. Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you shall be forgiven. Give, and it shall be given to you: good measure and pressed down and shaken together and running over shall they give into your bosom. For with the same measure that you shall mete withal, it shall be measured to you again.”
In essence, she was to forgive, let go of her ego, let go of her need to be righteous, and let go of the hate. Even if she couldn�
��t forget, she was to forgive. Was she to continue rescuing the kids, but not seek, or desire, retribution? That was a tall order. And receive? She had given everything. The only thing left was her life, what was left of it.
Shaking her head, she turned to the next reading. It quoted 1 Samuel 17:34-35. “And David said to Saul: ‘Thy servant kept his father’s sheep, and there came a lion, or a bear, and took a ram out of the midst of the flock: And I pursued after them, and struck them and delivered it out of their mouth.”’
Was that what she was doing, snatching lambs from the mouths of lions?
Chapter Eleven
Easter Sunday, Susannah sat next to Rachel, her hands folded in her lap, watching the happy families sitting together, dressed in their new clothes, obviously eager to celebrate the holiday. Maybe she had too many wants. She needed to learn how to be content, as St. Paul admonished so eloquently in his epistles. She tried, but her heart ached with loneliness and the need to love and be loved in return. Was that so wrong?
Because of a monster, she would never have children. Another monster destroyed what family she did have. Forgive? If lions leapt at her from the walls and bears ravaged her day and night, she wouldn’t forgive – or forget.
The old Indian appeared next to her. “Susannah, are you willing to follow God anywhere?”
She glared at him. She wasn’t in the mood to sacrifice more. Leaving her home and friends, would leave her with nothing.
“Susannah, do you love God?”
She hesitated. Was she angry with God? No, she wasn’t angry with God. She was wallowing in self-pity and blaming God for it.
She nodded.
“Would you follow God anywhere?”
“As in where?”
“If He asked you to go to Africa to save children, would you go?”
“I would go anywhere if it meant saving another child, but why Africa? There are plenty of children here that need rescuing.”
“It’s time we issued a challenge.”
Susannah swallowed. “A challenge? What kind of a challenge, and to who?”
The old Indian smiled. “God’s ways are complex. He sees what you cannot. Do you trust Him?”
Did she have a choice?
The old Indian smiled and vanished.
She bowed her head. How could going to Africa issue any challenge, except to her own faith? Maybe that was the plan all along…
At the end of the service, the pastor made an announcement. “Today, representatives from the World Wide Christian Services are here to speak with you about their organization. They are looking for volunteers for six weeks of service in Zimbabwe, Africa. Please consider this. You will be helping a great number of people, particularly the children.”
Susannah shook her head and smiled.
Rachel leaned close and whispered. “What?”
“It looks like I’m going to Africa.”
“Africa?”
Susannah nodded. “I’ll explain later.”
After the service ended, Susannah signed up at one of the booths set up at the back of the church, gathered the required literature packet, and joined Rachel at a table for coffee.
“So, Molly and Billy are surging through the lawns vying for eggs with the other urchins?”
Rachel nodded. “Yeah. Frank offered to be referee so we could chat.”
“That’s sweet of him.”
“Oh, it isn’t as altruistic as you believe. I bribed him.”
Susannah laughed.
Rachel set her cup down and leaned her elbows on the table. “So, now tell me about this trip to Africa.”
***
In a subterranean ceremonial chamber, the demon howled and screamed in response. The dirt walls rumbled. The torches flickered. The old priest winced and shuffled back into the far corner. The nganga shook off its hook over the fire, flew across the room, and hit the far wall. Its contents rained down onto the old priest. He clawed at the dirt floor in a vain effort to escape.
The world could run red with the blood of sacrifices and none of it would stop the legions gathering at the edge of the demon’s domain.
The demon hissed and snarled. His eyes blazed red. The old priest screamed and writhed on the dirt floor.
“Old man, you are useless. I need a stronger intercessor. A soul that does not cringe, does not flinch, does not feel.” He narrowed his eyes. “I will raise up my high priest and destroy any creature foolish enough to oppose me.”
The walls shook. The old man clutched his heart. The demon’s laughter showered dirt and insects down on the old man’s head.
***
Susannah rubbed Buddy’s ears. “Rachel will take good care of you, and I’ll be back before you know it. You’ll have fun with Billy and Molly.”
