“I’m trying to apologise.” Beth looked up from her cup. Tight creases surrounded her eyes, and Clare realised they were rimmed with red. “I’ve been… having a lot of trouble handling the still world. I’m sorry for the way I’ve spoken to you. Both of you.”
Dorran’s eyebrows rose. He glanced at Clare then cleared his throat. “Thank you.”
Beth pursed her lips as she shuffled her grip on her cup. “I guess I got caught up in the way things used to be. When I could tell you what was best for you, Clare, and you’d listen. But you’re not a child anymore. And I can’t treat you that way.”
Beth saw me with Dorran last night. She thinks I’m building a life without her. She’s scared I’m going to leave her.
Clare swallowed around a lump in her throat. “I know. Everything’s different since the stillness… including us, I guess.”
“Yeah.” Beth’s eyes drifted from Clare to Dorran. “I guess we all change.”
In the distance, a hollow howled in the mountains. Clare flinched at the noise, but it didn’t seem to bother Beth. She took a slow breath. “Last night, I wanted to be angry with you for running out into the rain and yelling like that. You were basically a beacon for those hollows. I was furious, at first, but then I thought about whose fault it really was. Me, for going into the rain first. If our positions had been reversed, would I have waited quietly for you to come back? I don’t think so.”
More hollows answered the first call. Even though they weren’t close, the noise left Clare uncomfortable.
Beth scratched the back of her neck. “Then, I thought some more. Was it really fair to get mad at you for visiting Helexis Tower, when I did exactly the same thing?”
Clare struggled to find her voice. “It’s okay.”
“No. It’s not. I’ll be better from now.” Beth sighed and swallowed a mouthful of her tea. When she lifted her head, it held a look of deep resignation, as though she dreaded the answer to her next question. “We still have to decide what we’re going to do with that bloody USB. After talking about how few true democracies exist in this new world, I should put my money where my mouth is and give you both equal rights. We have three parties here. We vote on what we should do with the stick.”
Chapter Six
Clare’s stomach was in knots. She squeezed her mug, even though it was hot enough to almost scald the skin. The USB held incredible potential. And the right choice seemed clear to her.
But what was right for the rest of the world wasn’t going to be what was best for her own little group. Beth’s words from the day before echoed in her mind: You do whatever you want then expect other people to clean up the mess. She deflected. “Beth. You first.”
“I don’t want to have anything to do with it.” Beth shrugged. “Give it away, burn it, bury it, build it a little boat and let it sail down the river. I just don’t want that thing on our shoulders.”
Clare squirmed. She looked at Dorran. “What about you?”
“You first,” he said.
He’s going to match my vote.
At any other time, his loyalty would have warmed Clare. In that moment, though, it filled her with quiet dread. It essentially negated Beth’s vote entirely and gave Clare all the power.
The trip to Evandale would be dangerous. It was days away, and they didn’t know what obstacles might stand between them. Dorran was sick. Beth didn’t want to go. The best thing for all of them would be to return to Winterbourne and shore up their defences.
The USB waited in the bus. It seemed insane that something so small and innocuous could change the world. Save the world.
Maybe. If Ezra was right. If Ezra’s code has any value. If the Evandale station still has people living in it. If they know what to do with the code. That’s a lot of ifs.
She tapped her fingers over the smooth ceramic mug. The cold air was burning her cheeks and nose, but at least her hands were warm. “Dorran, if it was just you and Beth—if I didn’t even exist—what would you do? Please. Be honest.”
His eyebrow quirked up. He chewed on his thoughts for a moment before answering. “That’s a difficult question. If I removed you from the equation—if it was just Beth, myself, and this bus—I suspect our paths would diverge quite soon.”
Clare tried not to let her disappointment show. She doesn’t like him. And now he doesn’t like her.
