The Scar-Faced King

by Isabell Schmitt-Egner

  Unfortunately, they did not find any further clues in the books that were brought to them from the city.

  But that didn’t bother Lilli so much at the moment, because after all, nothing was pressing her. They had ample time, and she also wanted to talk to Amon about delightful topics. It made sense to her that the king could not put his work on hold for all time because of her, and so they often sat in Amon’s room in the afternoon, Lilli opposite him at the desk, and he explained to her in detail what he was doing and assigned her tasks, which she completed with eagerness and pride. His praise made her heart rejoice each time and she kept wondering when the right moment would come to cautiously broach the subject of marriage to Amon. Lilli was sure he would say yes, but didn’t the man have to propose? Was it even possible for her to ask him? She kept hoping daily that he would bring the conversation to it, but he didn’t. And when she herself gently broached the subject, he evaded or distracted her. This behaviour unsettled her, but she always consoled herself with the fact that she knew how difficult it was for Amon to really trust her after all those years of loneliness.

  One afternoon she accompanied him out into the courtyard where Amon was meeting other men for a sword fight. Lilli was allowed to watch, and she felt pride in Amon when he made his respective opponent sweat profusely and drove him back. On this occasion she noticed that he had not had another attack of weakness since his last one. Had he noticed that himself? There had been no conversation about it.

  A hand came down on Lilli’s arm and she winced.

  “Auntie Jahne,” Lilli said. She had forgotten the old woman in the last few days, she had to confess to her shame. Amon had decreed that Jahne’s room, as well as Constance’s, would be guarded from now on. They were the only other female residents in the castle. Constance had protested in particular, there had almost been an argument, but Amon had stood firm.

  “Where have you been for the last few days, Auntie?” asked Lilli.

  “Around you.” Auntie Jahne looked serious, somehow strange.

  “Do you want to watch here too?” Lilli inquired, putting effort into a particularly welcoming tone. My goodness, she had been so focused on herself and her happiness, yet it was thanks to Auntie Jahne that everything had turned out this way, and for that Lilli felt deep gratitude towards the old woman.

  “Lilli, my dear child.” Jahne rubbed her arm. “See how happy you make our king?”

  Lilli indicated a nod. What was that all about?

  “You must think of that. Absolutely. Think of what you are to each other.”

  “I do.” Confused, Lilli looked into Auntie Jahne’s slightly bleary eyes.

  “Then make no mistake now, my dear child.”

  “Majesty!” A young man stepped into Lilli’s field of vision and the sounds of battle died away. The combatants lowered their swords and Amon turned to the man.

  “What is it? I wish not to be disturbed during practice time.”

  “I beg your pardon, Your Majesty. There are visitors at the gate. Many visitors.”

  “Who is it?”

  “The King Jaromir of Aurenbrunn, sire. And he is very angry that the gates are locked.”

  “What, my father is here?” Lilli felt her face grow hot, and a strange paralysis seized her.

  “I’m coming. Open the gate for the king.” Amon took off his training gear and handed a sword to a servant.

  “What does my father want here?” Lilli wondered, and it was as if a stranger were asking the question, she no longer recognised her own voice.

  “I don’t know, Lilli. But we have to go and say hello to him alright.” Amon nodded to her and then walked away with a firm step.

  Lilli walked behind him, barely feeling her feet.

  She arrived at the courtyard just as her father got off his horse and accepted the cup of welcome drink that was handed to him. He emptied it in one go and carelessly put it back on the tray. When he saw Lilli, his face twitched just briefly.

  “You’re coming home.” He started to take off his riding gloves.

  “No.” Lilli wondered to herself how quickly she reverted to her defiant attitude of earlier. She knew that feeling, when everything inside her tensed, made her tough, for a fight with her father.

  “You pack and come with me. Today.”

  Lilli caught Amon’s gaze. He too seemed startled and was now no doubt considering how to meet his guest without being rude. She had to do something – now!

  When her father spoke in that tone, it was serious.