He would, and he would probably forget her before she got back, but the dominos were tipped. Besides, whenever she thought about backing out, and she had several times throughout the last few weeks, images of children huddled in fear in some kind of a subterranean chamber, sharpened her resolve. The purpose of the vision was still unclear, but the urgency wasn’t.
When Rachel and Frank pulled into the drive, Susannah put Buddy’s lead on his collar and opened the door. Frank carried her suitcases out and put them in the back of the SUV. Buddy and Susannah climbed in the back seat.
“I really appreciate this. I could have walked Buddy over and taken a cab.”
Rachel turned in her seat. “But, this is much better, right? Buddy gets a car ride. You get a few more minutes with him, and you don’t have to go to the airport alone. Are you going to be okay about this? You don’t have to go, you know. It’s only volunteer.”
“I don’t think I have a choice, Rachel.”
Frank looked in the rearview mirror at Susannah.
Rachel patted his arm. “I’ll explain later, Honey.”
He looked as though he was going to ask a question and then shook his head.
Rachel and Susannah looked at each other and smiled. Poor Frank, he was obviously confused. Well, so was she. She had no idea why it was so important that she go so far away. Sounded a lot like that story about the man who asked a Roman centurion if he was afraid to go on such a dangerous mission. The centurion replied, “It is not necessary that I live, only that I go.”
Was that what she was doing, obeying a command she wasn’t expected to survive?
Trust, Susannah.
She couldn’t see the old Indian but felt his presence. “Do I have a choice?”
“You always have a choice, Susannah. But, choosing God’s will always leads to the greater good.”
“I’ll have to take your word on that.”
Was he laughing?
Frank pulled up to the front doors of the airport terminal and parked. Susannah hugged Buddy and got out. It broke her heart to see his face pressed against the glass. Oh Lord, I am trusting that this will be worth all the sacrifice.
Rachel hugged her. “Take care my friend.”
Susannah nodded and brushed back a few tears. She grabbed the handle to her luggage, took a deep breath, and walked into the terminal. She was already homesick and she hadn’t even left town. The next few weeks were going to be tougher than she thought.
Taking another deep breath, she raised her chin, squared her shoulders, and marched over to the group of other volunteers. She had met several during the numerous pre-trip meetings and had taken an immediate liking to Barbara. Plain in comparison to many of the other women, she had an inner beauty that drew Susannah to her.
Dr. Forrester, their volunteer coordinator, was a big man with graying hair, somewhere around his early sixties, incongruously soft spoken for a man with such an imposing stature. He possessed a quick wit, a gentle spirit, and a deep faith. Susannah was surprised he had chosen a secular career rather than ministry, studying the world’s religions rather than preaching.
The disembodied intercom voice announced their flight was boarding. Susannah followed her fellow travelers through
the doorway and onto the plane and settled into her window seat, courtesy of Dr. Forrester. Within a few minutes, they were taxing down the runway. She watched everything she knew and loved recede from view. She prayed, asking for the courage to face this new future.
***
Brian stuffed his hands in his pockets and shifted his stance.
Charlie glanced at him and then looked back at the knot of men standing around the black SUV. “So, Falun. Are you having second thoughts?”
“You aren’t?”
Charlie shrugged. “So far, so good.”
“Yeah, so far. Best stick to the rules, Charlie.”
Charlie glared at him. “What are you talking about?”
Brian shook his head. “It’s your choice, but be sure and leave me out of it. I don’t want any part of it.”
“Part of what?”
Brian scowled.
“Okay, okay. So you know. So what?” He nodded toward the others. “They sure aren’t saints, and neither are you.”
“Discipline, Charlie. You have no self-restraint and that is what gets you into trouble. I don’t want you taking me down with you. I won’t tolerate that, Charlie.”
“Whatever.” Charlie said and turned away.
Brian saw the fear in his eyes. Good. Charlie had his uses, but those were wearing thin, and Brian had eliminated other associates for far less, something he knew Charlie was acutely aware.
The profilers were right. Most criminals were stupid, Charlie being a good example. The smart ones got away with murder. He smiled at his own pun.
Regardless, it wouldn’t be long now before he could move on. The heat had died down enough he could move around easily, which would now allow him to handle that little matter with the witch. He had her address, but had not the chance to act on it ― yet.
The demands on his time ― and certain skills ― were getting a bit restrictive, but his cash pile was growing. If he juggled just a bit longer, he’d bow out enough cash to keep him comfortable for years.
And Then Came A Lion (Lions and Lambs Book 1) Page 9