“On my own, I would probably try to take the USB to Evandale,” Dorran continued. He shrugged, his eyes on the stove’s small flames. “Winterbourne has never held much affection for me. If I were on my own, there would be no point in returning to it. What would I find there? Just loneliness and bad memories. But I would not like to wander the countryside aimlessly either. The USB would give me a purpose. Something to travel towards, even if I wasn’t likely to survive the journey.”
“That’s grim,” Beth said. For the first time, she was watching him with a hint of curiosity.
Dorran chuckled. “She asked for the truth. If Clare were gone, if I were on my own, I would have precious little to tether me here. I would take the USB to Evandale simply to have a purpose.”
“All right.” Beth leaned back in her seat. “Let me pose you a different hypothetical scenario. Take me out of the picture; it’s just you and Clare again. Except, in this case, Clare has no opinions about the USB. None at all. She would be equally happy on the road or going home. What do you do?”
“Then I would travel back to Winterbourne.” He answered without hesitation. “I would try to pass the USB on along the way. But my first priority would be to get us home, where we would be relatively comfortable and safe.”
“Hah,” Beth said.
Clare closed her eyes. I knew it. He’ll match my vote, but deep down, he just wants to get home.
Dorran continued, “But all of that is ultimately irrelevant.”
“How?” Beth narrowed her eyes.
“Clare does have an opinion about what we should do. And it is a fiercely strong opinion.”
“She thinks she knows what she wants,” Beth said. “But that doesn’t mean it’s what’s best for her.”
He tilted his head, his eyes still on his mug. “I’ve seen her like this before. When she heard that your air filtration system had broken, she wanted to travel to you, but she tried to give me an equal say in our decision. I could have convinced her to stay at Winterbourne. I could have talked her out of looking for you. But the guilt would have eaten away at her day after day, for the remainder of her life. So, we left.”
Beth’s eyes were as cold as ice. “And that decision could have killed her. From the sounds of it, it nearly did.”
“Some things are more important than simply staying alive.”
“That’s insanity, and you know it.”
Clare stared at Dorran. His words clicked into place, and it made her heart hurt. Some things are more important than simply staying alive. He’d experienced that first-hand; living under his mother’s tyranny, with no freedom and no future, he had learned that sometimes life itself was not enough.
Dorran shrugged. His expression was mild, but Clare was surprised to see he wasn’t trying to hide his emotions. The shutters were gone. “It does not matter. I know how Clare wants to vote, and based on that, I know how I want to vote. We will travel to Evandale. You can join us, or you can wait for us at Winterbourne. I will give you directions to find it, if you like.”
Beth gaped at him. She was sheet white. Furious tremors ran through her, and she squeezed the mug so tightly that Clare was afraid it would crack. “You’re enabling bad decisions.”
“Decisions that she is entitled to make. Just like it is my choice to travel with her.”
Beth stood. She seemed to be fighting to keep some exceptionally harsh words inside of her. She upended the mug over the mud, emptying the last of her tea, then stalked back into the minibus. The door slammed behind her.
Clare felt as though she’d been caught in the middle of a hurricane. She sat, quietly shock
ed, then turned towards Dorran. He sipped his tea. Clare needed a moment to find her voice. “Where did that come from?”
“I realised a few things.” He spoke with his usual gentleness, but there was a renewed confidence in his eyes. “Last night, I realised I needed to fight for you.”
Clare’s mind jumped back to the ring. It was still tucked into the coat’s pocket in the bus. “No, Dorran, I promise, I’m not—”
“Shh, do not worry. I understand that.” He reached over the space between them and took her hand. His voice dropped, and his eyes focussed on the ground. Clare knew he was admitting something painful to him. “I am… not used to fighting for things. Once, wanting something was synonymous with being denied it. Fighting for something meant losing and losing badly. And I am so used to it that it is hard to change.”
She pressed his hand, and in return, he ran his thumb across her fingers, tenderly, as though savouring the way they felt.