  “I see no reason to just leave my fiancé here,” Lilli said aloud. Her father looked up, straight into her eyes. She found that he had considerably more grey hair than the last time they had seen each other. Was their separation causing him any grief?

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” he said. “You should have your belongings gathered up. This fuss is over now. We’re leaving in a few hours.”

  There was a rustling in Lilli’s ears, she thought she wasn’t getting enough air, the air should be cooler ... yet her hands felt so cold, so cold ...

  “Lilli.” Amon had appeared beside her like a ghost and was supporting her. “Excuse us for a moment, Your Majesty. Your daughter is unwell. We will be with you in a moment. You shall have your horses tended to in the meantime.”

  Amon led Lilli away, through a small door which he closed behind them.

  “Where are we?” Lilli asked dully. Her gaze landed on sacks of grain and empty handcarts. A pantry?

  “You turned pale all of a sudden. We won’t be overheard here. Why don’t you sit down?” Amon manoeuvred her to one of the sacks of grain, which gave way under her as she sat down. It was all so surreal. How could her father be here?

  “Amon ... I need to talk to you. Please listen.” She found it unspeakably difficult to find the right words. “I know I never wanted to get married, and I also know that the man is the one to propose and everything, but please ... marry me.”

  “Lilli.” Amon knelt down in front of her and took her hands. There was so much love and understanding in his eyes that she almost sobbed in relief. Why hadn’t she asked him in private a long time ago? That had been just incredibly foolish of her. Amon stroked the back of her hand with one finger. “Lilli ... you can’t.”

  The world around her disappeared, unfortunately it reappeared immediately, and Lilli was still sitting on a sack of grain in that little pantry as her hope lay in shards before her.

  “What’s not working?” She knew, but not asking, she couldn’t stand it. The certainty of not having misheard at all, she needed that.

  “I can’t marry you. But you must believe how much I would like to.”

  “But ...” She closed her mouth again, comprehension had not yet set in. That terrible realisation that Amon was actually rejecting her.

  “I’m infinitely sorry. I ... you must trust me that there is no other way.”

  “Tell me why.” The coldness was running through her whole body by now, along with something else she couldn’t name. Maybe this was what dying felt like.

  “If I tell you, it won’t make it better. I didn’t want you to know. I would hurt you very much if I told you.” There was a helplessness in Amon’s gaze that would have torn her heart apart if her suffering at that moment hadn’t been pushed far beyond the bearable anyway.

  “So, you don’t want me. That’s all I need to know.”

  “Lilli ... no. Don’t say that.” He tried to reach for her, but she slapped his hand away and came staggering to her feet. “I understand.”

  Again, he tried to reach for her, but she pushed him back. Somehow, she got the door open. Then she staggered out into the open.

  Her father was still standing in the courtyard, talking to a man in his entourage.

  “We are leaving. In an hour,” Lilli said and saw both men looking at her in surprise at this change of heart, then she ran towards the gate that led inside the castle. She shouted at a servant to pack her things and get everything ready for
the journey. Then she fled into an alcove where no one could see her, and there she allowed her tears to run free.

  Later, when she stood next to her horse and someone tried to help her mount, she gruffly refused. Amon was talking to her father. How could he? And why didn’t he stop her? She didn’t try to catch his gaze; she didn’t begrudge him this triumph. Besides, she was afraid not to see any sorrow in his face, no remorse for his words, for the terrible disappointment he had caused her.

  No, he was going to regret his decision, right after she was gone. She had offered him the chance to spend his life with her – and he had refused. Simply said NO to her. Lilli still couldn’t believe it.

  As if in a trance, she reached for the reins. As she did so, she kept her eyes fixed firmly on the gate, continuing to resist the temptation to turn her head and look around for Amon. In a moment he would lose her forever and he should feel it, live it. Lilli kept pressing her lips together so that the tears would not begin to flow. Her eyes were certainly already red from crying secretly, which was guaranteed to catch the attention of enough people to make the rounds. But fine, she had been under the impression that the people here liked her. Auntie Jahne, Constance, Sophia, and many of the servants – they appreciated Lilli and so she hoped that Amon would at least look bad in front of them as the one who had scared Lilli away. Constance would give her brother a good talking to if she found out about it.

  At that moment, the gate opened, and the convoy of horsemen and horses started to move. The shadow of the main gate passed over Lilli – then they were outside and moving away from Grauemfall Castle.

  As dusk was already falling after a few hours, the King of Aurenbrunn took up quarters in a nearby town.

  Lilli literally fled to the room assigned to her and locked herself in. When her father knocked, she covered her ears and waited until he gave up. Then she lay down on her bed and cried all over her pillow.

  At some point someone came and called through the door that they were delivering a meal for the princess, but Lilli ignored the servant. Not a bite would she get down. Never again! Immediately the tears came again and burned in her eyes and on her cheeks. It all seemed like a bad dream to her. Everything had been fine this morning! The images came back to her, she couldn’t fight them off. Amon with her in the library, leafing through books with an interested face. The apple festival, swimming in the lake ...

  Why had he done that? Why? This question ran in circles inside her, tormented her, tugged at her. His face appeared before her inner eye. She could read the deepest regret in his face. Yes, she had almost believed him that he was really sorry. That he actually wanted to marry her, that he also saw her at his side. And what reason, what argument could there be against it? Had Amon promised marriage to someone else?

  No. That was simply ridiculous. He had refused every request.

  Lilli wiped her eyes. Then she got up, it was already dark outside. A sparse oil light glowed on the table. She grabbed the lamp and carried it to the corner, which – covered with a cloth – was probably supposed to be the pitiful backdrop of a bathroom. The inhabitants of this place were just not prepared for guests of their standing. Lilli at least found a wash basin, as well as towels and a jug of water. She washed her burning eyes and dried her face. The cool water had done her good. In the glow of the oil light, she went to the table in the middle of the room where there was drinking water and a cup. She was grateful for this because she did not feel the slightest desire to leave the room. She would rather have quenched her thirst from the washing pitcher.

  The liquid ran down her throat, then she went to the window, pulled it open and sucked the night air deep into her lungs.

  For quite a while she stood there like that, trying to clear her mind. After hours of shock, grief, and anger, she had no strength left to despair. She felt strangely empty and at the same time there was still an agony that wouldn’t leave her, something unresolved, unsettled. Lilli imagined what it would be like to return to the castle, to live from one day to the next, with the knowledge of her last moments with Amon. And with the ignorance of his motives for having acted as he did. Now, standing here, the cool air on her face, she thought she saw more clearly. She knew, or more accurately believed, that Amon would not hurt her if he could help it. Yet he had turned her down. Lilli’s problem with her father was well known to him. Amon knew exactly what he was sending her into, what misery, if he rejected her. And yet he had allowed her to leave. Lilli concluded that Amon had an idea of her future that must have seemed so unreasonable for Lilli that he accepted her departure. But what the hell could that be?

  Lilli put her head back and pondered. Could it have had something to do with the attack on her? No, ridiculous. Amon had stayed by her side, day, and night, protecting her and that had felt wonderful. If he went to such lengths to protect her from harm, surely there was a change of heart in him for a reason. She pondered for a while longer, thinking about his scars, whether it was related to that, or perhaps Amon was also afraid of this connection because Lilli saw him differently from all other people, as if by magic?

  Possible. Or maybe he believed that she would regret the marriage if the spell were to be lifted one day and she saw his true face. That did not seem improbable to her either. But one thing she knew almost for sure: whatever it was, she would be able to handle it.

  And Amon might have thought of her that she couldn’t. That whatever IT was it would be too much of a burden for Lilli. Too much for her to bond with him for the rest of her life.

  The longer she thought about it, the more reasonable she found this theory. And even if it wasn’t, he should tell her where his concerns lay and let her take her own decision.