“I value your affection more than anything, but I have held you gently, ready to let you go the moment you wish to be free. But what message does that send to you?” His eyebrows pulled together, and his voice dropped even lower. “How many times can I offer you your freedom before you begin to feel you are not valued? Do you know how intensely, how ferociously you are wanted?”
“I do.”
“Not enough.” He chuckled, then he raised the hand and kissed it, his warm lips lingering over her skin. “I am going to fight for you, my darling. It does not matter if Beth does not want me here; I will be here, for as long as you allow me.”
Emotions struggled through her. She loved Dorran. She also loved Beth. Feeling them pull against each other was more painful than she had ever imagined. The words came out before she could stop them. “Please don’t be angry with her.”
He looked surprised, then he smiled, kissing her hand again. “I am not. Of course I am not. That is the second thing I realised, and it took me until this morning to understand it. Beth and I are two sides of the same coin. We both care about you deeply. We just have different ways of showing it.”
Heat rose over her face. “It’s just—I don’t want her to feel like I’m cutting her out of my life—”
“No. She will be coming with us. I’m sure of it.” He tilted his head towards the bus. “She can’t conceive of staying at Winterbourne without you, any more than I can.”
“But she’s going to hate this. It’s a huge risk. And she hates risks more than anything.”
“Does she? She drove to Helexis Tower’s doorstep based on curiosity. If all she wanted was to find a safe location, she had many opportunities. But it seems to me that safety has only become a priority since she was reconnected with you.”
“Oh…” Clare blinked. “That’s…”
He chuckled and brushed stray hair behind her ear. “I think all three of us are surprisingly similar in that regard. Left alone, with only ourselves to think of, we would all take the USB to Evandale. It is only when others’ safety is brought into the equation that we start doubting our choice. Now, would you like to sit outside a little longer, or would you be happy to drink your tea inside? I suspect Beth will want to start moving quickly now that our decision has been made.”
Clare shook her head, incredulous. “Since when do you know my sister better than me?”
The bus’s door slammed open again. Beth stood in the entryway. She still looked pale, but the anger seemed under control. She stared at Dorran’s hand, still wrapped around Clare’s, then mutely began to pack away the equipment and retracting the shade cloth. Dorran rose to help, but she shot him such a murderous glare that he backed up, hands held out placatingly.
It only took a few minutes to pack up their campsite, but as Beth worked, Clare heard another batch of chattering rising through the mist. She shuddered as she folded the chairs.
“Don’t worry. They’re still a while away.” Beth took the last chair and stowed it in the bus’s side compartment. “We’ll be gone before they reach us.”
“Beth, are you okay about…” She shifted her weight uneasily. “Everything?”
Beth turned to face her, wearing the most starkly deadpan expression Clare had ever seen. Then she sighed. “Nope. But the democracy voted, and I’m not going to contest that.”
“Right.” More chattering rose from the wooded part of the hills. Clare stared towards it, trying to pick out shapes amongst the mist. “So—”
“Get in the bus.” Beth slammed the hatch, and a dozen screeches responded to the noise.
Clare leapt into the vehicle with Dorran close behind. Beth stepped in last, shut the door, and slid behind the wheel. “Put your seatbelts on. Our first step will be to find a map that shows where Evandale actually is.”
Chapter Seven
Dorran and Clare sat together near the front of the bus. Beth waited until their buckles clicked, then she turned the key and put the bus into gear. As they pulled back onto the road, Clare caught a glimpse of shapes racing towards them through the fog. One hit the front bumper and disappeared under the wheels. The bus bounced, rattling them. Beth showed no reaction as she applied more speed. Then they were back onto clear road, with the shapes disappearing behind them.
“Map,” Beth said, tossing the folded page to Clare. “It only covers the city and surrounding area. We’ll need something more advanced to find Evandale. Pick one of the towns to search. Something touristy but not too big.”