  Then make no mistake now, my dear child.

  Auntie Jahne. Had she guessed what would happen? Unfortunately, Lilli had made the mistake immediately. Yes, it had been wrong to accompany her father simply defiantly while she had left her heart in Grauemfall. Why hadn’t she been able to control herself and confront Amon until he had articulated his concerns? After that she would have picked apart his every argument, countered it, assured him that she could cope, that she loved him.

  The tears, the wretched torments, came up in her again. She ran her sleeve over her face, which also immediately reminded her of Amon. His vulnerable side, his fear at night and in his sleep, the moments when he needed Lilli. She was able to take away his fear, in her arms he slept full of trust and peace. She glanced at the plain bed of her quarters. Here she would lie alone, without him, without his warm body, his familiar smell.

  Was he also lying alone in his bed right now, thinking of her? Lilli’s heart contracted painfully so that she involuntarily pressed a hand to her chest.

  This state of affairs was new to her. Until now she had been able to afford to remain stubborn. Her suffering had been limited in the process. But now ... she pressed her lips together. Then she took a decision.

  She had only been able to recover in her sleep for a few hours. The morning dawned and she felt as exhausted as she was fiercely determined. She would muster the strength for her undertaking, she felt it. Only her courage left a little to be desired, but Lilli’s strategy was to act quickly and avoid thinking as much as possible. Since her father had almost certainly placed guards outside her door, she decided to take the way through the window. It wasn’t much of a challenge; they were staying in a low-rise house with the roof of an annex directly underneath Lilli’s window. Silently she climbed out of the window and walked across the roof, stooped, to find a suitable place to climb down. Unfortunately, she didn’t find one, but she managed to climb across from the low extension to the stable roof where the guests’ horses were kept and at the end she simply jumped from above into a pile of straw. Only when she had landed and picked herself up did she remember how reckless she had just been. There could have been an obstacle hidden under the straw, a sharp or pointed object like a pitchfork for example – and she just jumped in! She had to be more careful. Lilli
plucked the straws from her body and then slipped into the stable. Amon had taught her how to saddle a horse properly. And her father still knew nothing about it, had no idea what his daughter had learned in the meantime. In the past, she would have stood helplessly in front of the saddles and all the accessories, but that was over.

  Lilli took her bridle and saddlery and went to the horse she had also ridden the day before, who was now chewing contentedly on its hay. Unfortunately, she would have to interrupt this meal.

  Shortly afterwards, Lilli trotted out of the village along a dewy road. She wore her travelling dress and a dark green cloak with a hood, for which she was grateful, because the cool morning air crept under her clothes and made her shiver.

  When she reached the forest, she reined in the horse and straightened up in the saddle. Now everything depended on her taking the right path. The horse pranced a little and then neighed loudly, calling for its fellows, who were still eating their breakfast. Lilli cursed softly, all she needed was for the horse to betray her. Maybe they were already looking for her. The best thing was probably to keep the animal on the move.

  And she did.

  As the sun rose higher in the sky and warmed her, she felt better. The horse had also calmed down halfway and trotted along the path. Finding her way proved easier than she thought, for Lilli simply followed the hoofprints back again. The many horses of her entourage had churned up the ground so clearly that she had to find her way home as long as it did not rain heavily, or the ground became too rocky. That would remain her biggest problem, that they would ride after her and perhaps catch up with her. Lilli kept calculating how long it would take until they noticed her empty chamber, realised that a horse was missing, drew the right conclusions, reported it to her father ... That added up to quite a bit of time that she had ahead of the possible pursuers. In addition, they would also have to conclude that she rode back to Grauemfall, which her father certainly hardly considered after this departure. He knew his daughter ... Lilli ducked to avoid a branch. Oh yes, he knew her. And he also knew that Lilli’s actions were absolutely unyielding and unforgiving, which was why he might even rule out a voluntary return to Grauemfall on her part. It didn’t suit her one bit.