“Got it.” Clare unfolded the map. It took a moment of hunting to find where they were. Then she traced outwards from it, following the roads to all of the nearby habitations. She rejected any that were just suburbs with small shopping malls. Then she saw a familiar name. “Hey, what about Little Leura? It’s close.”
Beth cracked a smile. “I remember that. We drove through there when you were twelve…”
“I wanted an ice cream.”
“But it was Sunday and the ice cream parlour was closed.”
“So we stopped in at that little service station, and they were having a special on two-litre tubs…”
“We both gorged ourselves on ice cream on the drive home.” Beth laughed. “Oh, that was a good memory. I’m surprised you didn’t get sick from eating so much.”
“I was too full for dinner.” Clare grinned and shuffled the map around so that she could read it more easily. “That service station we stopped at had maps. If they’re still there, maybe it would be a good place to try.”
“Yes. That’s a smart find. It was near the fringe of the town, so we won’t have to travel too far into an infested area. And it’s just obscure enough that anyone else looking for maps is less likely to have raided it already. Tell me where to go.”
“Left turn up ahead.”
The town was nearly forty minutes away. Clare alternately traced their progress on the map and watched the changing landscape outside. The mountains were fading behind them. Intermittent fields gave way to uncultivated hills. Once, she saw a hawk circling above. She pointed it out to Beth and Dorran. “I haven’t seen many animals since the stillness.”
“No.” Beth sighed. “The hollows eat anything that moves. Wildlife is becoming harder and harder to find, but it’s a good sign when you do. It means you’re in an area with fewer of the monsters.”
“Do they travel far?”
“Yes. Sometimes. A lot of them just hang out in the area they once lived in, using the buildings for shelter during the day. They hate moving in the light. If they’re going to roam, it will be during the night or when there’s a heavy storm.”
As they neared Little Leura, Clare began to recognise some of the scenery. The town was situated in a valley, and the roads ran through light woodland as they led down towards it. Beth slowed the bus as they neared the outskirts of the town. Once, they would have seen a scattering of house lights glowing out through the mist. Now, they had to strain to make out rooftops.
“We need to talk about our strategy.” Beth coasted along the road, squinting
into the trees on either side of them. She evidently found what she was looking for, because she abruptly pulled the bus to the left.
A gap in the trees formed a natural tunnel running alongside the road. Beth reversed into it, easing back as far as the bus could go, until branches scraped over the roof and doors and the main road was no longer visible from the front window. She parked then turned around in her seat to face them. “Here’s the plan. At least one of us is going to get a map. Someone else stays here to guard the bus.”
“Okay.” Clare unclipped her seatbelt. “You don’t want to drive closer to the service station?”
“No. Hollows will be drawn to the engine. Our best chance is if we’re quiet. With luck, we can slip in and slip out without their notice. I’ve gotten supplies that way. It works well as long as you don’t make any noise and don’t accidentally bump into one of them lurking around a corner.”
Clare rubbed at her sore neck muscles. “I’m not sure we need anyone guarding the bus, though. It’s not like hollows will hang around it if it’s empty. We should stay together.”
Beth shook her head. “No. We’re not guarding from hollows. This close to town, with the sun out, all of those creatures are going to be indoors, not hiding in the woods. The trees are too sparse to give them the cover they want. But we still need to guard the bus from other survivors.”
Clare grimaced. She hadn’t thought of that as a possibility.
“If anyone finds this bus abandoned, they’ll do exactly what I did and take it. The last thing we need is to be stranded out here with no transport, no food, and no shelter.”
“Okay. Which of us will stay?”
“I vote Dorran,” Beth said. “If anyone finds the bus, there’s a fifty-fifty chance of how they’ll act. Some people are decent. They’ll see the bus is occupied, say hello, trade a story or two, and be on their way. Other people will see an opportunity. If they think they have a decent chance of winning in a fight, they’ll try to knife you.” She turned to Dorran. “Are you any good in a fight?”
Whispers in the Mist: Black Winter Book Three Page 5